“Marriage Miracle” - Jay & Jolin Morris AlongTheWay 105

Jay Morris:
0:00

The hatred that was in my heart and the feelings I had towards her and people that were involved in all that I had a really bad hell bounded prob possibly issue. I just knew this I don't even know how I knew it. But But I would say for anyone that's going through anything hard, whether it's marriage, friendships, whatever it may be the only roadblock in your life. And it only hurts you is that you haven't forgiven that person. Because that's the only thing that will constantly come up in your life that you don't understand why you can't get a go for what's wrong

John Matarazzo:
0:55

All right, so J and Jolin. Morris, it's great to have you guys on along the way. Thanks for being here. Actually, thanks for letting me come and invade your space. It's nice to be able to do an interview in person have been doing so many via zoom, or Riverside now. And everything's been online. So it's great to actually see some longtime friends that we haven't seen each other in a while. But in person, so thanks for thanks for giving me some time to share your stories.

Jay Morris:
1:19

Thank you, Jamie. We appreciate it. Good to see your your beautiful face.

John Matarazzo:
1:23

Likewise, likewise. So we we go back to my days in Youth With A Mission probably, oh, gosh, what year was that? Probably 2008 2007, something like that? Yep. We started going to a same the same young adults group. That was the where the youth of the Mission Center was in, in Pittsburgh, actually about an hour south of the city and Belle Vernon, the church that we were connected with. They had a young adults group. And so I started going to that on Thursday nights. And you guys started coming there, too. And we had some really, really great times at the Joycean simians house, man, really, really awesome to just be able to learn about other people's lives and to, you know, to really kind of do life together outside of the ministry that I was already a part of. So how did you guys get to become part of that church? And then a small group?

Jay Morris:
2:17

Well, I tell you, I met Showbie, basically, at the church, and it was I was a new Christian at that point time. And I don't even know if I was even saved at that point in time. But, you know, going to church, obviously, the reason why we got to the church was that my wife and I Jolin you know, we had some big complications that our marriage, okay. And so, basically, we tried every other avenue, except, you know, going to church and seeking God and not even knowing what that even meant. But as we got to the church, and then I saw this guy named Showbie, with his arms raised up and he had some tattoos and I'm thinking I got tattoos. I've never seen a guy with tattoos, like raise his hand, I'm always thinking, I was involved in church where I just always thought that you had to be perfect, and tie and suit and all that. So this was different. So if you grew up going to a church where there was very formal Yeah, we so I ended up growing up in a Catholic church. And so every night in my perception of that was, you know, once you start wearing a suit and a tie, and you get your life together, then I guess God would deal with you better, you know, or whatever it may be. So I had had that I had kind of had that brain fog of that. But this was different. So we connected somehow with with CIOB. And then that led into what you were just talking about with being at choice and simians house. So that's Toby's parents actually. Yeah, Jen's parents. And so yeah, it was it was a it was a pretty cool experience. Because at that time, Jolin and I were like, you know, we're like, man, it's crazy Christian thing going, you know, like we're that did that's our mindset cuz we're, we're very worldly at this point in time. And we're, you know, we're, we're still in our life at trying to figure things out, man, we were pretty broken. And, but it was a point, though, that God was breaking us. So we were able to figure like, I remember just going there every Wednesday and going, Oh, I hope they don't ask me to pray because I really don't know how to pray. You know, cuz I was still in that, that format of like, you know, religious mindset. But, but yeah, I mean, it was it was cool, because it broke a lot of barriers to where we, you know, we did learn how to pray there. We understood what that meant. And everyone was open to that. And we saw a lot of good things happen. So yeah, we grew a lot there.

John Matarazzo:
4:25

Yeah, absolutely. Gentlemen, go ahead. Yeah. You're gonna

Jolin Morris:
4:29

learn how to take our shoes off. Back into somebody's house. Yes. And it Jason simians tradition. Yeah, we followed it. Yeah.

John Matarazzo:
4:37

That's for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Joyce and Simeon. Simeon is a is a Chinese ancestry. And so he does a lot of they do a lot of work in in Asia as missionaries. And so they definitely taught us about the Chinese tea etiquette and all kinds of other fun things with that. So, but Julian what, how did you grow up because Jay, just talks about growing up in a, you know, understanding about church as something that is very formal and you know, you have to get your life together. What was your perception of church before you started coming?

Jolin Morris:
5:10

Well, I grew up, um, I would say in a Presbyterian Church. Early on my biological father, my mom were married. He was Catholic. My mom was married in the Catholic Church, and they had gotten a divorce. And so I, we just stopped going to the Catholic Church. It was kind of one of those things where she wasn't really welcome at the church anymore. So we started going with my grandparents to just a little church right up side here. And so, anyway, so we, it was a just a small church, everybody in this town went to that church. So it was a Presbyterian Church, I grew up mainly going there, and to like vacation bible school there with my cousins. And really, it was just here's an hours. I mean, it wasn't every single. So you

John Matarazzo:
6:14

were kind of loosely aware about Jesus and faith a little bit, but it wasn't something you ever considered was your own?

Jolin Morris:
6:22

No, no. Okay. No, I knew that Heaven and Hell existed. I know. You know? No, I think about it. I think I just assumed that I was going to go to heaven. Uh huh. When I was a kid, like, I didn't really think anything other than that, but I guess it was just the way I grew up. My, my grandpa was more of the Bible reader, which is my mom's dad. He read the Bible a lot of times, but my grandparents never really spoke to me about the Bible. I just knew it was something that he did, which is now kind of odd that I'm older. And I think about it, like I heard talked to me about it. But I can see in how they raised their kids, and how they raised like, how they live their life. Like my grandmother, she was a giver. So like, she always, I don't know, she just had a very, there was something different about my grandparents. And obviously, it was Jesus. They just never really shared the gospel.

John Matarazzo:
7:30

Yeah. So there was a desire there. You just didn't know how to cross that threshold and make it make it become your own.

Jolin Morris:
7:36

Right? Yeah. It just kind of picked me up and threw me across the line 28

John Matarazzo:
7:43

Enough. I want to definitely hear that story. But I think something else happened before that point where the two of you guys actually met. So how did you guys meet? And what happened after that

Jolin Morris:
7:56

the real version or do you want his virtual out

John Matarazzo:
7:58

the real version? version two.

Jolin Morris:
8:02

tell you where you live.

Jay Morris:
8:05

Alright, so basically, was my senior year and of high school of high school, her mother was a teacher. Okay, so she was one of my teachers growing up. And so I like I said, I was the guy that, you know, I was the party guy was the guy that was just known to have a good time. And, and so her obviously, being a teacher, you know, those kids? A kid, right? So, the last day of school, I see her in the hallway, because she's coming to, I guess the last day with her mom to you know, hang out, whatever. And I noticed her and I was like, wow, this is a good looking girl. I you know, I like this, you know, and so I guess she said something about I said, Hey, you want my school picture or something like that, which I don't remember that. That's the lie. She's probably just talking about, but I guess I might have did that. So we'll just, you know, let her window but anyways, we ended up seeing each other in the hallways and, and there was a there was a connection. We're both obviously but and then so she was gonna end up going to the same party graduation party that night, so So did you guys already go to the same school you just now which I never I never never met her and she's got an amazing, amazing story about when, what ninth grade ninth grade tell tell a story cuz I'll just go into a guy. Yeah.

Jolin Morris:
9:22

Okay. So, in ninth grade. I was like, I was bullied a lot in school. And in ninth grade, they would say like stuff like, oh, you know, you're never gonna have a boyfriend, you know, and all this stuff. And that's really mean. Well, I mean, yeah, but, you know, I was different. Like, I didn't care what anybody said to me. So they didn't hurt my feelings like I never got my feelings hurt easily when I was younger. I get my feelings hurt now that I'm older, but I feel like before Christ. I didn't get my feelings hurt after Like you become more aware of how you're supposed to, okay, you know, not even how you're supposed to act but how you want to act. I guess you could say

Jay Morris:
10:09

she said she was demon possessed

Jolin Morris:
10:14

which would lead me to why. Keep on going. Good. Okay, so. So they were like I said, I already have a boyfriend, which was a lie. Uh huh. I said, he goes to Jefferson Morgan, where my mom teaches, oh, they're like, oh, yeah, well, let's see a picture of him. I'm like, well, I'll have to bring the yearbook tomorrow, so I could show you. So I went. And I looked through the cutest guy in all of the yearbook, and it was him. Okay. And so when I went the next day, I was like, oh, yeah, see right here. That's my boyfriend. I didn't even know his name. I had to look over and count 123 over and I was like, J Morris.

Jay Morris:
11:01

Remember, she's She's three she's she's a county away in three or four schools away? Yeah, sure. She goes to

Jolin Morris:
11:08

your books because my mom's teacher. District.

John Matarazzo:
11:11

So it kind of enabled the live being you know, yeah. Pre internet. Facebook.

Jolin Morris:
11:18

Okay, you know, cuz back then he had long blonde hair. I know that he had hair. It's funny.

Jay Morris:
11:23

Yeah. So it's just crazy. Because the power see I you know, for me manifested it. Yeah. Because a lot of success books, whether whether they're a Christian Success book or a non Christian Success book, they all have the same common denominator and but if you look at the Bible, the Bible is basically the power of what comes out of our you know, our lips, you know, power of life and death. Watch what you say. So I never knew that but I didn't know that the success people he said, you know, speak what you want, write it down. You know, write your goals, your dreams, as it's it's pretty ironic that she pointed this picture, you know, because I see this a lot, even in my life today that when we're when these things are happening, there's just things happening, and I can't explain how but anyways, back to the story. I see her on the last day, obviously, we go to this party, and we ended up just hanging out that night. And it was a great night. And so I'm thinking I really liked this girl. Well, I had a girlfriend at that time. So it wasn't so greatly Yeah, so chic. So so I get up in the morning, I get I get a phone call. And I thought it was my girlfriend. And so I called her my girlfriend's name. And it was her and she goes, Excuse me, that AD AD AD AD AD audio. She's like yelling at me. And I'm thinking dude, I'm not taking this stuff. I just hang up on her boom gone. Like I'm not you're done like I'm not Yeah, BLS. So we went our separate ways for while many. I was a senior. I think we what was it about a good year and a half later, maybe? What? What? No, what? Oh, yeah. No longer than that. Well, no, I was a senior and what were you 11th grade?

Jolin Morris:
12:57

Yeah. No, I got seven. So to hear so yeah,

Jay Morris:
13:01

it was a good two years later. All right. So I decided I did my first business venture. buddy of mine. We found a location sell Christmas trees. So we end up selling 200 Christmas trees. We didn't know if we were going to sell one. But we made enough money to go down the Florida where some of my family had been down in Fort Lauderdale. And then he had some friends down in Tallahassee or wherever. So we were camping out in our cars on a campground. We had nothing. It was fun. But on the way back after a couple of months, I'm riding through the the big hills of West Virginia. I don't know if you ever done that ride. It's very that very real hilly. Yeah, it's probably three o'clock in the morning. And I'm telling you, I was in the middle of West Virginia, like no man's land. If you break down you're you're in trouble, right? Even though you're on the highway. So the only person coming to save you is probably Bigfoot. Something. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, you're not missing any cars at this time. Yeah, it was pretty freaky. But so I just remember I'm driving on the road. And then this, this just power hits me of have her like this, this man wonder what she's doing. I wonder how she's been. I don't really like to talk to her again. And I was like, I don't know where it came from. You know, it's God now. But then now, but so I get home. And you know, probably early, I pray another eight hours still, but I get home. I go to my best friend's house. Now we live in this little cul de sac area. And so I went over just a couple houses around I saw him and say hey, what's up, man? Oh, good is good, man. Nice to see you. Yeah, it's been a long time. Couple months. He has a girlfriend. Well, his girlfriend is her best friend. Okay. I don't know this anything. So she goes Hey, I saw Jay Today. He was looking pretty good. He was tan he was like that. She's like, hanging you know, whatever. So somehow, um, I just found out that well, I don't even know really be honestly but we ended up at this her apartment or her friend's apartment. She happened to be there.

Jolin Morris:
14:55

I probably should take Okay, yeah. Take over. Yeah, so I don't Anything to do with him?

John Matarazzo:
15:00

Right? Because the last thing that you heard was him cussing you out over the phone. Is that correct? Yes. Pretty.

Jay Morris:
15:07

Say no verbal words like that. It was just like,

Jolin Morris:
15:09

No, I think the other way around. I cussed you out? Yeah. Okay. And then you hung up on me.

John Matarazzo:
15:14

Yeah, there was there was a Hangout. I wasn't gonna do

Jay Morris:
15:16

crosswords was this click. Okay. It was

Jolin Morris:
15:21

Major. But, um, so she calls me up and she says, what she says what he said, she says, and I was like, okay, and, like, I do not want to talk to him. He's a big jerk. I don't know. She's like, Oh, come on. We can like go on a double date. I'm like, I am not dating him. You can forget it. Well, my friend set me up. So she tells him uh huh. So I she, I go to her over to her apartment. We were going to go get dinner and, and whatnot. So I went over there to get ready, because that's a girl Sue. So she says, I gotta go to the store. I said, Okay, I'll go with you. She's like, aren't you going to get ready? And I'm like, we're not leaving until she said, Well, I'm just going right back and I'm coming right back. So okay, fine. I didn't even think anything of it until I hear somebody pull in. I thought it was her coming back from the store. And then I hear a car door. I'm like, it's weird. You know, it didn't sound like my friend's car. You know? So I look out the window here. Yes. I'm like, I am going to choke her. Yeah. Now there's no cell phones, then. Okay, you know, so I couldn't even call and yell, you know? So he comes up and knocks on the door, and I open the door and he says, Hey, Nikki said you wanted to see me. I said, Well, Nikki lies, because I didn't want to see you. So you can leave. He goes, Oh, come on. Now. You know, you want to see me? Like they definitely don't

Jay Morris:
16:53

Nick. He was telling the truth.

Jolin Morris:
16:56

And so for sure, he came in and you know, he did his whole business proposal of dry wash, waterless car wash. He won me over by saying, Hey, I like your rings. Want me to clean them for you? What about your earrings, I can show you what this product can do. So he gave me a whole like

John Matarazzo:
17:15

actual sales pitch demonstration

Jay Morris:
17:18

of the product cleaning my jewelry entrepreneurs always have their product.

Jolin Morris:
17:22

And from that day on, we never set we're separated.

Jay Morris:
17:29

Really? Yeah, we never looked back. Really, you know, so. And I had a girlfriend for like four or five years at the same time. And then I just, I was just like, like I was but I was really tired of her. You know, it was like a really bad it wasn't good. It wasn't like close thing and but it was like I just remember calling and she called me she's okay. I'm at the beach. I'm like, Yeah, well, that's all right. You can stay at the beach. I said I actually found a new girlfriend or something. I was pretty harsh because I was in bed. And she's like,

John Matarazzo:
17:55

Jesus. Yeah, making sure anybody that forgot that fact. This is pre Jesus. Yeah,

Jay Morris:
18:04

we don't recommend it. Yeah. So and I was like, 20 or 1920? I don't so yeah. But yeah. So yeah, basically, I caught it off with my other girlfriend, which that's that's respectable, you know. So I didn't want to have two girlfriends at once. So yeah, that was it. And then it was done. Now, you know, we never looked back. So

John Matarazzo:
18:21

yeah, so you guys got married? Yes, yeah. Well,

Jolin Morris:
18:25

pre

Jay Morris:
18:26

Jesus. Well, one year after that, or how long? How long was pretty quick. 99.

Jolin Morris:
18:32

We got married, but we didn't get married because we wanted to get married. Really? Got married because I got pregnant. And so that was in summer of 98. Okay. And I lost the baby in December of 98. And we got married in February of 99. But we got married because we were getting married because of the baby. Sure. But we ended up still getting married. No, there was no baby anymore. Yeah.

John Matarazzo:
19:04

So what made you guys actually decided to actually go through with getting married because then you could have easily just call it off.

Jay Morris:
19:11

And we and he did. I did? Yeah, I did. Yeah,

Jolin Morris:
19:14

I did. I was like, a panic freak.

Jay Morris:
19:16

He kind of felt like, Oh, great. I'm not tied down anymore. I'm young, cuz you always hear the stories when you're younger. You're like, just don't get tied down and get caught with no, you don't have a kid. I was. I was. I was pretty I was, you know, preach that and then I'm like, Oh, this is my life. I actually did that mistake and that mess up, you know, but then when it was like, oh, it's not there anymore. I don't gotta I don't have to get married. I can see you know, and then I don't ever say just a big conviction that came over me which I didn't know what conviction was. And so you look back, you look back at that and you go wow, God was there. He was there, you know, showing you just the plan like it was and I just knew that like, I know I can't do this. Like I wouldn't be happy with who I would be as a person. Yeah, I just felt like, well, I was gonna marry her. But now I'm not like, Wow, what a jerk. You know, I'm just like, I'm insensitive, you know, whatever. So kind of everything was hit me and it was God like really the spirit and just pretty much punch me a little bit here and there.

Jolin Morris:
20:13

Well, your aunt, his aunt, who lives in Florida when he was down there prior to the driving home thing through West Virginia. He was down there with his aunt and he actually got saved in their church, okay, it was a family was a big Christian, you know, big Christian family. He actually got saved there before he even came home. But so when she kind of got when that he kind of called it off, she had made a phone call to him. And she said, Why was she good enough for you to marry with a baby, but she's not good enough for you to marry without one. Wow. And he was kind of like, oh, yeah,

Jay Morris:
20:51

so remember to like, even when she said, I forgot about that. It's good to mention that I did get saved. I you know, she invited me up to the the altar and whatever that meant, you know, and so I went up there, and, you know, and she, she basically No, and I was, you know, I was walking, you know, I said, Yeah, I definitely would like that. That'd be good. You know, and, and just by faith, you know, saying the prayer of salvation. Obviously, God started you know, really work in what he had for me, which is that little bit that Mustard Seed obedience, you know, I'm saying, right, so as I look back, and that's the same thing. That's why now because I reflect back, it's kind of cool having this podcast right now, because I'm not putting together now to where, like, you know, driving down the road that night, I was telling you in West Virginia, and I'm scared and I'm nervous. And I'm like, oh, man, if I break down three o'clock in the morning, I'm and all of a sudden, this thing of our, you know, her imagery of her who she is, and the person was just like, Wow, where did that come from? You know, realize, Wow, that was the, that was the the, the byproduct of going up. And, you know, God, God started now pour it on, you know, just starting to open things up. Your life

John Matarazzo:
21:56

was starting to change. Yeah, cuz you made your first step to be with Jesus. Obviously,

Jay Morris:
22:00

that had to be the truth. Yeah. Because yeah,

John Matarazzo:
22:03

that's really cool. That is really cool. So that first step leads to the next step, the next step, and there's some back steps that you've made as well. But then you kind of, you know, you still still headed in the right direction eventually. So you guys did get married? And was it a happy marriage? Leaving early on?

Jolin Morris:
22:24

No, no.

Jay Morris:
22:26

Not really. I mean, yes. And no, I mean, there were times and bad times, just, I think a lot for two people that are not young, 19 or 2018, or 19. I'm 21. You know, it's like, wow, a lot of things change where, you know, I still want to go out, my friends hang out, I still want to party because I'm still in that mode. You know, I'm not going to church. We're not you know, even though I got saved in my in that in that, you know, you know, when I was 19 Now, you know, I was obedient at all.

John Matarazzo:
22:55

Yeah, so you guys got married in 1999. And then, so you said 10 years later, roughly 10 years later. So that's around the time that that I met you guys? Yes, yes, the young adults group at the church. And so I didn't quite realize that all this stuff that we're going to be talking about was happening at that same time that we were getting to know each other and friends. Yeah, yeah. Tell me about what was happening.

Jay Morris:
23:16

So basically, we we live a pretty just a worldly life. Marriage. And it was it was it wasn't like, terrible, terrible, but there was just we were disconnected, you know. And so one night,

John Matarazzo:
23:31

and at this point, you're you're, you're in business,

Jay Morris:
23:34

I'm in business, yeah. Business.

Jolin Morris:
23:36

Yeah, she's got her own hair salon hair salon. I was never really like a partier, or go out to a bar even not saved. That just wasn't where I was at. We were totally opposite. In that spectrum. I was always the one fighting not for you to go and stuff like that. Okay, so that created a lot of tension. Sure, in the marriage. And so I got that I had a hair salon. A lot of girls my age coming in single, inviting me to go places. I had a very big salon overdone. So it was the go to salon in the Mon Valley, everybody. What was it called? lala la. And I had three four girls working for me at the time.

John Matarazzo:
24:29

So this is not people just coming into your basement. You're cutting hair. For business.

Jay Morris:
24:34

Yeah, we're talking a couple 1000 a month in overhead. Wow.

Jolin Morris:
24:37

Yeah. And so things were good, is making lots of money. I was taking trips to New York for hair and, you know, studying and training was the best of the best and things were good. But then things started getting out of hand because then you know, I was started hanging out with kids. Clients after work, you know, we would go across the street, there was a small bar over there. And it wasn't, I didn't really go over there to drink. I go over there to eat with them, but they drank, and I usually was the one that was not drinking. But just got caught up in that type of life. He was doing his thing going with his buddies, and, you know, he had the pawn shop, but we were kind of living separate lives. Yeah. And, you know, it just kind of went downhill and then probably, I don't know how long after that I, I had an affair. And, yeah, everything just exploded. Okay, you know, I was living with it and not saying anything happened to be one of his very good friends. That was kinda manipulating the situation and telling me things that he was saying and doing and kind of fueling my already fire of just not being happy. You know? And I figured out it was all a lie, you know, but at that point, I was at the crossroads where either, you know, was eating me alive. I was the biggest mistake of my life. And so I had to I sat him down, and I told him,

John Matarazzo:
26:28

You sat down

Jolin Morris:
26:29

with me, I think they sat in the living room. It was okay. Yeah,

Jay Morris:
26:34

I thought it was for some reason. We were like in in the bedroom talking about it.

John Matarazzo:
26:38

Okay, so Jay, what, what was going on in your brain? Whenever she told you about this?

Jay Morris:
26:42

Oh, my, hey, wasn't good, man. It was like, I basically thought I was gonna be killing some people. Did she tell you who it was at that point? Well, and she didn't, she wouldn't. She didn't want to tell me and I basically said, you know, you better tell me or you might not have, you know, might not be living so do you have a really no choice. And I was serious. I might have killed her. You know, like, I maybe not maybe I was very, I was I was a high strung person. I remember I'm, you know, I'm, you know, the reason why I live in PA is that I got caught up in gangs. When I was in Florida. My parents didn't know about it. So they got me from that city boy life back down to the country in Clarksville, Pa so like, went one extreme to the other. So my mentality is that, you know, and then so, I've always liked fighting, I was always in karate than wrestling. And then I wasn't done fighting. So I started doing MMA and jiu jitsu and Muay Thai and all that sort of cage fighting and all that. And so my mentality at this point time I was a full fledge, you know, cage fighter that really wanted to do something big with that. And so, my mentality of just always being because you can remember, it's like, it's like, it's like fighting dogs. Right? Right. Like, if they're always around that that's what they become, while I'm fighting five days a week. You know, I'm constantly in the gym. And so I'm getting beat. I'm always coming home and black guys and whatever. And so I just, I'm just at that point in time, I'm nuts. And you get a couple of drinks in me. And then it's even crazier, you know? So, so. Yeah. So now I'm basically I told her, she finally tells Well, I tell her, I say I'm gonna call it my best friend. And I'm going to go, I'm going to get him and we're gonna find this dude. And I don't know, maybe I'll kill him. I don't know you. She was like, I can't tell you. I'm like, You better tell me. So when she ends up telling me, it's that guy that I'm going to call up. Oh, wow, that's gonna have my back. Yeah, yo, yeah. So they felt very alone. At that point, I don't think alone was even a feeling. I think it was just like, I'm going to kill him. And I'm going to find him. And I remember calling him and basically saying, you know, and he was like, Hey, meet me anywhere you want to meet me, I'm not gonna even fight I'll put my hands behind my back, he can beat me to a to a pulp because he knew he messed up. And he knew who I was that I don't, you know, it was really bad. But anyways, from that point on time, and it was like, the first time in my life that I remember being by myself and I just cried, and I cried, just tears of just that. But it was tears of just everything. The things like, like, I felt like stories from my life, like things that my dad my dad did to me, the vacation. My dad was a very, he was a Vietnam guy. And it was really hardcore. And that's where my hardcore mentality came to, as from that point, as well. And so, dealing with all that, as a kid, I just felt like stories. It's hard to explain, but like tears are fun in my eyes and felt like words felt like stories, but it was good. Because there was these things are coming out of me that only this situation could

John Matarazzo:
29:33

have gotten mad at me. So God's dealing with you. Oh, yeah. Through the situation. Big time more

Jay Morris:
29:37

things. Yeah. And lots of different areas. But again, I'm not putting it together. So I'm dealing with all this stuff. And that's when we basically we ended up Yeah, I was filing for divorce. There was no way she's done like, um, you know, I have a daughter the worst. This is the worst thing that could ever happen. I thought I would never be divorced. I always thought we'd be a family. But you know what? I'm not going to deal with this disrespect, sure, we're done. And so I basically told her, you know, and with the words I used to use back then you know it, you know, like I said, it wasn't good. And basically I got her out of the apartment, I said, I'll take care of my daughter, 100%. You know, we'll figure out how we're going to work that out, you know, she's not gonna, we're gonna make this work, but you're getting an apartment, we got it, or I got her apartment, and I kept the house, we were distant. It was bad. It wasn't good at all. And then we just started basically, from there, the story would probably flip over to her because there's a lot of issues where she, I was unforgiving. I was not going to forgive, she came to me as I please, I told you everything, forgive me. And I said, You know what, you deserve the dye you deserve? Not me. You know, that was that was I was very harsh with my words and our point time, and then basically, she would, you know, a very important part of the story because this shows the amazing mercy and just the grace of God with what she's going through on her end with with just some of the Go ahead. And with you know, with that night, you took all that Xanax, you know? Well, you know, like that was

Jolin Morris:
31:15

to back up to the, like, when we split, um, I had a client of mine that would come into the salon. We caught her the crazy Jesus lady. And I used to give my girls the lowdown when I'd see her in the book. Now why I knew that. Being that I was living in the world. Obviously, God was somewhere in me that I knew what my girls talked about. The way that they spoke to each other could not take place in front of this woman.

John Matarazzo:
31:53

Okay, that's why that's why it was a big deal ever. Yes. I'd

Jolin Morris:
31:56

say listen, girls like they she was sufficiently Diana's coming in today. I do not want to hear about who you were with last night. What you were doing, do not use foul language, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because I do not want to hear this woman right now at this point in time of my life. Okay. Yeah, I was not up for the sermon, because we had we were split up, I was still working. So she came in. And she said, what's wrong? And I said, nothing. She's like, there's something wrong because you're off? And I'm like, No. And she's like, Okay, well, I'll be here for a while. If you want to talk to me about it. Like, oh, my gosh. So I started telling her what had happened or whatever. And

John Matarazzo:
32:46

what you opened up right away. Yeah. Because like,

Jolin Morris:
32:49

I didn't have anybody to talk to, oh, I was basically alone. Because when I came to my parents, I did come here. And they at that point, they liked him, but they could do without him. Like they, you know, for many years, it was kind of like, and they basically said, Well, you did it. Yeah. You know, so why, you know, why are you so upset? And I'm thinking, oh my gosh, like, I just made the biggest mistake of my life. Like, what do you mean? Like, I didn't realize, yeah, and you know, and that's what I told my mom like, Hey, I mean, I didn't realize like, I really love him, like, I messed up, like, what am I gonna do? And at that point, it was nothing. So my friend, my client, she said, Have you ever accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? And at this time, I was so broken, I didn't know what that meant, you know? And I said, Oh, I mean, I went down to the Catholic church a few nights ago with my daughter for the first time, but no, you know, and she's like, she goes, What do you want to? Do you want to do that? And I'm like, like, now? She's like, I'm like, not in front of like, all these people. You know, she doesn't, we can go in the back. So I'm like, okay, so I go on the back of my color room at the salon, and I say this prayer, I don't even know what it meant, right? Honestly, she didn't really explain it. It was just basically like, Hey, you're gonna say this, and you know, and you're forgiven. And I had to lock that out for a lot of years. Like, it just doesn't work, work like that for somebody, you know. And I never even really remembered that really, honestly, for much years later. And I remember looking at him one night, and I went, Hey, wait, I got saved. You know, once I figured out what that meant. I'm like, Oh, my gosh. So even if you don't know what you're saying, Yeah, God knows what you're saying. He reveals it.

Jay Morris:
34:55

Yeah, your heart was open right there. You're broke and you're like, Hey, come on, woman. I don't even know what let's get If you say you got something to help me, I will, let's go. Let's go in the back. And that's, that's the main

Jolin Morris:
35:05

Oh, Jesus, Jesus was my last option when he should have been my first. But I didn't know that. You know, for me, I feel like we raised our kids a little bit differently than what either one of us were raised. You know, I always knew God loved me. You know, my parents were very good at, you know, making sure that I knew God was real, but we just didn't walk it out that much. But with our kids, you know, they know Jesus is the first option. We don't go to any other option, but him first, you know. And

Jay Morris:
35:47

so when we got here, though, is I wanted you to explain that the two traumatic pieces that well, yeah, you could have ended.

Jolin Morris:
35:54

Yeah, so and so she says to me before she leaves, you know, because I explained to her, like, I felt like I just didn't want to be here anymore. So she's, she's, like, freaking out, thinking I'm gonna kill myself, you know. But to me, you know, at that point in time, you know, I accepted Christ, like, and I didn't even know what that meant. So that really meant nothing to me. You know? That sounds bad. But it didn't. You didn't know what it right. I didn't know what it meant. And so she's calling me like, every hour. This lady. She's calling over my number, right? Yeah, she's calling my cell phone. And I just keep hitting it like off like, Oh my gosh. So I picked up the phone. And she says, Hey, would you and your daughter like to go to church with me? And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, what did I do? What did I do? Cuz she's persistent. Yeah, I can tell she is very persistent. And I said, Yes. Because not because I wanted to go to church, but because I wanted her to stop calling me and leave me alone. And I went to church that Sunday with her. And I really liked it. I can remember going into the Christian Center bathroom he had was calling the phone, seeing where I was out with her, you know, and I told him, I, you know, I'm at church. He's like, what? And I said, I'm at church, and he I said, Gemma really likes it. Like, they have like, a kid's church, like, I'm gonna start coming. He's like, Yeah, you friggin need to go to church. I'm like, yeah, no, you know, and you know, and he like, hung up. And I went back out. And Pastor John was the, the thing, every single thing that he was saying, I got mad at the woman that brought me because I thought she told him what I was what was happening. And then he had an altar call for prayer. I don't know what that meant. She literally drove me down the aisle by my hand. And she's like, I felt like everybody was looking at me. And she's like, she right here. Right here. She, she's going through a lot. She really needs prayer. And

John Matarazzo:
38:21

so everything that we tell people not to do is what she was doing.

Jolin Morris:
38:24

Yes. Honestly, for somebody like me, that's, that's what had to happen. Because I would have never walked up there to get prayer. Like I literally had to be dragged down the aisle. And that's the truth. But after that, it still wasn't good. Right? It still wasn't easy, because I was going to church. And he had no clue to any of this until like marriage counseling. But I was so broken, you know, even after I got saved, even after I attended a church service, um, I was just having very bad anxiety being away from him, like being away from her. It's all I knew. And so I called up my friend and I said, Hey, can I have some of your anxiety medicine? And she's like, No, the

John Matarazzo:
39:20

same friend brought you to church. That's just not the same.

Jolin Morris:
39:28

As a friend of mine, had anxiety medicine, and she's like, yes, you know, you know, I can give you some or whatever. She says to me, stupidly, and she would tell you, but to this day, it was the dumbest thing she's ever done in her life, given the state that I was in. Gave me she was getting a refill. And she had a whole bottle and then a refill soup. She didn't take them all the time. So I took the whole bottle with me. And that night I took the entire bottle And it's how

John Matarazzo:
40:01

many pills roughly?

Jolin Morris:
40:03

Oh, probably like 40 Maybe. Oh, wow.

John Matarazzo:
40:07

That's a lot of medicine. Oh, yeah.

Jay Morris:
40:09

It's a really I mean, if you look up Xanax to all your all the people, all the people here, you know, listen this podcast Go, go go look up what, you know, one or two Xanax. I mean, I mean, this is a miracle conversation here, you know? Yeah, that Oh, my goodness, that would kill a horse.

Jolin Morris:
40:23

He she was with him. And I was in an apartment all by myself.

John Matarazzo:
40:27

So your daughter was with Jay.

Jolin Morris:
40:30

This time? Yeah. No, yeah. And

John Matarazzo:
40:33

the people that are that are listening. Can't see where you're pointing. So that's what I've just Oh, yeah. Find that? Yes.

Jolin Morris:
40:37

Okay. So, I woke up the next day. And I looked around and I said, You've got to be kidding me. I can't even kill myself. Right. So you intended to kill yourself and 100% attended to kill myself. And I, I thought, going to some crap. Like, I don't want to be here. It was the worst feeling of like, the worst hangover. I mean, I felt dead. I did feel dead. But I'm like, Am I dead? Or am I not dead? Like, cuz that's how I felt. But I was very much still alive. And I went on, you know, to tell my friend, she's like, Oh, my gosh, because my friend has worked during that period of time. She was all I had. And she was literally there for me like, nobody. It was crazy, because she was talking to him. And she was trying to help us, you know, and she, she wasn't a Christian either. But she is was a very good person. And like, she did a lot for me during that time, even was helping with her. But then a few, I'd say a few weeks later, he was having a get together at our house or home that we had shared. And he asked me to come to get her. Okay, you know, and then when I went to get her, he was like, Well, I mean, if you want to stay like you can. And I'm like, okay, because at that point, I just wanted to be around him. I don't even care if he was mean to me. I just wouldn't be around him. But he kind of said some things in front of some people that were there. And kind of like, shamed me, and kind of like embarrassed me. And so,

Jay Morris:
42:38

and I don't remember this part. I mean that that part, but this part I do, but yeah, shaming her. I don't remember that. I would never do it again. I'm sorry for that.

Jolin Morris:
42:47

Well, yeah, but like I tell you, Jill in 2021 is different from Joe in 2006. No, but I went and got his loaded nine millimeter out of his door and went out the back door told Jim staying, you know, in the house, and we had a garage that like kind of overlooked the town. And you to get out this back door and I reason why I went out there. She can't open it. Okay. She She was only four at the time. Right? And she could never open it like caught. Yeah. So you had to like literally lift up and there's a trick door. Yeah, there's a trick door. So I knew she wasn't gonna come up. And

Jay Morris:
43:29

she always knew never to go out the door because we live in Sharla. Roy, you know, there's people so she was kind of really the on defensive, someone knocked on the door. She was like, Okay, who is it? You know, Dad, dad, dad or someone at the door, you know, so it wasn't like she was never. So that was kind of ironic. But this part of the story though,

Jolin Morris:
43:44

I went up in the garage, and I went clean back into the garage where you couldn't see me, you know, and got on my knees and I prayed. And I asked for forgiveness, which I've never really done. I didn't even know really what that meant. Even after going to church, you know, I didn't know what that meant. And I put the gun in my mouth and had my finger on the trigger. And she comes out the back door that she never could open and says, Mom, where are you? And I'm in. Literally I had to turn because my it was it was in and it was ready to go off. And so everybody says like as far as suicide goes. And this is one of the biggest things like somebody that's telling you, they're going to kill themselves. That's really kind of a cry for somebody to help them. Most people who speak even from my experience, won't say anything. Nobody knew that. I was there. You know that I was to the point where I was going to kill myself. It would. So people always say like, oh, you know, that's the most selfish thing you could have. Did. You have a daughter that needed you? That time, you're not thinking it. I mean, it is selfish to a point, but you're so mentally broken, and your thought processes are not right. That in my mind, from what he was telling me about myself, and not having forgiveness towards me, I was a terrible role model for her, you know, and I wasn't. I felt like she would be better off with just him. You know, so

John Matarazzo:
45:30

I it wasn't, I had to weigh on you a lot. I had to be like, oh, yeah, it still weighs

Jay Morris:
45:36

on me. And it's crazy too. Because when you look at and you hear a story in this all this, you know, there's a true spiritual battle in Ephesians 612 You know, where we don't wrestle against that flesh and blood you know, it's that thing that was speaking to her go do whatever this all you'd be better off you know. So that's really good story for people to realize there. You're getting caught up more than just this physical and there's there's a there's a definitely a heaven and a hell that are fighting over over your own for sure. You know, God's fighting for you as much as the enemy's trying to hammer you.

John Matarazzo:
46:07

So you had the the pistol in your mouth, you're ready to pull the trigger nine millimeter. Yes. And then you hear your daughter calling for you. And she couldn't normally get out there. Nor would she get out there ever. But this time, she was led out there. And you I'm sure he's looking back, you know that this was like, yeah, what happened next, like,

Jolin Morris:
46:31

after I got it slowly away from me, and like, Pull my finger out which it never went off. She come in the garage, she opened the door and she came in. She's like, Hi, Mom, what are you doing? And I'm like, Oh, nothing. How'd you get out here? I opened the door, like, okay, and she said, Do you want to come back down? And I said, Okay, I'm coming. And I went in, and I went to our dresser and I put it right back where he had it. And he didn't know this until we started counseling. And that really threw him for a loop.

John Matarazzo:
47:06

So when did the counseling start? Oh,

Jolin Morris:
47:08

well, so shortly after that. I had text messaged him and said, Hey, can I I'm going to drop Gemma off after church, we're going to go to church. And he was like, Okay, well, I was coming on my apartment. And she says, Hey, there's Daddy. And I said, I was annoyed. Right, right. Because I wanted to take her to church. And I thought he was going to give me a hard time about her not going, you know, and he came up to the window and he said, Can I go with you? And I looked and I said, Go with me where he goes to church in Jamaica is in the back on. Yeah, Daddy, let's go to church. Let's go to church. And I'm like, now what am I gonna do? He purposely set it in front of her because he knew she was going to be like, everybody's going to church. Yeah. So I said to him, I remember I was driving and I said to him, isn't this something? He goes what I said, we're literally walking into church divorced with our daughter. What are we going to tell people? We're divorced, and we join the church as a family force of this? Oh, yes. We're divorced. Yeah. Okay. And he goes, I mean, why they got to ask, I'm like, I don't know if that's a thing. I don't know if they're gonna ask like, oh, no, no. The Alton loves what they're gonna do. You know, they could perform an exorcism on us next or something. And so we went, and he just kept coming. And we kept coming every Sunday together in you know, we were trying to work on things. And finally, a Pastor John said, you know, why don't you guys think about starting some marriage counseling? I said, Sure. We went in and met with Pastor John and he said, is a little much for me. I'm gonna give you the Tim and page.

John Matarazzo:
49:19

Pastor John has been a pastor for a very long time at that.

Jolin Morris:
49:23

Even if you ask Pastor Tim, he said, if you ask him on a scale of one to 10, he says 25 is how bad it was. Yeah. We started with Tim and Paige. And you know, Pastor Tim said, hey, you know, you guys should really think about getting married. Yeah, again, you know, and we're like, oh, you know, and he was kind of like, I mean, yeah, sure. You know, mind you, I'm pregnant.

John Matarazzo:
49:51

Okay.

Jolin Morris:
49:53

That kind of happened in between all this with Gavin. And we were like, okay, Well, and so he says, well do whatever you need to do. Like, how do we get that process started? Pastor Tim says you got to call the courthouse, get a copy of your divorce decree and get it or apply for a new marriage license. So this was after church on a wet what? Well, what were we at the church for after counseling one night? It was like a Wednesday. And we were there for counseling early on in Courthouse still open. So I call and the woman says, Okay, what's the name on the divorce decree? And I said, Gilbert J. Morris, and Gillian V. Morrison. She goes, Okay, and what's the new name going on the new marriage license, and I say, Gilbert, J. Morris and J lovey Marsh, she goes, No, the marriage license. I said, Yeah, it's the same name. She said, Ah, hold on, I'm gonna have to transfer you. And I said, they don't want to talk to us. I said, she's probably whatever. So this guy gets on the phone. And he says, Hello, ma'am. And I'm like, yeah, he's like, You were transferred to me about your marriage license? I said, Yeah. She said, he said, If I got this correctly, are you remembering the same person? I said, Yes. And he said, so you

John Matarazzo:
51:19

didn't fit? Just find somebody with the exact same name? On the monogram. Yeah. And so

Jolin Morris:
51:23

he said, Do you believe in God?

Jay Morris:
51:28

Let me well think about that. Jay. State, you're talking to a state? They don't that's not a normal. You don't say that? You separate you know that stuff? Yeah.

Jolin Morris:
51:36

So and I said, what, at this house? Actually, yes, I do. I'm a newly saved Christian. And I started giving him basically my testimony that he probably didn't want to hear the whole story for anything. He said, Well, I got some news for you. Out of all of the divorces signed on this day, the judge didn't sign yours. Send in $10. And I'll take it out of the system. So we were never even divorced.

John Matarazzo:
52:05

So you just thought you were divorced this whole time? Oh, we got a paper for that. Okay. So

Jolin Morris:
52:12

you had to go from?

Jay Morris:
52:14

Yeah. So basically, I mean, I got the paper that said that we was finalized. I remember getting getting it at the house when she was at the apartment. And I remember delivered to the house at my mailbox. And I remember going to open I'm going Yes. And I'm like, Oh man, this is terrible. Like, yeah, golly, how am I in this position? Like I didn't ever think I was gonna be divorced. And um, but at the same time, I'm thinking, Yeah, I got this new life of, you know, bachelor, but now I don't want that. But that's why I would go get another girl, you know, a woman to marry like, that's not you know, that's makes no sense. So I just remember being all this thinks, man, how did I get in this position? But anyways, so I, you know, we get this information. And we're kind of blown away.

Jolin Morris:
52:56

Blown away. You know what his words were? It wasn't like, oh my gosh, this is such a God moment. He says, What the heck's my $1,000 that I paid to get? That wasn't romantic.

Jay Morris:
53:14

So let's fast forward. All this stuff goes good. Okay. So that's that was.

John Matarazzo:
53:18

At that point, you realize that you're still married legally. Yeah. And

Jay Morris:
53:22

it was actually kind of like a miracle to play. I remember feeling something. Yeah. But then I remember. I remember. But yeah, it was good. I was like, okay, okay, maybe God's doing now doing something here. But so, I remember Pastor Tim, asking me it was what happened a couple years later a year and year ago. Yeah, year, a year and a half. What year? A couple years a year. He goes, Hey, Jay, you mind telling your testimony in front of about 100 men at a you know, and meanwhile, like public speaking for me, even though I'm an entrepreneur, it's always been a fear of mine. Sure. So I'm like, oh, gosh, but I know your I but I know Pastor Tim and I know yours from the Holy Spirit. So I'm denying God am I even thinking I'm denying him? I'm denying God's Yeah, you know,

John Matarazzo:
54:06

this was one of those guys. It's like, whenever he speaks, it's like, God speaks. Yeah, cuz I know.

Jay Morris:
54:11

Yeah. And I know you guys are praying and before every thing and I trust that so I'm like, yeah, I gotta say yes. So I say Yeah, sure. I'll do it. You know, and I didn't care about telling people about my wife cheating on me and this man, you know, I had to be a man and all I had no problem with that because you know, I think that was really important. But so anyways, so yeah, I'll do it. So I'm sitting about two days before I get ready to go to this men's breakfast I'm in my office in one of my pawn shops. And God hits me with this ton of information which I never heard God's voice audible but this was just information of not even thinking about anything just I'm doing what I'm doing. It was like boom, and he was like in God said this to me and information. He said, I know that you've always doubted this. This divorce or how a reason because it's been a long time since you've been told the story it's it's not too fresh on my mind, but it went like baby He said, I want to explain to you and I need you to understand this because the men that you're going to speak to need to hear this The miracle that that how powerful I am. So basically, it went from him telling me how the process okay, so you got this divorce, and this paper actually got signed by the judge. Okay, so I'm like, All right. So the paper goes to a secretary, the Secretary has got to look at this and compute it back in the computer. And so that computer now has to, you know, be in reference of a of a have a printer. Okay, now the printers got to recognize this thing. So we got this big process going right here. It says he showed me his process. So that piece of paper, think about government, there's paperwork for everything. Yeah. And it's just not the judge says, so boom, you know. So basically, that that piece of paper comes out, they have to now sign it and do all this and seal it and then all and then put it in an envelope and then send it on to you. And that was the same day when you said, you were happy, but then sad that you got and you knew it was final. It was finalized paper and you remember that open it up? And I was like, Yeah, and so you reflects me? How do you think if the Secretary would have not seen the judges? You know, whatever, you just don't, she's not going to make it up. She's just doing her job. Right. So she is in basically, it was the judge did sign the paper, the paper went to the secretary, the Secretary did what the judge told to do, which this is a divorce. So it's final. I got the paper. And then God said, listen, it doesn't matter. I do anything I want to do. I erase the job. I erase the stuff in the computer. I did all this. That's why when you guys called up the courthouse, and they said, Well, hey, I mean, for whatever reason, a judge never signed your thing. Oh, yeah, he did sign it. But God, God reversed it. He took it. Because if it was if he because this is deep, because if it wasn't signed, the Secretary would have never printed it out and sent it to me. Yeah. So she saw this chart signature see some saying, Yeah, it's crazy. But then that guy. On the end, when she's talking, I'm says, well, the judge never signed it. Do you believe in God? Yes. Do you believe in God judge never signed? His says

John Matarazzo:
57:20

yes. As you were asked to share this testimony? Yes. To all these all these guys.

Jay Morris:
57:24

Yep. And it was awesome. It was really a very, it was a pivotal moment in my life, too, because I got to public speaking for people. And that was cool, because I really always wanted to be a public speaker. Just the fear. Right? You know, you know, fears me. So, but yeah, it was great as amazing. It changed people's lives that day, people would come up to me go man, you helped me out. Like, you know, not me, but God, you know, but yeah, that's that's kind of Wow, how it went. Yeah.

John Matarazzo:
57:48

So you guys thought you were divorced. You were divorced, God miraculously removes the judge's signature and starts all this. You know, the, basically these dominoes start falling and it's like, you're, you don't need to get remarried. Because you're you are married. And that's, that's just amazing how God worked that out. So how did your faith then grow at that point? Because when I met you guys, I remember you being like, I knew that you were young Christians. You didn't know the Lord very long at that point. But you were both very hungry for the things of the Lord. You love worship, especially whenever I would lead worship the little small group there and a couple of songs actually for Christmas. The one year I made you a CD of me doing the one song. split my words the few

Jolin Morris:
58:35

Yeah, yeah, that's my favorite.

John Matarazzo:
58:36

Yeah. Yeah. So you guys really started digging into the Lord and getting involved in church. And now you have four kids total. So there's Gemma, Gavin Grayson, and Skylar, and Skylar. So you want to wait for the gees at that point. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So tell me you like, What is God doing in your lives now?

Jay Morris:
58:59

Babe? Well, I mean, it's, it's been a roller coaster with COVID and all that we sure we know all that. But, yeah, I mean, we always come back to, you know, it's always, you know, we've we've tried to really figure out through our walk, you know, it's hard to walk, especially in a family of four, and the issues of the world and everything and you feel like you're just never good enough, or you're not doing enough and your kids aren't going to be you know, and it's like we finally had to come to grips of, you know, I need God's grace in my life, you know, and to the point where it's like, I don't hit bull's eye, you know, but, but in that, you know, it's kind there's been a rest as well, but I mean, we're still going forward with our businesses and we're, you know, we, my our kids wrestle our daughters play. Volleyball and gem was awesome. In social media. She's getting ready to graduate here soon. And so she wants to kind of get in that social media and influencers stuff like that, but, and then, you know, Joanne's wanting to get back with a hair salon, which we recently just put our living room and made it into a business, which we'll show you here. And yeah, it's just pretty cool. But yeah, so we're kind of like, it's almost like we're just gonna, we've always moved forward.

John Matarazzo:
1:00:19

So forgiveness, and grace is a big, big theme of what we're talking about here. Absolutely. And without God's forgiveness, and without grace towards each other, without forgiveness towards each other. We wouldn't be where we are today. And, you know, as I said earlier, you guys have four kids that love Jesus, and what advice would you give to somebody that you're like, if you're ministering to somebody that is going through something? Whether it be a broken relationship, or something that just seems impossible? Without God's grace and forgiveness? What would you say to that person that really needs to? To hear the words of God?

Jay Morris:
1:01:01

Well, I can go reflect back on the story that when we were probably 30 minutes before this is, when she had her hair salon, I had my pawn shop. Okay. Bring it back, the woman that we call, she called the crazy Christian lady. Well, that woman in my shop was actually right across the street from from the hair salon. So she comes in my shop. And this changed my life. This is what I would say the answer your questions is what I would say to someone. Because this is where the rubber met the road. For me, this is where this was the aha moment that I knew I had a really big issue and a really big problem. And I didn't know how to solve it. And the question she asked me was what makes you better than God? And I remember, I grew up in the Catholic Church. So I was very, like, Oh, don't say that. You know, like, I remember 666 When I was growing up, like, I don't want to look at that. And maybe I'll turn into a demon or, you know, whatever. It was a very religious spirit, I guess you could say. So when she said that, it was like, kind of shocking. I was like, oh, no, I don't think that she goes, Well, you must think that because Jesus has forgiven your wife for everything she's done. But you haven't forgiven your wife. And I'm telling you, J Matt, it was like, I felt like this. And it was like You ever see those grand openings, lights at like a car dealership. You can see him at nighttime and etc. and God bless. Whatever it was like that. Didn't see it. But it was like that, that went into my soul. I don't even know where my soul is at this point in time, right? I'm not even saved Christian. At least I don't think I was I guess maybe I'll maybe I was but but but anyways, I remember. I knew whether, like I just knew I had a knee issue. And I felt like it was like, If I don't, if I don't forgive, I might go to hell. I felt this experience. I don't even know what I didn't even know what hell was was even a concern of mine could care less. But I knew and I felt like maybe this. I might not make it to heaven because of this situation. So I had a deal. I'm like, how am I going to forgive my wife? I mean, I don't even like her at this point. I am no I that's been I was taught. That's why she tried to kill herself. There's two times because of the the things that came out of my mouth, or that toxic Wow. So like, but But I remember was a pivotal moment. And then you know what, it was actually fast forwarding back to where I'm at today and before today, but I realized that the forgiving forgiving people forgiving others, you know, it is a necessity for God to be able to do the miracles. It's up to you and that other person, if it's if we're speaking about marriage here, so a lot of marriages we do ministered to, it's like one person forgives, but the other one doesn't. Well, you have nothing then, because it was a point in time where my obedience she already was. She already you know, wanted my forgiveness. That's why she came out and told me the truth. I didn't have to find out. That was a miracle in itself that she told me I didn't have to find out but then they were me that was like, I'll never ever forgive you. But that was the pivotal moment when I that woman said that and I said, Man, I have an issue here and I have to forgive even if we never got married again. Or whatever you know, I'm not even thinking about but I have to the hatred that was in my heart and the feelings I had towards her and people that were involved in all that I had a really bad hell bounded prob possibly issue. I just knew this. I don't even know how I knew it. But But I would say for anyone that's going through anything hard, whether it's marriage, friendships, whatever it may be the only roadblock in your life. And it only hurts you is that you haven't forgiven that person. Because that's the only thing that will constantly come up in your life that you don't understand why you can't get a go for what's wrong with me. What's the what I don't understand what's going on in this world. It really if you reflect back at what you have in your life that you have not forgiven, and it could be someone that's done wronged you that they don't even deserve forgiveness, possibly, but at the same time, they do deserve it. One to free you, yourself and the other that God said hey, listen, they came to me and asked me for forgiveness, which you don't know this story about them. So what makes you better than me? And that's the scary part where a lot of people I think are hanging in their life, that they're portraying that they're better than God, which not directly, but indirectly, they don't realize that that spiritual battle is what, what's happening, and their life's falling apart in some areas because of unforgiveness. So yeah, forgive those who have done you wrong. And I'm not saying you can do it like, Oh, I'm just gonna do it. It takes time. It takes thought it takes days, weeks, months, maybe it takes a constant consistent choice. Yes, a choice. And choices are not fun, you know, to make any choices, sometimes they're not easy. So yeah, that would be my wisdom and everything going through all this that not only wisdom, it's just the truth. It's the Word of God's truth that you if you want to, if you and the other thing, too, I remember script for me is like, you want to be forgiven, you must forgive. That was another thing that plagued me. I don't know how I even got to that scripture. But I was like, Oh, my gosh, I'm in trouble. You know, and it's true. It's like, you know, if you want to be forgiven, you must forgive. Right? So that's it. And that's, that's where the rubber meets the road. Yeah, what

John Matarazzo:
1:06:08

advice would you give Jolin?

Jolin Morris:
1:06:09

Um, for me, I was. Obviously, everything he said, is true. And that's how I view things as well. But a lot of people, I think, get caught up in how do you know, if it's God, or not, if I should forgive this person, or if I'm being set up. And now don't get me wrong, if you were, you know, sexually abused by your father, you know, 10, raped the terrible things, you can forgive that person. But that doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with that person. So I think a lot of times, people that are going through the process of forgiveness, kind of think, hey, just because I forgive them, like, now I need to let them back into my life. And that's not always the case. But as far as our situation or a married situation, there's nothing that God can't restore, if both people are willing to restore, and, and it's not a comfortable process. And like, they always say, how do you know? If it's God? And for me, it's uncomfortable. If I'm uncomfortable, it's probably most definitely God. Because when you're going through life, and you're comfortable, you're not even really giving God a thought. Yeah, you know, it's kind of just life and the way it is, but that moment comes where you're standing in the middle of a grocery aisle, and there's someone there crying. You're uncomfortable, because now you're like, Okay, here I am a complete stranger. Now, I'm gonna go ask this person if they're okay. Now God's going to have we talked to them? No, I'm gonna pray with you know, yeah, that was early on. To me now is, uh, you know, definitely, I haven't arrived as if

John Matarazzo:
1:08:12

he knows, when I

Jolin Morris:
1:08:13

reached the gates Yeah. But um, you know, now it's a lot easier for me, you know, that I've been a Christian for so long, to me, is nothing to walk up to somebody to somebody in need, or even just to start talking to somebody in general. But, yeah, I think, you know, it's good to get uncomfortable. You grow and you're uncomfortable. You know, early on is, you know, as a Christian, you know, those encounters, you know, and there's just little things that, you know, even just Pastor John speaking to have, you know, don't go to the other way, if you see somebody, yeah, you know, you know, I can remember before, you know, I became a Christian, I'd see somebody, like, try to go around, you know, but when I tried to do it as a Christian, and Pastor John used to laugh, I would do it, and then they would meet me on the other side anyways, you know, and you're like, oh, you can't get away from it. You know, you can't outrun God is basically the point, you know.

John Matarazzo:
1:09:22

Yeah. So, as we've been talking about your stories, there's there's a lot of things and how God just has interwoven your stories even when you tried to pull it apart. God has been the one that's obviously kept you guys together, and for His glory for His purpose. And that's, that's so good. That's so cool about how he does that. And, you know, I love asking these questions, you know, where along your journey, do you see now that you look back that your heart was burning, but you didn't realize that it was Jesus causing it to burn during that time and I can pick out a couple different ones throughout this stories that you just told. But I want to hear from you just what is what's one of those moments where your heart was just burning? And you didn't realize it. But now you look back and like, that's it. I get it now.

Jay Morris:
1:10:12

I would say for me are you saying burning as as the

John Matarazzo:
1:10:20

as the gods trying to get your attention? Oh, yeah, yeah, I would with you. And you didn't really? Yeah,

Jay Morris:
1:10:24

yeah, I would say the biggest man has been so many times to me. And even this, even in this story, this story, we could just base up this story about my whole entire life just from being saved from major major car accidents and jail time and everything aha moments like that. And it's like, but I would say with this story, it would be with that woman coming into me, in my pawn shop. It would be the moment that I was going down the West Virginia area, and then all of a sudden, it's like, you know, she comes in the middle of my mind where she hadn't been in my mind for two years, like, where does that come from? You know? And then you look back, and you're, you're like, Ah, man, I'm glad that, you know, I actually went through with all these things, you know, and another aha moment, looking back now, even during this podcast would be when I got saved at the altar with my hand. Now you look at that, and you look at everything, and it kind of almost like established itself, that it's these little things that just keep on happening to us. And I mean, another one will, obviously was when she called the courthouse, you know, another aha moment. I'm sitting at my desk before the, you know, the man, the men's breakfast thing, and God said, Hey, I need you to know the truth of this, because I need you to, you know, it was aha moments all the time. But those are some of my biggest highlighted ones that I knew God was with me that I look back at sometimes I didn't know he was with me. But when it's all said and done, where I stand today, I look at all those moments. I'm like, wow, that was God. Yeah, you know, kind of like, did I know I was walking with God, the moment that Christian woman told me Nope, I didn't. I missed it. But but that was something I could know. 100% was him.

John Matarazzo:
1:12:16

What about you, gentlemen? Where was your heart burning within you that you didn't realize it? Until you look back?

Jolin Morris:
1:12:22

I'm have a lot of those moments. But definitely, probably, I would say, my her heart was burning before. I guess you look at it as like, your mind's not there. But your heart is there? You know, I guess it would be when I got saved in the back of my salon, when I didn't even realize what I had done. Yeah. You know, but that few years later, that was an aha moment for me like, oh, you know, and

John Matarazzo:
1:12:57

it's definitely along the way moment, for sure. Yeah.

Jolin Morris:
1:12:59

And, I mean, I, I look back at like those times, like, when we were first saved, you know, you're really on fire, once you have those aha moments. And I think back of even now, when I look back, there was just a special that time in our life, even though it was so terrible, was just a really special time in our life of friends that we met that we at the church, you know, like you and CIOB, and you know, Simeon and Joyce and just even Tim and Paige, like, that was our family, you know, and it that time is so almost sacred to us. Like just that's where we grew. Yeah. And just surrounding ourselves with other believers. And there's times where I even now say to him, like, I just missed that, like, just the, it was a different type of feeling. And I you know, as you go on, I guess what I'm trying to figure out is as you go on and walk with Christ, how do you keep that burning? Because, because you because that burning desire when you first get saved, dwindles down, as you become more, I guess, knowledgeable in the things of God. And more, you know, life changes. Something I always get older.

John Matarazzo:
1:14:33

Yeah, it's something that you always need to be adding fuel to the fire to Yeah, yeah.

Jolin Morris:
1:14:37

And but it's like, we I, where do you I want to feel like that again. Yeah. How do I get there because I don't want to get broken again to get there. You know, you know, I wouldn't change anything that had happened. I mean, I wish it wouldn't happen, but at the same time, we wouldn't be nowhere near where we are now in, you know, in our marriage. And you know, it's Perfect. You know, it's just you to people that have to continually, you know, try and have God be at the head of it. But yeah, I always look for my aha moment is that feeling? Yeah,

Jay Morris:
1:15:14

yeah, I would say the time Gemma came out to that was that I mean, that's a heck of an aha moment. You know, like looking back, like, why did she touch that door? How did you open? What made her go out there? She knew not to go out. Like she was never a person to just say, Oh, and if it you know, she knew there could be a robber on the other side, or they'd be a person on their side. And we're living in Charlotte. Yeah, you know, and so for her to do that, that's saying, You I look back for myself. That's like a wow, God was definitely

John Matarazzo:
1:15:43

in that. You know, yeah. And, Joanne, I'm going to start with you for this, this last question here. If you could go back in time, and visit young Jolin, you know, teenage Jolin or whatever, whatever point in your timeline that you would like to say you'd like to smack yourself upside the head and say, Here's some information. Here's some advice that you need to know for right now. What, what's going on in your life at that point? And what would you say to yourself?

Jolin Morris:
1:16:10

Even if I could go back and tell her what she should do? She never listened. Anyway. But so obviously would be your probably should listen, you know, but, um, I guess I always had a, I had an, uh, you know, an abandonment issue. I think now that I can look back, you know, with my real father, you know, just being a drug addict. And, you know, trying to, you know, that's a whole new, that's a whole other podcast for you. As far as my childhood story. You know, I definitely think it could help a lot of people with what I've been through as a child, but I guess I would just tell her, it's gonna be okay. You know, definitely follow after Christ. That, you know, that's what was missing. I think, you know, as a young girl, I had an acceptance issue. Even though, you know, I was, I wasn't, I didn't have a lot of friends. Mainly because of my own attitude. I just didn't care about anything really, back then. And so at that my, my parents tried to talk to young Jolin. But you could even ask her now. There was no talking to me. I see bits and pieces of that in my own daughter. Which I get her. Yeah, I think God allowed me to go through the things that I went through and to be that person that I can give her a lot more grace and forgiveness with some of the things that she, you know, is encountering, just because she's me, like, oh, and I look at her like, Oh, my, you know, but she's me with Jesus. Yeah. So that's, that's the that's the kicker, you know, I would, I would just say that it's gonna be okay. And you know, to have a better attitude. Yeah. With things in life. And,

John Matarazzo:
1:18:24

yeah, what about you, Jay? What would you go back and tell young J?

Jay Morris:
1:18:28

Well, I was thinking about that the whole time she was speaking and I'm trying to throw like, really put it all together. And I'm thinking like, I don't I don't know, I don't know, if I would, I mean, obviously, all my issues of who I, you know, who I, you know, the mistakes and stuff. That's why or how I became today. So I think, I think there's always this, this this issue until you touch the stove, because it's hot, right? Don't touch the stove. It's hot and right until you touch the stove. It's like you kind of just didn't realize it was hot. So like, for me, I don't really, I don't know, I look at my life. And I obviously didn't do everything perfect, in a way. But I don't I don't know if I really have too many regrets. To be honest with you. I don't know, what advice

John Matarazzo:
1:19:08

would you give yourself? Because I know that we can't go back in time. And the things that we've gone through have really made us who we are the good, the bad, and the ugly. But if you could go back and tell yourself, hey, here's a lesson that we don't need to do this to learn.

Jay Morris:
1:19:26

Yeah, yeah, I would say I think I think I dropped the ball a lot just by being impatient. I guess if I could tell myself to be more patient. Stick with you know, some of this, you know, some of the sports that I've done and stuff I enjoyed and for some reason, like I would just give up on them and just move on and I never had that persistence and consistency of anything per se. And I don't know why like, you know, I look back at myself I'm like, Man, I could have been something when when it came to some some serious sports, the levels I wear some sports and I'm like, That's it But always, for some reason, I don't know, I don't know if it was, maybe my parents didn't push me enough. And then I look back at myself, am I okay? But I don't really want to be a pushy parent either. And, you know, and I have that relationship with my kids. So I would say that and persistence and consistency of just stay sticking in the in things that are good for you, you know, and then sticking in things that aren't good for you. Like, don't be so persistent, consistent with that, like, why is that like, that makes no sense. Like, the stuff that's good for you, you kind of own the stuff that's not good for you, that's like seems a little a little bit more like, Yeah, I like that. Let me just stick it like, you know, stick away, stay away from all the all the stuff that life throws at you says that this will make you feel better, or be better, you know, whatever it may be. Just, you know, persistence and insistence on on positive things, and follow up after your goals and dreams and don't get down and desperate and do whatever you do that that did get away from that because life's hard. Even even if you're doing something you love the drill or even this Listen man. The problem with was society problem with me back then or you know, it's like a fast food mentality. You go through the drive thru, you order what you want, you get it, right, you want something right now you got no groceries, or you can go get a full flow to groceries within an hour. Everything is like that and life. And so yeah, I think we just gotta wait. And here's the biggest thing I always think about this all the time. It's like, okay, who gets on a roller coaster ride gets on it. I always picture the the steel fan going up that big, that big thing and it's amazing. You can look out of all Pittsburgh see it all right, but who puts their head between her legs and, and misses that and then they then go to the whole ride, right? But then there's something that happens at the end of that ride where they feel accomplished and good. And I really liked it, I think I really enjoyed this. But then all of a sudden, you can't tell me anything about it. And that's your life, your life, your life, everything goes back to what you're saying to beginning, why your podcasts, that's how I view life, like, but then they're always that personal goal, I'd like to go back on that ride again, possibly, or maybe I should, and then you get back at the end of the accident, you realize you got four hours away, she never go on. And that's, but that's kind of like, like, like, I look like Like, like, you got to look at your life and, and even in the good and the bad. Just Just accept it all. But like in those things, like enjoy the ride as well. Because Because if you don't enjoy the ride, you're gonna miss everything that you have become what you become. And then you're only focused on that fast food mentality, I want this now I want that now. And all of a sudden, you missed out all the other things that created your character become who you were. And that could be your you know, you miss your family or your work, or whatever, maybe.

John Matarazzo:
1:22:31

And that's why I'm doing this podcast because I want to learn from other people's stories, other people's journeys about where your hearts were burning, where you can look back, and you say Jesus really was walking with me. And you know, when we're aware of Jesus involved in our lives at that moment, it's easier to to stop and smell the roses, because Jesus made the roses, and he wants you to pay attention to them. And, you know, as, as you were talking about the whole roller coaster thing, I'm over here kind of laughing because Jolin obviously doesn't like roller coasters at all. So she was talking about there she was, you know, mentioning that she was doing sign language that she would be the one to put her head between her knees and stuff like that.

Jolin Morris:
1:23:10

Yeah, we're opposites. So that's what that's we're opposites in a lot of ways and not. But I mean, I was sitting here thinking, Well, another thing would be dying people hold you back from your dreams, or your goals in what you want to do. You know, no matter what, no matter what people say, or what people, you know, discourage you from because you'll be, you know, my age, you know, 42 Before you know it, and you're I had this realization the other day, I said to him, we were in bed. I said, Do you realize something? My dream was to be I wanted to go to the army. And I want to be a police officer. And I looked at him in bed the other day, I said, Do you realize that I'm never going to be a police officer? He goes, Yeah. I said, no, like, seriously, like, I just had this epiphany that I am going to die. Never fulfilling what I wanted to do. I will never stop our daughter or our kids from if they have these crazy, wacky ideas of what they're going to do. Because some of his ideas are pretty out there. You know? That, that? I'm not going to be that, mom. That's all I don't want you to do. You know, don't I'm worried. I'm going to be worried but I don't want her to be my age laying in bed. Middle Aged with you as your husband say, I'm gonna die and never be a police officer.

John Matarazzo:
1:24:49

God is God as a Redeemer. He obviously through your story. He has redeemed quite a bit there. You know, sadly, he hasn't redeemed that whole police officer

Jolin Morris:
1:24:59

and I'm Too old. No. Yes, no.

John Matarazzo:
1:25:02

But I'm sure with the four kids that you have they feel they feel like you're a police. Officer. Yeah. But, you know, guys, it's been so good to be able to, to sit with you and to be able to share your story and to just I'm elated. I'm realizing that I'm just so grateful that God has allowed our paths to cross when they did and to cross again just recently. And so I just want to thank you guys for allowing me to join you along your way.

Jay Morris:
1:25:31

And we thank you. We appreciate everything you do for us. And you've been a huge inspiration to us in our lives to in our worst moments that you never even knew about Z. Yeah.

Jolin Morris:
1:25:41

Your son helped me through a lot. See, you didn't even know. Yeah, it was on repeat constantly. Wow.

John Matarazzo:
1:25:49

Thank you guys. I appreciate this.

Jay Morris:
1:25:51

Thank you, Jay. Man, we appreciate buddy.