Translating Life’s Languages Part 2 - Carolyn Santos’ Journey AlongTheWay 17

Welcome to along the way. I'm John Matarazzo, your host and fellow traveler. Thank you for joining me along my way as I try to become more like Jesus every day. This episode of along the way is part two of translating life's languages. In the last episode, I talked with Anna Kendall, the co founder of life languages International. After I had that conversation with Anna Kendall, I found out my results for the life languages assessment. And in this episode, I follow up with Carolyn Santos, the life languages international trading director. Let's get to that conversation right now.

Well, Carolyn, thank you so much for being willing to spend some time with me. I know this is a little bit different than some of the other along the way episodes, I've got to follow up. And so Carolyn, I've met you, whenever I interviewed Anna Kendall, and you are the international training director for life languages International. Could you please tell me what that is that you do and how long you've been working with them?

I'd be happy to john, thank you so much for the invitation. It's a privilege to be with you. So over 20 years ago, I was in a pastoral position, vocationally. And I was always looking for instruments on the market to help families that I worked with, and children and teens. And I was required to go to this leadership conference where they were presenting the life languages. And frankly, though, I love doing these things, I was so busy, I didn't want to go. And if I had, I would have missed the biggest blessing of my life. So halfway through that first morning, listening to the presentation of the languages, I said, Oh my goodness, this is what I have been looking for. So I went two months later in April of 2000, and became certified as a communication coach of the seven life languages. And the rest is history, I worked part time with my regular job. And then I would conduct seminars on the side. And then every time I did a faith based workshop, someone from business would say you have to bring this to my company. And then it just began to snowball. So I have 20 years, I've been using the life languages. And then over a couple of years ago, I was invited by Fred and Anna Kendall, and our new CEO Gerald Parsons to become the international training director. So that that means that I get to share with folks who want to change people's lives or work in business to change people's lives, how to become a certified coach of the life camp languages and the communication IQ system for life and business.

That's, that's really cool. So you've been doing this for a while.

I have and it is the joy of my life. And I now know what people mean when they say, when you do what you love, you never have to work another day in your life.

Yeah, I agree with that. I I love doing this podcast and producing TV as well. And sometimes it still feels like work just because there is that. But there's that that joy is overwhelming. And I

couldn't agree more. Thank you for doing what you do, by the way. Yeah.

So tell me about the life languages, because there's seven different languages. And in the interview with Anaconda, we talk a little bit about them, and specifically the types that that she and her husband and her son were. But I'd like to hear about some of the other communication languages.

Sure, well, I'll just hit the high spots from about five or 10,000 feet. Or so Yeah, I know. But it's still enough that you will be able to get a good picture. Okay, thank you. The life languages were given to Fred and Anna Kendall from Romans chapter 12, verses six through eight. And that essentially says as each one of us has received, let us use them accordingly. And then it says, Let him who prophesied do so according to the proportion of his faith, let him who serves in his serving, he who encourages in exhortation, who teaches with in his teaching, he who gives with liberality, he who leads with diligence, and he who shows mercy with cheerfulness, and so, those are the seven life languages, I like to call them the nature of the Father, and how he has wired each one of us uniquely to express him in the earth. So when we put that in terms of communication styles, how we express the father in the earth, we have seven languages in three intelligence categories, kinetic people, those are people who approach life first with action, then thinking or feeling, the emotive intelligence category, those who approach life first with feeling then action or thinking and then of course, the cost negative category which is big for you, John, that those who approach life first with thinking than with action or feeling so in those three categories lie the seven languages mover, Dewar kinetic languages action Can you hear the action?

You got great little icons with these as well which is Oh yes,

and anyone who has the book communication IQ will be able to see these in the book as well as the chart that I'm going to be talking with you about today. emotive category there's influencer and responder and those are the people people but they're very different in the way they approach people and then shaper producer and contemplate or the thinking languages and yet each of them unique and distinct. Oh very cool.

So where where do you lie on this? Ah

yes. So my descending order of life languages John are similar yet quite different from yours. So may I share yours first? Absolutely. Absolutely. Right. So and and maybe your listeners can hear the difference. So you start contemplating shaper, producer, responder, influencer, Dewar mover, my descending order of languages are respond to responder, Dewar, shaper, producer, mover, influencer content player. So your first language in my last language are exactly the opposite. Okay? My second language is your sixth language. So there, you can begin to see that if you and I work together on a daily basis, we may have to have some conversations to find a common place to start because our languages are different.

Sure. And one thing I really like from what i've, from what I've read, and what I've heard from, from Anna, and you as well, is that everybody has these languages. That's right. It's not like some of the other assessments that are like the Myers Briggs or the any Graham or the predictive index, where you're kind of like in one area, but not the others. With the life languages, you really do speak all seven, just in different degrees.

Absolutely, yes, you couldn't have said it better. One of the things that I like to say is that if the Father, for example, the scripture says Jesus said weep with those who weep. And there is a particular life language that is not inclined towards weeping with those who weep. And so the father would have been completely unkind and unjust to say to all people, weep with those who weep if he hadn't given each of us the ability, even the ability that if even if I have to pull up on it from the very bottom of mine, being the ability to do that. So even though their languages that tend to be willing to weep with those who weep, there are those that don't. But when it's appropriate, I have a choice. With the knowledge of the life languages, that's one of the biggest things for me is it gives me the awareness that I have more choices than I ever realized I had in communication. Some of the just some of them are just more preferable to me than others. Sure. There's also another language that well, another scripture where Jesus said, rejoice with those who rejoice. While there are some languages that do that naturally. And so he had not given us the ability to do that by choice or by obedience, he would have been unkind and unjust. So the father put, as Paul said, in the Scriptures, that He has given us everything pertaining to life, and godliness in Christ Jesus. So like David said, We truly are fearfully and wonderfully made. That's awesome.

So I really like that we're not pigeon holed into one category or the other.

Yes, we are a whole being. So it's a very holistic approach to living, loving, working, and caring for each other. By knowing the life languages,

yeah. Now, before we started this interview, I mistakenly said, if I took this test and use it Actually, no, it's an assessment. Could you explain why we use one term and not the other? And what's the, what's the purpose of it?

Thank you, john. Yeah. People have test anxiety. And so when we say take this test, it implies GOOD BAD pass or fail right or wrong. And with the life languages, we we say to people answer these questions, take the survey questions, the assessment, because we have no preferred outcome. As I said, A moment ago, every one of us are fearfully and wonderfully made. The problem is knowing it or not knowing it can be the issue. As I shared earlier, the descending order of languages, and between you and I, we have some very real, though not difficult. If we didn't know we had differences, that could be difficult. But knowing our differences gives us choices, knowledge, it brings the power of understanding to relationships. But even a person being self aware of their profile results, can help them understand where and why they're, they may be prone to internal conflict, just you and I could be aware that we have external conflict because of our respective different results. So it's not a test. It's an assessment that gives us knowledge and understanding, right, and

as you understand more about yourself, and then you realize that, oh, there's people that don't think the same way that I do this. There's people that don't communicate the same way that I do. And they're not not intentionally trying to annoy me, because they're not getting what I'm trying to communicate. We're all different. But God designed us in a way that we can overcome those differences in my

lately. Yes. And, John, the beautiful thing about the languages that the Lord again, gave Fred and Anna Kendall, this download from heaven, and and did so over a number of years, is that each life language, though it's a particular, it's like knowing English and Spanish and French and German, and being able to be conversational in all those languages. And yet, when it comes to Russian or Chinese or whatever, Afrikaans I know, espanol, right. I don't know how to speak that language. yet. When I have understanding of the facts of each language, then whether I speak it or not, I can understand it, and then act accordingly. And what I mean by that is, for example, my talk about you're

absolutely I was just going to ask you, let's let's talk about, you mentioned about being fearfully and wonderfully made. And I want to hear how I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.

Excellent. Well, first of all your results. And thank you for letting me share this with God and everybody, John, because there's no good bad, right or wrong. So you're descending order of languages happens to fall in the following way. And it's kind of the way I like to say people process incoming and outgoing communication, because as I said, we've got the three categories, kinetic, action, emotive, feeling cognitive thinking that I'm going to talk about how you tend to process incoming and outgoing communication based on your order. This will be fun. Yes, it is. So it's interesting. Now, this is different for everyone. But you happen, I would based on how you answered the questions that you think think think, feel, feel, act act.

Okay.

So it's very useful have all three cognitive languages at the top, then you have the two emotive languages in the middle, and the action or kinetic languages at the bottom. That doesn't mean that you don't ever act or do anything, because we all know differently than that. But it's how you approach things that you're probably very logical, systematic, strategic, resourceful, and you think things through, almost sometimes ad infinitum that you could get even lost in your thoughts? Does that ever happen to you? Yeah, just a little bit. So let's just talk about your primary language contemplate the contemplate your life language is the most intelligent, all the languages are smart, but none as academically intelligent as the contemplate or life language. So you are in the top 14% of the population who have contemplated as they're primary life language, okay? Yes. So each life language has three major characteristics. So I want to ask you, intelligent, inquisitive, philosophical, those are the three primary characteristics that when anyone is speaking, contemplate, or you'll see or hear these, which of those three could be all of them could be two could be none. Which of those do you most identify with? intelligent, inquisitive? philosophical,

I would probably say inquisitive.

All right.

One of the reasons that I'm doing this podcast is because I like to ask people questions that I want to learn from them. So I think probably inquisitive fits me the best out of those three.

All right, and if you were going to put them do you relate to the other two at all, intelligent and philosophical? So if you were to put them in descending order priority for me, what what were the highlights for you? inquisitive? Number one, and then intelligent or philosophical? Oh, that's

tough.

They could be tied, that's fine.

I'm gonna say feels philosophical and then intelligent.

Well, I would put him in reverse order. Okay,

humble. And what What? Why? Why would Why would you say that?

Because, again, the content player life language, they just tend to be so smart. That sometimes that is the blessing and the bane of their existence is being so smart that sometimes they can find it difficult to connect with other people. Because they love deep conversation. They love facts. They love information. They love to verify information and validate information and facts. And not everybody again, 86% of the population do not speak contemplating as a primary life language. Right. Does that make sense? Okay. Yeah. So essentially, to varying degrees 86% of the population, John, don't get where you come from, initially.

Okay,

that makes sense. Yeah. So here's how talking about the contemplate your life language. A little bit more. I love this language. In fact, my late husband was a first language contemplated, my oldest daughter is a first language content player, and many of my closest friends are high contemplate or speakers, and it's my weakest language, we tend to gravitate to our opposites, right? Because we need balance. So each life language has what we call a filter question. That means it's like a set of lenses that people are looking through. It's but it's an internal question that's pulsing that must be answered. And for the filter question for the contemplate, or it's, am I really interested in this? So the question I'd have for you, john, is do you resonate with that question that if you're not interested in something, you probably, you might have, or probably have a difficult time giving it your all? Would you agree or disagree with that?

I would agree with that. Going back to when I did my radio school, likely actually leading up to that in high school, if I wasn't really interested in is something I wasn't really paying attention. I wasn't the best high school student. And then something clicked in my 11th grade year. But I knew like I wasn't ready to go into college right away. And so I ended up going on the mission field, and then God opened up doors for me to do this radio school. But when I got there, I knew I was interested in it. And it was something that really captivated me. And I was able to just focus like laser focus on that. And I got the best grades that I ever got in my life doing that. So I think if I'm if I find that I'm interested in something I'm locked in,

that is a perfect explanation, story and experience that I often hear from those who speak the contemplate or life language as a preferred. In fact, sometimes the contemplation language is is a complex language, I like to draw the picture for others to help them understand how truly cognitive This language is. It's like if you could picture a scientists laboratory, you know, one of those expansive laboratories that where, where they put this, these elements together, and then it spins through these beakers and goes through these tubes and circular and all that. And then all of a sudden, at the end, this distilled essence of a drop comes out. That's what the internal world of processing is like for the content plater speakers. And, and what others need to understand about that is that they're not delaying. They're not wanting to not answer you. It's just that I need to think about that. whereas others go, what do you have to think about? Well, if you don't have contemplate or in your life, or in your results over 50, you don't get that. And therefore, that's where we can start realizing that differences in languages can cause us to judge what we don't understand. So again, the knowledge of our profiles and other people brings the power of understanding to relationships.

Okay, so what's what's next?

Alright, so then the next thing in the world of the content player language is the need from others. Every language has the filter question, the need for mothers, the driving or life giving passion, and the key character strength. So the content players need from others is undivided attention, or please give me my personal space, and there's very little gray area in between, do you resonate with that? Um, you want to think about that? I do want to think about

Wow, that's, that's very telling

me. While you're thinking about that, let me say it this way, sure. The contemplate or life language tends not to insert themselves into situations, okay. They need to be given undivided attention, meaning that if you walk into a space where other people are engaged, or talking, or things are going on, you're not likely to walk into the room, unless you know them really well. And their close friends or family and say, hey, I've got this thought, hey, I want to tell you something. Would you agree or disagree with that? JOHN, I would, I would agree with that

I, I'm going to wait and kind of assess what everybody else is doing and hopefully come up with a good idea to help them or go along with what I think is the best idea.

Yes. And therefore, people need to understand that when people are kind of holding back and being very pensive, or thinking, the contemplate or life language typically has a lot to say, but they need or want people to direct their gaze to them, acknowledge them and say, Tell us your thoughts. But if Okay, if someone doesn't give undivided attention in that way, and invite you to speak, those who speak the contemplate or life language tend not to insert themselves into situations or, or events like that. So I'm divided. I'm sorry, I get that. Yeah, yes. And then personal space, the contemplate or life language of all the languages needs. And I emphasize that they need more downtime than the average person or the other life languages. Because they need the time to process not only their thoughts, but their feelings as well, because they run very, very deep. And it takes energy for the contemplate or to even think about their feelings. And then to agree with that. Yeah, yeah. Yes. So that's the need from others either invite me or when I'm talking to you, please don't be multitasking and doing other things, things. That's not undivided attention. So when my husband would walk into the room where I was, and knowing that his first language is contemplating his need, for me was undivided attention, I would put down my phone, stop stirring the pot, turn and look at him and acknowledge his presence. And that alone was enough to invite him to open up and engage. Otherwise, he might just walk away. The concentrator language doesn't usually go away mad, but they just may go away.

Okay, yeah, that, that that fits a pretty good,

then the driving and life giving passion for the content later is just to know, in fact, do you you've already told us that you love to know things. So on a scale of one to 10, John, to know, how would you rate that 10 being the highest one being the lowest,

I'd probably say like eight or nine, it's pretty high. But I still like to leave room for other things to do, you know, take up the other 10% or whatever.

Of course, I'm glad you said that. Because your content player score is 68. That means that you're going to identify with about 68% of the attributes, qualities and characteristics.

That's what that means.

Mm hmm. that make up the contemplate your life language. So your score being 68, you're going to identify with some more than others, and some not at all. It's knowing what you do identify with knowing what you don't, so that you can either cultivate the things that would help you or minimize the things that are little, maybe a little over over accentuated. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. All right. Then the key Character Strengths for the contemplates, is loyalty. And this is an interesting kind of loyalty. I asked a contemplate or mail a man who spoke contemplate or as his first language one time, I said, Who's your best friend? And they he thought he thought he thought a minute and said, I think it has to be Dave. I said, so tell me the last time you talked to Dave. And he thought he thought he thought and he said, it's been about six years. And I said, interesting. So that is the world of the contemplating, they're loyal, but they may not reach out in an effort to connect, because it is it tends to be quite an internal language. But the beautiful thing, John is that you're not just a contemplate or speaker, you have six other languages, shaper, which is the quintessential leader, the born leader, all the languages can lead. But the shaper is the most leader of all of the leaders, the producer life language, which is gracious, gracious and hospitable, and loves to manage resources, like people's knowledge. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. And then you have responder, the the language that wants to help and instruct people and likely being think, think, think, and loving knowledge, you will want to care about people and help them by infusing them with information and knowledge. That's how you likely most care about people. And then

we're here

yet Would you agree with that? And also,

like, because I don't want to just help people in their current situation, I want to help them for the long term like here is, I just want to help people kind of reframe the way that they look at things. Sometimes. It's like, okay, you made this mistake, then let's look at it this way. So that we don't do that same thing again. So it's not it's helping them out of that situation. But also dealing with the the future forward concept.

Absolutely. The that's, I'm so glad you said that. Because that that brings in both your second language shaper. All right, let's get a plan for this. Right. If you don't have a plan, you're planning to fail. Yes. So and then one of the other things that the shape or life language may love to say would be properly prior planning prevents pitifully poor performance. Yeah. Do you identify with that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, not always.

Sometimes I'm guilty of Not, not planning things the whole way through. But I appreciate that whole thing. I appreciate the planning a lot more than

Yes. And sometimes John with your and that can help us understand where and why we may have internal conflict, even where our languages are, and help us work better with ourselves. Because the content player loves to think think think they think, and then your shaper is only five points difference. And then because of that you think about plans, but then the contemplate or here's a beautiful, I want to verify this with you. So can you help me out here with an experiment? All right, the contemplate or live language tends to love thinking things through, but their internal world of thought is so real, and so deep. And so living, that it's almost like virtual reality, so that sometimes for those who speak, contemplate or thinking it can actually feel to them as though they've already done it.

Okay,

you may have to think about that. But in other words, when you think so deeply about and your shapers helping you with the plan, we got to get a plan. And then you think about the plan. And you just said that sometimes I don't actually think through or follow through on that plan. Could it be because you've thought about it so much. And you've realized the end result? That it's like, Okay, well, the pressure to do this is not as deep as it was now because I thought it through and I can see it. So now let's just take it easy and move one step at a time.

Yeah, I would agree with that. Yeah, the something that one of my favorite things growing up was his Rube Goldberg machines, if you are fearful, if you're familiar with that at all, the you know, it's like, the shoe that's attached to the broom handle swings and kicks this thing and it causes this ball to roll down this way. And then eventually, it's basically a mouse like the game mouse trap, or super complex. And so my brain just kind of thinks, okay, if this happens, then this is going to happen. And this is going to happen, and this is going to happen. And sometimes it creates a downward spiral where it's like, Okay, this is the worst case scenario. And I kind of come up with what that is. And then I'll back it up a few steps. And I'll say, okay, that's the worst case scenario. Anything else? That doesn't happen like that? I think we're okay. So

that's incredible. And that messy. I knew mouse trap when you said it. But the first thing I thought, No, I don't know what that is. But, of course, you would know the the official title of that. Right. Right. That's beautiful. And again, I do not have that quest of I just have to know, as far as for me, if the lights if the lights come on, when I flip the switch. That's all I want to know. That's beautiful. John, another question to ask you about that is, Do you ever get lost in thought? Oh, yeah. And easily distracted. Okay. Yeah. I, there's so much that we could talk about, in fact, when our coaches meet with people, and part of becoming a coach is that we could actually spend five one hour sessions together to fully and maybe not even fully then to extrapolate all of the personal understanding and insight that one can gain from your, your profile, but you have a very strong cognitive leader, manager, caring. And then also now, I said that your kinetic languages are your lowest languages. But your your Dewar is number six, but it's 47. So any language over 50, we call those fluent lifelines, ridges, that means that you can access both the strengths and weaknesses of all of your languages over 50. So you actually have six languages that are only 20 points apart. And that's one of the things I think makes you exceptional at what you do now. Because you can be fluid and speak with six out of the seven languages quite naturally.

It's really interesting. Yeah, I, I feel like I communicate well, with a lot of different people. And I try to unnaturally try to figure out, how can I help this person understand what I'm trying to say? I think yes. And boys as a TV producer, and Podcast Producer as well. We are hitting

the How can I help that person have better understanding? And the the gifting from the Father that corresponds with the contemplate or life language is the gifting of teacher? So that doesn't surprise me at all.

Very interesting. I have a couple questions. I know, you just said that. We could spend five one hour sessions and we're but a half an hour into this into this conversation right now. And so I easily see how we could do if we could do that. But so on the on the score chart that I have or not the score, I guess it is a score chart. Your result? My results? Okay, thank you know, different terminologies and that I'm so used to the testing world, but I like the results. That's better. So there it says there's a range of 30 point

yes, three,

five, or something like that. Explain what that range means?

Yes, I'm glad that you asked again, there's so much that we could cover. So the range is your first life language score, minus your seventh life language score is 30 points. So your contemplate or 68, your mover is almost 38 mover is your seventh life language. And that means there's a 30 point range between those seven languages. So any range, the lower that number, the easier it is for people to naturally move within their languages. Okay, the higher that score, the more difficult or challenging or intentional a person has to be to stop speaking their preferred communication styles, and drop into another language in order to be able to connect with other people. So the higher the range, the more difficult to speak your weaker languages. The lower the range, the more fluid one can be. But also the more intentional that you need to be to be clear when you're shifting from one language to another. Because remember, they're all asking questions and all have needs from others. Right.

Very, very interesting. There's so many more questions that I have for you. And this podcast is getting on the longer end. But maybe we can continue to have this conversation. But we'll, we'll let the let the listeners go. But I just appreciate your time and being being willing to tell me more about what's going on inside of my inside of my brain.

Well, Johnny, it's been a pleasure.

I'm so glad I had the opportunity to learn about my life languages. And to have Carolyn help me understand more about how I communicate, and how I can improve my communication. If you want to learn more about the life languages, you can check out the book communication IQ by Fred and Anna Kendall. And on their website, you can take a free assessment to find out your primary language, I highly suggest looking into that. If you missed the first part of this episode, you can go back to along the way, Episode 16 with Anna Kendall. The links for part one with Anna Kendall the book and the website will all be in the show notes. Thank you for listening to along the way. If you've enjoyed joining me along my way, please share this podcast with a friend who you think will be encouraged by it. Also, please rate and subscribe to this podcast. You can follow us on Facebook, Instagram and at my website along the way dot media. You can find all of my contact information in the show notes. I hope that you've enjoyed this part of my journey, and may you realize when Jesus is walking with you along your way.