“What To Say and How To Say It” - Nina Roesner - AlongTheWay 117

when that opportunity came my question the drop in your lap thing, then the Lord planted this seed of greater impact. And that was 2005. And I ended up trying to negotiate something with them where I could do both and no, that didn't work. So I left a job I loved and started this tiny little nonprofit to go to training. And we did a leadership course. And we did a course for wives. And then we, you know, I somehow I ended up writing some books that Thomas Nelson and HarperCollins picked up. I don't know, it just happened. It dovetailed nicely into bringing me into a space where I can do what I'm doing now and help more people, I think.

Welcome to along the way. I'm John Matarazzo, your host and fellow traveler, thank you for joining me along my way as I try to become more like Jesus every day. Have you ever had trouble communicating? Maybe you know what you want to say, but you don't know how to say it. If you can relate to this just like I can, then you really want to hear what Nina Rosener has to say in this episode of along the way. Nina is the founder and executive director of greater impact, an organization that offers courses and training to help people reach their full potential for what God has called them to do. She is also the host of the podcast, what to say and how to say it. I'll get to our conversation in just a moment. But as always, I want to thank you for listening to along the way. I hope that you like what you hear and you subscribe. Please rate and review along the way on Apple podcasts or wherever you're listening. All of my socials and contact links are in the show notes. And you can check out all of my episodes and join my email list through my website along the way dot media, I would love to hear from you. I also have a Patreon page if you want to help me to continue to put out these along the way episodes. If you'd like to become a patreon supporter, simply go to patreon.com/along the way and select a level the link to become a supporter is in my show notes. And now here's my along the way conversation with Nina Roesner. Well, Nina Roesner, it is great to have you on along the way. We've been connected through the charisma Podcast Network, and you have a podcast on the network called what to say and how to say it, which I think is one of my favorite names for a podcast it is it says everything right there. Because I know so many times in my life, I just don't know what to say or how to say it. So you're covering both of those things, and especially dealing with relationships and communication, and how we can really relate to the people that God has in our lives. I'm excited to talk to you here. I've listened to some of your podcast episodes, we've been on the same charisma podcasts, network webinars, and we've been able to hear different things. But it's great to be able to hear your story of how God has brought you from wherever to where you are today, and how he's been leading and guiding you So Nina, thanks so much for being here.

Oh, thank you for having me. One of the things I love about what you do the along the way podcast is so cool, because it's like all these different people and the tapestry that Gods weaving the story through their life. It's It's really neat. So I feel really honored that, you know, you think I have a story? I mean, I know God, definitely. I don't think it's anywhere near finished, by the way. So, you know, hopefully, we'll see where we run into.

Yeah, I hope it's not finished. Because, gosh, whenever it's finished, I hope Jesus says you know, well done by good yeah, servant. You know, that's, that's when it's finished. Up until this up until that point, we're just really, fellow travelers on a journey. That's right, call myself I'm the host and fellow traveler have a longer way. And because, yes, I'm the host, but I'm learning from the people that God has brought into my life. And I'm trying to be intentional about that. Because it's not just me doing my own thing. No, God has brought people into my life that I can glean from that I can learn from that we can do life together for however long God has us on the path together. And we can really do what God has for us. And relationships is a big part of that. So yeah, I'm excited to talk about this stuff with you. Nina, could you just tell the listeners a little bit about yourself kind of like what you're doing now? And then we'll work backwards from there. Yeah,

so I've got this wild, amazing opportunity in my life, I run greater impact ministries. We're a nonprofit coaching, communication coaching and training organization. We work with lay leaders, pastors, married couples, individuals, and essentially kind of like you said about the journey, you know, we walk with people, and provide them with some school skills that they may not have and tools to do things, you know, but then also help them develop their identity in Christ. Because that's that, I think, is the purpose and a lot of ways of the journey leaves a big piece of it, you know, who am I? And yeah, so again, we're all asking that Yeah, I know. Right? So I've got about 10 people that work with me some Some are volunteers. Some are staff people. And it's just it's great. We work all over the world, a lot of online stuff, conferences and coaching, some very

cool. So what exactly would you consider a success in what you're doing?

Yeah, you know, it's not the world's definition. Right, essentially. What a great question. That is the I think the biggest evidentiary response of success would be somebody stepping into a space without fear. I can look 100 different ways, whether it's, you know, I work with people that are business owners to the, you know, are gonna give a speech or something. They're terrified of public speaking, like, who isn't right. And I spent 15 years with Dale Carnegie doing public speaking training. So for me, it's super fun for most people. The thought that it's fun makes you it's like, what is wrong with you? You know,

yeah, I know, public speaking is normally people like it's in the top 10 players. It's normally Yeah, like, number one or two. Public speaking.

Yeah, next to death and snakes and stuff. So you'd rather be in the box? Yeah. Put me in the box at the funeral instead of making me give a eulogy. That'd be my choice, right? For most people. But, but you know, having somebody step into a space and say, Yeah, I'll speak at that youth event, and then have the enthusiasm instead of fear to go do that, or a husband to be able to sit down with his wife and say, you know, I love you. And this drinking thing needs to stop. How can I help you? No, it looks different in everybody's situation. But it I think success is when we, we step into faith instead of fear,

stepping into faith instead of fear. That is a great definition for success. I like that a lot. You know, what are some ways that you have stepped into faith instead of fear?

Yeah, so doing what I'm doing now, we could

maybe we could back up a little bit. Let's let's set the table for your lifestyle. Yeah, just go for the big question there right away. It just kind of sent me up and I said, Wait a second. We don't know her story. Yeah. So let's let's work our way to that question. It's, how have you had that faith instead of fear in your life? But let's, let's build up to that. Okay. So let's go back into your story of how you met Jesus, where you grew up, you know, what are some of those key things in your life that as you're, as you're thinking about your life's journey that stand out to you and that have helped bring you to where you are today? Yeah,

so I was an atheist. And I grew up in Montana, and I was a sweet kid, bullied by others. I mean, it's like wandered around with a naive sign on my chest, on big balls, I kicked me, you know, I didn't, didn't know how to interact with other kids my age. And so I got live in tar kicked me physically beat up. Coming home from school. Yeah, it was awful. And at age 10, I decided that if God was gonna allow stuff like that, to happen to a kid, he wasn't real. Wow. So I was just done with that. Right. And

it's a pretty logical thought, though. You think? Yeah, like, that's, that makes sense. Yeah.

I've spent two years. It's weird that I remember this. But I prayed for the time I was eight until I was 10. For this stuff to stop in my life. And it didn't. So I just decided, okay, well, that's a waste of time, then I'm not loved by God. He's not real. Therefore, I've done with that. And suffered through middle school and high school somehow survived. I did have this incredible relationship with my dad, though. He was in broadcasting you and a couple of radio stations in Montana, where I was growing up. And so I spent my life working from the time that you know, I, well, I earliest memories are I'm at this in the studio, right? Yeah. And he rescued me from the people at school, because I just go out there after work or after school and hang out with him. And he weren't, he was a business owner. So he was there till like, 830 at night. And then I'd come home and go to school the next day and do it all over again. And the Lord met me. When I was in college. I started dating this guy, who, by the way, I'm married just to spoiler alert there. But he dumped me cuz he said, You're too irresponsible. And he was actually right. Because I was I was just there to have a good time. And, you know, wasn't really hitting the books. Didn't cares, just, you know? So he's like, I'm not gonna date you. But we long story short, we connected again. Well, he was a Christian. So that then became a problem for him that I wasn't right. And I was like, Yeah, fine. I'll give this Christianity thing a try. So I tried it. And trying it then meant that I was working for Dale Carnegie at the time and I remember saying, okay, God, if you're so cool if you're all bad if you're real, and I've got this history that you're not, you're gonna pop this cassette out of my tape player. This is back in the dark ages when they had those little, tiny little three by five card sized cassettes, right? Yeah. And so it had been stuck in there for like over a week. And I every time I get my car, I try to pop the thing out and it wouldn't come. And I'm dating this dude. And he's all you know, questioning things and asking me questions and challenging me and I'm fine. I'll try this. I'm like, okay, so if you're real, you can get this out of your right you part sees and, you know, move mountains, all that stuff, right? raise the dead. This should be nothing. I wouldn't ask that question, by the way today in that fashion, like, not at all. But this is 30 Some years ago, 35 years ago. So. Yeah, so push the button and it popped out like an hour before that. It didn't. There's been stuck there for a week. I almost wrecked my cars. Like, are you kidding me? And oh, wow. Yeah, it was really just kind of, uh, okay. And then I was on a sales call is working for Dale Carnegie's after I was done graduate school and moved to where Jim, my now husband lived the city and I was Iowa in. So I was I was working for Carnegie and I'm out on the sales call, I get this phone message. And it's the biggest lie ever landed with the company. It was from this dude named Christian. And I just kind of went, Okay, ah, so I thought, well, I'll do Christianity. So for about three years, I quote unquote, did Christianity you know, check the boxes. And we were at Bible study one night, and I said to the people that were there. So what's the point of all of this? You know, I'm going to church, I'm serving in the nursery. I'm, you know, reading my Bible. I don't get it. It just literally just don't get this. What is the point? And they all look at me like I have three heads. And as well as the relationship with Jesus part. And I'm like, Well, what does that even mean? Because I clearly don't have that. I don't know what that is. And they all just kind of looked at each other. And it was a really awkward moment. Nobody gave me any answers. Somebody asked if somebody wanted some more coffee, and everybody moved on. And I remember going home that night going. They don't know. And they do all of this, like, what's the point of all of this stuff? You know, I said the prayer, been doing this stuff. I don't get it. And so I told him, I told the Lord, I said, you know, so can you help me get it? Because there's people that get it? I've seen them. I run into them at church. I don't know them very well, but they seem to be experiencing something I don't have. So what is that? And can you help me get you. And that became a vertical growth curve. It was shortly after that, that I woke up in the middle of the night. And the I think it was one of the Gospels, I just was overwhelmed with the sense of what he'd done for me. And I had this really deep awareness that if I'd have been the only person on the planet, he still would have went through what he went through to be with me to save me. And I told him, I was just a train wreck, right? crying on my, we had these couches that were read fabric, I really liked them. They didn't last long enough to talk on it. But yeah, so I'm crying and and I just went, you know what? I'll do anything for you. And those verses from Elijah, where he? I think it's an Isaiah actually where he, he was talking to the Lord and the angel came down and touched his lips with a coal and they were like, Who shall we send? And I, I just had that all those verses fill up my brain. And I said, Send me I'll go, I'll do anything for you. Anything. And that was life changing. I started seeing God everywhere. I started experiencing him different and I'd quote unquote, been a Christian, right? For probably a good seven years by that point. But I hadn't had an encounter with the Holy Spirit or Jesus until then. I think.

Wow. So you were doing all the right things doing the religious thing? Yeah. But that that moment where you just described Isaiah chapter six happened to you? Yeah. I goodness. So do you started seeing things different at that point? Yeah, that's, that's amazing. Like, what was the biggest thing that that stood out to you? That was different?

Yeah. Visually, that morning, when I got up and went outside, everything looked different. It was like there were more colors in the world. This is strange to say experience things at a sharper edge to them clarity, visually, the world was just more beautiful. Very strange. Um, Yeah, and light had color to it. And I've I grew up in Montana. It's one of the most beautiful places on the planet, right? I'd love to go there someday worth the visit. Yeah, we get just the inside scoop, because now it's filled with tourists. But okay, there's a way to do it. Well, okay. Yeah, our little secret. But anyway, I'll keep

it a secret to

now your listeners are gonna want to know, they'll have to join my mailing list to get very good. There you go, given the inside scoop to visiting Montana Glacier National Park. I mean, for real? Well, we'll make that happen.

Okay, sounds good.

But the beauty of living I mean, I'm, I'm in stinking Ohio. And Ohio is beautiful. I'm like, what's that about? You know, and it just had gratitude and awareness of beauty that I didn't have before. Yes, different.

I know what you're talking about when you're talking about that, that gratitude and just the awareness of beauty. You know, I moved from Pittsburgh, and I'm down in Central Florida in Orlando now. And as we're recording this, it's literally been now just over a year that I've been here. And there's been several times where I feel like, God's done that to my eyes, again, just to kind of like, all of a sudden, everything gets more vibrant, and more beautiful. And a couple of weeks ago, I actually just was like, You know what, I want to go see a good sunset. So that's my goal. For this afternoon, I'm gonna go find a place where I can see the sunset. And it's just going to be beautiful. Because I just felt like God wanted me to prioritize his beauty. And so I went up to Lake Monroe, up in Sanford, which is just a couple of miles from my apartment. And I just watched the sunset over the lake. And it was just like, blown away by who God is, and how creative and how beautiful his creation is. And I just felt this closeness to God that, you know, sometimes you just have to take that step of faith. And even though it's like, God wants me to watch a sunset with him. Okay, yeah, I'll do that. You know, but it's like, there was something that God wanted to do that it wouldn't have happened unless I was obedient.

Yeah. And that the way it is so often. Yeah, yeah.

Totally. That's cool. Totally. So So what happened with you after that experience, after those colors became more vibrant, and you had that, that encounter with the Lord.

And so I was a parent. And I would call myself a fearful parent. Because I didn't know what I was doing. And I knew that I didn't know what I was doing. And I was afraid of messing up these little people, right. And I wasn't afraid after that. I literally went from being a perfectionistic parent, you know, very concerned about outcome and behavior, and you know, all the legalistic garbage, right. And I think a lot of those people are well, meaning I know, I was right, I was doing my best. I was totally in the wrong mindset, though. But I had so much grace for my kids, literally. Just so much more flexibility. And his Oh, cool. You made a mistake. Let's learn something what you know what happened? You know, just No, I wasn't. I mean, I wasn't super angry parent before. But I had like next and then after that. And not that I was unflappable by any stretch. And we raised two boys and a girl and those boys, man, Oh, my word. I love man. I gave birth to two of them. But holy heck, they're different than checks. They show us was very true wild animals and things and, and oh, yeah, blow stuff up and use what you know, just very interesting. A little different. But the the parenting piece changed, I was just a lot more laid back. I thought my role is more of a coach and a journey. Walker, if you will, like I was walking with a little bit ahead of the trail, you know, just make sure it was safe, but with them. And then there were there were places in the path where I just walked behind them as they walked down their own, you know, so it's just a different perspective on parenting. I think that was the biggest change immediately. Yeah.

So you were working with Dale Carnegie and that organization and helping people speak in public and and all those different things which I've heard nothing but great things about the Dale Carnegie training. How did that set you up for what you're doing now? And what was the what's the biggest takeaway that you can carry from that?

So Carnegie's amazing organization that the largest oldest human relations, human development organization in the world, brilliant people, Christian people, Carnegie was a Christian. I loved it. It was a incredible company to work for. And I did management training, leadership training, human relations, training, stress management, public speaking sales, you name it, we were doing it right Fun, wonderful place to work. And it was a very simple business model. When I started working for them, though I was I loved what I did. And I love the impact the you know, in 1214 weeks, people can show up one way at the beginning. And then three months later, there's somebody completely different. And so this method of training was amazing. And there was biblical exposure, I mean, how to stop worrying and start living his book talked a lot about Jesus. And, and all of the principles are scriptural. There, it's a beautiful course. But the neat thing about it was that, you know, that that training method, the way you interact with people is super, super healthy. And I ached I longed for people that couldn't afford, you know, the $1,000. Back in the Dark Ages, when I started things like $2,000 A head now, to sit in the seat to take this wonderful training experience. And most people can't afford that. Small business owners have a hard time scraping that up if you work for a large corporation. Absolutely. And I had tons of C suite people that I worked with, you know, that show up in my classes and stuff, right, Coach independently. Easy peasy to get them right. That's nothing too grand for training, nothing, right. But from very early on, I was burdened with wow, wouldn't it be cool if this was available to people that do God's work alone, like that's their thing. And Carnegie was trying to promote me, I was the instructor development manager here in Cincinnati over a couple of states and people that were doing the training, developing them having grown their skills, and we were supposed to promote me and move me to New York at some point. But I had little kids and I was struggling with that. I didn't want to work full time and wanted to homeschool my children. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to just do this for part time. And the Lord was like, Yeah, how about we do greater impact instead? And I'm like, what is that? And so there was this time where I mean, I'd constantly pray that God would give me drugs and drop whatever you want me to infer Carnegie in my lap, because it's so much fun and so rewarding. I just want to say yes to whatever you bring. And so I was working probably 1015 hours, 20 hours a week, part time doing the mom thing. And then they wanted to make me full time which I didn't want to trade my kids for that. So when that opportunity came, I questioned the drop in your lap thing. And then the Lord planted this seed of greater impact. And that was 2005. And I ended up trying to negotiate something with them where I could do both and no, that didn't work. So I left a job I loved and started this tiny little nonprofit to go to training. And we did a leadership course. And we did a course for wives. And then we, you know, I somehow I ended up writing some books that Thomas Nelson and HarperCollins picked up, I don't know it just happened. And so it dovetails nicely into bringing me into a space where I could do what I'm doing now and help more people, I think,

yeah, right. And actually, the first time that we met, although we didn't officially meet you were a guest virtually on the TV show that I used to produce. And actually, you were the very last guest that I had on that program, before I moved to Orlando to work with charisma, but it was called hope today, I will definitely put a link so that people can watch that episode in the in the description. And so they can just check that out. And you can see Nina with with my old TV host. That was pretty cool. But I actually, you know, you're talking about training and equipping people. And you know, I literally was training and equipping the next producer, I gave a four week notice, because I love the vision of what God had me do for those six years. And I didn't want it to drop at all. And so I gave him four weeks notice. So the first couple of weeks, they were trying to figure out a solution. And then the last two weeks, I was literally training my replacement who's been doing a great job since awesome. His name is Neil. And so Neil actually did the stuff that I would normally do with you. But we did get to interact a little bit on the program there. And so that's kind of a cool thing. So you always do have a special place in my heart. But just knowing that your book that you just mentioned, was the thing that opened up the door for you to be on that television program. And so basically, with you being obedient, God keeps opening up doors for you. Just like how me being obedient, to start a podcast opened up the door for me to have a different trajectory in my career as well. So, being obedient is a big deal. And you took that step of obedience to Okay, God's telling you to do this greater impact thing. And it's different than what you had been doing, but there's some definite similarities. But what would you describe as greater impact compared to what you were doing before?

So the big thing that we're about is connection One and its connection with God with yourself and other people. Most people when you say connection with God, they go okay, not sure what that means. But I know that's a thing that's out there. Okay, I want to learn more about that. Yeah. Or you say other people, they're like, Yeah, well, I've got all this conflict in my marriage. I can't stand my 13 year old. So yeah, I know about that. You talk about with yourself as like, what does that even mean? When people don't have this aware, there's an awareness it's lacking where we, we have a relationship with ourselves that literally determines the relationship we have with everybody else. So if let's say you asked me to do something for you, and I don't have time to do it, but I want you to, I'm a people pleaser, I have some codependency issues in my life. And I want you to like me so much that I'll tell you yes about that. I've just betrayed myself so damaged the trust that I have with myself, when I say I'm going to do a thing I know I really shouldn't be doing or couldn't do or don't want to do. And what that then does is it damages the identity that God has given me. And so it's really more effective to say, Hey, John, I love to help you with that. Here's the names of a couple of people who might be able to do that. I wish I could help you, but I can't. It's shocking to me. How many people struggle with that concept? But they do. Yeah. And so the the big difference between Carnegie which is amazing, and people get self confidence, but it's more business related. Sure. The greater impact is about is it's more about connection related connection with God, ourselves and other people in and how do we do that in a healthy way that steps into what God has for us, you know, we step into faith and not fear.

Yeah. So what was the biggest thing about overcoming fear for you to take this step of faith?

Well, yeah, I told you, we get back to this place. It just yeah, we're back to that now. Yeah, we're back to here. Back to that.

So my dad owned a couple of reuse Asians. So I got to the great privilege of seeing him struggle with a small business. And then I was an HR director for five years for a midsize and 600 employee manufacturing company. And I always said I'd never own my own business. Because it there's all this legal garbage, right? I mean, it's just horrible. Right? Now I run a nonprofit, which is the worst of all worlds, you have no, all the rules, and no money. You know, that piece of it. But the thing that made it, I didn't, I didn't have fears leaving Carnegie and stepping into this, I felt called to do it. And I think that's the number one big takeaway is that when you have faith, when you, when you have a relationship with God, when you're connected to God, you'll do whatever he wants you to do. And you don't even think about it. There's no moment of fear. It's just action. We're just doing a thing together. He's he and I are walking down this thing is like, hey, Nina, how about that over there? It'd be like, Okay, let's do it. Yeah, don't think about it. The space is where I run into fear are the ones where I forget that he's there. It's no different than Peter getting on the boat. You know, he gets out of the boat, and he takes his eyes off of Jesus, he looks at the waves. And then he's like, Yeah, that's what we do. And that's the only time that I'm afraid is when I take my eyes off of what God and I are doing what he's doing through me that I get this great privilege of being part of. And then I think about myself. And what's crazy is that ties into all of this stuff with public speaking, because you're only nervous when you're thinking about yourself. You're only nervous in a conflict when you're thinking about what you want and thinking about yourself and beings. So if we just add it sounds trite and keep your eyes on Jesus, but you know, that's really yet yeah,

yeah. So keeping your eyes on Jesus definitely helps you overcome the fear you have. What advice would you give to somebody that is looking to take a small first step in choosing faith over fear?

Yeah, the most effective thing to do is to be with him in that I ride horses aggressively. Not that I'm an aggressive person, but we do some dangerous things like wild there's just wild stuff on trails and jumping locks and sliding down hills and oh, wow, riding when the trails are really muddy. And, you know, a lot of average riders wouldn't go out and do that. It's not that I'm so cool. It's just

so like, off road horse riding. Yeah, pretty much.

You treat your horse like an ATV.

Yeah, and it's not my horse.

Please, please, Peter. Don't send any Yeah, I

know, right? Like, what are sorry, I'm gonna get letters no that the thing is as is its its courses are these incredible creatures that have all this potential within them speed and, and you know this the launching of themselves over things and you fly on a horse and it's amazing. And there's so much potential of it really experiencing something exhilarating, which can also be terrifying, right? So one of the reasons I like to ride like this is because that's a place where I have to check myself with the Lord ago, okay, I'm noticing my throat is full of my heart and it's pounding. I think I might be terrified here, am I? So I'm concerned, I'm gonna die like right now can What? Are we okay? Am I okay, here, you know, those kinds of conversations with God. And so when you're looking at, okay, well, I've got this thing I want to go do. And it might be something small, in quotes small, right? Because big things happen when you do lots of little small things, right? So the small thing might be putting it out there that, hey, I want to start a business or, Hey, I think you're pretty, you know, I really like you or, Hey, you're saying thank you to the guy that you know, or whatever, you know, stopping at the guys desk, you know that you've seen it on campus, you know, whatever is terrifying for people. You know, we get afraid when we're thinking about ourselves. And so instead of thinking about ourselves, we need to take those thoughts captive, toss them out, say, you know, Satan, go, fear go. And then Lord, what do you want from me in the spot? Now, what are we doing here? What do you want? What do we what do you want me to do? And he is, you know, he's so good does Yeah, you might get bruised up and banged up a little bit, but you know that you're still safe. Like, we just need to redefine what safe means because safe means what happy, carefree No. Safe means I'm in one piece, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, maybe physically. But I know who I am that safe and do anything when I know who I am. And that identity piece is where we find safety. But that comes from Him. If that makes any sense. That's a lot of Oh, yeah.

I think there's some good action steps in what you've said. And let me see if I can pull out some of those. Yeah, looking for opportunities to, in a safe place seat, recognize where you feel fear, and ask God to come into that, like you were talking about, you know, the horses jumping? You could you're like, Okay, so there's a legitimate thing here that's happening where this could be dangerous. But God, where are you in this? Yeah, and asking those situations. That's just the example that you gave, not everybody can go out and ride a horse. But there's things in life where you feel terrified. But rather than letting that fear take over, you invite Jesus to come in and speak to that situation, and give you his perspective on that. Is that Is that a good summation of what you've just said?

Yeah. And, John, if I could back the train up even a little bit further from that it's time to do something scary, you know, okay, we think we, I mean, we're so caught up in looking good and stupid social media makes that even worse these days, you know, the reality is, is life is lived through tons of mistakes, businesses fail, until they don't, and then they're successful. Right? The most most companies fail, a lot of marriages fail. But the way you don't fail is by staying in the game by continuing to try go following Christ. The only difference between a successful business and one that fails is did you quit, because most of them give up at two years and seven years when things are hardest. Same thing, even marriages give up when it's hardest. Now you don't give up let's learn something here. Let's do it scared, let's do it. And, you know, keep grabbing on to Jesus and just do the next thing. But you got to go do the stuff and expect this is gonna be hard. Don't waste a day, don't waste this afternoon, this evening, this morning, whatever it Don't let a single day go by that isn't something outside your comfort zone. Because otherwise we're not living. No point to that.

Amen. That is good. Do something scary. That is a good takeaway. And then that'll force you into that situation where you then have to ask Jesus into that situation, and ask for his perspective, that's good. So it's kind of you're not just waiting for that situation to happen, right? Or planning that skydiving or everybody, I think everybody talks about something like that, or at least thinks about it and sometimes thought of it is scary enough to pull people away from that. So maybe that maybe just planning something would give you that that little bit of fear that you can invite Jesus in there and see what he says about So that's really good. That's very practical. And I appreciate that because I want things to be practical, because it's great to think about things and have thought exercises. But if I can't apply it to my life, what difference does it make? You just helped bring it down to that level. And I appreciate that greatly. You know, I want to talk a little bit about your podcast now, which is what to say and how to say it on the charisma Podcast Network. And it's such a great name for a podcast, but it's more than that. I want to hear why did you start it? What are you accomplishing? And what are you seeing as a result?

Thank you for that. It's crazy. The whole purpose of the podcast is to help people do scary things like conflict, right? Most people are conflict avoidant, most people do it badly. Most people have moments of fear in the middle of conflict. And I'm like, No, this is an opportunity for an intimate connection between you and this other person, and even God, hello. But it really conflict everybody's all freaked out about and honestly, I don't enjoy it. But I look at it like it's opportunity. Cool. Let's learn something. How can I grow myself? Yeah, oh, I don't want to go do that thing. There's some fear thing there. Right? What's the resistance? You know, how do I grow as a human? And then how do I help somebody else grow? So you know, I talked to some people. We, we talked to some authors, we talked to people on our staff, got a therapist talked to, we talked about tough communication stuff. How do you navigate sticky communication? Thanks.

Yeah, that's, that's all good. And very needed. Yeah. Very, very needed. How did you decide that you wanted to capture those conversations and put them out there for the world?

Um, well, it's funny. I, I've been praying about podcasting for about three or four years. I love broadcast media. LOVE doing radio show you

grew up with it. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. And I'm jealous of that.

It is, it is worth yeah, having was great. And some of the best times I've ever been on Focus on the Family a number of times and family life, and it is love radio, but I don't get to do it every single day. Podcasting is a way to do that. But I didn't know enough about it. And I was like, I don't know what to do with this. Usually, when God's calling me into space, he'll give me some sort of something to go make a thing happen. And I didn't have the desire to go learn about it. I just was praying about it. You know, am I supposed to do this? Do you want I'm kind of busy? Are we what are we doing? And I had a couple of people in December 2020, say, Hey, have you ever thought about doing a podcast? And like, Well, yeah, well, how come you're not doing it? Because I don't know. I'm just not. And then one of the charisma people called me and said they found one of the first books I wrote, which was the respect err, and they they're like, Oh, we think you know, that might be a good fit. What do you think? And I'm like, Well, if you're gonna do the heavy lifting, and how do you do this thing? Sure. Let's do it. And so we did. Yeah, that's what pulled us in.

But the heavy lifting you mean, getting it out there, you know, which is, which is the benefit, I think, for the charisma Podcast Network. And that's helped my podcast grow substantially, where, before I started, I had about 7000 downloads in the first year of my podcast, and I had reached 40 different countries, which as a missionary for eight years, that I was missionary to 15 different countries. I was like, blown away, like, man, I've, my voice is now reaching 40 different countries. That's amazing. When I joined charisma, um, God gave me the opportunity to do that. Within a year, I had now 70,000. And now I'm over 135,000 downloads, and people all around the world have heard it 206 countries now by by just Christmas, able to help share and reach that, that Christian audience, which is awesome. And I went through a season where I was kind of just frustrated with the things that I was doing. And I was like, I don't feel like I'm making an impact, which is kind of a strange thing. But when you're in your room sometimes and you're like, I don't, I feel like I'm just recording into a microphone. I don't know if anybody's hearing this. And God showed me that or he said to me, John, you're you're a missionary to 15 different countries and your feet have been to 15 different countries, but your voice has been now to 206. And I'm like, Okay, God, I'm gonna continue to do what you've called me to do. And through this podcast, and so, yeah, but I'm so glad that you're on the you're on the network with me and we get to help encourage each other and lift each other up and kind of share audiences as best we can and learn from each other. This is this is great. What has been something that's been interesting for you to do with podcasting. Like what's what's been as a nice surprise.

I got to interview John Lynch. I don't know if you've read anything of his he calls himself a B grade author, like, cracks me up. He was a megachurch pastor. He's now A full time author. He's got a number of books, and he's with true face ministries. One of the books that he wrote with a team of people from true face is called on my worst day. And it's a devotional that's, gosh, it's such a powerful thing. There. And then he's got another one called the cure. But essentially, it's a very laid back honest relationship perspective about who the Lord is and how simple they think Jesus really is, and and how simple it is to connect with him. And, and you can tell by just all the thoughts that people have, and you and I both right, that get in the way of our relationship with Christ. But meeting with him, I thought I'd do this, you know, 20 minutes, I asked him for 20 minutes of his time, and I'd seen him speak at a conference. And he's like, Yeah, sure. We talked for like, an hour and a half, right? And it was the most I looked up as like, Oh, my word. I'm so sorry. I've taken so much of your time. He's like, No, this is great. And he really meant that. And you probably know, from doing this, you've probably met some of the most amazing people in the world. Doing what you do for a living people. Yeah, yeah. That yeah, that I think is the best part of podcasting is the bring what God has put inside someone else, to people in a way that I wouldn't be able to say, or you know, what I mean? Like the Kinect, right,

right. You know, it's interesting how you how you said that it kind of it's pretty closely aligned to my view of the of how I look at these interviews, and these conversations, you know, I, outside of podcasting, I tried to have this same view as well, where I believe that God has deposited gems inside of everybody. And it's us. It's up to us through conversation and through asking good questions, Holy Spirit lead questions, to mine out that goal is to mine out those gems, and to help display them in a way that other people can, can reap the benefits of that and see the beauty in that. And so just by asking questions, and having those conversations and allowing that moment of silence to kind of linger just a little bit longer. So which then spurs on something that we weren't originally planning on saying, I love that aspect of conversations, and being able to record it and share it with people is wonderful. And it's such an honor that God's called us to be able to do something like that. So but I do struggle with words sometimes. And I really do want to know what to say, and how to say it. What is some advice that you can give me it just a general situations of like, I want to say something, but I don't know how to say it. In an uncomfortable situation.

Yeah. So if I could add something to that first, go for it. Because Oh, for sure you do something that is, and I think everybody could learn from you in what you've demonstrated in this interview, and I'm nine listened to a few of your podcasts, you do this all the time, you have a genuine curiosity about people. And your heart is in exactly the right place. That's where we need to be with other people. Thank you. When we are genuinely curious about them, we're going to ask questions, we're going to be interested in them. And then that might hit on something within us that we can share as well. And then there's dialogue that ensues from that. So a lot of people don't know how to have conversation at all right? Like, how do you do it? You're doing like you're asking questions. And that's, that's really it. But But that comes from a heart of really being interested in the first place. Yeah, you've chosen to be curious. And that comes across as genuine. Either either you're faking it well, or you got the Holy Spirit moving in. Yeah. Which I think is the latter.

Yeah. I don't have enough energy to be fake. That's that's,

I know, right? Yeah, that's legit. But to your question, you know, what are some things I think one of the most common things that people could do differently, is not need to solve the problem, right, then we tend to be emotionally motivated. So because I feel bad in this moment, I want to feel better. I'm going to make this your problem or you're going to tell me something that will make me feel better. No, no, no, that's not how that works. RMU emotions are cues for something happening within us. And so stop, don't say anything, you're going to damage something, maybe even a person and insert a little bit of space. They're like, Hey, I love you. And I want to talk about this. There's something going on in me right now. I want to I'm gonna go explore that for about 20 minutes and I'll be back. That sounds like oh, just this one sentence, but it's a hey, I love you. I'm going to affirm our status a relationship. I want to explore this. I'm not abandoning you forever. I want to talk about this thing. So I'm not stonewalling you. I'm gonna take about 20 minutes, and I set a time for how long I'm gonna take to do this. And then I'm going to come back to it, which most people have a fear of rejection or abandonment. And so we're affirming and reassuring people that we're going to come back to this thing. And then when we come back to well, so and then that space, like, what do we do? We go, Okay, God, like, why did that thing he said, upset me so much. Like, what is that in me? And this is the thing that people don't get. And nobody likes it when I say this. But this is, I mean, Matt, communication stuff for a long time, three plus decades is not my first rodeo. Here's the truth. Nobody wants to know, when you feel emotional, when you're angry when you're upset when you've been hurt. Yeah, that person may have done a thing, but the reason you're having a reaction is within you. Ouch. That's so true. Yeah, that's so true. And so what does that mean? It means I've got a thing within me that needs to be dealt with. That is separate from the fact that you just ran over my cat. Okay, so we killed my cat, and we're gonna deal with that later. And yeah, okay, be normal to be upset about that. I'm gonna miss my cat. But the reason I'm this upset, and I'm about to erupt, volatility wise, emotionally garbage all over you. That's, that's within me. So Lord, what's that about? What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? And then working through that? And then coming back to the conversation. And this is the piece that people miss, too. It's just saying, hey, you know, we're talking a little bit ago about XYZ, is now a good time to bring that up again, because you don't know what happened. And the odds? Yeah, the odds of them being in a good place. And you being in a good place at the same time, are like less than 10% gotten out of University of Washington has the research, it's not even 25%, you think it'd be a quadrant, right? It's not it's less than that. So you got to have a good time. Because they may have just got themselves all good and spun up over a year leaving the conversation even if you did it, right. So yeah, asking permission to have the conversation, setting a good time, so that both of you show up at your best, then facilitates better outcomes.

Wow. Wow. You know, Nina, I do want to get to your along the way moment like, I'm going to ask that that question, that core question that every podcast episode has. But I don't want to go away from what we're talking about right here. Because I think this is so key. And there's a few things that I've been thinking about as I've been talking, as you said, it's okay to take a step back, basically take a step back from the situation. And you listed all these amazing steps in that phrase to be able to communicate to people that you have value I'm not ready to, I'm not ready to respond yet. And then let me process it and come back. But just taking that step to say that is a little bit fearful for people that are internal processors and introverts, you know, in a world, especially in like business and things like that, you know, we're in church really a lot to where it's dominated by extroverts, dominated by people that are quick on their feet thinking and speaking. And then somebody that is, you know, I need a process, I need to think about it. Like, we just feel overwhelmed. And we just feel like we're shut down and we don't have a voice and some of those things, but I love how you just address this. And you said, it's okay to basically say, give me can you give me a few minutes to figure this out. But you took it a step further and say, when you come back ask is, this is a good time, just because you're ready doesn't mean that they're ready, get on the same page that is so valuable. If you've been listening to this episode, that might be your big takeaway. Okay. You know, that's, that is one of the many, many gems that Nina has has offered to the to our listeners here. Oh, my goodness, that is so so good. And there's a back when I was in Youth With A Mission, somebody taught us this acronym of halt, h a l t. If you're hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Don't make any major life decisions, right. And also, if you're hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, it's probably a good time to back away because you're probably going to say something you're going to regret. And then you're going to do the opposite of what to say and how to say it. Very true. So my goodness, that's so good Nene. It is so good. And I am going to have to listen to that portion, probably a couple different times just to get all the good things that you've just shared. I really hope that everybody grabs a hold of that. That's it that's gonna help a lot of interpersonal relationship issues for everybody if you if you really do apply that. So thank you for being Get that out. Oh, goodness, you're

welcome. That's, that's awesome. Yeah, as an extrovert I know personally, but I don't like it when people do that to me because I want to I'm like, oh, it's all this. No, I'm alright. But if we don't do that, if we don't give that space, then it doesn't solve, it doesn't accomplish what we want to accomplish, we have to meet people where they're at just like Jesus did. And that's a part of that. And everybody's got their different abilities in those moments and capabilities. And we have to love and respect each other well enough to be able to do that with folks. I've got, I do couples coaching, which is, oh, my goodness, its own special nightmare. Sometimes, I do it differently than everybody that I know that does it, like I work with them individually, I don't let them be together until certain things have shown up Sure. Right. Because I'm not gonna let them damage the relationship further. And this is one of those things is can you put a stop and a conversation, so that you can actually do something productive with it later, right? If they can't, then you know, then we'll work through that differently. But that's, that's fruit of the Spirit, that's self control, as the loving to be able to do that for somebody else. But when you see people that want to connect, and they just can't, it's got to have that healthy relationship with yourself to know that you're upset. And and know that you need a boundary for yourself, to respect yourself and the other person and the relationship and be a good ambassador for the Lord. By not behaving badly, like you're for in this space. You know, right. So we all need to, myself included, need to grow up and they're not always perfect. They

all need to grow up. Yeah, we definitely all need to grow up. And that is a good lead into as to me asking the my along the way question. You know, Nina, so far, in this conversation, you've talked about how you grew up, you were picked on because of that you became an atheist, then by just finally saying, I'm gonna give this another try, you came to the Lord. And you had that experience where it was like as a a six type of a thing where you said, Here I am, God send me saw colors in ways you you had a really experience with the Lord and Gods led you to, to work with an amazing organization to help people with their communication. And now you're, you know, counseling and doing everything with with greater impact, and you got this podcast, you know, as you look back at your life, and there's so much more, you know, you're a wife and a mother to that. Don't want to forget that. But as you look back at your life, where do you now see Jesus walking with you, that you didn't see in a moment, but now you can see it, and you know what? He was right there. And I just wasn't aware, like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, how they were walking with Jesus for that, seven miles or whatever it was, and they had absolutely no clue that it was him. You know, I, pretty much every day during during my lunch break, I like to take, I like to take a walk. And I normally go for about two, two and a half, three miles sometimes. But my pace is normally around 18 minutes on paved roads. You know, these guys are in sandals, on maybe unpaved roads, whatever it is. So let's say it's definitely a couple of hours that they're walking with Jesus and have an are totally oblivious. Until they sit down at the table. Jesus blesses the food, breaks the bread, their eyes are opened, and then poof, he's gone. And I love that in Luke 2432, they turn to each other and say, weren't our hearts burning within us along the way as he was revealing the Scriptures to us? Basically, we should have realized this was Jesus. He was right there. We just didn't see it. Our hearts were burning. Nina, where do you look back and used to your heart burning along the way that you didn't realize in the home,

man. So I've got this friend. I serve with her. She's on our Leadership Committee. She just drips Jesus. Her name is Bonnie. And I don't think she'd mind I ratting her out here. But it doesn't matter what I'm dealing with. She's seen me at my absolute best and my absolute worst and loved me regardless in the middle of it. I have not seen her ever get angry at me. I've seen her righteously angry for me. With me. I could come to her. Well, I have, you know, well actually wait. So I was gonna say I could come to her at two in the morning and say, Hey, we helped me hide the body. And then and then I started to say well, I have done that. I have come to her at late late at night, but I haven't had anybody. Yeah, there's nothing like that. But she's one of these these friends. Yeah. Gotta clarify that. She's one of these friends that you know No. matter how you are, no matter how are you showing up, she is full on for you. And so I mean, I've had a few moments, you know, being in leadership and stressed and not my best and she'd listened to the ravings of what I would later describe as a lunatic. And LOVE ME RIGHT THERE through it and then she'll, she'll just be with me and then ask me a question. And like, that validates, so you're feeling you know, this is whatever it is, right? And it'd be like, yeah, that's it. And then suddenly, I become rational. Because she listened. And she's with me in that and right, the relationship just drips mutual respect, and admiration and love, you know, and she doesn't, she has, she's wise, she's older than I am. Like an older sister that just, I mean, she's, she's Jesus with skin on in my life, in a lot of ways. I have a lot of people like this, by the way that I work with. She's the one that seen me at my ugliest though most consistently, which thankfully hasn't been a ton. But enough to go, wow, that's as valuable, you know, and I don't take advantage of that either. To be easy to you know, crawl into your hole in your weakness and stay in a space or whatever. But she has this way of, of meeting me and then helping me get up and walk out of the mess encouraged. So along the way, where's Jesus? Well, for last 10 years, and ministry leaders leadership has been her. She's with me. Yeah.

Cindy, she's so she is a representation of Jesus with you, Jesus with skin on there. Yeah, that's great. She loves Well, that's good. We all need friends in our lives that love well, that can speak to us that can affirm what's going on. It can speak the truth, whether it's the truth, we want to hear the truth that we don't want to hear. Yeah, but the truth that we need to hear most importantly, my follow up question to that Nina is, you know, with your life experience in what you know, now, if you could go back in time and visit a younger version of yourself somewhere on your timeline? What advice would you give yourself and what's going on in your life at that time that you would want to receive that advice?

So it was I think I would have told myself to go to a different church. We got into a church that was in and I'm not dissing the people that were there. I'm sure they have hearts for him. I know I was in the same place right hearts for him. But it was so behavior based, right? Y'all look a certain way, be a certain way, do things and I would have gone back and like John Lynch says, He loves you on your stay in the middle of your worst moment, no matter what you're thinking, or what you're doing, saying he loves you right then in the middle of that. And I think I would have told myself, you don't have to pretend to be all these things. He already loves you. Stop trying to prove yourself to God, he knows you better than you know, you. Just receive and and it's been the reception of His love. Not in a I'm all that kind of way. It's the intimate moments like you probably have on your walks with him. Right? You know, the reception that has given me the confidence to be able to withstand all sorts of crazy stuff that happens. And be okay with whatever's going on. No matter what's going on. I'm okay. Because I know the identity piece is solid, because of the reception of His love. Yeah. Yeah. So I told my staff to stop trying so hard. Just be with him received, you

would have listened to yourself? Probably not. No.

That's a sad part. You know, I was I didn't know what it was me like, maybe. But

yeah, it's one of those things where I love asking that question, because it's very introspective and retrospective where we're looking back at ourselves. And, and I wish I would have been able to, to know that at this point. But at the same time, if I would have known that now, would I be who I am today? Probably not. Yeah, probably not. Yeah. So I mean, what we've gone through and the different things we've overcome, that's really part of what of what makes us who we are today. And, you know, just knowing that Jesus was walking with us through those hard times, like he's never going to leave us or forsake us is, is just an incredible encouragement, even at our worst days, just to know that he really, really is there. Thank you for sharing for sharing that Nina. Before we wrap up here. I want to give you an opportunity to just pray for the listeners. so that maybe they've been impacted by something that you've said, maybe they need help talking to other people, whatever it is, I just, I just trust the Holy Spirit to lead you, as you're praying and praying a blessing for the listeners here.

Thank you, Tom for the opportunity. Heavenly Father, thank you so much for loving us. We love you. And I can't even wrap my brain around that whole love thing because you are love. And you're in us. And so like, does that mean that you're loving you right through us, like, I don't even know what that means. But it is this incredible connecting experience of you, in us with you, just to notice the love. Thank you, Father. Lord, I pray for every one of John's listeners that they would receive, you know, that they would accept you, they would believe you, you say so many wonderful things about who we are, and how important we are to you. And we're so afraid of embracing that because we're afraid of being selfish. And then you know, that's no joke. I mean, we're good at that, too. But we can't really get your love for other people until we understand your love for us. And I don't pretend to fully understand that God, but I know I get it more than I did three decades ago, two decades. Last year, two seconds ago, even I mean, there's always so much more of you. Thank you for that. Father, I also pray against regret for our audience's lives, their families, their relationships, their you know, the any regret that they might have, oh, I wish I would have known that then God you are so powerful. You if you wanted me to know a thing, if you want anybody to know a thing is going to be right there in front of them, you will pull those blinders off. And you will reveal yourself. And I'm 100% sure that if you are wanted us to know what we think we should have known back then, then you would have made that happen. Lord, I'm also sure everybody's doing their best. No, I did. I am. No, I still don't get it right. And I know you'll love me regardless. So Lord, I pray that your listeners would be open that their eyes would be open to seeing you. They're receiving you and your wild, great, passionate love for them, just as they are and that were drawn to you, and drawn to be more like you and your son and to be filled with your Holy Spirit to know the next great thing, the step into obedience, to step into faith instead of fear, because of your love that that is what motivates us. And so I pray God that John's listeners and they buy outs that hears this podcast would be touched by that, that the God of the universe wants a personal, intimate relationship with you, that He created you that He loves you, just as you are, no matter what that looks like, in that moment, just like a mom or a dad loves a crying baby, when their arms or legs are flailing about kicking and they're crying because they're hungry. There is no absence of love in that moment. Or loved period. So God, I pray that you could use anything here today to help people grow in their desire to be more like your son. He and you and your Holy Spirit always know what to say, how to say it. And that is really our goal is just to connect people to you because you are the answer in every moment. It's not because we've got the perfect catch phrases and the other stuff that works somewhat most of the time. But really, it's your Spirit moving in people. And when we listen to that, and when we act on that, you don't have to worry about the outcomes because we know that you're in charge and you're going to use whatever comes from it. So we praise you, Lord, we worship you. worship you in spirit, your worship you in truth. We worship you in the name and identity of your Son Jesus. Thank You, God. Amen. And amen.

Amen. Amen. What a blessing. Thank you Nina so much. This has been a true blessing for me to be able to have this conversation with you. I just want to encourage everybody to check out her podcast what to say and how to say it. You can get that wherever you're listening to podcasts and definitely at CPN shows.com. You can find it there. Her website is greater impact.org. And Nina, is there anything that I'm missing that you want to be able to share with the listeners before we before we wrap up?

I just want to encourage you personally, you do a really good job modeling. What we should be doing out there with others is getting to know the testimony the story that people have, because it's his story, you know, then in your you're just a beautiful representation of the curiosity we should have for what He's doing in other people's lives. And I feel really blessed to have been on the receiving end of that today. So thank you so much, and keep being awesome. Just keep doing what you're doing.

That's cool.

Thank you, Nina. Thank you. And thank you for allowing me to join you along your way. Thank you for listening to along the way. If you've enjoyed joining me along my way, please share this with a friend who you think will be encouraged by this podcast. Also, please rate and review along the way on iTunes that helps more people discover along the way. And subscribe to this podcast wherever you're listening. You can follow me on Facebook, Instagram and through my website along the way dot media. I hope that you've enjoyed this part of my journey. And may you realize when Jesus is walking with you along your way. Along the way is honored to be part of the charisma Podcast Network. You can find tons of spirit filled content from the vast catalogue of podcasts, including the Monday through Friday news stories for the charisma news podcast. Go to CPN shows.com To see the full list and latest episodes