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May 28, 2024
(214) “Overcoming Rejection” with Olivia Buie
The Busses are joined by special guest, Olivia Buie, who has a beautiful testimony of overcoming rejection, trauma, addiction, and witchcraft by encountering the love of the Father.
Growing up in an environment rife with abuse and a lack of love, Olivia grappled with feelings of inferiority and engaged in self-destructive behaviors. She shares her experiences within Mormonism, torn between its works-based beliefs and the unconditional love she longed for. Olivia reveals a turning point in her life when she embraced a personal relationship with Jesus, discovering His all-encompassing love and acceptance in a transformative encounter at the Brownsville Revival, where she felt unconditionally loved by the Father for the first time.
And there’s much more to her story! Olivia’s testimony will encourage you to run to the Father’s wide-spread arms and find healing and deliverance there in His love.
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Transcript
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You know, I had a girlfriend that would sit with my children and let me go through deliverance
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and let me go through inner healing, and I felt like God was tearing me apart.
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It hurt so bad to deal with some of the things that I was dealing with.
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And over a period of about five years, I allowed God to just tear me apart and put me back
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together.
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And He healed me and He healed me and He healed me some more.
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God promises in Joel 2.28 to pour out His Spirit on all humanity.
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Welcome to Global Outpouring, where we contend for that promised outpouring, we equip for
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that outpouring, so that we may engage in that very outpouring.
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I'm Philip Buss.
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And I'm Sharon Buss.
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Welcome to the podcast today.
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We are so glad that you are with us today.
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And we have also with us a very special guest, Olivia Bui.
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And she's going to share with us some of her testimony about overcoming rejection.
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Thanks for joining us today.
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We want to encourage you, if you haven't already done so, to go to our website, globaloutpouring.net,
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and make sure that you have joined our email list so that we can stay in touch with you
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just in case something happens to the internet or something happens to our platforms.
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We want to be able to keep in touch with you.
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And we do love to hear from you.
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If you've got any feedback for us, there's a feedback form on globaloutpouring.net.
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And there's also our email address, feedback at globaloutpouring.org.
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And we'd love to hear from you.
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And you can find all kinds of wonderful things on our website.
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Our bookstore is just awesome.
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And we have blogs and devotionals, all kinds of things that will help you to grow in God
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and help to prepare you to participate in the things that God is doing in these days
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as His glory is increasing in the earth.
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So Olivia Bui, we are so happy to have you with us today.
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I'm just tickled to be here.
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Thank you for having me.
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Yes, we've been enjoying having you as a house guest in our house and the event that we've
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just finished, an intercessory event.
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And you've just been a blessing to us.
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And we've enjoyed visiting with you and hearing your testimony.
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So one of the things that you mentioned as you were talking with us the other day was
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about overcoming rejection and the things that God has worked in you.
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So let's go back and tell a little bit of your story.
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But before we do that, I wanted to say this.
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I want to make a comment that I think is universal.
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And you can tell me if you agree with that or not.
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But I think it's universal that the enemy of our souls hates us.
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Okay, that's universal.
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And he has been busy since the Garden of Eden, trying to get people to disobey God in order
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that their sin will put a wall up between them and God and cause him to reject them.
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Yes, I agree with that.
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And so he's busy from conception, trying to do things that would cause a child, an innocent,
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innocent child that's just been being formed to have rejection come on from the womb or
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maybe as a baby, something happens, some kind of trauma, some kind of things that are going
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on around like the parents arguing or abuse or neglect or something that would cause somebody
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saying something that would cause there to be a switching off of our connection to God.
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What's your thoughts on that?
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Well, you know, my wounding didn't come from the womb.
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It came from my father and my mother separating.
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Okay.
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And I had been like the apple of their eye.
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I was the center of their attention.
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They built me a big, huge playhouse and just doted over me.
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My dad thought that I was just the best thing since white bread, you know.
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A princess.
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He just loved me.
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And I felt very adored when I was young, when I was a baby.
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And the enemy, I mean, it just seemed like one day I was asleep in my bed one night.
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The enemy visited me.
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Okay, tell that story.
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And so I was laying in my bed and I looked in the hallway and there were clothes in the
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hallway.
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Dirty clothes.
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Dirty clothes.
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We threw our, while we were washing them and things like that.
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The red cloth and the clothes just stood up and became like a child demon.
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And it had horns.
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It had the goatee.
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It had the mustache.
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It looked like your cartoon devil.
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With a tail.
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With a tail and a pitchfork.
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And it had the treasure cat smile.
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And I was laying there and my mother only taught me one prayer when I was five years
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old.
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And that was now I lay me down to sleep.
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I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
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And I just kept putting the blanket over my head, praying that prayer.
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And that demon came to me and was smiling and I didn't see his mouth move.
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And he said, you're mine.
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Oh, wow.
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And he went to touch me and I covered my head again.
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So now let me, he was there every single time.
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It was real.
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I thought it was a dream.
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And he looked at me and smiled and he went back to the clothes and dropped.
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And at that moment I was afraid.
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And so I jumped to the light.
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I stood on my bed and I jumped to the light because I thought he was under my bed by then
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if he dropped in the clothes, he had to have gotten under my bed.
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And I jumped to the light, ran to my mommy and I crawled up in the bed with my mom.
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And that was the beginning of me feeling like there was something wrong with me.
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Like there was something wrong with me.
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And two weeks after that, it had to be not long after that.
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I was little, so I'm going to say two weeks.
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My dad's putting his boots on and saying that my mom no longer wants him there and he's
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leaving.
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And so I go and thrush myself on the bed and say, Lord, make me a good little girl.
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I took responsibility for what was happening in my family.
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Yes.
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That's what the devil wants us to do.
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Yes.
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The memory of what happened in my room that night triggered that.
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And so from that day forward, I started taking responsibility for everything that happened
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in the family.
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And so I was a target from then on.
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It made me into a target.
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And so it seemed like a curse had been there where people did start blaming me and abuse
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came in and my mom's first boyfriend hit me.
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Oh, boy.
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So it started very young and the enemy just was trying to destroy me, just my confidence
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and the love that I even had for myself at that time.
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Because you love yourself when someone gloats on you and loves you and sees the best in
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you.
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And then when all that's taken away, it hinders you.
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It keeps you from doing anything that you feel like you're capable of doing.
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And then your mother remarried.
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Yes.
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And married a Mormon.
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Yes.
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She married a Mormon and she came to me when I was nine.
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She had raised us for four years by herself and asked me, was I okay with her marrying
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again and how this man, he was family's forever.
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She was very drawn to that.
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She thought it was wonderful.
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It touched her heart to be family's forever.
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And so we married into Mormonism.
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Okay.
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And then stuff came with that.
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Absolutely.
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Doesn't just stuff come with everything?
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Every sin, it seems like more stuff piles on and we can sin and ignorance and it's still
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going to pile on regardless if we know better or not.
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It just is what it is.
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That's the law.
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Deception.
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Yes, deception.
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Deception brings, I was meditating on this earlier and we mentioned it in an earlier
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podcast that all of these things start with doubt.
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Like in the garden, Eve started doubting what God said because what the snake said.
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Yes.
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And she began to doubt and that gave way to disobedience, rebellion, and that gave way
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to fear.
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That was where fear first appeared was because they had first doubted.
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Yes.
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So the doubts of what you've been taught, the doubts of what you understood to be the
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truth generally then moves into disobedience to the truth.
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And then once you've done the wrong things, then now you're into fear.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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And it does.
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That's the first thing.
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You first lose your confidence.
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And the next thing is now you wonder if you have purpose and you doubt yourself.
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And then now you feel unloved and then you feel inferior to people because where's your
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support system?
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Your support system gets taken.
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That's what the enemy wants.
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That's why the devil's always working in the church.
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Support systems.
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He doesn't want that to happen.
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Breaking down families, breaking down churches.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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So you were Mormon for a few years and then what happened?
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So I was Mormon until I was about 18 when I had betrothed myself to a Mormon missionary
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named Scott.
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I met him when I was 14.
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I was at a dance and he said he heard wedding bells.
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Oh my.
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And he felt like I was his wife when he came back.
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And I believed it.
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And I gave him my little pinky ring and said that when he came back off his mission trip,
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I would marry him.
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How old were you at this time?
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I was 14.
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So 14.
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That's why I asked it again.
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Yeah.
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So you would have been 18, right?
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Yeah.
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He was 18.
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Yeah.
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And I was 14.
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And I know that's probably statutory.
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I don't know, but maybe it was illegal.
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But nothing happened or transpired between us.
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He just believed that I was his wife when he came back on his mission trip.
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And then what happened?
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We stayed in contact over the years.
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He wrote me letters.
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I've got plenty of pictures.
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I still have those pictures, in fact, of him on his bicycle and where he was stationed out
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in the States is where he was at.
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And we talked back and forth for the four years.
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And I think it was around that time when I was having a identity crisis.
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Okay.
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Then what happened?
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You know, 14, 15 is when children typically go through some sort of identity crisis.
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And parents are very unaware of this.
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They really are.
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I believe that parents should be more aware that children do go through identity crisis
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at that time.
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We forget that we went through it.
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Yes.
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I mean, how do you forget that?
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Right.
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So I was going through that and I was mad at God because I had no peace in the Mormon
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belief system because I had my stepdad was abusive.
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There was a lot that transpired.
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I don't want to go in deep with that, but it broke me down even more.
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I took a lot of blame.
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I took a lot of feeling inferior.
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He was military and Mormon.
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And so those two working together wasn't great.
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And I always felt like I had to do all these works to feel better about myself and to get
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into it.
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I mean, I became blemish during that time.
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I never felt skinny enough.
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I was anorexic.
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I was starving myself for weeks and then eating and gorging.
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I mean, I was doing things like this.
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So we knew unhealthiness was around me because I saw myself in unhealthy ways.
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And so I was very hard on myself, always thinking everything was my fault and I wasn't good
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enough and I became a loner.
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I didn't hang out with people.
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I kind of kept myself separated and I didn't hang around with people.
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I really stayed away from people.
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And because of the inferiority and the self-love just was not really there for me.
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And so as I grew up and I told the Lord one day, I said, I don't like you.
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I said, I just don't like you.
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I said, I feel like I'm working myself to get your approval.
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And I still don't feel like I have your approval.
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I don't want to serve you because of this because I don't feel accepted by God that
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supposedly created me.
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And I'm like, my cousin comes to church with black eyes all the time.
243
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:22,400
She's being mistreated and I'm being mistreated.
244
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,960
And I was babysitting my little sisters all the time.
245
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:25,960
I mean, I was working.
246
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:31,480
It was like I was the maid, kept the house clean and we couldn't sleep in on Saturdays.
247
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:36,400
We had to get up at six, get to work, get things done.
248
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:41,880
And that's fine to a degree, but no free time, no cartoons.
249
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:42,880
Be a child.
250
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:46,680
You got to be a kid when you're a kid too, because you can only handle so much at that
251
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:47,960
age.
252
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:53,480
And I had so many thoughts of suicide and not wanting to live.
253
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:58,960
And I slept with pills under my pillows, guns under my pillows, never told nobody, always
254
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,440
felt unloved.
255
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:04,320
I was a happy child too, by the way.
256
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,320
That was the cover.
257
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,320
Happy happy.
258
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,880
Everything was just a joke.
259
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:14,720
And so I covered at the time with the happiness.
260
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,760
And some of the happiest people you'll meet are the saddest.
261
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:18,760
Wow.
262
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:19,840
It's a put on.
263
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,040
It's a put on.
264
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:27,080
It's the only way you get any kind of release when you're going through so much pain.
265
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:34,400
And so I went through this whole thing where I was asking God to reveal Himself.
266
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:39,200
I needed to know who God really was.
267
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,960
I said, reveal yourself to me.
268
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,380
I want to know.
269
00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:48,640
Because if this is the way that you are, I don't want to serve you.
270
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:54,200
But if there's another side of you that I don't know about, I want to know them.
271
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,800
I want to know who you are.
272
00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:02,560
And so God brought this little girl in my life and she took me to church one day.
273
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,440
Took me to church church.
274
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:05,440
Church church.
275
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,440
Not market church.
276
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,000
Yeah, it was a Pentecostal church, I think.
277
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:15,720
And they did a call for repentance and a call for giving your life to Jesus.
278
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,100
And it touched my heart.
279
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:22,960
And I went forward and I said, I thought I was saved.
280
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,560
Because I believed in Jesus too, right?
281
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:26,560
Sure.
282
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,280
Jesus was not their Jesus.
283
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:34,000
There's many Jesuses in this world, but there's only one true Jesus.
284
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:39,160
I mean, there's Jesus, believe me, you can find Jesus, but it ain't the right Jesus many
285
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,080
times.
286
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:45,960
And so the lady looked at me, she says, you're not saved, honey.
287
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,200
And she was honest with me.
288
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,360
She gave me the rundown.
289
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:55,560
And at that moment, it was the start of my eyes opening.
290
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,020
I became friends with this young lady.
291
00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:00,180
She became a big influence to me.
292
00:16:00,180 --> 00:16:05,560
So all those years, it was just like, I felt like I found something.
293
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,120
I kept it in my heart.
294
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,560
I still went to Mormonism.
295
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,880
I still went to the camps.
296
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:14,520
I still did the studies, LDS studies.
297
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,280
And still had these thoughts in my head.
298
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,440
Well, what did I do that day?
299
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,320
I gave my life to Jesus.
300
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,720
The real Jesus.
301
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:28,280
And then come around 17, 18, my mom divorced this man.
302
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:34,120
So now we're gone from him, but I always have fear in my heart that he's after me.
303
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:39,680
Like having terrible dreams of a man chasing me and wanting to kill me and just all these
304
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,800
dreams I was having and very fearful.
305
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:49,200
And one day I took the LDS Bible and I took the Bible and I compared the two.
306
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,800
Latter-day Saint Bible is connected to the Book of Mormon.
307
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:58,880
So this whole thing, my stepdad bought me one with my initials on it and everything.
308
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:03,740
And I had the full set of Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, everything that came
309
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:09,120
with the Book of Mormon that was attached to that Bible.
310
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:15,680
Well I took the King James Bible and I took that Bible and I compared the two.
311
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:25,440
And when I saw a loving, accepting, beautiful father in the King James Version, and then
312
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:33,440
I saw a God of Works in the other Bible, I just really had an epiphany.
313
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:41,520
And I decided that I wanted to follow the Jesus that was full of love for me and gave
314
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:47,000
me this feeling of life, like you felt it.
315
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,360
You felt the life that came from that.
316
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:56,320
And the other one felt heavy and felt dry.
317
00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:00,200
And it felt like it was full of emotion.
318
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:04,160
There's a difference between emotion and spirit.
319
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:09,040
And you do feel emotion in the spirit, but it is different.
320
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,920
So when I felt that, I became confused.
321
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:16,700
I wrote a letter to the guy that I had promised that I would marry all those years.
322
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:22,480
And I told him that I was now a Christian and that I was no longer a Mormon.
323
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:27,000
And he wrote me back and said that we are unequally yoked and he could not marry me
324
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,760
now.
325
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,320
And it broke my heart.
326
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:36,380
I grew up believing that he was my husband for a minute.
327
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:39,840
So I had to get through the emotions of that.
328
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:43,720
And honestly, it actually did the opposite of what you thought it would happen.
329
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:49,760
I actually ran back into the world, started partying, doing drugs even more.
330
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,160
Lost it.
331
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,680
I lost my mind.
332
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,560
Were you already doing drugs as a Mormon?
333
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,560
Oh yeah.
334
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:56,560
Yeah.
335
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,800
I started when I was like 13.
336
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,680
I lost my virginity when I was 13.
337
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,060
I didn't want to live.
338
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:10,200
I was on a self-sabotage, did not want to exist tantrum.
339
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:15,000
And so I was doing things that were dangerous and not good for me.
340
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,320
And I had a loving mother.
341
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,320
I really did.
342
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,000
I had the best mommy in the world.
343
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:24,080
I mean, she really loved me and she always spoke good things over me.
344
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:29,880
She always told me, Olivia, when the world is coming down on you, put your makeup on,
345
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:35,400
brush your hair and throw your head back and walk out like you're the boss.
346
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,800
She's always told me, don't let the world affect you like that.
347
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,000
Wow.
348
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,560
So I've always learned from that.
349
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,160
So at least you have a good front.
350
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,160
Yeah.
351
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,160
Great front.
352
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,360
So much bad underneath though.
353
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,360
Just so much.
354
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,360
Yeah.
355
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,360
It doesn't really deal with the problem.
356
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,360
It didn't.
357
00:19:54,360 --> 00:20:00,320
It helps you maintain a persona that you can survive with in the world.
358
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,320
Yes.
359
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,000
But that's not where we're trying to survive.
360
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,000
No.
361
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:09,080
And I'm so thankful that even though I call it backsliding, because I mean, if you're
362
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,600
not going forward, you're going backwards.
363
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:12,600
Very true.
364
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,120
And so, I mean, is that not true?
365
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,340
It's very true.
366
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:21,480
So I felt like I was backsliding, going back into my old ways, but just without Mormonism.
367
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,480
I'm running from God now.
368
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:24,480
I'm running from God.
369
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,880
I'll go into witchcraft.
370
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,880
I start reading people's palms.
371
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:29,880
Oh my.
372
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:35,880
That's just the prophetic gift that God gave you starting to operate on the dark side.
373
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:36,880
Exactly.
374
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:37,880
Exactly.
375
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,440
And all that was happening.
376
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:44,520
And I had a good friend that, you know, we were following the Grateful Dead for a minute
377
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:45,520
and all this stuff.
378
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:50,880
And I just really just went a total left field is what I did.
379
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,200
And I was on crack.
380
00:20:53,200 --> 00:21:00,800
And I was gone for a year and the Lord woke me up and he said, go home.
381
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:05,280
And I told the guy next to me, I said, I have to go home now.
382
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,120
And I said, when you come out of there, I have to go home.
383
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,280
You're not going to see me anymore.
384
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:16,200
And I went home and I toughed it out and I got dried out and it took me about two weeks
385
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:22,000
to dry out, went all the way out in the country and just sat in the tent for two weeks.
386
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:27,080
And then after that, I realized that I put myself in some dangerous situations, you know,
387
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,600
I mean, no telling them what they got.
388
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:29,600
He came from prison.
389
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,360
So, I mean, I was hanging out with some pretty tough folk.
390
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:33,360
Oh yeah.
391
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,360
Yeah.
392
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:38,520
So it was a lot of school of hard knocks for me.
393
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:45,280
It was, but God was so gracious and so forgiving.
394
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:53,920
But working that works out of me because in Mormonism, you are programmed for works.
395
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,600
You're programmed to go to the temple and do works.
396
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,040
You're programmed that that's what your existence is.
397
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,880
And if you sin, you can be excommunicated.
398
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:07,280
It's the people that do well are the ones that get to go to the temple.
399
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:11,520
And I lied a lot when I went into confession.
400
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,840
I called it going to the branch president.
401
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:18,960
The branch president pretty much raked you over the coals, asked how your life was going.
402
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,340
And I always lied.
403
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,560
So I did end up going to the temple.
404
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:23,560
Oh my goodness.
405
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:24,560
Yes.
406
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,480
And I got baptized for like 300 dead people.
407
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,480
Oh my goodness.
408
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:29,480
Yeah.
409
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,480
Come on.
410
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,480
Yeah.
411
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,240
The bulls and it's this big baptismal.
412
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,240
Yeah.
413
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:40,040
And you get in it and they read all these names off and they dunk you down one time
414
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,040
for all those people.
415
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,040
They dunk you 300 times?
416
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,320
No, no, no.
417
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,800
One time they read the 300 names and then they dunk you once.
418
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,080
And so you're taking them on in one dunking.
419
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,200
In one dunk you get all 300.
420
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,200
Yes.
421
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:58,440
And they claim that Abraham Lincoln, you know, accepted it after death and all this because
422
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:04,600
they thought that that's an open door for them to receive the truth by getting baptized.
423
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:09,840
Oh my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my.
424
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,400
That was a rewind back when I was 14 or so.
425
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,400
Yeah.
426
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,400
Wow.
427
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:16,400
But you got there by, by deception.
428
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,400
Oops.
429
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:18,400
Absolutely.
430
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,400
Absolutely.
431
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,200
I was scared to tell the truth.
432
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,280
You feel beat.
433
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,960
You feel like you were, you're worth nothing.
434
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,680
They can easily just tell you to go.
435
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:31,680
Yeah.
436
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,120
So they kind of loaded over you that, you know.
437
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:35,120
Yeah.
438
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:36,120
It felt that way.
439
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,120
And it was my uncle.
440
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,760
I mean, my uncle was the branch president, you know, I mean.
441
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:40,760
Oh my.
442
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,480
My step uncle, but I'm like, he was my, you know, family at the time.
443
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:45,640
Your step dad's brother, right?
444
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,640
In law.
445
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:47,640
A brother in law.
446
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:48,640
Okay.
447
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,640
Okay.
448
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,280
So then you've had this epiphany.
449
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:55,080
If you've had this visitation from the Lord, get out of here.
450
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,080
Stop this.
451
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,080
Then what happened?
452
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:01,120
I had to take inventory.
453
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:06,960
It's called taking inventory and responsibility for who you are and what you are.
454
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:07,960
Yeah.
455
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,360
And the things that you are responsible for.
456
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:14,360
Cause you've been busy taking responsibility for things that weren't your responsibility.
457
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:15,360
Yes.
458
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:16,360
Yes.
459
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,360
Because I was blamed.
460
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:22,720
My mother's daughters were taken from her and I was blamed for it.
461
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:28,440
So I carried terrible burdens when I was young and it wasn't my fault.
462
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:34,760
He just used it as a way to take the children from her and saying that I didn't see anybody
463
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:35,760
there.
464
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,720
I went to the loop to see if there was a grownup there before I dropped my little sisters off.
465
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,080
I was the one that dropped them off that day.
466
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,640
Oh my goodness.
467
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:44,640
And it was a lie.
468
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:49,600
I mean, it was a whole lie just to keep the girls away from my mom.
469
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,160
And my mom suffered for years.
470
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,080
She didn't get to raise her girls.
471
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,080
Oh my.
472
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,080
And that was from him.
473
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,880
You know, we're a different litter, me and my two brothers.
474
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,920
So I mean, I carried horrible burdens as a child, just broken, you know?
475
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:09,640
All because the devil was trying to keep you from doing what you're doing now.
476
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:10,640
Amen.
477
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,600
It took me 25 years, but here I am.
478
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:19,520
So we're going to go back in a minute and tell how you got over all of this, but just
479
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:23,800
give us a small portion of what the Lord is doing in your life now.
480
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,920
So now I have started a ministry called Breath of God Ministries.
481
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,800
It's just been birthed.
482
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:35,120
I have been to two nations, three to four times each.
483
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,440
That's the Philippines and Uganda.
484
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:40,480
Yes, Uganda and the Philippines, Maxase Islands.
485
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:46,960
And God is using me to set the captives free, lift up the down laden, preach the gospel,
486
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,360
and bring life to people.
487
00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:53,080
And my forte is deliverance.
488
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:58,800
Much of it is deliverance, inner healing, counseling, and God is using it.
489
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,400
And it is because of my life.
490
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,520
This is my life's work, who I am.
491
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:05,520
Right.
492
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:11,000
So the woundings that you took through your life have set you up for the ministry that
493
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,000
you have now.
494
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,640
Your mess has become your message.
495
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:14,640
Amen.
496
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:15,640
Amen.
497
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:16,640
Okay.
498
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:22,240
So how did you get out of that mess into this place of being delivered from rejection?
499
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:26,920
I found a true deliverance through Brownsville Revival.
500
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:31,320
Steve Hill was speaking that night, and it was kind of at the end of Brownsville Revival
501
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,080
that I was starting to come to it.
502
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,840
I had both of my children with me.
503
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:40,080
Sarah was in the room with me while he was preaching.
504
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:44,480
And he just started talking about the love of the Father.
505
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:49,240
And as a little girl, as I've told y'all, I felt like I lost my father.
506
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,240
Yes, you did.
507
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:55,160
Because when he divorced my mother, he, in essence, pretty much divorced us.
508
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:56,760
I barely saw my dad.
509
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,440
I went to my grandparents a lot.
510
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:05,640
And so Steve Hill is talking about this Father and the love of the Father.
511
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,320
And my heart just swelled.
512
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,120
It just swelled.
513
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:13,000
And tears just, I couldn't stop them.
514
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,000
Wow.
515
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,640
And I realized I need a father.
516
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,280
I need my father.
517
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:19,280
Yes.
518
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,680
And I said, I want to know this father.
519
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,200
That was what was coming up out of me.
520
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:28,720
Like I want to know that kind of love, the kind of love that picks you up when you become
521
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,800
an orphan.
522
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:35,960
Because when your mother and father forsake you, he said he will take you up.
523
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,040
Exactly.
524
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:42,400
And when he was talking about it, I was like, I just want God.
525
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,920
And so I ran forward.
526
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,180
And Steve Hill, I call it, slapped me down.
527
00:27:47,180 --> 00:27:48,360
He didn't slap me down.
528
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:51,720
He put his hands on me and I just flew down.
529
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,160
And my baby sat on my stomach.
530
00:27:55,160 --> 00:28:01,880
And I felt the love just like fire going through me.
531
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:02,880
Glory to God.
532
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,560
And it embraced my entire being.
533
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:06,560
Wow.
534
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,040
And I could not get up for at least two hours.
535
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,280
I was just laying there under the glory.
536
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,960
And I felt so loved.
537
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:15,960
Hallelujah.
538
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,120
And so accepted at that moment.
539
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,600
I needed that.
540
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:20,600
Yes.
541
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:21,880
I needed that healing.
542
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:29,040
I needed that moment that God really loved me and that I didn't have to do anything.
543
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:36,440
I could sit in my chair at home and eat popcorn and watch TV and not have to do anything for
544
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:37,440
him.
545
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:43,080
And he would love me just as much as if I'm out there preaching.
546
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:44,080
Yes.
547
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:45,800
The love doesn't change.
548
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,800
It doesn't change.
549
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:48,800
Yeah.
550
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:49,800
Yeah.
551
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:56,520
And people work themselves so hard in their life and they don't realize that rest is just
552
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,840
as important as running.
553
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,080
Absolutely.
554
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,720
And we can rest in him and sit like Mary.
555
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:08,600
Just sit at his feet and just let him love on us.
556
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:15,360
He loves us just as much as when we're out there running and telling people about Jesus.
557
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,240
The platform is as important as the time at his feet.
558
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,760
They're both important.
559
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,760
But the time at his feet is the most important.
560
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:25,760
Yeah.
561
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:26,760
Yeah.
562
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,920
The Lord spoke to me sometime back.
563
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:30,440
I don't remember just how long.
564
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:34,900
I wrote it in my journal and he said, you work to please men.
565
00:29:34,900 --> 00:29:40,380
You rest to please me because rest implies trust.
566
00:29:40,380 --> 00:29:41,860
That's so good.
567
00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:43,280
It's so real.
568
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:47,200
I think about a parent with their child.
569
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:52,640
Because the child is growing up, we forget when we become parents that this is how God
570
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:57,840
thinks because you want your child to know that you love them.
571
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:02,600
Even if they do something really stupid or they do something really bad, you have to
572
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,120
correct them.
573
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:08,160
But you love them and it doesn't change the love.
574
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:12,700
They don't have to obey you to get you to love them.
575
00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:16,000
But their obedience shows you that they love you.
576
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,000
Amen.
577
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,840
A good parent should try to say those kind of things.
578
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,560
A good parent should try to say those kind of things.
579
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,560
If you love me, obey me.
580
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:25,920
That's what Jesus said to his disciples.
581
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,880
If you love me, keep my commandments.
582
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:32,940
So this is a way you show me that you love me is by obeying me.
583
00:30:32,940 --> 00:30:36,400
But even if you don't obey me, I still love you.
584
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,000
Nothing changes how much I love you.
585
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,000
Amen.
586
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,000
Amen.
587
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,240
Your behavior might hurt me.
588
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:49,920
It grieves our father when we misbehave, but it doesn't change how he loves us.
589
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:50,920
No.
590
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:56,360
And waiting is some of the best obedience you can do sometimes.
591
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:57,360
Very true.
592
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:58,360
Just wait.
593
00:30:58,360 --> 00:30:59,360
Yeah.
594
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,520
Sometimes we want to jump off the side of a big mountain and say, catch me God.
595
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,280
And he does, but he didn't tell you to jump.
596
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,120
Right, right, right.
597
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:08,420
Yeah.
598
00:31:08,420 --> 00:31:13,440
So how did you get to the point, like, would you say that you loved yourself through those
599
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,520
years or did you hate yourself?
600
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:19,280
I still had a problem with that.
601
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,680
I mean, it wasn't a fix, like a sudden fix.
602
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:26,880
I realized God took me from glory to glory, faith to faith.
603
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:27,880
Right.
604
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,720
You know, at that moment, I just met God, really met God.
605
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,580
14, I knew that I was missing something.
606
00:31:35,580 --> 00:31:40,480
By the time I got to that point, now I've met him.
607
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:48,880
And I had to get the understanding that he was no longer expecting me to do it by works,
608
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,640
but that it was backwards.
609
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:57,200
Doesn't mean you don't work your faith, but there's so much more peace in the way God
610
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:58,200
does it.
611
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,200
Yes, exactly.
612
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:03,980
It was interesting how God worked in me because it was layers.
613
00:32:03,980 --> 00:32:04,980
Everybody has layers.
614
00:32:04,980 --> 00:32:08,360
We all have layers that God is working on.
615
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,320
And at that moment, I met God and I knew he loved me.
616
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,160
So he gave me a safe place.
617
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,200
And as children, that's what we need, too.
618
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,400
We need safe places.
619
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,920
So God gave me that back.
620
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,960
It was restored to me.
621
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:32,520
And now I'm like a little wild horse, little pony, little wild pony, rough around the edges.
622
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:37,880
I don't realize some things that I'm doing is sin because nobody taught me that it was
623
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,480
sin.
624
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:44,880
And so I'm this little wild pony throwing all my stuff on everybody, hoping they can
625
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,800
fix it, hoping they can help me.
626
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:55,240
Some of the things that I found out were sin blew my mind because many people think they're
627
00:32:55,240 --> 00:33:01,000
not walking in sin and it really is sin because they're not lining up with the Bible.
628
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,000
Exactly.
629
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:03,000
The instruction book.
630
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,120
The instruction book.
631
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:09,280
And it's painful when you find out that you don't know.
632
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,200
You're totally ignorant.
633
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:19,120
And so I was going through a walk, a time where I found out what sin really was and
634
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,540
I had to become transparent.
635
00:33:22,540 --> 00:33:24,040
God gave me my spiritual mother.
636
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,720
Her name was Rosemary Gileard.
637
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:32,320
And that lady had the sweetest, most angelic face she'd ever meet.
638
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:37,340
And she would say, oh, honey.
639
00:33:37,340 --> 00:33:39,080
And she taught me deliverance.
640
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,080
She taught me how to speak.
641
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,400
She brought me into tongues.
642
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:48,580
And I learned from her everything in the beginning.
643
00:33:48,580 --> 00:33:54,020
And God, that was when I actually, actually I was married to my first husband.
644
00:33:54,020 --> 00:33:57,720
And our house was a drug house when that happened.
645
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:02,120
When that happened, I came all the way like from everybody.
646
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:03,480
Your house was the drug house.
647
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,480
My house was a drug house.
648
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:10,560
My husband at the time dealt, he sold drugs.
649
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,400
I didn't know everything about it, but he did.
650
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,300
And people always came to our house to do them.
651
00:34:16,300 --> 00:34:21,400
And when I got home that night after the love of God, I didn't tell this part.
652
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:26,760
I got home that night and I blew.
653
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:33,800
I said, I got to tell you about a man that I just met.
654
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:37,280
And I told them all about Jesus while they were all high.
655
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,100
Oh my goodness.
656
00:34:39,100 --> 00:34:45,280
And they all looked at me and they said, they said, well, one thing's for sure.
657
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,160
You ruined our buzz.
658
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,560
Ruined our buzz.
659
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:59,520
And I said, I don't understand how you don't want to know this man.
660
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:00,520
Wow.
661
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:01,840
I couldn't understand it.
662
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:10,320
It was such pure love and it changed me so much that I wanted to share it with everyone.
663
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,680
I wasn't the same person.
664
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:17,820
I became a new creature in that instant when he laid hands on me.
665
00:35:17,820 --> 00:35:25,320
And when I came home and told them all about Jesus, man, I was so on fire and wanted everybody
666
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,360
to know what God had done in my life.
667
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:32,200
I knew I was not even the same person.
668
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,960
And my husband at the time looked at me.
669
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,960
He said, who are you?
670
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,520
Oh my, a new creature.
671
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:39,680
You were a new creature.
672
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,480
You weren't the same old Olivia.
673
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:42,720
Oh man.
674
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:43,840
Yes.
675
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:47,360
And it was that big of a change in an instant.
676
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,200
And he kept saying, I hate the Jesus in you.
677
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:51,200
He said it.
678
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,400
Oh, I hate the Jesus in you.
679
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,320
I want the old Olivia back.
680
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:56,320
Bring her back.
681
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,600
Oh my goodness.
682
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,600
And I said, I can't.
683
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,400
Oh my, my eyes are open.
684
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:03,560
My heart is full.
685
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,280
I can't.
686
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,680
And that's when he broke my, he broke my nose, blacked my eyes.
687
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:13,800
I ended up being very hurt and he locked me out of the house.
688
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:14,800
Yeah.
689
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:15,800
Things happened.
690
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,480
And I tried to tough it out for a month.
691
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,480
Oh my goodness.
692
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:20,480
Yeah.
693
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:21,960
Because I didn't believe in divorce after that.
694
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,560
I was trying to do things God's way, you know.
695
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:31,800
And so I got counsel from pastors and asked questions and they read scripture to me telling
696
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:35,240
me that it was okay for divorce.
697
00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,660
And even after that, it was hard.
698
00:36:37,660 --> 00:36:40,120
But then one day I told him, I said, it's over with.
699
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:41,640
I'm done.
700
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:42,640
And I sat in my chair.
701
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:47,200
There was around me like a bee for about 30 minutes telling me nobody would have me.
702
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:48,200
I'm nobody.
703
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,160
You know, you're unlovable.
704
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:51,160
Look at you.
705
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,160
Look at you.
706
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:53,160
And oh my.
707
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:54,640
It's a devil speaking to your own.
708
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:55,640
Yeah.
709
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:56,640
Yes.
710
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,880
And I just sat there and I just looked at him.
711
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,040
I said, I don't care what you say.
712
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:04,740
I found God out.
713
00:37:04,740 --> 00:37:05,920
And he left that day.
714
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,300
His parents came and got him.
715
00:37:08,300 --> 00:37:09,880
An angel inhabited my house.
716
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:15,280
The next morning I was sleeping in the bed with my daughter and I heard this beautiful
717
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,360
voice in the next room with my son.
718
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:28,240
Mind you, he was in his little bassinet and I heard it go, Oh, sweetie, you're so cute.
719
00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:30,180
Like she's talking to him.
720
00:37:30,180 --> 00:37:33,280
And I hear her voice and I'm like, somebody's in my house.
721
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:38,500
Like I couldn't believe there was a voice in the next room.
722
00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:43,440
And I got up and I went in there to my baby, my little boy, and I looked down and he has
723
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,360
the biggest, cutest smile on his face.
724
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:47,360
Still asleep?
725
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:48,360
No, he was awake.
726
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:49,360
He was awake.
727
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:55,400
I think he was talking to this angel all morning long, cooing with her or what have you.
728
00:37:55,400 --> 00:38:00,440
And I looked at him and I said, well, there's nobody in here.
729
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:06,720
But all day long, I felt an angelic presence in my house.
730
00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:13,440
I was giving my babies a bath and I saw the train of that angel go by my door while I
731
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,980
was giving my, the door was open while I was giving them a bath.
732
00:38:16,980 --> 00:38:19,760
And that train was just pure clear.
733
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,260
It was clear.
734
00:38:21,260 --> 00:38:25,920
It looked like sparkles was all in it and it just went by the door.
735
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,560
And I was so aware of that angel being in my house.
736
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:35,920
I knew it was protecting us from him coming back because I was fearful.
737
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:40,200
And didn't he make some kind of comment about he would rather have crack than you?
738
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,440
No, that was the guy earlier.
739
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:43,440
Yeah.
740
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:48,120
Yeah, I went through a lot of experiences.
741
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,480
I wasn't a good girl.
742
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:50,640
We'll just put it that way.
743
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:54,280
Well, the devil was trying to keep you from doing what you're doing now.
744
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,600
He was trying to discourage you, trying to get you to commit suicide, trying to get you
745
00:38:58,600 --> 00:38:59,600
to quit.
746
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:00,600
Yes.
747
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:01,600
Yes.
748
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:07,560
And then when he left, I went and lived with my mom in Panama City for a little while.
749
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:09,800
And then I lived with my grandmother.
750
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:16,680
And when I had to raise my kids by myself, I did at one time have a breakdown, a meltdown.
751
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:21,360
And I tried to give my kids to their grandmother on my husband, my ex-husband side.
752
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:22,360
Oh my goodness.
753
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:25,240
And I was going to commit suicide that night.
754
00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:27,320
And I went speeding down the road.
755
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:31,520
I was going to hit the side of a bridge and just fly off the side of it.
756
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,600
And hopefully it would have just taken my life was my thought.
757
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:42,240
And as I was coming near that bridge, the Lord said, I want you to calm down and get
758
00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,760
yourself together and line up.
759
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:46,940
Wow.
760
00:39:46,940 --> 00:39:47,940
And I did.
761
00:39:47,940 --> 00:39:53,960
And then I pulled over at the gas station, just cried my eyes out because I was uneducated.
762
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,620
I had no trade.
763
00:39:55,620 --> 00:39:56,840
I was a waitress.
764
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:58,440
I was struggling.
765
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,160
I had to ask for help all the time.
766
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,840
I mean, I felt like a beggar, you know?
767
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:09,400
And it was horrible to have to ask for help all the time.
768
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:14,600
And when you feel inferior to everyone, the church that I went to, everybody had money,
769
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,320
it seemed, you know?
770
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:17,480
And I was the poor one.
771
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,560
I lived in the ghetto.
772
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,000
I had favor with the pastor.
773
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:25,080
The pastor owned, one of the pastors owned the house that I stayed in.
774
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,800
But I was still on Section 8 housing.
775
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:32,760
I was living in the ghetto, and it was just oppressive.
776
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:39,400
But I realized, you know, God started talking to me about my life and about how sometimes
777
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:45,080
it takes a minute for the bad seed and then the good seed to overtake the bad seed.
778
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,720
And so I realized I was having a bad harvest.
779
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:54,360
And so I had to realize that the sin in my life reaped that bad harvest.
780
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,800
And I asked God to cut it short.
781
00:40:56,800 --> 00:41:02,360
But awesome thing about that was I got put in a position where I could go through demonic
782
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:03,360
deliverance.
783
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:08,680
You know, I had a girlfriend that would sit with my children and let me go through deliverance
784
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,080
and let me go through inner healing.
785
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,560
And I felt like God was tearing me apart.
786
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:18,840
It hurt so bad to deal with some of the things that I was dealing with.
787
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:25,560
And over a period of about five years, I allowed God to just tear me apart and put me back
788
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,120
together.
789
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:35,640
And through that, God transitioned me from being inferior to people, which I always felt
790
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,320
like I couldn't sit in a room with you.
791
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,520
I could have never sat in a room with you.
792
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:40,520
Wow.
793
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:41,520
Ever.
794
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,520
It would have scared the bajiggers out of me.
795
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,720
I would have never been able to sit with another minister ever.
796
00:41:47,720 --> 00:41:51,360
Even when the pastor talked to me, I would be afraid.
797
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:52,360
Wow.
798
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,480
Because I didn't feel good enough for nothing.
799
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:56,480
Wow.
800
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:58,480
Nothing.
801
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,640
And God just worked that out.
802
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:04,800
And He healed me and He healed me and He healed me some more.
803
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,300
And as I could handle it, He healed me.
804
00:42:07,300 --> 00:42:09,000
But I wanted it to happen.
805
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,000
Yes.
806
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,000
I wanted it to happen.
807
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,560
So I took the counsel.
808
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:13,760
I took the healing.
809
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,160
I took the deliverance.
810
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:20,880
I took the training and I just let God build me.
811
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:22,440
I let Him father me.
812
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:23,440
Let's put it that way.
813
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,440
That's it.
814
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:31,280
But I didn't even know the touch of a father without feeling like a man was being perverted.
815
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:37,740
Like until one day a man hugged me and it was Pastor Sumerall of Liberty Church.
816
00:42:37,740 --> 00:42:46,560
And he hugged me so tight and I cried my eyes out after he hugged me because I didn't know
817
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:50,920
what it was like to be hugged by a man with pure motives.
818
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,240
Wow.
819
00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:55,400
And when he hugged me, I felt a father's hug.
820
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,400
It was the greatest feeling.
821
00:42:58,400 --> 00:42:59,400
Wow.
822
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:00,400
Wow.
823
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:06,080
You know, I'm reminded of the scripture in Hosea 6.1 and the New Living Translation puts
824
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:10,480
it beautifully, it says, come, let us return to the Lord.
825
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,120
He has torn us to pieces.
826
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:14,560
Now He will heal us.
827
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:15,880
He has injured us.
828
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,720
Now He will bandage our wounds.
829
00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:24,440
You know, when I was going through a thing where the Lord was working out some deep things,
830
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:30,000
deep wounds from my childhood, I was having these experiences like we had in Toronto and
831
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,600
it's similar to what went on in Pensacola.
832
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,920
I was drunk a lot in the spirit.
833
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:38,960
I was like, I was not with it at all.
834
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:40,200
Philip remembers those times.
835
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:45,400
Yeah, he just collapsed on the floor.
836
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:51,140
At the end of it where I came back to kind of a semi-normal, what came to me was that
837
00:43:51,140 --> 00:43:55,560
he had discombobulated me and then he recombobulated me.
838
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:56,560
Yes.
839
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,400
He had to take everything apart.
840
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:05,000
It's like if you have a puzzle and something gets spilled on it and gets all down in between
841
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:09,440
the pieces, you know, you've got to take it apart and you've got to clean all the pieces
842
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:12,040
before you can put it back together and have it be right.
843
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:13,040
That's good.
844
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,040
That's good.
845
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:17,280
So I think that's what God has been doing in our lives and I'm sure He's really doing
846
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:20,880
it with everybody if we'll just let Him.
847
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:21,880
That's the purpose.
848
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:22,920
That's the plan.
849
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:23,920
That's the plan.
850
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:28,460
Okay, now tell us about what you said earlier to us before we started this recording about
851
00:44:28,460 --> 00:44:33,960
how you got in touch with your purpose so that you could begin to love yourself.
852
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,200
So we all have gifts.
853
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:39,080
We all have callings.
854
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:45,080
And many times when we've walked through curses and things in our life that have hindered
855
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:51,720
that and have stopped the blessing of God on our lives because of, and I hate to say
856
00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:52,720
it, people.
857
00:44:52,720 --> 00:44:57,720
You know, we say the enemy is our worst enemy, but sometimes it's people and ourselves that
858
00:44:57,720 --> 00:45:00,240
are worst enemies.
859
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:07,600
And the Lord has shown me where Olivia, you're your best friend.
860
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,280
You have to be your best friend.
861
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:11,400
You have to encourage you.
862
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,400
What did David do?
863
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,200
Oh yes, he encouraged himself and the Lord.
864
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,320
He encouraged himself.
865
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:23,320
He said, you know, many times he would say, but Lord, you created me.
866
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:24,960
You made me.
867
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,360
I'm perfect in you, Jesus.
868
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:33,280
And like he was, he was just ministering it back to the Lord, what God said about him,
869
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:34,280
you know?
870
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:35,480
And so I've learned to do that.
871
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:39,880
I've learned to say, okay, God, I've come through dark times.
872
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:48,080
I did a lot of bad things in my life, but I'm so proud of myself in you, Jesus, that
873
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:50,880
you can take that broken thing in me.
874
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:52,040
And I didn't give up.
875
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,040
I didn't give into the death.
876
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,720
I didn't give in to the perversion.
877
00:45:57,720 --> 00:46:02,000
I didn't allow that to be the end all.
878
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,240
That's it.
879
00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:10,400
You know, we, a lot of times people's condemnation keeps them from growing.
880
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:17,680
And they think that God's arm is too short to keep them, you know, too short to say,
881
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:22,920
okay, you're this way today, but you can be this way tomorrow.
882
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,440
So I realize I have a tenacity.
883
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:26,640
Okay, that's good.
884
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:31,960
I have this tenacity in me that says I refuse to settle.
885
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:33,440
Yes.
886
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:41,840
Because so many times people settle and they say, well, that's just the way that I am.
887
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:43,560
Oh, that's the line.
888
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,800
Oh, that's just how I am.
889
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:47,600
Everybody says that.
890
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:48,600
I'm just human.
891
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,920
That's one of my favorite ones.
892
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:51,920
I'm just human.
893
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:52,920
Yes.
894
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:53,920
It's an excuse.
895
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:54,920
Exactly.
896
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:55,920
But it's a poor excuse.
897
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,000
It's a poor excuse.
898
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:04,520
You know, and so many times I hear people say, well, I think that's just in my DNA.
899
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:06,000
You know, my grandma was like that.
900
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:07,360
My granddad was like that.
901
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:08,360
Okay, yes.
902
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:10,080
My grandmother was this way.
903
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,000
My mother was this way.
904
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:13,800
And I saw it as curses.
905
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:15,720
Come on.
906
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:21,640
And I said, God, you do a new thing in me for the next generations to come.
907
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:25,280
Because what you do in me, it's going to break it off of them.
908
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,680
And I believe that wholeheartedly.
909
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:36,380
So I love myself now because I realized I was willing to hide myself in him and sacrifice
910
00:47:36,380 --> 00:47:41,440
myself and say, okay, God, I'm going to lay on the altar.
911
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:45,280
Even if I crawl off the altar, because a lot of times we're living sacrifices, we'll just
912
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,160
crawl right off the altar.
913
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,320
But we have to keep going back.
914
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:50,320
Go back.
915
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:51,320
Go back.
916
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:56,360
Go back to where God was talking to you if he's not talking to you anymore.
917
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:58,120
Go back.
918
00:47:58,120 --> 00:47:59,240
It's okay.
919
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:01,600
It's okay to fail even.
920
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:02,600
I failed.
921
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:03,600
You know what?
922
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:10,880
I think that because I have failed so much in my life, it's become a victory in my life.
923
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:15,320
Because I'm like, who was it that invented the light bulb?
924
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:16,320
Yes, Thomas Edison.
925
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:18,080
I mean, what did he go through?
926
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,240
He failed many, many, many, many, many times.
927
00:48:21,240 --> 00:48:22,240
10,000 times.
928
00:48:22,240 --> 00:48:23,240
But look what happened.
929
00:48:23,240 --> 00:48:24,240
He didn't quit.
930
00:48:24,240 --> 00:48:25,240
Yeah.
931
00:48:25,240 --> 00:48:26,240
And that's the point.
932
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:27,240
Right.
933
00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:28,240
You don't quit.
934
00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:29,240
Yeah.
935
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:34,960
I've heard the greatest pastors, they say, run back to the mercy seat.
936
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:35,960
Yes.
937
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:44,080
Run back to where that hurt was and let God cut it out of your life and let yourself feel
938
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:47,840
everything you need to feel to get delivered from that thing.
939
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:48,840
Amen.
940
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:49,840
Amen.
941
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:55,040
And to be human, but to live in it and to make excuses for it.
942
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:59,560
People take grace and they say, well, God's grace is sufficient.
943
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:02,720
It is sufficient for you to overcome that thing.
944
00:49:02,720 --> 00:49:03,720
Exactly.
945
00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:05,880
It's an empowerment.
946
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,760
It's not an excuse.
947
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:08,760
Right.
948
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:10,680
And so that's where I love myself.
949
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:14,600
I realized that it's not an excuse for me.
950
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,800
It's an empowerment for me.
951
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:17,800
Beautiful.
952
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,680
And now I know who Olivia is.
953
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:27,760
And now that I see where the devil so tried to twist my life and so tried to kill me and
954
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:33,720
try to take out the destiny that is ingrated in me from the day that I was conceived in
955
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:35,280
my mother's womb.
956
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:36,280
Right.
957
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:43,200
That now Olivia gets to be who she is because she was willing to die for it.
958
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:44,200
Yes.
959
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:45,200
Beautiful.
960
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:46,200
Beautiful.
961
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:49,560
And so when you die, the spirit brings life.
962
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:50,560
Right.
963
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,760
You kill your flesh and that spirit is going to overtake the flesh.
964
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:58,400
And next thing you know, you're alive in that area and no longer can people touch you.
965
00:49:58,400 --> 00:49:59,400
Amen.
966
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,600
I'm still rejected to this day.
967
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:05,000
I go through a lot of rejection, but guess what?
968
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,000
What?
969
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,640
Now I know I'm loved.
970
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:08,640
Yes.
971
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:10,360
Even if someone rejects me.
972
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,360
Right.
973
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:14,800
Because Olivia loves her and God loves Olivia.
974
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:15,800
Yes.
975
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:19,000
I love people regardless of how they feel.
976
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:20,000
Yeah.
977
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:21,000
And I do.
978
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,000
I love people.
979
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:23,000
I'm a tenacious lover.
980
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:27,600
I love a person even when they hate me and I'll do pray blessings on them and I don't
981
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:28,600
curse them.
982
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:33,160
I hurt when they don't love me because I'm a sanguine personality.
983
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:36,280
Outgoing people want to be loved of loved.
984
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:42,120
And so that's a weakness in me, but I use that weakness as my strength now.
985
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:46,040
I allow God to make the weakness in me strong.
986
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,040
Amen.
987
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:52,480
You know, because I realized the weaker I am, it seems like the spirit grows even stronger.
988
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,280
And that's the whole point.
989
00:50:54,280 --> 00:51:02,520
The whole point is we see in Romans seven how the real you, the real me is our spirit.
990
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:03,520
Yes.
991
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:04,520
Okay.
992
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:05,640
That's the real me.
993
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:08,920
We are not defined by our flesh.
994
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:09,920
Amen.
995
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:13,720
We are defined in eternal matters by our spirit.
996
00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:14,720
Amen.
997
00:51:14,720 --> 00:51:20,520
And the problem is that we all mostly tend to see things in the flesh.
998
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:22,040
We look at things in the flesh.
999
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:28,040
We sense things in the flesh instead of staying in the spirit side where we can be ruled by
1000
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:32,080
what the word of God says and we can rule our circumstances.
1001
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:33,400
We can rule our spirit.
1002
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:34,800
We can rule our soul.
1003
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:36,760
We can rule our flesh.
1004
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:37,920
Key.
1005
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:38,920
That's the key.
1006
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:41,040
We can overcome our own flesh.
1007
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:43,320
It's about our soul getting saved.
1008
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:44,320
Okay.
1009
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:45,320
Amen.
1010
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:46,320
Jesus saved our spirit.
1011
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:52,800
Instantly we were reborn, but it's all about saving our soul, getting our fleshly nature
1012
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:56,640
into sync with the spirit of God.
1013
00:51:56,640 --> 00:52:04,400
And the way you get that rolling in your life, we'll say, is by reading the word, renewing
1014
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:12,640
your mind, knowing what the word of God says over you, as he does everyone, and hiding
1015
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:18,000
it in your heart, but not just having it in your heart, but working it out and letting
1016
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,440
it become spirit.
1017
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:24,480
Because when Jesus came in the flesh, he was the spirit embodied.
1018
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:25,480
Yes.
1019
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:26,480
Very true.
1020
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:28,780
He was the spirit embodied.
1021
00:52:28,780 --> 00:52:34,280
And everything you see Jesus doing, it lines up with your spirit, man.
1022
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:35,920
Like your tricycle wheels.
1023
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:41,360
You just keep going everything, whatever the Bible says, you do what the Bible says.
1024
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,400
And then one day it becomes a part of you.
1025
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:52,360
And then the spirit comes alive because that word came alive inside of you, which is Jesus.
1026
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:55,880
And it's feeding that eclipse.
1027
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:58,880
The light is taking over the soul.
1028
00:52:58,880 --> 00:52:59,880
Yes.
1029
00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:00,880
Yes.
1030
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:01,880
Hallelujah.
1031
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:07,200
And the more angry you are, and the more you chase God, you'll chase him until one day
1032
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:08,680
he'll catch you.
1033
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:09,680
Yes.
1034
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:13,320
Or you'll catch him, and then he'll push you.
1035
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:14,500
He becomes your wind.
1036
00:53:14,500 --> 00:53:19,880
He becomes that spirit, everything to you.
1037
00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:23,520
The word becomes life.
1038
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:27,360
And suddenly you're able to do the Ten Commandments.
1039
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:31,960
And the reason you're able to do the Ten Commandments is because the word became life.
1040
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:33,200
It became everything.
1041
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,240
It fulfills the law inside of you.
1042
00:53:35,240 --> 00:53:36,240
Yes.
1043
00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:39,600
You no longer have to go in the flesh and say, I have to turn the light switch on three
1044
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:44,160
times before I can actually walk out the door.
1045
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,160
You don't have to do something like that.
1046
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,240
It's not a law anymore.
1047
00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:49,960
It becomes a part of who you are.
1048
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,520
It's in your DNA now.
1049
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:52,520
Yes.
1050
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:53,520
Yes.
1051
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,040
Which is Christ's DNA when you get saved.
1052
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:56,040
Exactly.
1053
00:53:56,040 --> 00:54:01,400
And we can behold ourselves in the mirror, a reflection of him.
1054
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:03,200
The bride.
1055
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:04,720
We become the bride.
1056
00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:06,680
We're a reflection.
1057
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,920
It's a mystery that two become one.
1058
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:09,920
Right.
1059
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:10,920
Okay.
1060
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:15,060
Well, if there's a mystery of a woman and a man coming one, then there's a mystery in
1061
00:54:15,060 --> 00:54:17,240
you and Christ becoming one.
1062
00:54:17,240 --> 00:54:18,240
Absolutely.
1063
00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:19,880
You become like your father God.
1064
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:21,160
Now you become the bride.
1065
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,480
You become married to Christ.
1066
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:29,200
Now you and Christ are one and now you take on the very DNA of who he is.
1067
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:30,200
Yes.
1068
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:31,200
Amen.
1069
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:32,200
Absolutely.
1070
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:33,200
Beautiful.
1071
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:34,200
Beautiful.
1072
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:35,200
Beautiful.
1073
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:36,200
Would you pray for our listeners?
1074
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:39,240
I believe there's somebody out there who's really being able to relate to some of your
1075
00:54:39,240 --> 00:54:40,240
stories.
1076
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:42,520
Lord, thank you, Father God.
1077
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:48,720
Thank you, Lord, that you've given us an opportunity, Lord, just to love on people.
1078
00:54:48,720 --> 00:54:54,280
And Lord, I know God that there are people out there that do not know you as a loving
1079
00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:55,400
father.
1080
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:59,120
And they believe that you're standing over them with this mallet, just beating them in
1081
00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:03,280
the head and telling them how horrible they are.
1082
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,320
And God, that's a bondage.
1083
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:10,140
And Lord, I ask you, God, to break that bondage off of their life, Father God, because your
1084
00:55:10,140 --> 00:55:15,340
word says, whom the Son sets free is free indeed, Father God.
1085
00:55:15,340 --> 00:55:21,380
And Lord, I just ask you, Lord, to set them free so that they can come up on the rock,
1086
00:55:21,380 --> 00:55:23,140
the rock of salvation.
1087
00:55:23,140 --> 00:55:28,320
They could come up on that rock and plant themselves, God, by the waters and become
1088
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:33,200
those trees, not those walking trees that everybody else is just moving here.
1089
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:38,620
Let them plant themselves in your word and in who you are, Father God.
1090
00:55:38,620 --> 00:55:44,200
And Lord, I ask you, God, to bring life to their branches, bring life to their fruit,
1091
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:49,800
Father God, but not to walk in the flesh any longer, but to come on the other side and
1092
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:54,080
get in your word and renew their minds and allow you to do the work.
1093
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:57,840
It's no longer, I'll clean myself up before I go to church.
1094
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,800
It'll be, I'll go to church so God can clean me up.
1095
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:01,800
Amen.
1096
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:10,320
And God, I pray that every person that hears this understands that God is backwards.
1097
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:13,400
He's not looking for you to do the work.
1098
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:22,640
He takes you as you are and he cleans you up as you are hungry for him.
1099
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:25,440
We can't change ourselves.
1100
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:28,600
You've been doing it for 20 years.
1101
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:35,320
Try it God's way and see if he doesn't show himself glorious in your life.
1102
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:40,440
And you'll find yourself walking and talking and doing things that you never thought you
1103
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:48,000
would do because you sacrificed, you released it, you finally surrendered.
1104
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,680
Can't do it without him.
1105
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,040
You can't do it without him.
1106
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:53,040
That's right.
1107
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:58,480
And Lord, right now I pray that the love of the Father would just come into every heart
1108
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:05,280
and every person that just desires to know who you really are, Father.
1109
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:07,960
In Jesus' name, amen.
1110
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:09,200
Amen.
1111
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:10,200
Thank you so much, Olivia.
1112
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,160
We really appreciate you being with us.
1113
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:14,160
Thank you for having me.
1114
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:15,280
Amen.
1115
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:25,080
If you enjoyed today's podcast, please subscribe, rate and review this podcast on Apple podcasts
1116
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:27,640
or wherever you listen to podcasts.
1117
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:32,160
Your review helps the podcasting platform suggest this podcast to other listeners who
1118
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:35,760
are also looking for a great move of the Holy Spirit.
1119
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:41,080
Check out our website at globaloutpouring.org to find out more information, read our blogs,
1120
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:42,920
connect with us and donate.
1121
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:47,360
You can also browse our web store for life-changing anointed books.
1122
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:49,920
Until next time, this is Sharon Buss.
1123
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:51,440
And I'm Philip Buss.
1124
00:57:51,440 --> 00:58:06,800
God bless you with His overwhelming loving presence.
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,920
You know, I had a girlfriend that would sit with my children and let me go through deliverance
2
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:10,680
and let me go through inner healing, and I felt like God was tearing me apart.
3
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,960
It hurt so bad to deal with some of the things that I was dealing with.
4
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:21,680
And over a period of about five years, I allowed God to just tear me apart and put me back
5
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:22,680
together.
6
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:34,400
And He healed me and He healed me and He healed me some more.
7
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:40,120
God promises in Joel 2.28 to pour out His Spirit on all humanity.
8
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:44,760
Welcome to Global Outpouring, where we contend for that promised outpouring, we equip for
9
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:49,760
that outpouring, so that we may engage in that very outpouring.
10
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,120
I'm Philip Buss.
11
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,120
And I'm Sharon Buss.
12
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,840
Welcome to the podcast today.
13
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,160
We are so glad that you are with us today.
14
00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:01,320
And we have also with us a very special guest, Olivia Bui.
15
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:10,920
And she's going to share with us some of her testimony about overcoming rejection.
16
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,580
Thanks for joining us today.
17
00:01:12,580 --> 00:01:18,480
We want to encourage you, if you haven't already done so, to go to our website, globaloutpouring.net,
18
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:23,160
and make sure that you have joined our email list so that we can stay in touch with you
19
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:28,120
just in case something happens to the internet or something happens to our platforms.
20
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,800
We want to be able to keep in touch with you.
21
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,480
And we do love to hear from you.
22
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:39,500
If you've got any feedback for us, there's a feedback form on globaloutpouring.net.
23
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:44,680
And there's also our email address, feedback at globaloutpouring.org.
24
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,480
And we'd love to hear from you.
25
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,480
And you can find all kinds of wonderful things on our website.
26
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,700
Our bookstore is just awesome.
27
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:57,180
And we have blogs and devotionals, all kinds of things that will help you to grow in God
28
00:01:57,180 --> 00:02:02,360
and help to prepare you to participate in the things that God is doing in these days
29
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,620
as His glory is increasing in the earth.
30
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:09,440
So Olivia Bui, we are so happy to have you with us today.
31
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,300
I'm just tickled to be here.
32
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:12,520
Thank you for having me.
33
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:18,000
Yes, we've been enjoying having you as a house guest in our house and the event that we've
34
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,800
just finished, an intercessory event.
35
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,800
And you've just been a blessing to us.
36
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:27,740
And we've enjoyed visiting with you and hearing your testimony.
37
00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:34,800
So one of the things that you mentioned as you were talking with us the other day was
38
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:38,680
about overcoming rejection and the things that God has worked in you.
39
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,640
So let's go back and tell a little bit of your story.
40
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,480
But before we do that, I wanted to say this.
41
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:47,520
I want to make a comment that I think is universal.
42
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,000
And you can tell me if you agree with that or not.
43
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:54,880
But I think it's universal that the enemy of our souls hates us.
44
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,640
Okay, that's universal.
45
00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:07,220
And he has been busy since the Garden of Eden, trying to get people to disobey God in order
46
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:13,000
that their sin will put a wall up between them and God and cause him to reject them.
47
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,560
Yes, I agree with that.
48
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:23,000
And so he's busy from conception, trying to do things that would cause a child, an innocent,
49
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:29,680
innocent child that's just been being formed to have rejection come on from the womb or
50
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:36,160
maybe as a baby, something happens, some kind of trauma, some kind of things that are going
51
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:43,680
on around like the parents arguing or abuse or neglect or something that would cause somebody
52
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:51,160
saying something that would cause there to be a switching off of our connection to God.
53
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:52,480
What's your thoughts on that?
54
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:57,180
Well, you know, my wounding didn't come from the womb.
55
00:03:57,180 --> 00:04:02,080
It came from my father and my mother separating.
56
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,080
Okay.
57
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:06,880
And I had been like the apple of their eye.
58
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,760
I was the center of their attention.
59
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,680
They built me a big, huge playhouse and just doted over me.
60
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:17,920
My dad thought that I was just the best thing since white bread, you know.
61
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:18,920
A princess.
62
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,520
He just loved me.
63
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:25,760
And I felt very adored when I was young, when I was a baby.
64
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:33,040
And the enemy, I mean, it just seemed like one day I was asleep in my bed one night.
65
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,760
The enemy visited me.
66
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,120
Okay, tell that story.
67
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:40,400
And so I was laying in my bed and I looked in the hallway and there were clothes in the
68
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,400
hallway.
69
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,400
Dirty clothes.
70
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,400
Dirty clothes.
71
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,800
We threw our, while we were washing them and things like that.
72
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:53,360
The red cloth and the clothes just stood up and became like a child demon.
73
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,080
And it had horns.
74
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,720
It had the goatee.
75
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,080
It had the mustache.
76
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,840
It looked like your cartoon devil.
77
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,840
With a tail.
78
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,400
With a tail and a pitchfork.
79
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,480
And it had the treasure cat smile.
80
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,040
And I was laying there and my mother only taught me one prayer when I was five years
81
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,120
old.
82
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,920
And that was now I lay me down to sleep.
83
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,040
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
84
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,960
And I just kept putting the blanket over my head, praying that prayer.
85
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:25,720
And that demon came to me and was smiling and I didn't see his mouth move.
86
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,880
And he said, you're mine.
87
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,200
Oh, wow.
88
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:33,360
And he went to touch me and I covered my head again.
89
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,220
So now let me, he was there every single time.
90
00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,220
It was real.
91
00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:39,560
I thought it was a dream.
92
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:45,920
And he looked at me and smiled and he went back to the clothes and dropped.
93
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,320
And at that moment I was afraid.
94
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:49,680
And so I jumped to the light.
95
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:54,100
I stood on my bed and I jumped to the light because I thought he was under my bed by then
96
00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:58,120
if he dropped in the clothes, he had to have gotten under my bed.
97
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:04,120
And I jumped to the light, ran to my mommy and I crawled up in the bed with my mom.
98
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:11,000
And that was the beginning of me feeling like there was something wrong with me.
99
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,200
Like there was something wrong with me.
100
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,440
And two weeks after that, it had to be not long after that.
101
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,540
I was little, so I'm going to say two weeks.
102
00:06:20,540 --> 00:06:26,120
My dad's putting his boots on and saying that my mom no longer wants him there and he's
103
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,240
leaving.
104
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:33,600
And so I go and thrush myself on the bed and say, Lord, make me a good little girl.
105
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,040
I took responsibility for what was happening in my family.
106
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,040
Yes.
107
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,240
That's what the devil wants us to do.
108
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,240
Yes.
109
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,680
The memory of what happened in my room that night triggered that.
110
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:49,760
And so from that day forward, I started taking responsibility for everything that happened
111
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,360
in the family.
112
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,840
And so I was a target from then on.
113
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:56,880
It made me into a target.
114
00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:02,680
And so it seemed like a curse had been there where people did start blaming me and abuse
115
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:06,160
came in and my mom's first boyfriend hit me.
116
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,680
Oh, boy.
117
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:15,880
So it started very young and the enemy just was trying to destroy me, just my confidence
118
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:19,440
and the love that I even had for myself at that time.
119
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:24,200
Because you love yourself when someone gloats on you and loves you and sees the best in
120
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:25,200
you.
121
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,920
And then when all that's taken away, it hinders you.
122
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:35,000
It keeps you from doing anything that you feel like you're capable of doing.
123
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,080
And then your mother remarried.
124
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,260
Yes.
125
00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:39,880
And married a Mormon.
126
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:40,880
Yes.
127
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She married a Mormon and she came to me when I was nine.
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She had raised us for four years by herself and asked me, was I okay with her marrying
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00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:52,940
again and how this man, he was family's forever.
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She was very drawn to that.
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She thought it was wonderful.
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It touched her heart to be family's forever.
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And so we married into Mormonism.
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Okay.
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And then stuff came with that.
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Absolutely.
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Doesn't just stuff come with everything?
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Every sin, it seems like more stuff piles on and we can sin and ignorance and it's still
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going to pile on regardless if we know better or not.
140
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It just is what it is.
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That's the law.
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Deception.
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Yes, deception.
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Deception brings, I was meditating on this earlier and we mentioned it in an earlier
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00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,920
podcast that all of these things start with doubt.
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Like in the garden, Eve started doubting what God said because what the snake said.
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Yes.
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And she began to doubt and that gave way to disobedience, rebellion, and that gave way
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to fear.
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That was where fear first appeared was because they had first doubted.
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Yes.
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So the doubts of what you've been taught, the doubts of what you understood to be the
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truth generally then moves into disobedience to the truth.
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And then once you've done the wrong things, then now you're into fear.
155
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Yes.
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Yes.
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And it does.
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That's the first thing.
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You first lose your confidence.
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And the next thing is now you wonder if you have purpose and you doubt yourself.
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And then now you feel unloved and then you feel inferior to people because where's your
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support system?
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Your support system gets taken.
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That's what the enemy wants.
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That's why the devil's always working in the church.
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Support systems.
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He doesn't want that to happen.
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Breaking down families, breaking down churches.
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Yes.
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Yes.
171
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,920
So you were Mormon for a few years and then what happened?
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00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:57,520
So I was Mormon until I was about 18 when I had betrothed myself to a Mormon missionary
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named Scott.
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I met him when I was 14.
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I was at a dance and he said he heard wedding bells.
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Oh my.
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And he felt like I was his wife when he came back.
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And I believed it.
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And I gave him my little pinky ring and said that when he came back off his mission trip,
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I would marry him.
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How old were you at this time?
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I was 14.
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So 14.
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That's why I asked it again.
185
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Yeah.
186
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So you would have been 18, right?
187
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Yeah.
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He was 18.
189
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Yeah.
190
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And I was 14.
191
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And I know that's probably statutory.
192
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I don't know, but maybe it was illegal.
193
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But nothing happened or transpired between us.
194
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He just believed that I was his wife when he came back on his mission trip.
195
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And then what happened?
196
00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:44,620
We stayed in contact over the years.
197
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He wrote me letters.
198
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I've got plenty of pictures.
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I still have those pictures, in fact, of him on his bicycle and where he was stationed out
200
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,080
in the States is where he was at.
201
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And we talked back and forth for the four years.
202
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And I think it was around that time when I was having a identity crisis.
203
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Okay.
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Then what happened?
205
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You know, 14, 15 is when children typically go through some sort of identity crisis.
206
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And parents are very unaware of this.
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They really are.
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I believe that parents should be more aware that children do go through identity crisis
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at that time.
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We forget that we went through it.
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Yes.
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I mean, how do you forget that?
213
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Right.
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00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:34,680
So I was going through that and I was mad at God because I had no peace in the Mormon
215
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belief system because I had my stepdad was abusive.
216
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There was a lot that transpired.
217
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I don't want to go in deep with that, but it broke me down even more.
218
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I took a lot of blame.
219
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I took a lot of feeling inferior.
220
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He was military and Mormon.
221
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And so those two working together wasn't great.
222
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And I always felt like I had to do all these works to feel better about myself and to get
223
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into it.
224
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I mean, I became blemish during that time.
225
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I never felt skinny enough.
226
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I was anorexic.
227
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I was starving myself for weeks and then eating and gorging.
228
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I mean, I was doing things like this.
229
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So we knew unhealthiness was around me because I saw myself in unhealthy ways.
230
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And so I was very hard on myself, always thinking everything was my fault and I wasn't good
231
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enough and I became a loner.
232
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I didn't hang out with people.
233
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I kind of kept myself separated and I didn't hang around with people.
234
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I really stayed away from people.
235
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And because of the inferiority and the self-love just was not really there for me.
236
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And so as I grew up and I told the Lord one day, I said, I don't like you.
237
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I said, I just don't like you.
238
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I said, I feel like I'm working myself to get your approval.
239
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And I still don't feel like I have your approval.
240
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I don't want to serve you because of this because I don't feel accepted by God that
241
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supposedly created me.
242
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And I'm like, my cousin comes to church with black eyes all the time.
243
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She's being mistreated and I'm being mistreated.
244
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And I was babysitting my little sisters all the time.
245
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I mean, I was working.
246
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It was like I was the maid, kept the house clean and we couldn't sleep in on Saturdays.
247
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We had to get up at six, get to work, get things done.
248
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And that's fine to a degree, but no free time, no cartoons.
249
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Be a child.
250
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You got to be a kid when you're a kid too, because you can only handle so much at that
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age.
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And I had so many thoughts of suicide and not wanting to live.
253
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And I slept with pills under my pillows, guns under my pillows, never told nobody, always
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felt unloved.
255
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I was a happy child too, by the way.
256
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That was the cover.
257
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Happy happy.
258
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Everything was just a joke.
259
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And so I covered at the time with the happiness.
260
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And some of the happiest people you'll meet are the saddest.
261
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Wow.
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It's a put on.
263
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It's a put on.
264
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It's the only way you get any kind of release when you're going through so much pain.
265
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And so I went through this whole thing where I was asking God to reveal Himself.
266
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I needed to know who God really was.
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I said, reveal yourself to me.
268
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I want to know.
269
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Because if this is the way that you are, I don't want to serve you.
270
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But if there's another side of you that I don't know about, I want to know them.
271
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I want to know who you are.
272
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And so God brought this little girl in my life and she took me to church one day.
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Took me to church church.
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Church church.
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Not market church.
276
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Yeah, it was a Pentecostal church, I think.
277
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And they did a call for repentance and a call for giving your life to Jesus.
278
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And it touched my heart.
279
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And I went forward and I said, I thought I was saved.
280
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Because I believed in Jesus too, right?
281
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Sure.
282
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Jesus was not their Jesus.
283
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There's many Jesuses in this world, but there's only one true Jesus.
284
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I mean, there's Jesus, believe me, you can find Jesus, but it ain't the right Jesus many
285
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times.
286
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:45,960
And so the lady looked at me, she says, you're not saved, honey.
287
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And she was honest with me.
288
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She gave me the rundown.
289
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And at that moment, it was the start of my eyes opening.
290
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,020
I became friends with this young lady.
291
00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:00,180
She became a big influence to me.
292
00:16:00,180 --> 00:16:05,560
So all those years, it was just like, I felt like I found something.
293
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,120
I kept it in my heart.
294
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,560
I still went to Mormonism.
295
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,880
I still went to the camps.
296
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:14,520
I still did the studies, LDS studies.
297
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,280
And still had these thoughts in my head.
298
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,440
Well, what did I do that day?
299
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,320
I gave my life to Jesus.
300
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,720
The real Jesus.
301
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:28,280
And then come around 17, 18, my mom divorced this man.
302
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:34,120
So now we're gone from him, but I always have fear in my heart that he's after me.
303
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:39,680
Like having terrible dreams of a man chasing me and wanting to kill me and just all these
304
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,800
dreams I was having and very fearful.
305
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:49,200
And one day I took the LDS Bible and I took the Bible and I compared the two.
306
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,800
Latter-day Saint Bible is connected to the Book of Mormon.
307
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:58,880
So this whole thing, my stepdad bought me one with my initials on it and everything.
308
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:03,740
And I had the full set of Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, everything that came
309
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:09,120
with the Book of Mormon that was attached to that Bible.
310
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:15,680
Well I took the King James Bible and I took that Bible and I compared the two.
311
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:25,440
And when I saw a loving, accepting, beautiful father in the King James Version, and then
312
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:33,440
I saw a God of Works in the other Bible, I just really had an epiphany.
313
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:41,520
And I decided that I wanted to follow the Jesus that was full of love for me and gave
314
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:47,000
me this feeling of life, like you felt it.
315
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,360
You felt the life that came from that.
316
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:56,320
And the other one felt heavy and felt dry.
317
00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:00,200
And it felt like it was full of emotion.
318
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:04,160
There's a difference between emotion and spirit.
319
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:09,040
And you do feel emotion in the spirit, but it is different.
320
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,920
So when I felt that, I became confused.
321
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:16,700
I wrote a letter to the guy that I had promised that I would marry all those years.
322
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:22,480
And I told him that I was now a Christian and that I was no longer a Mormon.
323
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:27,000
And he wrote me back and said that we are unequally yoked and he could not marry me
324
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,760
now.
325
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,320
And it broke my heart.
326
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:36,380
I grew up believing that he was my husband for a minute.
327
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:39,840
So I had to get through the emotions of that.
328
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:43,720
And honestly, it actually did the opposite of what you thought it would happen.
329
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:49,760
I actually ran back into the world, started partying, doing drugs even more.
330
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,160
Lost it.
331
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,680
I lost my mind.
332
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,560
Were you already doing drugs as a Mormon?
333
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,560
Oh yeah.
334
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:56,560
Yeah.
335
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,800
I started when I was like 13.
336
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,680
I lost my virginity when I was 13.
337
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,060
I didn't want to live.
338
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:10,200
I was on a self-sabotage, did not want to exist tantrum.
339
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:15,000
And so I was doing things that were dangerous and not good for me.
340
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,320
And I had a loving mother.
341
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,320
I really did.
342
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,000
I had the best mommy in the world.
343
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:24,080
I mean, she really loved me and she always spoke good things over me.
344
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:29,880
She always told me, Olivia, when the world is coming down on you, put your makeup on,
345
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:35,400
brush your hair and throw your head back and walk out like you're the boss.
346
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,800
She's always told me, don't let the world affect you like that.
347
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,000
Wow.
348
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,560
So I've always learned from that.
349
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,160
So at least you have a good front.
350
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,160
Yeah.
351
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,160
Great front.
352
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,360
So much bad underneath though.
353
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,360
Just so much.
354
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,360
Yeah.
355
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,360
It doesn't really deal with the problem.
356
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,360
It didn't.
357
00:19:54,360 --> 00:20:00,320
It helps you maintain a persona that you can survive with in the world.
358
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,320
Yes.
359
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,000
But that's not where we're trying to survive.
360
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,000
No.
361
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:09,080
And I'm so thankful that even though I call it backsliding, because I mean, if you're
362
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,600
not going forward, you're going backwards.
363
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:12,600
Very true.
364
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,120
And so, I mean, is that not true?
365
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,340
It's very true.
366
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:21,480
So I felt like I was backsliding, going back into my old ways, but just without Mormonism.
367
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,480
I'm running from God now.
368
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:24,480
I'm running from God.
369
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,880
I'll go into witchcraft.
370
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,880
I start reading people's palms.
371
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:29,880
Oh my.
372
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:35,880
That's just the prophetic gift that God gave you starting to operate on the dark side.
373
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:36,880
Exactly.
374
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:37,880
Exactly.
375
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,440
And all that was happening.
376
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:44,520
And I had a good friend that, you know, we were following the Grateful Dead for a minute
377
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:45,520
and all this stuff.
378
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:50,880
And I just really just went a total left field is what I did.
379
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,200
And I was on crack.
380
00:20:53,200 --> 00:21:00,800
And I was gone for a year and the Lord woke me up and he said, go home.
381
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:05,280
And I told the guy next to me, I said, I have to go home now.
382
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,120
And I said, when you come out of there, I have to go home.
383
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,280
You're not going to see me anymore.
384
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:16,200
And I went home and I toughed it out and I got dried out and it took me about two weeks
385
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:22,000
to dry out, went all the way out in the country and just sat in the tent for two weeks.
386
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:27,080
And then after that, I realized that I put myself in some dangerous situations, you know,
387
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,600
I mean, no telling them what they got.
388
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:29,600
He came from prison.
389
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,360
So, I mean, I was hanging out with some pretty tough folk.
390
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:33,360
Oh yeah.
391
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,360
Yeah.
392
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:38,520
So it was a lot of school of hard knocks for me.
393
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:45,280
It was, but God was so gracious and so forgiving.
394
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:53,920
But working that works out of me because in Mormonism, you are programmed for works.
395
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,600
You're programmed to go to the temple and do works.
396
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,040
You're programmed that that's what your existence is.
397
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,880
And if you sin, you can be excommunicated.
398
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:07,280
It's the people that do well are the ones that get to go to the temple.
399
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:11,520
And I lied a lot when I went into confession.
400
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,840
I called it going to the branch president.
401
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:18,960
The branch president pretty much raked you over the coals, asked how your life was going.
402
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,340
And I always lied.
403
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,560
So I did end up going to the temple.
404
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:23,560
Oh my goodness.
405
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:24,560
Yes.
406
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,480
And I got baptized for like 300 dead people.
407
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,480
Oh my goodness.
408
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:29,480
Yeah.
409
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,480
Come on.
410
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,480
Yeah.
411
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,240
The bulls and it's this big baptismal.
412
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,240
Yeah.
413
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:40,040
And you get in it and they read all these names off and they dunk you down one time
414
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,040
for all those people.
415
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,040
They dunk you 300 times?
416
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,320
No, no, no.
417
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,800
One time they read the 300 names and then they dunk you once.
418
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,080
And so you're taking them on in one dunking.
419
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,200
In one dunk you get all 300.
420
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,200
Yes.
421
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:58,440
And they claim that Abraham Lincoln, you know, accepted it after death and all this because
422
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:04,600
they thought that that's an open door for them to receive the truth by getting baptized.
423
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:09,840
Oh my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my.
424
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,400
That was a rewind back when I was 14 or so.
425
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,400
Yeah.
426
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,400
Wow.
427
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:16,400
But you got there by, by deception.
428
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,400
Oops.
429
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:18,400
Absolutely.
430
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,400
Absolutely.
431
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,200
I was scared to tell the truth.
432
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,280
You feel beat.
433
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,960
You feel like you were, you're worth nothing.
434
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,680
They can easily just tell you to go.
435
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:31,680
Yeah.
436
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,120
So they kind of loaded over you that, you know.
437
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:35,120
Yeah.
438
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:36,120
It felt that way.
439
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,120
And it was my uncle.
440
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,760
I mean, my uncle was the branch president, you know, I mean.
441
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:40,760
Oh my.
442
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,480
My step uncle, but I'm like, he was my, you know, family at the time.
443
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:45,640
Your step dad's brother, right?
444
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,640
In law.
445
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:47,640
A brother in law.
446
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:48,640
Okay.
447
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,640
Okay.
448
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,280
So then you've had this epiphany.
449
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:55,080
If you've had this visitation from the Lord, get out of here.
450
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,080
Stop this.
451
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,080
Then what happened?
452
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:01,120
I had to take inventory.
453
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:06,960
It's called taking inventory and responsibility for who you are and what you are.
454
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:07,960
Yeah.
455
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,360
And the things that you are responsible for.
456
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:14,360
Cause you've been busy taking responsibility for things that weren't your responsibility.
457
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:15,360
Yes.
458
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:16,360
Yes.
459
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,360
Because I was blamed.
460
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:22,720
My mother's daughters were taken from her and I was blamed for it.
461
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:28,440
So I carried terrible burdens when I was young and it wasn't my fault.
462
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:34,760
He just used it as a way to take the children from her and saying that I didn't see anybody
463
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:35,760
there.
464
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,720
I went to the loop to see if there was a grownup there before I dropped my little sisters off.
465
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,080
I was the one that dropped them off that day.
466
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,640
Oh my goodness.
467
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:44,640
And it was a lie.
468
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:49,600
I mean, it was a whole lie just to keep the girls away from my mom.
469
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,160
And my mom suffered for years.
470
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,080
She didn't get to raise her girls.
471
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,080
Oh my.
472
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,080
And that was from him.
473
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,880
You know, we're a different litter, me and my two brothers.
474
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,920
So I mean, I carried horrible burdens as a child, just broken, you know?
475
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:09,640
All because the devil was trying to keep you from doing what you're doing now.
476
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:10,640
Amen.
477
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,600
It took me 25 years, but here I am.
478
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:19,520
So we're going to go back in a minute and tell how you got over all of this, but just
479
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:23,800
give us a small portion of what the Lord is doing in your life now.
480
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,920
So now I have started a ministry called Breath of God Ministries.
481
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,800
It's just been birthed.
482
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:35,120
I have been to two nations, three to four times each.
483
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,440
That's the Philippines and Uganda.
484
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:40,480
Yes, Uganda and the Philippines, Maxase Islands.
485
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:46,960
And God is using me to set the captives free, lift up the down laden, preach the gospel,
486
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,360
and bring life to people.
487
00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:53,080
And my forte is deliverance.
488
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:58,800
Much of it is deliverance, inner healing, counseling, and God is using it.
489
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,400
And it is because of my life.
490
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,520
This is my life's work, who I am.
491
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:05,520
Right.
492
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:11,000
So the woundings that you took through your life have set you up for the ministry that
493
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,000
you have now.
494
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,640
Your mess has become your message.
495
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:14,640
Amen.
496
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:15,640
Amen.
497
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:16,640
Okay.
498
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:22,240
So how did you get out of that mess into this place of being delivered from rejection?
499
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:26,920
I found a true deliverance through Brownsville Revival.
500
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:31,320
Steve Hill was speaking that night, and it was kind of at the end of Brownsville Revival
501
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,080
that I was starting to come to it.
502
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,840
I had both of my children with me.
503
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:40,080
Sarah was in the room with me while he was preaching.
504
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:44,480
And he just started talking about the love of the Father.
505
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:49,240
And as a little girl, as I've told y'all, I felt like I lost my father.
506
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,240
Yes, you did.
507
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:55,160
Because when he divorced my mother, he, in essence, pretty much divorced us.
508
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:56,760
I barely saw my dad.
509
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,440
I went to my grandparents a lot.
510
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:05,640
And so Steve Hill is talking about this Father and the love of the Father.
511
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,320
And my heart just swelled.
512
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,120
It just swelled.
513
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:13,000
And tears just, I couldn't stop them.
514
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,000
Wow.
515
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,640
And I realized I need a father.
516
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,280
I need my father.
517
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:19,280
Yes.
518
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,680
And I said, I want to know this father.
519
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,200
That was what was coming up out of me.
520
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:28,720
Like I want to know that kind of love, the kind of love that picks you up when you become
521
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,800
an orphan.
522
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:35,960
Because when your mother and father forsake you, he said he will take you up.
523
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,040
Exactly.
524
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:42,400
And when he was talking about it, I was like, I just want God.
525
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,920
And so I ran forward.
526
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,180
And Steve Hill, I call it, slapped me down.
527
00:27:47,180 --> 00:27:48,360
He didn't slap me down.
528
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:51,720
He put his hands on me and I just flew down.
529
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,160
And my baby sat on my stomach.
530
00:27:55,160 --> 00:28:01,880
And I felt the love just like fire going through me.
531
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:02,880
Glory to God.
532
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,560
And it embraced my entire being.
533
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:06,560
Wow.
534
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,040
And I could not get up for at least two hours.
535
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,280
I was just laying there under the glory.
536
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,960
And I felt so loved.
537
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:15,960
Hallelujah.
538
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,120
And so accepted at that moment.
539
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,600
I needed that.
540
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:20,600
Yes.
541
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:21,880
I needed that healing.
542
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:29,040
I needed that moment that God really loved me and that I didn't have to do anything.
543
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:36,440
I could sit in my chair at home and eat popcorn and watch TV and not have to do anything for
544
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:37,440
him.
545
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:43,080
And he would love me just as much as if I'm out there preaching.
546
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:44,080
Yes.
547
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:45,800
The love doesn't change.
548
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,800
It doesn't change.
549
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:48,800
Yeah.
550
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:49,800
Yeah.
551
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:56,520
And people work themselves so hard in their life and they don't realize that rest is just
552
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,840
as important as running.
553
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,080
Absolutely.
554
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,720
And we can rest in him and sit like Mary.
555
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:08,600
Just sit at his feet and just let him love on us.
556
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:15,360
He loves us just as much as when we're out there running and telling people about Jesus.
557
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,240
The platform is as important as the time at his feet.
558
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,760
They're both important.
559
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,760
But the time at his feet is the most important.
560
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:25,760
Yeah.
561
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:26,760
Yeah.
562
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,920
The Lord spoke to me sometime back.
563
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:30,440
I don't remember just how long.
564
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:34,900
I wrote it in my journal and he said, you work to please men.
565
00:29:34,900 --> 00:29:40,380
You rest to please me because rest implies trust.
566
00:29:40,380 --> 00:29:41,860
That's so good.
567
00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:43,280
It's so real.
568
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:47,200
I think about a parent with their child.
569
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:52,640
Because the child is growing up, we forget when we become parents that this is how God
570
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:57,840
thinks because you want your child to know that you love them.
571
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:02,600
Even if they do something really stupid or they do something really bad, you have to
572
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,120
correct them.
573
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:08,160
But you love them and it doesn't change the love.
574
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:12,700
They don't have to obey you to get you to love them.
575
00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:16,000
But their obedience shows you that they love you.
576
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,000
Amen.
577
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,840
A good parent should try to say those kind of things.
578
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,560
A good parent should try to say those kind of things.
579
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,560
If you love me, obey me.
580
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:25,920
That's what Jesus said to his disciples.
581
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,880
If you love me, keep my commandments.
582
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:32,940
So this is a way you show me that you love me is by obeying me.
583
00:30:32,940 --> 00:30:36,400
But even if you don't obey me, I still love you.
584
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,000
Nothing changes how much I love you.
585
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,000
Amen.
586
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,000
Amen.
587
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,240
Your behavior might hurt me.
588
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:49,920
It grieves our father when we misbehave, but it doesn't change how he loves us.
589
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:50,920
No.
590
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:56,360
And waiting is some of the best obedience you can do sometimes.
591
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:57,360
Very true.
592
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:58,360
Just wait.
593
00:30:58,360 --> 00:30:59,360
Yeah.
594
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,520
Sometimes we want to jump off the side of a big mountain and say, catch me God.
595
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,280
And he does, but he didn't tell you to jump.
596
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,120
Right, right, right.
597
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:08,420
Yeah.
598
00:31:08,420 --> 00:31:13,440
So how did you get to the point, like, would you say that you loved yourself through those
599
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,520
years or did you hate yourself?
600
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:19,280
I still had a problem with that.
601
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,680
I mean, it wasn't a fix, like a sudden fix.
602
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:26,880
I realized God took me from glory to glory, faith to faith.
603
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:27,880
Right.
604
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,720
You know, at that moment, I just met God, really met God.
605
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,580
14, I knew that I was missing something.
606
00:31:35,580 --> 00:31:40,480
By the time I got to that point, now I've met him.
607
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:48,880
And I had to get the understanding that he was no longer expecting me to do it by works,
608
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,640
but that it was backwards.
609
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:57,200
Doesn't mean you don't work your faith, but there's so much more peace in the way God
610
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:58,200
does it.
611
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,200
Yes, exactly.
612
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:03,980
It was interesting how God worked in me because it was layers.
613
00:32:03,980 --> 00:32:04,980
Everybody has layers.
614
00:32:04,980 --> 00:32:08,360
We all have layers that God is working on.
615
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,320
And at that moment, I met God and I knew he loved me.
616
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,160
So he gave me a safe place.
617
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,200
And as children, that's what we need, too.
618
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,400
We need safe places.
619
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,920
So God gave me that back.
620
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,960
It was restored to me.
621
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:32,520
And now I'm like a little wild horse, little pony, little wild pony, rough around the edges.
622
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:37,880
I don't realize some things that I'm doing is sin because nobody taught me that it was
623
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,480
sin.
624
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:44,880
And so I'm this little wild pony throwing all my stuff on everybody, hoping they can
625
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,800
fix it, hoping they can help me.
626
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:55,240
Some of the things that I found out were sin blew my mind because many people think they're
627
00:32:55,240 --> 00:33:01,000
not walking in sin and it really is sin because they're not lining up with the Bible.
628
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,000
Exactly.
629
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:03,000
The instruction book.
630
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,120
The instruction book.
631
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:09,280
And it's painful when you find out that you don't know.
632
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,200
You're totally ignorant.
633
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:19,120
And so I was going through a walk, a time where I found out what sin really was and
634
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,540
I had to become transparent.
635
00:33:22,540 --> 00:33:24,040
God gave me my spiritual mother.
636
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,720
Her name was Rosemary Gileard.
637
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:32,320
And that lady had the sweetest, most angelic face she'd ever meet.
638
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:37,340
And she would say, oh, honey.
639
00:33:37,340 --> 00:33:39,080
And she taught me deliverance.
640
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,080
She taught me how to speak.
641
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,400
She brought me into tongues.
642
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:48,580
And I learned from her everything in the beginning.
643
00:33:48,580 --> 00:33:54,020
And God, that was when I actually, actually I was married to my first husband.
644
00:33:54,020 --> 00:33:57,720
And our house was a drug house when that happened.
645
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:02,120
When that happened, I came all the way like from everybody.
646
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:03,480
Your house was the drug house.
647
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,480
My house was a drug house.
648
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:10,560
My husband at the time dealt, he sold drugs.
649
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,400
I didn't know everything about it, but he did.
650
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,300
And people always came to our house to do them.
651
00:34:16,300 --> 00:34:21,400
And when I got home that night after the love of God, I didn't tell this part.
652
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:26,760
I got home that night and I blew.
653
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:33,800
I said, I got to tell you about a man that I just met.
654
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:37,280
And I told them all about Jesus while they were all high.
655
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,100
Oh my goodness.
656
00:34:39,100 --> 00:34:45,280
And they all looked at me and they said, they said, well, one thing's for sure.
657
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,160
You ruined our buzz.
658
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,560
Ruined our buzz.
659
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:59,520
And I said, I don't understand how you don't want to know this man.
660
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:00,520
Wow.
661
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:01,840
I couldn't understand it.
662
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:10,320
It was such pure love and it changed me so much that I wanted to share it with everyone.
663
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,680
I wasn't the same person.
664
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:17,820
I became a new creature in that instant when he laid hands on me.
665
00:35:17,820 --> 00:35:25,320
And when I came home and told them all about Jesus, man, I was so on fire and wanted everybody
666
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,360
to know what God had done in my life.
667
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:32,200
I knew I was not even the same person.
668
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,960
And my husband at the time looked at me.
669
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,960
He said, who are you?
670
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,520
Oh my, a new creature.
671
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:39,680
You were a new creature.
672
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,480
You weren't the same old Olivia.
673
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:42,720
Oh man.
674
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:43,840
Yes.
675
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:47,360
And it was that big of a change in an instant.
676
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,200
And he kept saying, I hate the Jesus in you.
677
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:51,200
He said it.
678
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,400
Oh, I hate the Jesus in you.
679
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,320
I want the old Olivia back.
680
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:56,320
Bring her back.
681
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,600
Oh my goodness.
682
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,600
And I said, I can't.
683
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,400
Oh my, my eyes are open.
684
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:03,560
My heart is full.
685
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,280
I can't.
686
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,680
And that's when he broke my, he broke my nose, blacked my eyes.
687
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:13,800
I ended up being very hurt and he locked me out of the house.
688
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:14,800
Yeah.
689
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:15,800
Things happened.
690
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,480
And I tried to tough it out for a month.
691
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,480
Oh my goodness.
692
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:20,480
Yeah.
693
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:21,960
Because I didn't believe in divorce after that.
694
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,560
I was trying to do things God's way, you know.
695
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:31,800
And so I got counsel from pastors and asked questions and they read scripture to me telling
696
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:35,240
me that it was okay for divorce.
697
00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,660
And even after that, it was hard.
698
00:36:37,660 --> 00:36:40,120
But then one day I told him, I said, it's over with.
699
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:41,640
I'm done.
700
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:42,640
And I sat in my chair.
701
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:47,200
There was around me like a bee for about 30 minutes telling me nobody would have me.
702
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:48,200
I'm nobody.
703
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,160
You know, you're unlovable.
704
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:51,160
Look at you.
705
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,160
Look at you.
706
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:53,160
And oh my.
707
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:54,640
It's a devil speaking to your own.
708
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:55,640
Yeah.
709
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:56,640
Yes.
710
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,880
And I just sat there and I just looked at him.
711
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,040
I said, I don't care what you say.
712
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:04,740
I found God out.
713
00:37:04,740 --> 00:37:05,920
And he left that day.
714
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,300
His parents came and got him.
715
00:37:08,300 --> 00:37:09,880
An angel inhabited my house.
716
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:15,280
The next morning I was sleeping in the bed with my daughter and I heard this beautiful
717
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,360
voice in the next room with my son.
718
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:28,240
Mind you, he was in his little bassinet and I heard it go, Oh, sweetie, you're so cute.
719
00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:30,180
Like she's talking to him.
720
00:37:30,180 --> 00:37:33,280
And I hear her voice and I'm like, somebody's in my house.
721
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:38,500
Like I couldn't believe there was a voice in the next room.
722
00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:43,440
And I got up and I went in there to my baby, my little boy, and I looked down and he has
723
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,360
the biggest, cutest smile on his face.
724
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:47,360
Still asleep?
725
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:48,360
No, he was awake.
726
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:49,360
He was awake.
727
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:55,400
I think he was talking to this angel all morning long, cooing with her or what have you.
728
00:37:55,400 --> 00:38:00,440
And I looked at him and I said, well, there's nobody in here.
729
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:06,720
But all day long, I felt an angelic presence in my house.
730
00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:13,440
I was giving my babies a bath and I saw the train of that angel go by my door while I
731
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,980
was giving my, the door was open while I was giving them a bath.
732
00:38:16,980 --> 00:38:19,760
And that train was just pure clear.
733
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,260
It was clear.
734
00:38:21,260 --> 00:38:25,920
It looked like sparkles was all in it and it just went by the door.
735
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,560
And I was so aware of that angel being in my house.
736
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:35,920
I knew it was protecting us from him coming back because I was fearful.
737
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:40,200
And didn't he make some kind of comment about he would rather have crack than you?
738
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,440
No, that was the guy earlier.
739
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:43,440
Yeah.
740
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:48,120
Yeah, I went through a lot of experiences.
741
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,480
I wasn't a good girl.
742
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:50,640
We'll just put it that way.
743
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:54,280
Well, the devil was trying to keep you from doing what you're doing now.
744
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,600
He was trying to discourage you, trying to get you to commit suicide, trying to get you
745
00:38:58,600 --> 00:38:59,600
to quit.
746
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:00,600
Yes.
747
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:01,600
Yes.
748
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:07,560
And then when he left, I went and lived with my mom in Panama City for a little while.
749
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:09,800
And then I lived with my grandmother.
750
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:16,680
And when I had to raise my kids by myself, I did at one time have a breakdown, a meltdown.
751
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:21,360
And I tried to give my kids to their grandmother on my husband, my ex-husband side.
752
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:22,360
Oh my goodness.
753
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:25,240
And I was going to commit suicide that night.
754
00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:27,320
And I went speeding down the road.
755
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:31,520
I was going to hit the side of a bridge and just fly off the side of it.
756
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,600
And hopefully it would have just taken my life was my thought.
757
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:42,240
And as I was coming near that bridge, the Lord said, I want you to calm down and get
758
00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,760
yourself together and line up.
759
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:46,940
Wow.
760
00:39:46,940 --> 00:39:47,940
And I did.
761
00:39:47,940 --> 00:39:53,960
And then I pulled over at the gas station, just cried my eyes out because I was uneducated.
762
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,620
I had no trade.
763
00:39:55,620 --> 00:39:56,840
I was a waitress.
764
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:58,440
I was struggling.
765
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,160
I had to ask for help all the time.
766
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,840
I mean, I felt like a beggar, you know?
767
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:09,400
And it was horrible to have to ask for help all the time.
768
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:14,600
And when you feel inferior to everyone, the church that I went to, everybody had money,
769
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:16,320
it seemed, you know?
770
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:17,480
And I was the poor one.
771
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,560
I lived in the ghetto.
772
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,000
I had favor with the pastor.
773
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:25,080
The pastor owned, one of the pastors owned the house that I stayed in.
774
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,800
But I was still on Section 8 housing.
775
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:32,760
I was living in the ghetto, and it was just oppressive.
776
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:39,400
But I realized, you know, God started talking to me about my life and about how sometimes
777
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:45,080
it takes a minute for the bad seed and then the good seed to overtake the bad seed.
778
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,720
And so I realized I was having a bad harvest.
779
00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:54,360
And so I had to realize that the sin in my life reaped that bad harvest.
780
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,800
And I asked God to cut it short.
781
00:40:56,800 --> 00:41:02,360
But awesome thing about that was I got put in a position where I could go through demonic
782
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:03,360
deliverance.
783
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:08,680
You know, I had a girlfriend that would sit with my children and let me go through deliverance
784
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,080
and let me go through inner healing.
785
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,560
And I felt like God was tearing me apart.
786
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:18,840
It hurt so bad to deal with some of the things that I was dealing with.
787
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:25,560
And over a period of about five years, I allowed God to just tear me apart and put me back
788
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,120
together.
789
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:35,640
And through that, God transitioned me from being inferior to people, which I always felt
790
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,320
like I couldn't sit in a room with you.
791
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,520
I could have never sat in a room with you.
792
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:40,520
Wow.
793
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:41,520
Ever.
794
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,520
It would have scared the bajiggers out of me.
795
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,720
I would have never been able to sit with another minister ever.
796
00:41:47,720 --> 00:41:51,360
Even when the pastor talked to me, I would be afraid.
797
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:52,360
Wow.
798
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,480
Because I didn't feel good enough for nothing.
799
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:56,480
Wow.
800
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:58,480
Nothing.
801
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,640
And God just worked that out.
802
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:04,800
And He healed me and He healed me and He healed me some more.
803
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,300
And as I could handle it, He healed me.
804
00:42:07,300 --> 00:42:09,000
But I wanted it to happen.
805
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,000
Yes.
806
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,000
I wanted it to happen.
807
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,560
So I took the counsel.
808
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:13,760
I took the healing.
809
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,160
I took the deliverance.
810
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:20,880
I took the training and I just let God build me.
811
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:22,440
I let Him father me.
812
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:23,440
Let's put it that way.
813
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,440
That's it.
814
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:31,280
But I didn't even know the touch of a father without feeling like a man was being perverted.
815
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:37,740
Like until one day a man hugged me and it was Pastor Sumerall of Liberty Church.
816
00:42:37,740 --> 00:42:46,560
And he hugged me so tight and I cried my eyes out after he hugged me because I didn't know
817
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:50,920
what it was like to be hugged by a man with pure motives.
818
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,240
Wow.
819
00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:55,400
And when he hugged me, I felt a father's hug.
820
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,400
It was the greatest feeling.
821
00:42:58,400 --> 00:42:59,400
Wow.
822
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:00,400
Wow.
823
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:06,080
You know, I'm reminded of the scripture in Hosea 6.1 and the New Living Translation puts
824
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:10,480
it beautifully, it says, come, let us return to the Lord.
825
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,120
He has torn us to pieces.
826
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:14,560
Now He will heal us.
827
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:15,880
He has injured us.
828
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,720
Now He will bandage our wounds.
829
00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:24,440
You know, when I was going through a thing where the Lord was working out some deep things,
830
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:30,000
deep wounds from my childhood, I was having these experiences like we had in Toronto and
831
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,600
it's similar to what went on in Pensacola.
832
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,920
I was drunk a lot in the spirit.
833
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:38,960
I was like, I was not with it at all.
834
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:40,200
Philip remembers those times.
835
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:45,400
Yeah, he just collapsed on the floor.
836
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:51,140
At the end of it where I came back to kind of a semi-normal, what came to me was that
837
00:43:51,140 --> 00:43:55,560
he had discombobulated me and then he recombobulated me.
838
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:56,560
Yes.
839
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,400
He had to take everything apart.
840
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:05,000
It's like if you have a puzzle and something gets spilled on it and gets all down in between
841
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:09,440
the pieces, you know, you've got to take it apart and you've got to clean all the pieces
842
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:12,040
before you can put it back together and have it be right.
843
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:13,040
That's good.
844
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,040
That's good.
845
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:17,280
So I think that's what God has been doing in our lives and I'm sure He's really doing
846
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:20,880
it with everybody if we'll just let Him.
847
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:21,880
That's the purpose.
848
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:22,920
That's the plan.
849
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:23,920
That's the plan.
850
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:28,460
Okay, now tell us about what you said earlier to us before we started this recording about
851
00:44:28,460 --> 00:44:33,960
how you got in touch with your purpose so that you could begin to love yourself.
852
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,200
So we all have gifts.
853
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:39,080
We all have callings.
854
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:45,080
And many times when we've walked through curses and things in our life that have hindered
855
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:51,720
that and have stopped the blessing of God on our lives because of, and I hate to say
856
00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:52,720
it, people.
857
00:44:52,720 --> 00:44:57,720
You know, we say the enemy is our worst enemy, but sometimes it's people and ourselves that
858
00:44:57,720 --> 00:45:00,240
are worst enemies.
859
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:07,600
And the Lord has shown me where Olivia, you're your best friend.
860
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,280
You have to be your best friend.
861
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:11,400
You have to encourage you.
862
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,400
What did David do?
863
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,200
Oh yes, he encouraged himself and the Lord.
864
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,320
He encouraged himself.
865
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:23,320
He said, you know, many times he would say, but Lord, you created me.
866
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:24,960
You made me.
867
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,360
I'm perfect in you, Jesus.
868
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:33,280
And like he was, he was just ministering it back to the Lord, what God said about him,
869
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:34,280
you know?
870
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:35,480
And so I've learned to do that.
871
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:39,880
I've learned to say, okay, God, I've come through dark times.
872
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:48,080
I did a lot of bad things in my life, but I'm so proud of myself in you, Jesus, that
873
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:50,880
you can take that broken thing in me.
874
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:52,040
And I didn't give up.
875
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,040
I didn't give into the death.
876
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,720
I didn't give in to the perversion.
877
00:45:57,720 --> 00:46:02,000
I didn't allow that to be the end all.
878
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,240
That's it.
879
00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:10,400
You know, we, a lot of times people's condemnation keeps them from growing.
880
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:17,680
And they think that God's arm is too short to keep them, you know, too short to say,
881
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:22,920
okay, you're this way today, but you can be this way tomorrow.
882
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,440
So I realize I have a tenacity.
883
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:26,640
Okay, that's good.
884
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:31,960
I have this tenacity in me that says I refuse to settle.
885
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:33,440
Yes.
886
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:41,840
Because so many times people settle and they say, well, that's just the way that I am.
887
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:43,560
Oh, that's the line.
888
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,800
Oh, that's just how I am.
889
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:47,600
Everybody says that.
890
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:48,600
I'm just human.
891
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,920
That's one of my favorite ones.
892
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:51,920
I'm just human.
893
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:52,920
Yes.
894
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:53,920
It's an excuse.
895
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:54,920
Exactly.
896
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:55,920
But it's a poor excuse.
897
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,000
It's a poor excuse.
898
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:04,520
You know, and so many times I hear people say, well, I think that's just in my DNA.
899
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:06,000
You know, my grandma was like that.
900
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:07,360
My granddad was like that.
901
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:08,360
Okay, yes.
902
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:10,080
My grandmother was this way.
903
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,000
My mother was this way.
904
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:13,800
And I saw it as curses.
905
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:15,720
Come on.
906
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:21,640
And I said, God, you do a new thing in me for the next generations to come.
907
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:25,280
Because what you do in me, it's going to break it off of them.
908
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,680
And I believe that wholeheartedly.
909
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:36,380
So I love myself now because I realized I was willing to hide myself in him and sacrifice
910
00:47:36,380 --> 00:47:41,440
myself and say, okay, God, I'm going to lay on the altar.
911
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:45,280
Even if I crawl off the altar, because a lot of times we're living sacrifices, we'll just
912
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,160
crawl right off the altar.
913
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,320
But we have to keep going back.
914
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:50,320
Go back.
915
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:51,320
Go back.
916
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:56,360
Go back to where God was talking to you if he's not talking to you anymore.
917
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:58,120
Go back.
918
00:47:58,120 --> 00:47:59,240
It's okay.
919
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:01,600
It's okay to fail even.
920
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:02,600
I failed.
921
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:03,600
You know what?
922
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:10,880
I think that because I have failed so much in my life, it's become a victory in my life.
923
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:15,320
Because I'm like, who was it that invented the light bulb?
924
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:16,320
Yes, Thomas Edison.
925
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:18,080
I mean, what did he go through?
926
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,240
He failed many, many, many, many, many times.
927
00:48:21,240 --> 00:48:22,240
10,000 times.
928
00:48:22,240 --> 00:48:23,240
But look what happened.
929
00:48:23,240 --> 00:48:24,240
He didn't quit.
930
00:48:24,240 --> 00:48:25,240
Yeah.
931
00:48:25,240 --> 00:48:26,240
And that's the point.
932
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:27,240
Right.
933
00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:28,240
You don't quit.
934
00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:29,240
Yeah.
935
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:34,960
I've heard the greatest pastors, they say, run back to the mercy seat.
936
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:35,960
Yes.
937
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:44,080
Run back to where that hurt was and let God cut it out of your life and let yourself feel
938
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:47,840
everything you need to feel to get delivered from that thing.
939
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:48,840
Amen.
940
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:49,840
Amen.
941
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:55,040
And to be human, but to live in it and to make excuses for it.
942
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:59,560
People take grace and they say, well, God's grace is sufficient.
943
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:02,720
It is sufficient for you to overcome that thing.
944
00:49:02,720 --> 00:49:03,720
Exactly.
945
00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:05,880
It's an empowerment.
946
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,760
It's not an excuse.
947
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:08,760
Right.
948
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:10,680
And so that's where I love myself.
949
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:14,600
I realized that it's not an excuse for me.
950
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,800
It's an empowerment for me.
951
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:17,800
Beautiful.
952
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,680
And now I know who Olivia is.
953
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:27,760
And now that I see where the devil so tried to twist my life and so tried to kill me and
954
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:33,720
try to take out the destiny that is ingrated in me from the day that I was conceived in
955
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:35,280
my mother's womb.
956
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:36,280
Right.
957
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:43,200
That now Olivia gets to be who she is because she was willing to die for it.
958
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:44,200
Yes.
959
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:45,200
Beautiful.
960
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:46,200
Beautiful.
961
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:49,560
And so when you die, the spirit brings life.
962
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:50,560
Right.
963
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,760
You kill your flesh and that spirit is going to overtake the flesh.
964
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:58,400
And next thing you know, you're alive in that area and no longer can people touch you.
965
00:49:58,400 --> 00:49:59,400
Amen.
966
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,600
I'm still rejected to this day.
967
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:05,000
I go through a lot of rejection, but guess what?
968
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,000
What?
969
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,640
Now I know I'm loved.
970
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:08,640
Yes.
971
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:10,360
Even if someone rejects me.
972
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,360
Right.
973
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:14,800
Because Olivia loves her and God loves Olivia.
974
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:15,800
Yes.
975
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:19,000
I love people regardless of how they feel.
976
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:20,000
Yeah.
977
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:21,000
And I do.
978
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,000
I love people.
979
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:23,000
I'm a tenacious lover.
980
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:27,600
I love a person even when they hate me and I'll do pray blessings on them and I don't
981
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:28,600
curse them.
982
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:33,160
I hurt when they don't love me because I'm a sanguine personality.
983
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:36,280
Outgoing people want to be loved of loved.
984
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:42,120
And so that's a weakness in me, but I use that weakness as my strength now.
985
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:46,040
I allow God to make the weakness in me strong.
986
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,040
Amen.
987
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:52,480
You know, because I realized the weaker I am, it seems like the spirit grows even stronger.
988
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,280
And that's the whole point.
989
00:50:54,280 --> 00:51:02,520
The whole point is we see in Romans seven how the real you, the real me is our spirit.
990
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:03,520
Yes.
991
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:04,520
Okay.
992
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:05,640
That's the real me.
993
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:08,920
We are not defined by our flesh.
994
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:09,920
Amen.
995
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:13,720
We are defined in eternal matters by our spirit.
996
00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:14,720
Amen.
997
00:51:14,720 --> 00:51:20,520
And the problem is that we all mostly tend to see things in the flesh.
998
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:22,040
We look at things in the flesh.
999
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:28,040
We sense things in the flesh instead of staying in the spirit side where we can be ruled by
1000
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:32,080
what the word of God says and we can rule our circumstances.
1001
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:33,400
We can rule our spirit.
1002
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:34,800
We can rule our soul.
1003
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:36,760
We can rule our flesh.
1004
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:37,920
Key.
1005
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:38,920
That's the key.
1006
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:41,040
We can overcome our own flesh.
1007
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:43,320
It's about our soul getting saved.
1008
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:44,320
Okay.
1009
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:45,320
Amen.
1010
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:46,320
Jesus saved our spirit.
1011
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:52,800
Instantly we were reborn, but it's all about saving our soul, getting our fleshly nature
1012
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:56,640
into sync with the spirit of God.
1013
00:51:56,640 --> 00:52:04,400
And the way you get that rolling in your life, we'll say, is by reading the word, renewing
1014
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:12,640
your mind, knowing what the word of God says over you, as he does everyone, and hiding
1015
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:18,000
it in your heart, but not just having it in your heart, but working it out and letting
1016
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,440
it become spirit.
1017
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:24,480
Because when Jesus came in the flesh, he was the spirit embodied.
1018
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:25,480
Yes.
1019
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:26,480
Very true.
1020
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:28,780
He was the spirit embodied.
1021
00:52:28,780 --> 00:52:34,280
And everything you see Jesus doing, it lines up with your spirit, man.
1022
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:35,920
Like your tricycle wheels.
1023
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:41,360
You just keep going everything, whatever the Bible says, you do what the Bible says.
1024
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,400
And then one day it becomes a part of you.
1025
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:52,360
And then the spirit comes alive because that word came alive inside of you, which is Jesus.
1026
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:55,880
And it's feeding that eclipse.
1027
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:58,880
The light is taking over the soul.
1028
00:52:58,880 --> 00:52:59,880
Yes.
1029
00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:00,880
Yes.
1030
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:01,880
Hallelujah.
1031
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:07,200
And the more angry you are, and the more you chase God, you'll chase him until one day
1032
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:08,680
he'll catch you.
1033
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:09,680
Yes.
1034
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:13,320
Or you'll catch him, and then he'll push you.
1035
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:14,500
He becomes your wind.
1036
00:53:14,500 --> 00:53:19,880
He becomes that spirit, everything to you.
1037
00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:23,520
The word becomes life.
1038
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:27,360
And suddenly you're able to do the Ten Commandments.
1039
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:31,960
And the reason you're able to do the Ten Commandments is because the word became life.
1040
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:33,200
It became everything.
1041
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,240
It fulfills the law inside of you.
1042
00:53:35,240 --> 00:53:36,240
Yes.
1043
00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:39,600
You no longer have to go in the flesh and say, I have to turn the light switch on three
1044
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:44,160
times before I can actually walk out the door.
1045
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,160
You don't have to do something like that.
1046
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,240
It's not a law anymore.
1047
00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:49,960
It becomes a part of who you are.
1048
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,520
It's in your DNA now.
1049
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:52,520
Yes.
1050
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:53,520
Yes.
1051
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,040
Which is Christ's DNA when you get saved.
1052
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:56,040
Exactly.
1053
00:53:56,040 --> 00:54:01,400
And we can behold ourselves in the mirror, a reflection of him.
1054
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:03,200
The bride.
1055
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:04,720
We become the bride.
1056
00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:06,680
We're a reflection.
1057
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,920
It's a mystery that two become one.
1058
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:09,920
Right.
1059
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:10,920
Okay.
1060
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:15,060
Well, if there's a mystery of a woman and a man coming one, then there's a mystery in
1061
00:54:15,060 --> 00:54:17,240
you and Christ becoming one.
1062
00:54:17,240 --> 00:54:18,240
Absolutely.
1063
00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:19,880
You become like your father God.
1064
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:21,160
Now you become the bride.
1065
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,480
You become married to Christ.
1066
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:29,200
Now you and Christ are one and now you take on the very DNA of who he is.
1067
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:30,200
Yes.
1068
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:31,200
Amen.
1069
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:32,200
Absolutely.
1070
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:33,200
Beautiful.
1071
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:34,200
Beautiful.
1072
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:35,200
Beautiful.
1073
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:36,200
Would you pray for our listeners?
1074
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:39,240
I believe there's somebody out there who's really being able to relate to some of your
1075
00:54:39,240 --> 00:54:40,240
stories.
1076
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:42,520
Lord, thank you, Father God.
1077
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:48,720
Thank you, Lord, that you've given us an opportunity, Lord, just to love on people.
1078
00:54:48,720 --> 00:54:54,280
And Lord, I know God that there are people out there that do not know you as a loving
1079
00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:55,400
father.
1080
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:59,120
And they believe that you're standing over them with this mallet, just beating them in
1081
00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:03,280
the head and telling them how horrible they are.
1082
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,320
And God, that's a bondage.
1083
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:10,140
And Lord, I ask you, God, to break that bondage off of their life, Father God, because your
1084
00:55:10,140 --> 00:55:15,340
word says, whom the Son sets free is free indeed, Father God.
1085
00:55:15,340 --> 00:55:21,380
And Lord, I just ask you, Lord, to set them free so that they can come up on the rock,
1086
00:55:21,380 --> 00:55:23,140
the rock of salvation.
1087
00:55:23,140 --> 00:55:28,320
They could come up on that rock and plant themselves, God, by the waters and become
1088
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:33,200
those trees, not those walking trees that everybody else is just moving here.
1089
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:38,620
Let them plant themselves in your word and in who you are, Father God.
1090
00:55:38,620 --> 00:55:44,200
And Lord, I ask you, God, to bring life to their branches, bring life to their fruit,
1091
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:49,800
Father God, but not to walk in the flesh any longer, but to come on the other side and
1092
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:54,080
get in your word and renew their minds and allow you to do the work.
1093
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:57,840
It's no longer, I'll clean myself up before I go to church.
1094
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,800
It'll be, I'll go to church so God can clean me up.
1095
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:01,800
Amen.
1096
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:10,320
And God, I pray that every person that hears this understands that God is backwards.
1097
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:13,400
He's not looking for you to do the work.
1098
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:22,640
He takes you as you are and he cleans you up as you are hungry for him.
1099
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:25,440
We can't change ourselves.
1100
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:28,600
You've been doing it for 20 years.
1101
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:35,320
Try it God's way and see if he doesn't show himself glorious in your life.
1102
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:40,440
And you'll find yourself walking and talking and doing things that you never thought you
1103
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:48,000
would do because you sacrificed, you released it, you finally surrendered.
1104
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,680
Can't do it without him.
1105
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,040
You can't do it without him.
1106
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:53,040
That's right.
1107
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:58,480
And Lord, right now I pray that the love of the Father would just come into every heart
1108
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:05,280
and every person that just desires to know who you really are, Father.
1109
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:07,960
In Jesus' name, amen.
1110
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:09,200
Amen.
1111
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:10,200
Thank you so much, Olivia.
1112
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,160
We really appreciate you being with us.
1113
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:14,160
Thank you for having me.
1114
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:15,280
Amen.
1115
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:25,080
If you enjoyed today's podcast, please subscribe, rate and review this podcast on Apple podcasts
1116
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:27,640
or wherever you listen to podcasts.
1117
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:32,160
Your review helps the podcasting platform suggest this podcast to other listeners who
1118
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:35,760
are also looking for a great move of the Holy Spirit.
1119
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:41,080
Check out our website at globaloutpouring.org to find out more information, read our blogs,
1120
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:42,920
connect with us and donate.
1121
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:47,360
You can also browse our web store for life-changing anointed books.
1122
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:49,920
Until next time, this is Sharon Buss.
1123
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:51,440
And I'm Philip Buss.
1124
00:57:51,440 --> 00:58:06,800
God bless you with His overwhelming loving presence.
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