Don't Lose Hope, Michele Little's Story

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Hey friends, welcome to the Her God Story podcast where you will always hear a good story to encourage, inspire, and help you in your walk with the Lord.

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I'm your host, Jodie Chiricosta, ministry leader at Somebody Cares America International, author and traveler on this journey with Jesus.

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I love to hear from you. Let me know what you like about this podcast, how you first learned about it, who's been your favorite guest, and anything else you want to share with me.

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Just send an email to hergodstory@somebodycares.org.

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1 Peter 5:8 -10 in the New Living Translation says,

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Stay alert. Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

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Stand firm against him and be strong in your faith.

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Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.

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In his kindness, God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Jesus Christ.

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So after you've suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you.

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And he will place you on a firm foundation.

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It's a sober warning, but also a promise of our ultimate deliverance and victory.

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In John 10, 10, Jesus tells us the fee for the devil.

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His purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus' purpose is to give you a rich and satisfying life.

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Now the devil does not play fair. He's out to steal our joy, our innocence, our identity, our purpose, ultimately our life.

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But God calls us to stand firm against him and be strong in our faith.

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And God will restore us, support us, and strengthen us.

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It's not always easy. Sometimes believers experience traumatic things, and the devil will try to use them to destroy us.

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But Jesus came to restore us and give us a rich and satisfying life.

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My guest, Michelle Little, knows the power of Jesus to restore brokenness and shame.

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A wife and mother of two children, Michelle learned how to stand firm against the schemes of the enemy and be strong in her faith.

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And she's teaching her children to do the same.

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This woman of God serves faithfully at our church, and her story is one that will equip you to be an overcomer too.

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Welcome, Michelle.

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Hello.

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You came to Christ at a really young age and just fell in love with Jesus.

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Tell us a little about your early years and how Jesus made himself real to you.

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Yeah, I was probably like five. We went to a very charismatic, exciting church.

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I remember my pastor, Brother Garner, he just like, he's shown like Jesus.

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And I just saw it. I loved it. That was my first introduction with Jesus.

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I loved Jesus very, very much. I gave my life to Jesus around that age.

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I think it was like in fourth grade, we moved to a different church in the same city.

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And then about, when I was around 10, I got filled with the Holy Spirit.

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So I was just, okay, so when people, you know, when you get filled with the Holy Spirit, you just become a fireball, you know?

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I was just a little fireball, you know? I was just worshiping. I would go to the front and pray for people.

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I mean, I just, I was just so bold and I just wanted to share Jesus with everybody.

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And I loved to worship and singing. And I remember like a couple of people having prophecies over me.

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That was pretty exciting. I remember I had like a vision. I don't know if I mentioned this before,

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but we were, Jesus and I were kind of sitting on a cloud. And I mean, we were just hanging out, you know?

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It wasn't like very religious or anything. We were looking down over the earth and there was just like people all over the earth.

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And he was like, these are all the ones that you helped save for me. And I was like, yes, this is great. I have a purpose.

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This is what I'm going to do. So that was kind of like where I was at.

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You know, even though we're children of God, we live among people who are ungodly and sometimes extremely wicked.

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We live in the world, the fallen world. And you encountered one of them when you were still a child.

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Can you share that story?

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Yes. So I don't like talking about this, but I know it's important because people go through things like this all the time.

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I'm not a special case. I don't think it's just, you just don't hear about it often.

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Probably I was in between 10 and 11. So it was right in the midst of just me just really being super on fire for the Lord.

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And we had a children's practice. We were doing a play or something.

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And my mom dropped me off at church for practice. For some reason it was early.

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We don't know why, because I walked in. She had driven off. I walked in and it was so dark and I was like, oh, what's going on?

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And there was a man that worked there that worked at the church in the sound ministry.

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He ended up sexually abusing me. He actually, he took me captive and he had dragged me around to, I don't know how much I'm supposed to share this, but like he dragged me around to the nursery,

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which is on the backside of the main auditorium where all the kids came and worshiped.

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I mean, came and practiced and we had kids church and things like that. And so he had me pretty much held hostage there in that room and was violating me.

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And then I could hear all of my friends coming in while this was happening. But I was terrified because you know, you're at that age and you're like, you have to obey your adults.

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You don't speak up to your adults, you know. So, you know, you have that war going on.

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And then I could hear them start practice and I was just like trying to get away and I couldn't get away and all these things were happening.

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And there was like a noise that was close by and I was like, I whispered, I was like, someone's coming. And for one second he let go of me.

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And I just ran. I got away and I readjusted my clothing and stuff like that and I ran around the corner to my friends where I thought I was going to be safe.

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My children's pastor just stopped everything and yelled at me in front of everyone. So I'm standing there. Everyone's quiet, turned around. They're looking at me.

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I'm getting yelled at. And it was just so traumatic. It was horrible. And I'm not trying to make light of it. It was just like it was really traumatic experience.

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I can't imagine. I mean, you know, as a child, we're not equipped to deal with that kind of thing. I mean, it's horrific and devastating for anyone, anyone as an adult.

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But as a child, we just don't expect that you're in a safe place. You're in a place where you sense the Lord and you weren't equipped to deal with it.

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So explain how you even got through that situation and how Satan took advantage of your pain for years.

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Well, I can't say I got through it very well. I did not deal with it very well at all because I was not in an environment where you shared things like that.

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I didn't have a relationship with my mom, which actually just a little side note, I've been intentional as a mom to have an open relationship with my daughter that we can talk because I never wanted anything like that to happen and where she couldn't come to me.

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So let's get back on track. So, but I didn't have that. I didn't have anyone in my life where I would go, this terrible thing just happened to me.

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And I just, it makes me so sad today that I didn't have that. I know I had, you know, what was your traditional trauma response because I went right into the practice with all of my friends and stuff where it was something that I was just like usually had all of my emotion in and I was just like very passionate about it.

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It was like, it was like I was in an out of body experience. I'm sure I was going through the emotions, but I was just kind of like super confused and not really understanding anything.

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Later that evening, I remember I was when I was going to bed and I was just laying there in bed and I just felt like this darkness come over me just all of the confusion. The enemy was just like speaking all kinds of lies into my mind. And, you know, I was feeling things in my body that I didn't like and I didn't know how to make it stop.

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And it was just so just horrible. And I remember just making a decision of like, I'm not thinking about this ever again. And I just shut down just because I was just, I felt like I was about to just like fall apart. Like, I don't know, break.

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Sure. So, and Satan used that. I mean, he used that pain. He used that entryway into you because you didn't have anyone that you could resist the devil. Right. I had no idea in that idea. You didn't know that he would come in like a thief to destroy you.

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Right. And so that started affecting you in other ways. I mean, you still loved the Lord, of course. You still followed God. You didn't get mad at God about it, which is an amazing thing. I mean, so much that you would reject him. But tell us how that continued to affect you for years.

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They didn't teach me this at church. I didn't know. But one of the lies that the enemy said to me was that God didn't want me anymore. That was devastating to me because I loved Jesus so much, but I believed it. It was almost like that spirit of rejection. Like I felt rejected by God.

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You know, and so I just, I went into a lot of anger and bitterness and, you know, I hated myself. And you know, when I feel like when the enemy knows that you're believing the lies, he's like, Ooh, I've got a good one here. And he just kept just putting more and more lies into my brain, into my mind.

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And it just, just, you know, just kept digging deeper and deeper and deeper. And I think it was like probably like a year and a half later of just all of this time of just more and more self hatred, you know, falling away from the Lord.

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Honestly, I developed a very severe eating disorder ended up in the hospital at about 79 pounds. And everyone thought I was crazy. They didn't know what to do with me. There was no way I was going to talk about. But I think even at the time, I didn't even put the two and two together.

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That was the cause.

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That was the cause. Right. I just thought, Oh, I just want to be skinny. You know, it's a real thing. And I see it so much in our society, even today with like that body dysmorphia that people have.

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Because I do remember looking in the mirror at myself and I'm 79 pounds, 80 pounds and literally thinking I looked fat. Oh, I know I was anorexic for a period in my life and I would weigh myself five or six times a day. Sure. And if I gained a quarter of a pound, I would go into my room and work out for hours.

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Because I had gained weight. It was terrible. My parents were praying parents and I got through it quickly. Tell more about your experience. I mean, you were hospitalized. Did that solve? Did you get healed after that?

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No, I did not. I got to the point where like I was at a weight that I it was acceptable to everyone around me. But I developed bulimia. So that was more became more of my coping skill.

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Of dealing with just like my just all of the emotions and the negative and I mean, it's not fair that you know when you're 10 and something like that happens to you. And I mean, you still deal with unforgiveness. You still feel deal with anger.

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And it doesn't matter. Really, it's still kind of a rule. Like if you if you harbor unforgiveness, then that's an open door for the enemy to just torment your life. So it was just I constantly felt like I was in mental torment like and with anxiety and depression.

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I was like also just very at war within myself because I had experienced a real encounter with Jesus and I knew it was real. You just can't there's nothing the enemy can that can can do right to take that away. It's just there. You know, he can't, you know, so even though I believed a lie.

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I still knew in my spirit that that was true and that was real. So I was kind of at war within myself. And so you went through that all through your high school years. And when you graduated, the Lord kind of took you out of where you were removed you from that.

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I mean, he he knew what was going on in you and he loved you enough to remove you from that situation and take you to a new place where he could get through all the noise in your life. Yes. Share what happened. Share where he took you and what he did.

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I remember the Lord telling me like this is what you're going to do a team meeting ministries. They had come to visit the church and I started going on mission strips with them and while I was in I think like 10th grade in high school and that was kind of like the beginning of repairing my relationship with the Lord.

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And so I moved all the way to Tulsa, Oklahoma, which as a mom, I'm like, oh, that would have broken my heart. But I just knew I mean, I just knew like this is where God had me go. And honestly, that was just such a beautiful time for me.

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At the time Team Mania had a kind of an internship work program. Yes. And they invited, you know, high school graduates to come and spend some time in their kind of this discipleship program and working and yes, thank you.

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Yes, that's what that's what we're at. Why I moved all the way out there. Being immersed in just a community where it was just you're praying, you're reading your Bible, studying your Bible, being mentored by people who are really mature in their faith. I just learned so much.

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And, you know, just about just things that I just weren't I wasn't taught, you know, as a kid or if I were if I if they did teach it, it just didn't resonate. But at that time it did. And I'm just about you know, like, you know, it's a lot. It's a love relationship. It's not about following a bunch of rules. It's about, you know, God made us to have a relationship with him.

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And, and it's love like he's not here to like punish you punish you or you know, like there's a hammer waiting to you know, when you mess up that he's going to hit you over the head. No, that's not the case. It's he wants a relationship with us. And that's the core is that love, you know, and being in his word is is builds that relationship. And I also had just a really a church I went to that the pastor was just so wonderful.

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And I just, it was just a time of just learning just a lot of truth, a lot a lot of truth that I just didn't didn't know. But still at the same time, there was something from my past, you know that that incident that happened that I knew was there subconsciously God knew it was there.

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But I was like, I know, how did God have you address that? What was the point where you finally were able to face it? That took a long time. But it and that's definitely been your people say it's like an onion. Yeah, you know, so it's been layers at a time. And I think because I was so traumatized, it's been a difficult process for me to kind of work through that.

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And also so many years of just like my mind being worked from a young age of how I thought and you know what I thought about and things but I knew the Holy Spirit was kind of nudging me, you know, go to go to counseling, which I hadn't really done before.

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So I went to counseling, and I was like, Okay, I have some hope I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this. And so I, you know, it did and I talked about it to the lovely counselor. And, boy, so as soon as I just opened my mouth about it, I fell apart.

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And I think it I there's a clinical term for that and I can't remember what it is. But basically, it's just like you get flooded with everything. It's like the dam just kind of broke open. And I was right back what like with eating disorder behaviors.

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I was vomiting 20 times a day taking laxatives. It was just I was out of control, which is really this is interesting to me because like you said, God sees everything. And, you know, he sent me to Tulsa, Oklahoma, which happened to be at that time.

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It's not now but happened to be have one of the top eating disorder clinics in the entire country. Wow. Yeah. So which is like, Wow, God, that's really funny. So I ended up, my counselor was pretty forceful about telling me, you know, you need to either check in, or, you know, I can call someone and have them check you in.

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So I did I went into this eating source program which just made an enormous difference. I was there for a couple months, and then outpatient for a little while. And I just learned how to eat.

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I learned how to I learned a lot of really important skills that I didn't really know before about how to manage my emotions and how to address my emotions in a healthy way. They were not Christian based so I didn't get that Christian emphasis but they were still like practical lessons that I learned there.

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And, well, I say that all truth comes from God. So, you know, if we if God uses, God uses secular people sometimes to speak truth, of course, not everything they say is truth but truth comes all truth comes from God so it was God directing you there and giving that truth to you that you needed at that time.

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Yes, ever since I went that program. I've never like regressed back to that state of where I'm so bad that I needed to, to be hospitalized, which I'm very thankful for.

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Eventually, the Lord directed you to go back home to Virginia. Yes, and he had some reasons there right he had a purpose for sending you back there so tell us how that happened you know how did he get you to go home and what he had in store for you.

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Well, I did not want to go back home. I was still in Tulsa I finished my associate's degree. I was just kind of getting aimless.

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And I just I remember the Lord saying to me you know it's time to go back home. He didn't say, you know, move back home and do this.

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You know, I really didn't know what I was doing. I moved back in with my parents, because I mean they had a huge house and I could save money and we got along so it just kind of worked out that way.

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You know I worked in retail management for a little while I you know had some odd jobs here and there. I think because I didn't really know I didn't really have a purpose I kind of felt just kind of out there and so, you know, I started hanging out with people

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that you know like drinking and all of that stuff which I hadn't really done before. I still was just kind of floating in life a little bit I think and my relationship with God wasn't just like my highest priority.

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I still read my Bible every day. My sister and my brother-in-law ended up moving over to Virginia Beach to a church over there and I would go visit there sometimes.

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I went to their young adults group and there was a guy there and he said to me that he had a friend that told him that they were hiring over at CBN and I was like, hey.

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Yeah, CBN is a Christian Broadcasting Network for those who are listening who are outside of our area.

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Yes. So, you know, in my mind I'm thinking in the vision that God gave me when I was a kid and you know it seemed to fit. Yeah. You know because I mean hey you know it's media that goes all over the world.

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You're telling people about Jesus. Yeah, this clicks, you know, so that was like super exciting. So I applied for the job and I got hired and I was able to work with them for a little while and you know I felt like I was kind of fulfilling some of the purpose that the Lord had had shown me when I was a kid.

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So that's where I met my husband Aaron up till that point honestly like I just did not have this burning desire to like get married and have kids and especially not have kids and that all goes back to the trauma.

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Sure.

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I didn't like people touching my body.

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God had other plans you know because like I met him and it was just it was a spark. There was just a spark. You know I liked him he liked me and we went out and you know.

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You know I think about your story and it reminds me of the love stories we see in movies because there's always a crisis point when it looks like the couple's not going to get together. It's not going to happen and that kind of was part of your story isn't it?

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It is. Whenever you're engaged I don't care who you are it is really hard to keep your hands off of each other. I'm just going to be honest like I don't know who can. I mean you're marrying this person because you're attracted to them. You like each other. You have chemistry.

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So you know that was a struggle for us. You know we didn't always win in our pursuit of trying to keep things on the straight and narrow and I ended up getting pregnant. I remember I called him and he was away on a work trip with his dad and he was so great.

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He was like it's going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine. We're going to we're going to get through this. It's going to be good. I mean not good but it's going to be okay. And so we you know we got engaged.

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We started playing. We're like we're going to get married and so I planned the wedding. Had the bridesmaids picked out. The church did the invitations. Did all of this stuff. I was scared to get married. I was scared to have a child and I was pregnant and my body you know I have unresolved issues from my past.

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So I was just a lot of stuff going on in my body that I should have been in counseling honestly but I wasn't. I wish I would have been at the time. He called me to come over and he is like I need to talk to you about something and so you know we met and he was like well either we need to go get married at the Justice of the Peace or we're not getting married.

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And I was like what you know and that really got me upset because I was like we already have made these plans of what we're doing what's going on and I got mad and I was very hormonal so I took I took my engagement ring and I was like well here you can have it back and we broke up.

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You know we broke up for it was like a year and a half.

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So you had a baby. Yeah and you were single mom single mom. I was a single mom that was so hard. I think I was about 21 weeks.

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I was at a movie and I felt the Lord the Holy Spirit was like you need to go to the doctor tomorrow.

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And I was like okay because you know I don't know how it is for everyone but I know when it's the Holy Spirit speaking to me. Yeah and I'm like okay I'm going to I'll listen just like I'm talking right here today it's the Holy Spirit was like you're going to do this because I probably wouldn't do talk about this stuff just on my own.

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So I went to I mean I called the doctor I was like I just feel like I need to you need to come to me and check me. And so they checked me and they found that I was starting to dilate.

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And so I was immediately put on bed rest for about two months. So even in that is just a miracle because they said most of the time women that have that issue they end up miscarrying.

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So I just feel like I mean that was the Lord that rescued my son. Yes you know but I was on bed rest for a couple of months and so Aaron and I were not on the best of terms. He was upset at me for breaking up with him.

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I was upset at him for you know giving me this ultimatum but deep in my heart I still loved him and I still wanted things to work out when I was around 32 weeks Caleb was born so he was too much premature.

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When I had Caleb oh my word it was like my whole world changed. I felt a love that I have never felt in my entire life. It was just so powerful when I saw this little baby because the whole time I was pregnant I was just like I'm getting fat I can't know you know it was so hard.

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But I just saw this child and like a love came over me that I just can't even describe. All I cared about was caring for him and making sure he was okay and that he survived.

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And looking at him I remember they were going to take him away. It was 32 weeks he needed you know to be on our breathing machine and that sort of thing and I was like can I see him and they stuck him right on my chest right here and his little eyes just looked up at me and I was just like

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I love you.

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And so, you know, he was in the NICU for another two months and I was there literally every day. Aaron would come up and visit him.

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He wasn't really interested in a relationship, but the Lord just really started working on my heart and reminding me that you know I do love him. I wanted us to be together and have a family.

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And it took me a while to get on board with that, but I guess it was probably like a year later, Caleb was like around a year old.

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And he started kind of warming up to the idea, about a year and a half we ended up getting married. You know you had already learned a very hard lesson about forgiveness, letting go of past hurts and forgiving but you just had to go through another really

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hard lesson about receiving forgiveness from the Lord.

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You know when when we mess up as Christians, especially if you followed the Lord for a long time it's, it can be difficult to forgive ourselves and even to believe that God will forgive us.

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You know we think we have, you know, many of us have that image.

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God's a judge and hey, you know he loves me but only to a certain extent. Right now once once he loves me if I step out of bounds then all bets are off but that's not the God we serve.

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So, what did you experience as you, you know, went through this pregnancy, being a single mom. I didn't feel rejected by God.

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I felt rejected by God's people.

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I felt rejected by the church.

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I felt shame. I used to sing worship and things and I just stepped back from all of those things and I know that there's, there's a time and a space that that you need to be.

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That you need to do that.

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Especially like if you're going through stuff like you, you really don't need to be out ministering to people.

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Yeah, you know, I mean if you're in it, if you're struggling and you're in a dark place I mean, what's what what source I'm like, you know, if you're broken if you're really in a broken place, you need to make sure you know you're a good pure unit that the Holy Spirit can flow through so

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but then again, you know, God uses broken people. I did feel a lot of, you know, rejection and shame just by church in general and things, you know, I knew that God loved me and everything.

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I don't know, it was a struggle. I dealt with a lot. I mean, I felt like when I was going through all that I had a lot of anxiety.

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A lot. I mean, I had like my first panic attack. I'd never had a panic attack, like a true panic attack. Yeah, and like, I literally had a panic attack, and it was so scary. I took medication for that for a long time.

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Like I kept it in my pocket.

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Because it was so scary.

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But I know now that anxiety is, is the opposite of faith.

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Anxiety and fear is opposite of faith and belief.

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But anyway, that's a whole different story. Well, I think it's important because you know how did you, how did you come through that, you know, did the Lord speak, speak to you and bring you through that was there a scripture or a person that was able to help you get beyond that

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anxiety back into a place of faith again, obviously, you know, going to church or getting the word back in and doing going, I started going to Bible studies, and being surrounded by, you know, people and women that, you know, spoke the truth and life into me.

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And that helped me start getting back on the path of, you know, restoring my relationship with the Lord.

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Marriage is, is tough.

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Marriage is hard, you know, and it's, you know, there's love but there's also like, you know, you have to choose to remain and and work things out, and that that's not always easy.

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I found a wonderful counselor that I wish I had found her years and years ago.

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But you know just going to counseling I mean I feel like that's like super important, having people in your life that that speak life.

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And anxiety actually freedom from the anxiety and fear has has been pretty new. I dealt with it for a long time. I'm not the kind of person that's going to just tell people.

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I'm a stuffer.

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And I feel like I show a lot of emotions on my face as my whole family tells me they're like, you look disgusted and like I do where's my mirror what I'm trying to. It's been kind of new and I honestly feel like it's just because I never fully found healing from what happened

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to me in the past.

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Yeah, and

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I've seen it a couple of times. As I look back I know that the Lord brought people and situations and things in in across my path to like usher me into being healed from that, but I was so just traumatized.

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And I would have flashbacks and I would just have like post traumatic stress and stuff like that like I couldn't do it. I don't know why. So what was the thing that finally brought you to the place of getting that healing.

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It's funny.

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Well, not traditional funny.

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But it's interesting. That's a better word. It was a little over. It's really like a year and a half ago I was at church. There was a desire I wanted the Lord to free me from it. Everything I tried to seem to just end up a mess.

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Yeah, you know, and I ended up a mess and I'm like, I can't be a mess for my family. I can't be a mess for my kids you know like they need a normal mom.

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I remember walking out into the lobby and talking to a really sweet friend of mine. I just told her about how I was abused as a kid. And I was like, what just came out of my mouth.

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Why did I just say that.

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Because, like I know how I've reacted in the past it scared me honestly. And so I'm waiting all day for this reaction to kick in and I was like it never kicked in. And I was sitting there like, God healed me of this. Like this is really cool.

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You know, wow. It was like a couple months and like I was okay. Yeah. So I can't say there was like a definitive time where like I went to the front, I got prayed for and God healed me.

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It was just somewhere around there. Reading the word being in worship. I did start seeing you on the worship team again. And to me that's just super exciting and I think it's for anyone that has struggled with any kind of trauma or any kind of damage or anything like you can have, you know, faith that at some point, you know, God's going to heal it.

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Or at least bring you to the point where it's like now I can talk about it. And I still am healing from it in my mind and my thoughts and in my feelings and things. But it's not so overwhelming and every time I talk about it, it gets easier.

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I am so thankful. It was like a few months later and I just felt the Lord saying, okay, let's go talk to someone else. You know?

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And so, okay, I share, I had a meeting with another friend and I was like, I got a little bit anxious leading up to it, talking about it, but I shared it with her and again, I was fine. Jesus, thank you. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. Just so grateful.

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Then I told my pastor's wife, it was like the next January, we're doing our fast at church. Again, the Lord was like, okay, I want you to go talk to your pastor's, you know, the pastor's wife about it. I was like, oh, are you sure about that?

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So I talked to her and then she asked me to share it the night of worship. Okay. That was pretty scary. Yeah, that was very, very difficult to stand on a stage in front of a bunch of people and share.

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You know, not a long story, but you know, just a little snippet of what the Lord had done. I'm just so thankful I did though. And here's another thing that's just really beautiful is that I had been on medication since I was in the hospital for depression.

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All those years, I have not taken, I haven't had to take that medication for about a year. Praise God. Yeah. And that's, that's a big deal. Yeah, that's a big deal. Very big deal.

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Because I tried to get off it many times and I would just plummet. It was like a lot of anxiety just was lifted and I'm just really, really cool to just see God do that in myself. I know. Yeah. You know what I've been through and it hasn't been fun.

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But I think the Lord has has done that for me. You know, I'm hoping by as I speak about it that, you know, other people will be encouraged and healed. Because, you know, I forgot to mention this before.

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I was living in Tulsa and one of the things that also encouraged me to go to counseling and talk about it was Joyce Meyer, because she talked about how she was abused. And I was like, I remember thinking, well, gosh, you know, she went through way worse than I did.

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And look how God's using her. You know, so, you know, sharing your story is so powerful and helping other people that are maybe in a similar situation or going through something that's just as challenging because it gives hope.

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Yeah, you know, it says it says to another person listening that's lost in the middle of anything. I'm never going to get out of this pit. You know, why am I even trying? It says, well, you know, God did that for her. He's not a respecter of persons. If God can do that for her, he can do that for me too.

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Yeah, you know, was there a scripture that really helped you through all of this time?

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There's a lot of them, but I've got a few. There's one, you know, 2 Corinthians 4, 16 through 18. Therefore we do not lose heart, though outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

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For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us in the external glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

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I think about that renewed day by day. And even now, you know, I have times whenever I feel like I'm in the pit or I just feel like things feel hopeless. And it's the enemy. Yeah, you know, the enemy brings those lies back and it's like, I don't realize it at the time until I'm in the middle of it, you know, and that's why I know it's so important.

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It's like day by day and not Jesus is not toothpaste, but I love using this analogy because it's like yesterday's brushing of my teeth doesn't do for today. Yeah. Right. So and the longer I go without brushing my teeth, the nastier my mouth gets, you get decay, you get rot until like it's dust to your tooth.

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So I feel like it's almost the same like with Jesus. It's just every day. I have to be in the word and renew my mind every day. Well, I find I have to take thoughts captive multiple times a day. Yes. To the obedience of Christ Jesus, because there are certain areas that my mind wants to go that are vain fantasies.

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I mean, they're vain imaginations. They're vain imaginations. Yes. You know, the things that haven't happened won't happen and I need to take the, you know, there are times I'll be brushing my teeth, brushing my teeth.

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Lord, why is my mind there again? I need to stop. Forgive me, Lord. I need to take that thought captive. Yes. And I need to, you know, focus on you. Yes. So it never ends. Yeah. You know, it's like you can get a level of healing and that's awesome.

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And that's so important, but it's the daily work. It's a work. It's like he even says in this word that you have to work out your own salvation. So it's work. We have to make effort. We just don't get to sit there. He just does it all for us. You know, it's not like, you know, candy land or anything. You know, it's like we, we do have to work. It's a walk of faith. Yes. It's a walk. We have to walk. We have to move. Yeah. Yes. We have to make effort. We have to put the energy out there. You know, that's just so, so important.

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And so that's what that scripture makes me think of as far as like, you know, it's, it's not what we see as the unseen. There's a spiritual element to just everything. Yeah. Honestly, as I matured in my faith, you know, spiritual warfare is like a huge, huge, huge thing. Yes.

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Um, prayer and intercessory prayer is a huge, huge thing because I even remember there would be times where I would just feel so just depressed and like everything was just awful. I would just pray and I would just with tears, you know, praying and just like, Lord, just help me help. Yeah. Like we're the only things I could get out of my mouth. And every time he would come and help me.

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You know, the two scriptures I read at the beginning of our, of our conversation about God restoring us and setting us on a firm foundation and giving us a rich and satisfying life. He's done that for you. He has, um, you now have two children. I do. And you love being a mom. I love it. And you love serving in your church. I do. Um, so how have you tried to help your children have a vibrant relationship with the Lord like you? I mean, you said, you know, you didn't necessarily have that growing up someone encouraging you in your, at home in your relationship. Yeah.

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How have you tried to do that with your kids? So I knew that the thing that tethered me to the Lord as a child was having that real experience with him, a genuine meeting of Jesus in my spirit and in my heart. And even though I went through a lot of really hard things, um, that tethered me. And so my whole intention with my kids was to help them. And so I was like, Oh, I'm going to help them.

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And my whole purpose was number one, I wanted my kids to know that I loved them. So I tried to tell them as much as I could, you know, that I love them and, and try to like have a humble posture. I am in no way perfect. I messed up a lot.

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Um, I was not a perfect parent. So if my kids listen to this, cause they're just like, they might.

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But like, no, not at all. But I, you know, I definitely, like if I, if I lost my cool, I, I apologize. So, but my main thing is like, I, and my prayer and my intention was I want them to know the Lord.

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Yeah.

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I want them to know the Lord because I know if they know the Lord and they know the truth and they've had that true encounter with Jesus, that there's only going to be but so far that they're going to, they can fall.

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Yeah.

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Because I know I trust him. I saw him do it with me. He's going to pull them back and also having just a lot of conversations about just spiritual warfare, about how the enemy works to pull you away from, from Jesus.

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And, um, just in particular recently with my daughter, um, she has a beautiful singing voice is so anointed. I, I mean, and not just because I'm her mom, which she says, if I tell her that she's like, it's cause you're my mom.

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And I'm like, but other people have, have definitely encouraged her as well. And, um, it's just interesting because let's say like the week leading up to, you know, she's going to lead a worship song for a church.

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And all of a sudden friends that weren't in her life, they just start kind of coming back in, maybe friends that aren't really good influences or she might have start having trouble in another different kind of friendship.

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And I'm like, let's look at this. I'm not saying these people are evil. They're not the enemy can use any of us. Okay. So, but can you see how the enemy is using this friend or this friend to get your focus off of him?

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What is he trying to do? He's trying to distract you from fulfilling your calling, you know, um, and disrupt the Holy Spirit working through you and, you know, ministering to people through your worship.

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And it's just kind of neat to sit there and have conversations with her like that. And she's like, that's actually really true, you know, and, um, just the importance of being in the word and studying the word and how that's our warfare and praying and how, um, you know, sometimes she'll wake up at like four or five in the morning.

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I'm like, that's kind of calling you to intercessory prayer. Like that's, that's the call. Like if you talk to any intercessory prayer person that like that's their gifting, they're like, if God wakes you up before five in the morning, you're supposed to pray.

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Yeah. I don't know what to pray for. And I'm like, well, you just ask Lord, you say I'm a willing vessel Lord. Who am I praying for? Like, and she's like, but it makes me scared. It gives me anxiety. I'm like, it doesn't matter. You're just like a willing vessel.

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You pray for it. You give it to God. You do what he asked you to do. And then you can walk away in peace because it's not your job to fix it. That's his job, you know? So just things like that, you know? And it's like just seeing her understand that and get that. And, you know, she puts me to shame with her Bible study habits.

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Which is your help to see the perspective of the Lord, which is so important because, you know, all of us get distracted and, you know, by the temporal things that we see around us and particularly children and teenagers, they've got hormones raging and their brain is being rewired.

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I mean, it's the way God created us. So it's a normal natural thing. So it's very important to help them focus on what God is doing instead of all the things that are going on in the world. And there's so much, so much input.

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So much. So much more. So much. Yes. It's intense. I mean, honestly, I feel like even younger and younger, you know, parents need to be very intentional about teaching their kids about just the spiritual warfare going on.

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Because it's just so pervasive and it's not, it's not, you know, it's intense. Yeah, it's very intense. And one thing I'm very grateful that I learned early when I was early in my life.

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You know, my parents, we all learned this together. We kind of got saved as a family together is really guarding the gates of my eyes, of my ears, you know, not watching, not listening to things that are disturbing.

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I practice that as an adult, not bringing things into my home that has ungodly attachments. Yes.

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Many people don't guard themselves. I mean, one of the scriptures, right, it said right at the beginning, it says, hey, stay alert. Watch out. Yes. Watch out. Stay alert. Yes. You know, Satan's going to prowl around.

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He's going to come in whenever he can, any way he can. Yes. And the more we guard our eyes and our ears and what comes into our home and what we allow, the less opportunity Satan has to come in like a lion.

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I agree. I agree. And that's super challenging. Very. Because, you know, there used to be a day where, you know, like, let's say whoever struggled with pornography, they had to go out to a store. Yeah.

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And they had to go walk in the store and purchase whatever it was. Whereas now you can just watch a TV show. And not even want it. It just pops up. And it pops up. There it is. And you're like, what in the world? It's tough.

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I've tried to get on TikTok a few times. You know, just for like, I'm super creative. So I love like finding ideas for things and, you know, recipes, whatever. Yeah. But I'm telling you, every time I get on there, it's just like this junk just comes up, you know, and you're just like, you know, no, I've got to delete that. Yeah.

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You know, so, you know, you have kids and that's a spiritual warfare. I could feel the spiritual, you know, draw to want to look at things that I shouldn't look at. And I was just, my goodness, if I were just a child, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have the strength to say I would probably just watch it. Yeah.

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You know, so, I mean, I do talk to my kids about that. They're at an age where my daughter is definitely very sensitive to that. And I just try to keep encouraging her to make the right decisions because she has experienced the presence of the Lord.

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She knows what that is and what that means. And that like the decisions that we make, you know, whether they're for God, whether they're godly decisions or worldly decisions, you know, that determines like how much you're walking with the Holy Spirit, you know?

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I mean, do you want death and destruction or do you want life and holiness? Right. Right. It's our choice. Yeah. So we got to make those decisions. And then if we make the wrong decision, we have a loving God that forgives us, he loves us.

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And, you know, we just like get back on the right path. So Michelle, as we're kind of closing, are there, is there a key truth or two that you want your listeners, our listeners to know in their walk with the Lord?

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It all comes down to that relationship and the daily spending time with the Lord, you know, reading your word, having worship time. If that's meaningful for you, that's especially meaningful for me.

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For some people, it's not, and that's okay. But whatever that means for you, that encourages your relationship and, you know, be kind to yourself, you know, because we're all on a journey, you know, no one's really arrived.

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You know, just don't lose hope. Struggle for a really, really, really long time. God has healing for you for whatever it is that you need healing. For me, it was, you know, mentally, emotionally, and it's still an ongoing process.

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But, you know, just don't lose hope. It can be tough in the waiting for that to come. Keep your faith, you know, just go do some other things, you know, be busy, get involved. But I would say that would probably be my most important takeaway.

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There's so many instances in the Bible, people had to wait a long time to get their victory, you know, to get, you know, God made a promise and that their promise fulfilled. You know, Abraham and Sarah, you know, Joseph, you know, the woman with the issue of flood.

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You know, they waited a long, long time, you know, it's going to come, you know, just trust him that it's going to come at the right time.

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One more question, a question I ask all of my guests and you've mentioned a couple women of the Bible, but would you share a woman of the Bible whose story really has impacted you in some way?

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You know, the woman with the issue of blood, even though there's so many just beautiful examples of women in the Bible, but she struggled for so long with something that made her kind of an outcast, which I felt like my issues, I had so many issues.

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I was so mentally emotionally just damaged and unhealthy. I was probably a little bit of outcast, you know, because like when you have a lot of stuff going on, you know, a lot of people are kind of like, well, I pray for you, but they don't necessarily want to get in relationship with you because you know it's a lot.

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But you know, when she found, you know, when she saw Jesus and she she just crawled through that crowd and that faith and that belief, like I know that if I can just touch the hem of your garment, I'm going to be healed.

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That amount of faith is just a beautiful example to me of a woman in the Bible that I mean, I can relate to identify with her story.

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Yeah, you know, we read in the revelation 1911, the New Living Translation says they have defeated him by the blood of the lamb and by their testimony.

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Yeah, we talked about the power of testimony. Yes. This is a recipe for victory in our lives over the devil.

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Satan wants to kill, steal and destroy. But Jesus, the perfect lamb of God, he went willingly to the cross and shed his blood for us. But it didn't end there. Hebrews 2 14 tells us he broke the power of the devil.

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Satan is already defeated by Christ. And as we give testimony of what God has done in our lives, we remind him of that defeat. We are not the ones who has to defeat Satan. He's already defeated.

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When we remind him, it frees us. You know, I love Colossians 2 13 B through 15, which says God made you alive with Christ for he forgave all your sins.

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He canceled the record of the charges against us. He took it all away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities.

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He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross. So if you've committed your life to Christ and you've confessed to measure, Lord, Satan has no power over you unless you believe his lies.

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When we testify to the truth of God's victory over him, we walk in that victory to Michelle. Would you take just a moment? Pray for our listeners.

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Lord, I just pray right now that whoever is listening to this, God, that you will just bring just a Holy Spirit infused peace to their hearts and their lives, Lord.

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If there's a struggle that they're personally dealing with or that they know, God, I pray that you will just give them a supernatural understanding and discernment, God, of what steps they need to take, God.

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I pray, God, that you would just over overwhelm them with your love with your Holy Spirit, God, that you will let them know that you are with them.

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God, you said that you will open our eyes that to see you in the land of the living, God.

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And I just pray, God, that you will open their eyes to see you working, God, because you are working. Even though we can't see it, you are working.

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And I pray that you will just bring people up to their side, God, that will bring them encouragement and breathe life, God.

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I pray when they open their Bible, God, that it will just be a revelation to their minds and their spirits, Lord, that where there's hopelessness, God, that you will bring hope, God, where there's a lack of peace or anxiety and fear, God,

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that you will just bring peace, Lord, that you will just fill them with your love, God, let them know that you are with them, Lord Jesus.

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And I pray, God, if whoever is listening, Lord, if they're away from you, God, that you will they will just open their hearts back up to you, Lord, that they will come to you, Lord,

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that you will bring them a new understanding of who you are and that you love them, that you care for them, that you have a hope and a future for them, God, that it's not over, that there's not this isn't the end, that, you know, this is only the beginning,

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that you have such a peace and you have to hope and a purpose, God, that, you know, help them learn how to pray, God, that help them learn how to use scripture, God, just lead them and guide them, Lord, if there are things that they need to step away from that are not healthy, that are not of you, God,

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I pray that you just give them the strength to step away from those things, Lord, that you will give them the strength to just even if it's just for a minute, Lord, that you would just help them change the direction of their minds and their hearts and their decisions,

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Lord, that they are at peace with you because it's one day, it's, you know, one day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere, Lord, let them understand, you know, that being in your presence, being with you, being in relationship with you far outweighs anything that this world can offer,

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that the answers are not found in people, the answers are not found in things, the answer is not found in anything of this world, but those answers, the desires of our hearts that are just longing to be fulfilled are only found in you, Lord Jesus,

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and I thank you, Lord, thank you, Jesus, for all that you do for us, God, thank you that you love us, that you care, that you are with us, God, that you never give up on us, God, and I just worship your name and in your name we pray, amen.

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You know, friends, there are widows and orphans all over the world who need to experience the tangible expression of God's love right now. Together, we are funding the building of an indoor bathroom and shower for a girls' home in the remote part of Kenya.

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And just yesterday, I saw pictures of the building's foundation being laid. So please, please pray that the construction will be done expertly with no delays.

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And if you haven't done so yet, would you consider joining us with a gift to help widows and orphans through our fund? Just go to hergodstory.org and click on the widow and orphan tab at the top of the page.

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Thank you for tuning in. In our show notes at hergodstory.org, you'll find scriptures and other information that we talked about. And remember, I would love to hear from you, so please, please email me at hergodstory at somebodycares.org.

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And if you'd like a free six-week devotional on Women of the Bible, you can download that at hergodstory.org or purchase a 12-week devotional that we'll send to you for just $12, knowing that all the proceeds go to our Widow and Orphan Fund.

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We'd also love to pray with you on our 24-7 prayer and text line, so give us a call anytime at 855-459-CARE or email us at prayer at somebodycares.org.

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And now, dear friends, I leave you with a blessing adapted from Psalm 20, verses 1 through 6.

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And I ask that the Lord grant all of your requests, because I know this, the Lord gives victory to His anointed. He answers them from His heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of His right hand.

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This story is a ministry of Somebody Cares America and International. To find out more about or support the ministry, go to somebodycares.org.