God is Shockingly Good! Kimberly Logsdon's story

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Hey friends, this is Jodie Chiricosta, ministry leader at Somebody Cares America, international

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author and traveler on this journey of faith.

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In this episode, I'm excited to introduce you to Kimberly Logsdon, whose story is sure

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to equip and inspire you in your walk with the Lord.

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When I think of Kimberly, I think of a worshiper, a consummate businesswoman who has been a

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managing consultant at IBM, a senior manager at Acumen Solutions, an associate at Booz

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Allen Hamilton and an executive director for Care Net Peninsula, among other things, Kimberly

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has led with skill and integrity.

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But then God called her into something very, very different, something that has required

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her to put all her trust in Him.

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Throughout the Old Testament, we see the patriarchs of faith at altars of worship during key moments

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in their walk with the Lord, and Kimberly has also.

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She's learned Romans 12:1, which says, give your bodies to God because of all He has done

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for you.

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Let them be a living and holy sacrifice, the kind He will find acceptable.

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This is truly the way to worship Him.

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Listen for this type of worship.

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As Kimberly shares, she has quite a story.

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Welcome Kimberly.

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Oh, thank you.

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It's good to be here.

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You went to church as you were growing up, but you didn't encounter God in a personal

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way until you were an adult.

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Give us some background on what caused you to start seeking Him.

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I was raised in church.

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I was in a mainstream liturgical denomination and went to Sunday school.

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My parents had me there every Sunday.

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I guess I believed in Jesus like I believe in Christopher Columbus, that He was out there

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somewhere.

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But truthfully, as I got older, I didn't think about Him that much.

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Perhaps in a moment of crisis, I would pray, but I didn't have any personal relationship

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or personal practice.

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And I drifted like many people do in college, being exposed to different things, finding

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my own way.

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I ended up getting married pretty young and just the wounds of my own family dynamics,

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just the wounds that we encounter in life.

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I was someone that became really an overachiever and performance was the yardstick that I measured

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myself with.

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And anyone else who has that in their experience can know that as you go through life, it's

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very hard to just keep living that way.

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So I married somebody who was not a believer, who was older than me.

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I'm climbing the corporate ladder because employers love people that are overachievers

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and they're willing to work long hours.

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And so things, it was kind of over time, it was starting to be a mask and I was feeling

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like I was bluffing.

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I had my own internal brokenness that wasn't being dealt with.

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And very quickly in the first year of my marriage, I realized I'd made a very bad mistake with

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that, but felt I'd made a vow.

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And so I had a marriage that was shipwrecked and just kind of, that's the place where I

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was.

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I will also say that in that place of pride, before I met the Lord, it produced a lot of

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cynicism in me.

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I think that's that critical spirit that you feel like if I'm going to be successful, if

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you're working out of performance orientation without the goodness of God and His generosity,

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you can be critical of other people.

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And so I mocked born again people.

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I called them holy rollers.

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I just, you know, I'd met some and just thought they are really crazy.

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So that's where I was, you know, married in my 20s and it was miserable, huh?

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Miserable.

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I let go for a decade in both a miserable, very emotionally distant marriage and also

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climbing up the corporate ladder and having bosses push me up the ladder, but inside just

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feeling like a fake.

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But you finally had a supernatural encounter with the Lord one night.

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Can you share about that and how it changed your life?

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I mean, were you even seeking at that time?

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I can look back and I can say God's fingerprints were all over me.

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I didn't realize I was seeking.

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I was in my early thirties.

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I had a daughter who was six years old and I thought, you know, church was good for moral.

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Like it's a good thing to do.

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I remember I had good memories of that.

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So I started going back to church to get her in Sunday school and the Lord knew I was back

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in a place that I was being exposed to the word again in a place that might not evangelical,

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but I was hearing the word every week.

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And also my anxiety was really increasing to the point of everything pressing on every

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angle where I just couldn't keep up with the pressure, trying to do it myself and feeling

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like I needed or I'd be a failure if I didn't manage everything, work, parenting, my marriage.

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And so one night literally, and actually I didn't tell you this earlier, I was even driving

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home and there was this one curb in the road where there was some Jersey walls and I started

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thinking if I just hit the accelerator and went straight and hit that, would it kill

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me or would it just made me?

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That was the point I was at of just nervous, almost nervous breakdown.

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And I was home one evening.

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It was getting dark.

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I remember for some reason I was sitting on my bed fully clothed.

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No one else was in that, in the house.

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And I was just crying.

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I felt like I don't know where to turn.

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I have no escape.

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And I heard in my head, come unto me all ye that are heavy laden.

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My burden is light and I will refresh you.

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My yoke is easy.

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And I knew that was scripture.

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I didn't read the Bible, but I knew it was scripture.

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And in an instant I thought, huh, I wonder if that's true.

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I knew it was Jesus.

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And I think because I'd been back at church, the Holy Spirit was speaking again, so at

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least exposing me to his word.

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And in that split second, I also thought, well, if that's true, Jesus, where have you

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been?

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As I say in the truest prayer I'd ever prayed, I literally lifted my fist to the ceiling

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out loud and double-dog dared Jesus and said, if you're real, if you can take this, if you're

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real, take this anxiety off of me.

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And damn, peace just dropped on me suddenly.

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Like I remember patting my chest because it was gone.

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All the aching in my joints, all the cortisol, everything, just in a moment.

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And I realized, you're real.

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It scared me.

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And without knowing what a salvation prayer was, Holy Spirit, let me through a prayer

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without me even knowing what that was.

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I just realized if you're real, then I've trampled you, Jesus.

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I'm so sorry.

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Please forgive me.

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I just knew in that moment unmistakably that he was real.

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And I said, I want to give you my life.

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And I knew I had a Bible somewhere in the house.

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I think I had a, I thought, oh, I have a gift one in a box up in the top of my closet.

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Now I'm in my early thirties.

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I didn't know I was being born again.

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I had no vocabulary for that, but I found the Bible that I had tried to read before.

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Good overachiever that I was starting at Genesis and maybe getting up to Deuteronomy or maybe

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even Leviticus before I thought this is too hard.

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But that night I opened it up.

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And as I started reading it, I just realized, wow, these are love letters and everything's

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been different since then.

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So as you were pursuing God now and growing in the Lord, your husband at the same time

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was not.

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In fact, things were getting worse.

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Your marriage and family finally ended in divorce.

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Where was God in that?

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And how did you, how did that shape your faith?

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Yeah, there was probably another seven or eight years where I think, um, as I started

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realizing that I just had this, I was in love with Jesus and I could talk to him and start

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to have a prayer life.

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I was able to tell him everything and I started telling him all these things like, don't you

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see my husband over there?

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Like get him on board.

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And the Lord, really a primary message in those early days was gentle.

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He said, let's, let's take care of the log in your own eye.

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I think that those years he really worked with discipleship with me.

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Um, I was ready to do something for him.

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I kept saying, Lord, what do you want me to do for you?

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And I felt like in prayer, he said, I want you to worship me.

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I'd say, well, I know, but what do you want me to do for you?

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Like, I didn't know that I really knew people like me that were headlong in love with Jesus.

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I should probably go join a monastery or become a priest.

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I didn't know.

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And he kept saying, I want you to worship me.

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And in that worship, there was a, a laying down of things, you know, and I think part

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of what I learned in that time too, as, as I was being discipled and starting to meet

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more people who did know Jesus, which is a good thing to do.

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If you don't know him, be in the word and find other people that seem to know him.

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I had some people that said, you just need to submit to your husband.

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And so I learned things from that, that, well, the Bible actually says to be mutually submitted

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and in an abusive relationship, as I tried to walk that out, it just actually increased

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the abuse.

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I think I learned a lot about the word and being able to turn to the Lord and seek his

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to have counsel, but to seek his counsel and the counsel of the Holy spirit.

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And ultimately I separated just to get my daughter and I to a safe place.

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You know, my husband decided to file for divorce.

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I just needed for us to be safe.

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Yeah.

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That was a lot of what the Lord was working.

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It was my own knowledge of him and, and taking my stony heart and making it soft flesh, even

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while it felt like I was under attack, even as my husband at the time, he did notice the

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change in me, but he also started saying, you know, you're, this is really crazy.

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Like, you know, it was not something that he was, he's still to this day, many years

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later has still not yet has not received Jesus.

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He wasn't embracing it.

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So the Lord released you from that in some way.

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So now you're a single working mom.

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You had a good job.

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You were trying to raise your daughter and help her heal from the past trauma of, you

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know, as every child of doors has some wounds, what was going on in your life and what was

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God saying to you and showing to you as a single mom and a working mom and the pressures

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of life?

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I did.

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I was up in the DC area, a management consultant.

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I think in the workplace, it was just learning to be, what does it look like to be a servant

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leader?

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And then I didn't see a lot of that often working with the military, with military clients

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where it's hierarchy and power.

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And so the Lord was doing a lot in my life with that.

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Divorce is death.

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It just is.

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Sometimes that was the Lord has redeemed that in my life and he has ministered to me in

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that.

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But I had an angry, rightfully angry daughter who it was, you know, bad in one situation

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and bad in the other.

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So just inner healing.

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And I think the Lord was trying to teach me a lot about mercy.

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And also, you know, this is just occurring to me right now, but integration to be one

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person all the time.

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I really, you know, it's a process.

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We get we meet the Lord and he radically changes us.

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He gives us a new nature.

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But our ways and our thinking take time to change.

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And I had one one Kimberly at work and a different Kimberly as a mom and a different Kimberly

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at church on the prayer team.

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And you know, there was a point in that where I started serving in a ministry, actually

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a hospice and hospital ministry, where I realized, wow, it was a radical idea.

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I need to be one person all the time and let the chips fall for Jesus.

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So that's a lot of what he was working in all those various environments.

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It was almost like an explorer.

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I was having to figure out this new nature and growing my trust in the Lord to not apologize

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for Jesus, to trust him.

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And I did see I did both in my daughter's life in with my workplace colleagues.

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I did see that that brought change and people did notice that there was something different

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about me.

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Yeah, it says in the word that the Holy Spirit will renew our minds.

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And we think that that can be, you know, the same way for everybody.

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But he does it differently with each of us.

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He brings us each to those points where radical change of thinking occurs.

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And for you, it was I mean, God brought you to another breaking point.

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I mean, pretty much your life was too much.

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So can you share about that and and the renewing that God did even in that situation?

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Yeah, I don't know if anyone listening to this can identify, but Holy Spirit will try

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to suggest a path.

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But sometimes we keep barreling on.

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And with someone that has performance orientation is a rut where my wagon heels would often

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go back to and still do.

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I still have to watch that.

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I kept thinking I can do it.

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I can do it.

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So here I was a mother of a teenager in a very expensive place to live.

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I was managing 150 people, three hundred and twenty million dollar job, like commuting

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an hour and a half each way.

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It was just everything was still high, high pressure, even with prayer.

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I was still, I think, trying, I know, trying to rely on my own strength.

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And the Lord let me hit the wall at 200 miles per hour.

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I was on a project where I was commuting down to D.C. and again, my my nerves as a born

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again saved person were so great that I'd take the metro in and I'd get off at a station

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and throw up in a trash can and then get back on the train and go to work.

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Just trying to in my mind, I think, not fail because so much it seemed my marriage had

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failed.

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So I was still holding on to performance and I can look back and I can see that the Lord

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was inviting me to lay some things down, but I kept pressing on.

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And one day I came into work.

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We were doing a big, huge software development project and they had the client had changed

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the telephone system overnight.

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And next to every phone, they had a little sheet like you may have seen if you go into

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a workplace, it's like, you know, you need to record a new message.

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Seven steps.

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Very simple.

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Step one, pick up the handset.

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Step two, press pound.

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And I started doing it.

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By the time I got to step three, suddenly it was just hash marks on the page.

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They weren't words anymore.

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And I realized something was happening in my brain.

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It scared me.

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I was in my suit, you know, managing a bunch of people downtown, you know, an hour and

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a half from home by metro.

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And that's when something broke.

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And I realized I really am in over my head.

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And I think I had felt at the time, of course, I talked to my boss and they went home.

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And they put me on medical leave for 10 weeks.

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And I was already in counseling with a Christian counselor.

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I had things that went all the way back to my childhood.

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Again, this renewed mind.

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I was a new person.

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But there were things that I just think that God was jealous.

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He's jealous for healing for all of us.

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And I felt like there was grief and wounds that were like big iron doors.

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That's what I felt like.

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If you could almost imagine like three stories high and water pressing against the back of

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them, and I thought if I start crying or if I start grieving, those floodgates are going

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to open and I will never be able to get it all back in.

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Like I don't know how I'll function.

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And that's what needed to happen.

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Sometimes people say, well, can born again people can't be depressed?

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They can.

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We're mysteriously and wonderfully made.

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And at that point, I think a lot of things just the body chemistry of my body and just

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still trying to do things in my my old man way.

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The Lord in his grace, let me hit the wall.

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And it's truly one of the most humbling.

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I had people say, well, I won't have a career in management consulting after this.

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And like this a big stigma.

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Sheila Walsh was a huge minister.

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You don't know about her ministry in the 700 club and walking through depression.

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She said things that made such sense to me.

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But it was a time for me to grieve and to make a big blubbery mess of it.

285
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And I was different after that.

286
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The Lord brought freedom in a different way than I ever had in my life.

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It came through a painful way.

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Something that Sheila Walsh said I remember from that time is God gives good gifts.

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Sometimes untying the bow they come in will cause your fingers to bleed.

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And that was really a description of that time.

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So here I am at this point, you know, being discipled, having been walking with the Lord

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for 10 years and being a put together woman.

293
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And I was still having to address wounds.

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That's the only way through to healing is to go straight through it.

295
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So you went back to work.

296
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But then God led you to another altar of worship, another place of laying down your own plans,

297
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your own agendas.

298
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What did He do with you after that?

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Boy, did He.

300
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,600
I was living in Northern Virginia.

301
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My family was down in Hampton Roads in Virginia Beach.

302
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And I'd been thinking, you know, after that experience, how do I get out of the rat race?

303
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:26,780
And again, I think there's always a tension of He's given us a sound mind so we can look

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00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:29,800
to plan that He will move in it.

305
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,760
And I'd been visiting my folks at Christmas and they said, what about down here in Virginia

306
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Beach?

307
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:35,760
Well, that had never occurred to me.

308
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:41,400
And I got very excited at the time it was when the housing market in 2008 was very bad.

309
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And I owned what I called an apartment set on land, this little house up there.

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And so I just said to the Lord, well, if this is you rather than me, I'm going to put my

311
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house on the market and you need to sell it.

312
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:55,080
Well, in 13 days, He sold my house for more than asking.

313
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,080
So I thought, okay, well, I guess this train's moving.

314
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,960
I guess I'm heading to a new place.

315
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,920
And I just thought God would be more of a grownup and like give me a job first.

316
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,320
I moved in with a friend and rented a room from her.

317
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,960
I had a daughter in college and I just thought, okay, I'll find a job.

318
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,600
But that's not what He did.

319
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:20,360
He just one day, I was actually heard the gospel and Jesus looked at them and saw the

320
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,920
crowd that they were helpless and harassed like sheep without a shepherd.

321
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,360
As He said, go.

322
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,600
And believe me, my younger brothers laughed and said, we never thought you would move

323
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,760
back, be the one to move back home with the folks.

324
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I moved in.

325
00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:34,420
People asked me.

326
00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:38,600
I mean, I was being groomed for the equivalent of a partnership.

327
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,440
I was making the very big bucks.

328
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:46,720
And to go into a non-Christian company and say, believe me, my boss was very angry when

329
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:47,720
I gave notice.

330
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,720
He's like, what?

331
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:53,280
We have been working with you for 18 months to develop you for this business unit.

332
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:58,300
And I remember saying, I was just in, I just felt the presence of God with me and literally

333
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,840
like He opened my mouth and spoke.

334
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:05,240
And I said, we don't talk about this around our conference table, but I love Jesus.

335
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,160
He's calling me and I'm going to obey Him.

336
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:14,680
And my boss, a most seemingly un-Christian man, he looked at me full of anger.

337
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:20,280
And as he heard this, his chin started quivering and tears came to his eyes.

338
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And he said, I want to hear Jesus like you hear Jesus.

339
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They did not see that coming.

340
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Wow.

341
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:33,160
And even in that obedience, there was that grace, but it was really, people asked me,

342
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,880
what if you've got it wrong?

343
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:36,880
I didn't know.

344
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:37,880
I didn't have a job.

345
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:38,880
I didn't know why I was coming here.

346
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:39,880
Was it for ministry?

347
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:43,480
I just was a thousand percent certain I was supposed to come down here.

348
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,760
And I said, I don't think I can get it wrong.

349
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,800
If I'm doing it by faith, He'll guide.

350
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,840
My ships, if I put my hand on the rudder and set out, His wind will fill my sail.

351
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:53,840
Yeah.

352
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,720
I've seen that over and over again in my life too.

353
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,560
The Lord directs our steps.

354
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And as long as we step out, our foot is going to hit the right place.

355
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,160
I mean, if we're walking in disobedience, that's not the case.

356
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:12,520
But if our truly want to obey God and our heart is after Him, He won't let us down the

357
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,760
wrong path.

358
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,560
This was a first in my life.

359
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,280
I had never done anything like this.

360
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:23,600
And I was so sure of Him, so sure of not what people would say.

361
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,000
So what kind of job are you looking for?

362
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,000
It's like, I don't know.

363
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,400
But I knew that He was calling me.

364
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,400
I have since met many people of faith that make these decisions all the time.

365
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,280
But for me, it was a new frontier.

366
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,720
So you entered into a very joyful season in life.

367
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,760
You were in a new place.

368
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,720
You really didn't, your bearings were totally different.

369
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:48,660
You were without a job, without a home, but you started seeing God moving in miraculous

370
00:20:48,660 --> 00:20:49,660
ways for you.

371
00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:55,080
I mean, you had words of coming, a prophecy from people you didn't know.

372
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,480
Words confirming.

373
00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:03,040
So share about that joyful season where God just overwhelmed you with His love.

374
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,040
He did.

375
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:08,480
And I remember the first day when I came down here, I just thought, I don't even know what

376
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:09,480
I'm doing.

377
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:10,480
I'm now here.

378
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,280
And I went and sat on the beach with my journal.

379
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,720
I made a list of what are the things that I know that I know that you've said.

380
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,560
And really in my life, there were like seven things.

381
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,520
And I just said, I'm just going to wait for you to speak.

382
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,000
And there were, there were, it was just joyful.

383
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,960
The Lord kept giving me a message of just stay connected to the vine, just stay connected

384
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:28,960
to the vine.

385
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:32,120
I was unemployed for seven months.

386
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:37,840
I, I, my savings were just about down to the end.

387
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:43,320
And, and then the Lord brought two job offers in 24 hours and I got a house that I shouldn't

388
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,320
have been able to afford.

389
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:49,360
It was just like after what seemed like waiting, suddenly all these things were happening.

390
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:54,800
And before I left, I had up in Northern Virginia, I'd learned of two places an hour and 15 minutes

391
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:59,920
apart, this church that wasn't in my denomination that somebody said, we, I really think you

392
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:01,840
should check out this church.

393
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:09,040
And also I've just loved prayer and going on retreats and silent retreats.

394
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,200
And I was looking to see, I wonder if there's any retreat centers down there.

395
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,200
I don't know.

396
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:18,680
And I found this old monastery that was being used by a bunch of churches an hour and 15

397
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:19,680
minutes away.

398
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:24,120
Well, those were the two places I heard about before I came and in going to both, and I

399
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:28,560
ended in both places, meeting the man that would become my future husband.

400
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:35,760
So I got, I never thought I would marry again, but it was a sweet season of this time having

401
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:45,880
courtship and marriage to a very godly man, even more healing in my life, in his life.

402
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,580
He had never married.

403
00:22:47,580 --> 00:22:48,580
So it was, it was just.

404
00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:53,520
He was where I'm serious and performance oriented.

405
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,520
He was playful and spontaneous.

406
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,400
It just was a midlife gift.

407
00:22:58,400 --> 00:22:59,400
I knew Barry.

408
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:00,960
I've known Barry for many, many years.

409
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:06,140
He was actually one of the first people I met when I came up to go to Regent university

410
00:23:06,140 --> 00:23:07,140
for graduate school.

411
00:23:07,140 --> 00:23:09,200
He was one of the first people I met.

412
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,560
I was trying to study in the library and Barry was there.

413
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,760
So I didn't get much studying done because he's very playful.

414
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:15,760
He's walking community.

415
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:16,760
He is.

416
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:21,760
He knew everybody and everything, but just tell us a little bit about what that did,

417
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:26,560
what Barry, that your relationship with Barry did for you and for your daughter.

418
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,640
And I love the story that you told of your wedding.

419
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,560
I just share it with our listeners.

420
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:32,560
Okay.

421
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:37,400
It was really, everything just seemed a little bit larger than life by the time we both really

422
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:41,960
felt that we'd been called at this point to just walk singly before the Lord.

423
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:46,960
So this was a lot of like, are you sure there's a package on the front step?

424
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,520
Are you sure it's for me?

425
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,560
He was a judge for children.

426
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:52,560
Yeah.

427
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,840
Just an unexpected in every way and a man of faith.

428
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,000
You know, we were talking about these big steps.

429
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:02,360
He had a full scholarship to two different law schools after his undergraduate, but he

430
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:05,880
chose to go to Regent in the very first year before it was even called an accredited law

431
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,400
school just by faith.

432
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,800
People around him were like, you're crazy.

433
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,360
But it was a time just of joy.

434
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:18,600
And then we did get after a couple of years, he proposed, we got married.

435
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:22,720
We just said, you know, if you love us, you can come don't be present.

436
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,240
We told our church, you can come join us in the celebration.

437
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,320
We didn't know 50 people would come.

438
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,680
We had 750 people at our wedding.

439
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,840
It was just this beautiful, glorious day.

440
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:37,560
And our daughter, my daughter, but now our daughter, you know, I told you that after

441
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:41,320
divorce, there was just a lot of hurt that she had to work through.

442
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,720
And she also had, you know, her own path to walk.

443
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:49,280
And at that point, she was not absolutely was not walking with the Lord.

444
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:55,360
But walking down the aisle that day, inside her the ribbon of her bouquet, I had wrapped

445
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:57,560
the scripture that the Lord had saved me with.

446
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:00,520
She didn't know it, but she was holding in her hands, come unto me, all you that are

447
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,160
heavy laden and our fresh.

448
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,600
And she met her future husband that day.

449
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,240
They're now married with three children and they met at our wedding.

450
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:13,000
And she actually started experiencing the presence of the Lord as she was walking down

451
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,000
the aisle.

452
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,680
Yes, she said that much later.

453
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:20,520
She told us that she encountered the presence of the Holy Spirit.

454
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:24,720
She was ugly crying that day and everybody in the sanctuary saw it.

455
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:30,600
She just was like sobbing up there is the beauty of the Lord and the reality of this

456
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:31,600
goodness hit her.

457
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:36,600
She was still in college within nine months.

458
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:37,600
She gave her life to the Lord.

459
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:43,680
She called us and she asked Barry to go through the prayer with her on the phone through Skype.

460
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,320
Then she moved in with us for a year.

461
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:50,360
She called it the golden year of just I think that this man, Barry, who never married and

462
00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:53,360
really wanted to be a father.

463
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:59,520
And for her with a dad with his own issues, her biological dad never really was fathered

464
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:03,080
in this way that the Lord just redeemed everything and gave them both that.

465
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:07,960
And I got to just be there watching this being enjoying it, but watching them.

466
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:12,680
The Lord satisfy something in only ways that he could do during that time.

467
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:17,560
You're now happily married in your career took a turn to I mean, God called you into

468
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,440
a whole new realm.

469
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:24,160
Another altar along your journey that was very fruitful.

470
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,760
Explain how that happened and what you actually ended up doing.

471
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:27,760
Yes.

472
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,200
I was working with a consulting firm down here.

473
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:38,240
We're newly married and he's on the bench and a friend of ours had coffee with Barry

474
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:42,120
one day and he was the chairman of a board of a local pregnancy center.

475
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:46,440
And he said, we're looking for a new executive director and we need somebody like Kimberly,

476
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,720
but not sure she would do it.

477
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,880
And Barry said, well, you need to talk to her.

478
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:55,920
And so because I wanted to honor this man and the executive director, I drove over that

479
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,560
day just saying, God, this is a bad idea.

480
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,880
Have you not noticed I'm conflict avoidant?

481
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,580
I'm nearly married.

482
00:27:03,580 --> 00:27:08,800
People get really worked up over this whole, you know, life and abortion issue.

483
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:13,960
And I'm glad that the Bible is full of reluctant leaders because I went over just saying, I'll

484
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,280
honor them and then we're going to be done with this.

485
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:17,280
Right, Lord.

486
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:21,240
I didn't really even think about and what the chairman certainly didn't know is that

487
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:26,400
for two years, even through our courtship, Barry and I had been meeting and praying for

488
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:32,200
Hampton Roads every week and through no nobility on my part, we met on a certain day to pray.

489
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:37,000
I think we were praying for the mentally ill of Hampton Roads, but I had a class, I had

490
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,760
a graduate class and I couldn't make it that day.

491
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,520
So we switched to Thursdays.

492
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:44,040
And so we started praying for the ending of abortion in Hampton Roads.

493
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:49,380
And for two years every week, I prayed that I really didn't know anything about pregnancy

494
00:27:49,380 --> 00:27:51,760
centers that the Lord knew.

495
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:56,040
We actually met in that coffee shop to talk about this on the National Day of Prayer.

496
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,640
The Lord's so funny.

497
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:58,640
And I was pierced.

498
00:27:58,640 --> 00:27:59,760
And that was history.

499
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,000
It's just cut my salary by 50 percent.

500
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:08,240
I was telling you, I feel like since I started walking with the Lord, my income has decreased.

501
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:14,120
The joy and the satisfaction of what I get to partner where I see him moving has just

502
00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,880
in a manifold way increased.

503
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:20,720
I often hear people say, you know, when you pray about something, you've got to be prepared

504
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,280
to be the answer to your prayer.

505
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,600
And God really called you into that.

506
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,320
He took your prayers literally.

507
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:27,320
I know.

508
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:28,320
I look back.

509
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:33,440
I mean, I walked in, I had that meeting with them and I asked a question about, well, how

510
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:37,960
many other centers are doing what you're doing in this area?

511
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:38,960
And they said none.

512
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:43,840
And I asked how many children in the past year have been placed in an adoption plan?

513
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:45,840
And they said none.

514
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,760
And then after that, you know, I walked in.

515
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,440
Barry was at a National Day of Prayer meeting.

516
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:55,320
When I walked onto the field where they were to join him after this interview, there was

517
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:59,760
somebody up on the platform praying for the unborn.

518
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,880
And that night we had Mexican food and he said, your voice is different.

519
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:08,520
One year later on the National Day of Prayer, I was in the Coliseum in Hampton praying for

520
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:13,240
the unborn, you know, in front of all those people, just something you can't see coming.

521
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,560
It was the best job I've ever had.

522
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,040
It was just wonderful.

523
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,600
And then out of the blue came another altar.

524
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:20,600
Yeah.

525
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,560
The biggest one of all, really.

526
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,880
What happened and how did you get through it?

527
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:26,440
Because this was a hard altar.

528
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:27,440
This one was.

529
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:31,720
You were saying something about being a living sacrifice and the problem with living sacrifices

530
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,520
is they keep trying to crawl off the altar.

531
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:42,280
And yeah, after almost five years of marriage, Barry went to work on a Friday and he'd had

532
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,200
a dry cough for a little while.

533
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,280
He was tired, but he'd had a lot of work.

534
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:50,040
And I finally convinced him to go to urgent care.

535
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,200
And they said, you know, we need to take an ultrasound.

536
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,640
We kind of see something in your neck.

537
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:59,000
And that night, that Friday, he said, you know, he tried to walk some visitors, some

538
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:00,360
government visitors to the car.

539
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,360
And he said, I feel like I almost died in the parking lot.

540
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:08,240
And the ENT called us that night and said, don't take that cough medicine I prescribed.

541
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,080
I think you might have cancer.

542
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:16,880
And the very next day, a pain occurred that had never happened and dropped him to his

543
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:17,880
knees.

544
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,080
We went to the hospital and we were in ICU and they said, you may not live through the

545
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:22,400
weekend.

546
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:23,400
It was that sudden.

547
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:28,360
He had a 10 centimeter tumor and is crushing his trachea.

548
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:36,880
And it turned out that this altar was this joyful, vibrant man, 52 years old at the time

549
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:43,280
of diagnosis, full of life, had a rare cancer that apparently is one of the most aggressive

550
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:44,280
ones.

551
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,680
The cells double in size every 24 hours.

552
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,480
Our life changed.

553
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:53,240
The doctors told us most chemo is dropped on a person like at 40,000 feet.

554
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,240
If you can imagine, we're going to put you in ICU because we're going to drop it off

555
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:57,960
on you at five feet.

556
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:03,160
And they literally would put the chemo in him and then let it sit and 24 hours later

557
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,240
give the antidote to flush it out of the system so it wouldn't kill him.

558
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,600
He made it seven months before the Lord called him home.

559
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:15,000
When I'm an introvert, I'm a learned extrovert.

560
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,120
Barry was a jazz hands extrovert.

561
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:24,400
He just like you said, even in a library, we could be someplace for 30 seconds and he'd

562
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:29,440
meet somebody and they'd feel like he was a lifelong friend.

563
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:33,200
And when we started dating and getting to know each other, I just thought Barry wanted

564
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:34,200
to do everything together.

565
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:35,680
He said, we've waited this long.

566
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,200
Let's minister together.

567
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,800
Let's go to bed around the same time.

568
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,320
Let's like live life together.

569
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:45,560
And I was thinking, wow, I'm going to need some introvert space.

570
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,920
I learned to be introverted with him.

571
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:53,880
And after the Lord took him home, I thought, wow, Lord, you knew this was going to happen.

572
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:58,720
And so as a result, we lived a lifetime in seven years.

573
00:31:58,720 --> 00:31:59,720
Absolutely.

574
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:03,920
But these sacrifices, if you will, these places of releasing things doesn't mean that you

575
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:04,920
want to release them.

576
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:06,320
You just don't want it to end.

577
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,440
It's a good chapter, like a good chapter in a book.

578
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,440
You don't want it to end.

579
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:11,440
Yeah.

580
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,960
You know, friends, there are widows and orphans all over the world who have special needs

581
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,280
that we as a company of women can meet together.

582
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:21,280
Would you consider joining us with a special gift to help them?

583
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:26,520
Just go to hergodstory.org and click on the widow and orphan tab at the top of the page.

584
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:31,880
Kimberly, it's been five years now since Barry went to be with the Lord.

585
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,160
And God has not led you where you expected.

586
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:38,320
It seems like he never does with you, does he?

587
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,440
Or really with any of us.

588
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:46,760
Through the grief and the healing, because that's a part of it, God has taken you down

589
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:47,760
a different path.

590
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:51,800
Can you share a bit about this past season and what God's been doing in you and teaching

591
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:52,800
you?

592
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:58,280
And you know, in the five years, even as you're asking this, the five years aren't all equal.

593
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:02,640
Like you know that grief in the beginning is raw hamburger.

594
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:08,000
Like you know, just the heaviness that I remember one of the first nights I went to a grocery

595
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:13,240
store after Barry had died and putting my groceries in the backside of the passenger

596
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:17,560
seat in the dark in the night in the parking lot and just saying to the Lord, I think you

597
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,320
have mistaken me for someone who's strong.

598
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,960
But he was there.

599
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:27,560
So what he's been doing has been different and even the different and it still is even

600
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,960
in, in, in this past bit of time.

601
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:37,960
So the grieving, the going through it head on, the healing, Barry had a very savage illness

602
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,880
and death even to the last hours.

603
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,640
And there was really PTSD with that.

604
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:47,240
And when you're a caregiver and if people are listening, you know, that identify with

605
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:54,440
this, you're so focused on caring for your beloved that there's a time after that even

606
00:33:54,440 --> 00:34:01,220
just to heal and to rest and that you, you probably haven't been taking for yourself.

607
00:34:01,220 --> 00:34:03,040
So all of that was in there.

608
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:07,920
And during, you know, of course, my ministry, the pregnancy center, the board had been so

609
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,040
wonderful saying stay at Barry's bed.

610
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:15,280
So they had the, my staff had taken on all these executive responsibilities.

611
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:20,440
So I went back very quickly because they'd already given me this time and it was a soft

612
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:21,440
living place.

613
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,280
They let me cry when I needed to.

614
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:29,240
And I would come home and say, Lord, I just, I don't think I can do this.

615
00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:34,320
And every direction from something on the radio in the car to I remember somebody's

616
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:37,340
daughter, I asked her, what first did you learn at Christian school today?

617
00:34:37,340 --> 00:34:41,520
She would give me the same verse of Ephesians six that after you put on the armor, after

618
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:43,520
you've done everything else, then stand.

619
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,440
I kept getting that from the Lord.

620
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:50,800
It's like, okay, I'll stand, but you've got to hold me up.

621
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:55,160
And then there was a day where he released me and I asked for confirmation.

622
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:58,600
You know, I said, I need two or three witnesses in 24 hours.

623
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:03,040
You can't just walk away from this battleship of what we were doing.

624
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,240
And he sent it.

625
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:07,760
This is releasing you from my responsibility at care net.

626
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,600
I worked another 15 months after Barry's death.

627
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,960
I didn't completely know what the Lord was doing.

628
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:17,360
I figured it was a time for healing and then, you know, go back to work.

629
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,040
I want to say to, I wrote this down.

630
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,160
I just want to share it.

631
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:24,360
One of the, one of the most beautiful things that the Lord spoke to me was out of Psalm

632
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:30,840
84 verse three, during those early years, even the sparrow has found a home and the

633
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:37,000
swallow a nest for herself where she may have her young, a place near your altar, Lord Almighty,

634
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,360
my King and my God.

635
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:46,280
There was such a tenderness of the Lord during that time through the standing and working

636
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:47,840
through the release.

637
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:49,200
He's been so close.

638
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:52,440
I just want to say God is shockingly good.

639
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:56,080
And even when Barry was sick, we cried out to him.

640
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,840
We pleaded for Barry's life and we felt his goodness.

641
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:01,880
And there was one time where I was just frustrated.

642
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:03,400
The nurses were wonderful.

643
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:09,040
They, nurses do all the work, people of the in and out, but they were overworked and they

644
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:10,040
couldn't get there.

645
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:11,040
And Barry was in pain.

646
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:14,040
I just prayed out loud, Lord, don't you see your son needs you?

647
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,600
And he said, honey, he's on our side.

648
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:17,680
He's our friend.

649
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:23,640
So I just want to encourage people that even the sparrow has found a home at his altar.

650
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:27,760
I stepped down and the Lord provided grace.

651
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:32,360
He just again, prophetically told me in advance and I shared with the chairman of the board,

652
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,760
the Lord has said, this is going to happen.

653
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,800
There's going to be a man is my replacement.

654
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:41,240
That actually for the first time in 36 years of the history of that ministry is exactly

655
00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:42,240
what happened.

656
00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:47,920
So the Lord was kind to show me that he had it in that time where I thought, I guess there's

657
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:53,040
always going to be Lord have mercy, this performance orientation.

658
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:57,240
One of the first things after I, you know, had stepped down from this role.

659
00:36:57,240 --> 00:37:02,200
And when you're doing things, even in the kingdom, can you be honest?

660
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:03,200
It can be heady.

661
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:04,760
You're in the fight.

662
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,200
You're fighting for something good.

663
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,640
That's what Jesus calls us to do.

664
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,280
And when I stepped down, it's like, okay, what do you want me to know?

665
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:15,880
And one of the first things the Lord said to me was, I know, I don't need your results.

666
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,240
I don't need your title.

667
00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:24,600
I was a little bit like Peter saying a little offended like Lord, I know that.

668
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,440
Do you think I was performing over there?

669
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:28,160
I don't know how the Lord talks to you.

670
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:32,720
He said it to me gently, but he really spoke to me on this for about 18 months.

671
00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:35,280
I thought, I thought, well, you've already healed me in this.

672
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:36,280
You've already delivered.

673
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,720
You let me hit the wall at 200 miles per hour.

674
00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:43,440
But something needed to sink all the way into my heart.

675
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:47,200
And I would run into people and they'd say, what are you doing now?

676
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:48,200
I'd say, nothing.

677
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,360
I didn't know what to answer.

678
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:53,680
Well, I know you'll do great things one day.

679
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:58,520
And what the Lord started showing me is that whenever Jesus points to the kingdom, he held

680
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:07,080
up small things, a seed, a pearl, a field, a woman sweeping for two coins.

681
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,880
And I really felt there were job offers that came and I felt like the Lord had blessed

682
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:11,880
me if I took them.

683
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:14,760
But he was saying, why don't you let me provide for you?

684
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:21,320
And that he told me he was pleased with my time in prayer, my private ministry to him,

685
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,280
the ministry to my family.

686
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:28,080
My dad also walked through cancer and died a year ago.

687
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:33,480
And that I really felt his pleasure, just the work he was doing in my heart.

688
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:39,740
So God's now started opening some new doors of ministry, not at all what you thought they

689
00:38:39,740 --> 00:38:40,740
would be.

690
00:38:40,740 --> 00:38:41,740
No.

691
00:38:41,740 --> 00:38:43,360
So what has he invited you into?

692
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:49,440
Well, again, like we were just saying here, you might become the answer to your prayer.

693
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,760
The Lord might be changing your own heart in prayer.

694
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:56,560
During COVID, I looked back at my journals end to end and read them chronologically.

695
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,800
I'd never done that before.

696
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:04,240
And I realized, wow, I just thought this place of prayer had been things in recent years.

697
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:09,160
But soon after I was saved, I wrote in my journal, I feel like this verse I have appointed

698
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:12,560
you as a watchman on the wall has to do with me and I don't even know what it means.

699
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:17,420
And I was like, wow, you were calling me into this even then.

700
00:39:17,420 --> 00:39:22,560
Another thing in that quiet time after stepping down from full time ministry, besides saying,

701
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,960
I don't need your titles or your results.

702
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,640
In other words, he was saying that I want to make sure that people know he was saying

703
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:30,480
it in a kind way like I'm sufficient.

704
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:32,040
Just rest in me.

705
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:37,280
One day, you know, my husband and I had done teaching on hearing the voice of God and prophetic

706
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:38,280
ministry.

707
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:41,560
And one day in my quiet time, I didn't expect it.

708
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:45,560
The Lord said, you think you're mature and they're prophetic, but you're up to your

709
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:46,680
ankles.

710
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,840
And I knew that he was talking about the water in Ezekiel 47 that the prophet saw coming

711
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:51,840
out of the temple.

712
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,440
And he said, I'm willing to take you deeper.

713
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,760
Are you willing to be a beginner?

714
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,120
So I said, of course, yes.

715
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:04,840
So I'm in a season of being a beginner and hearing the voice of God and wanting to be

716
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,920
like Jesus only saying what the Father says.

717
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:13,680
And as I've gone literally smaller and lower in my own prayer closet, he has invited me

718
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:17,560
in, ironically enough to that very place.

719
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:24,640
Just a year ago, some friends that we met in a country over in the 1040 window, this

720
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:31,040
American pastor couple that had been in this country for over 26 years, the pastor was

721
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:34,520
imprisoned for over two years on trumped up charges of terrorism.

722
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:39,040
It was about his faith during the Trump administration and through a lot of prayer.

723
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:41,440
I mean, he was in international headlines.

724
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:47,080
He was released and they are now doing a work of equipping pastors in the 1040 window.

725
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:52,160
And they've invited me to be going to these countries for the purpose of praying with

726
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,320
these pastors and their wives.

727
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:58,240
There's not a thing I can do to be high performing at it.

728
00:40:58,240 --> 00:40:59,400
There's nothing I can do.

729
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,520
Isn't this, God's so funny.

730
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:10,760
There's nothing I can do to prepare except just to ask the Lord to tenderize my own heart.

731
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,560
I've made two trips.

732
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,760
There's already three scheduled internationally for next year.

733
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:21,280
We just got back from ministering to pastors and Christians from Kosovo who have been through

734
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:23,200
so much trauma.

735
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,600
He's just taking me to new levels of freedom.

736
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:31,840
And again, it's something that I can't even really talk that much about because it's a

737
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:35,280
lot of the places are in not secure places to go.

738
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:36,840
Isn't that just like the Lord?

739
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:37,840
Well, it is.

740
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:43,040
And Kimberly, I think that God has taken you through some hard times because you're ministering

741
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:46,560
out to people who live in hard places.

742
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:52,760
And while you can't sympathize with everything they've gone through, you can empathize with

743
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:58,080
the sacrifices that Lord has called them to in the places they've lived.

744
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:01,520
And very few people can do that.

745
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,480
And places where women are often not seen.

746
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:10,480
And I can look at all the things in my spiritual backpack of being alone in a marriage, of

747
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,520
being widowed, of trusting God.

748
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:22,320
And I can see how he led me to a place of just this battle for life is such a war zone

749
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,000
in the spiritual realm.

750
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:29,120
And yet, you know, I think that was even preparing me for this battlefield of Islam.

751
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,720
So yes, it's glorious.

752
00:42:31,720 --> 00:42:33,440
I am so excited.

753
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,880
I am like the happiest beginner there's ever been.

754
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:44,600
I just want to learn and I think each trip I walk somehow both in more confidence and

755
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:52,000
this hunger and thirst to knowing more, to move with Jesus' compassion.

756
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:58,280
When you see people just being set free through forgiveness of really that they're sons, not

757
00:42:58,280 --> 00:42:59,280
orphans.

758
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:04,360
You know, we are very spoiled here in the West that we have teaching and Bibles at every

759
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:05,360
corner.

760
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:09,280
We have so many people in Kosovo, there's like 500 believers.

761
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,080
And we had 40 of them in this meeting.

762
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,400
They don't have all the resources we have.

763
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,880
They're faithful.

764
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,480
Most of them are Muslim background.

765
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:21,560
And just to come to bring the truth of these quote unquote simple things that here I've

766
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:26,200
spent all this time telling you how the Lord's taken a whole lifetime to teach me the simple

767
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:30,280
things about release, surrender, forgiveness, healing.

768
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:36,000
Yes, He's now inviting me in to share what I know or just share what I've seen.

769
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:40,160
So in all that you lived through, what has surprised you most about God?

770
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:42,960
Like I said before that He's shockingly good.

771
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:48,440
I remember about maybe 10 days in after that day that I told you about when we were in

772
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,840
the hospital and He made it through the first weekend.

773
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:51,840
They got a trach.

774
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:55,480
They had to call in a specialist just to even get an airway for my husband.

775
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:57,240
And I'm crying.

776
00:43:57,240 --> 00:43:58,920
I'm literally weeping.

777
00:43:58,920 --> 00:43:59,920
I'm crying out.

778
00:43:59,920 --> 00:44:00,920
I'm scared.

779
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:01,920
We're scared.

780
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,480
And there was a devotion that somebody had put in our hand.

781
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,360
I think it's called prayers on fire.

782
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:10,400
And we turned the page and I felt like the Lord was just turning the pages of our lives.

783
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:12,600
And that day, like day 10, it said something.

784
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:17,000
I'm paraphrasing, but it said, Lord, I don't want to be the person that only calls out

785
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,880
from the bottom of the well and says, rescue me.

786
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,200
But I want to know what you want to teach me.

787
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:23,600
And it just struck me.

788
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:26,600
Oh, my goodness, Lord, we're 10 days in.

789
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,000
My conversation has been one way.

790
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:29,000
It's not been conversation.

791
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,360
It's been one way appropriate cries.

792
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:36,040
But is there something you would like for me to know right now?

793
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:37,880
He didn't give us superhero strength.

794
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:43,120
I just found that we just kept walking our faith walk and he's supernaturally.

795
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:48,000
I just felt like he was rock under our feet and he's shockingly good.

796
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:51,640
There would be moments where I think you don't need to encourage me like you're encouraging

797
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:52,640
me.

798
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:53,640
I've got it.

799
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:54,640
But he still rushed in.

800
00:44:54,640 --> 00:45:02,920
And the most I don't even have an adjective for the grief and the fear in those moments.

801
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:06,520
His goodness and his presence was with us.

802
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:11,440
The beginning of this year, I was reading through Psalm 119 and I came across verse

803
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:15,520
68 and I said, God is good and everything he does is good.

804
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:20,720
And I just felt like the Lord was saying this, I'm going to teach you this year and all year

805
00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:21,720
long.

806
00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:26,240
And that's one of the things that I've always said, God is good.

807
00:45:26,240 --> 00:45:27,240
God is good.

808
00:45:27,240 --> 00:45:28,560
I've never doubted that.

809
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:32,760
But in a new way this year, he wanted me to know that he was good.

810
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:34,520
And I went through cancer this year.

811
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:39,920
Very, very mild, very easy cancer.

812
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:40,920
There's no easy cancer.

813
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,720
Well, I mean, compared to others.

814
00:45:43,720 --> 00:45:50,000
But in it all, God's goodness was in it all.

815
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:55,720
And sometimes we think that the goodness of God means there are no trials, there are no

816
00:45:55,720 --> 00:45:59,640
tribulations, there's only skipping through fields of flowers.

817
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,240
But that's not at all what it is.

818
00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:07,600
God's goodness is solid and carries us through no matter what is going on circumstantially

819
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:08,600
around us.

820
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:09,600
Amen.

821
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:14,120
There's a story, I don't know who told this story years ago, but imagine you're down,

822
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:18,440
you're looking up a cliff and there's a tightrope and you see a guy, you all watch as he walks

823
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:21,280
across and they say, do you think he can do it again?

824
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:22,280
Yes, we do.

825
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:23,640
And then he walks across with the wheelbarrow.

826
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:25,640
Do you think he can do that again?

827
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:26,640
Yes, we do.

828
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:27,640
We're clapping.

829
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:29,360
Say, okay, then get in the wheelbarrow.

830
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:34,320
And it's different when you're in the wheelbarrow with the guy going across the tightrope.

831
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:40,020
And I think these diagnoses, these moments, but that's when we know in a different way,

832
00:46:40,020 --> 00:46:41,020
you really are good.

833
00:46:41,020 --> 00:46:44,720
Or we know in a different way, oh yeah, I actually am really free.

834
00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:46,940
I can't do a thing to earn your love.

835
00:46:46,940 --> 00:46:53,120
There's something about being in the wheelbarrow in a very scary situation that makes it more

836
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:54,120
alive for us.

837
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:56,600
So there are so many amazing women in the Bible.

838
00:46:56,600 --> 00:47:00,640
Is there one whose story is inspired, encouraged, taught you something?

839
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:03,200
And how does her story relate to yours?

840
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:04,660
There is.

841
00:47:04,660 --> 00:47:08,040
And it's a perfect season for it too, that we're recording this.

842
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:09,040
Anna.

843
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:13,660
In Luke 2, it says, there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Faneuil.

844
00:47:13,660 --> 00:47:17,240
She was advanced in years, having lived with her husband seven years from when she was

845
00:47:17,240 --> 00:47:20,920
a virgin, and then as a widow until she was 84.

846
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:25,480
She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day.

847
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:30,840
And coming up at that very hour, she began to give thanks to God and to speak of Him

848
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,960
to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem.

849
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:35,360
I just so identify.

850
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:40,200
I had my husband for seven years, two years of courtship, five years of marriage.

851
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:44,520
Night and day prayer is our primary love.

852
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:50,080
She wanted to speak to who she saw, the face of Jesus with a community that was waiting

853
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:52,840
for the redemption of Jerusalem.

854
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:58,760
My prayer has just been, Lord, Anna got to see your face for real the first time.

855
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:04,480
Would you let me see your face for real here on earth the second time?

856
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,600
Either way, I will get to see his face.

857
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:15,000
She is a great, her faithfulness to be in community, to fast and pray, to worship, that

858
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:21,380
even Simeon, who came and saw Jesus, I don't think they called him a prophet, that she

859
00:48:21,380 --> 00:48:25,440
was someone full of the testimony of Jesus, pre-incarnate Jesus at that point.

860
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:27,580
She saw his face and knew.

861
00:48:27,580 --> 00:48:29,800
And I know his redemption in my life, too.

862
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:34,800
Well, Kimberly mentioned the Lord inviting her to go deeper with him.

863
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:40,160
In Ezekiel 47, the prophet tells of a vision that the Lord showed him of a flowing river

864
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:43,080
that gets deeper and deeper, and it's a river of healing.

865
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:48,120
Verse nine says, life will flourish wherever this water flows.

866
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:53,040
As Kimberly has worshiped the Lord at the various altars in her life, he's brought her to.

867
00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:57,120
His healing waters have flown in and through her life.

868
00:48:57,120 --> 00:49:01,600
You can have that, too, as you surrender more and more to the Lord.

869
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:04,960
It may not be easy, but it is worth it.

870
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:09,600
Kimberly, would you take a moment and pray for everyone who listens to this podcast?

871
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:10,600
Yes.

872
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:17,960
Oh, thank you, Father, for your living water that's just ours through Jesus.

873
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:21,360
I thank you that you are a good Father.

874
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:27,360
You do not scrub us of our sins with a wire brush, but your living water cleanses the

875
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:32,160
abraded places of our hearts, and you bring healing.

876
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:38,400
And I bless, I bless every hearer Lord, that your living water will trickle down to the

877
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:42,800
lowest eddies, the places even enclosed by rocks.

878
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:44,380
You will get there.

879
00:49:44,380 --> 00:49:50,800
You cannot be kept out of any ICU room, out of any proud heart, out of any conference

880
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:51,880
room.

881
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:55,160
Come Holy Spirit, come with your living water and heal us.

882
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:56,960
We want to know you more.

883
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:59,800
We thank you that you satisfy.

884
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,440
In Jesus' name, Amen.

885
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:03,440
Amen.

886
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:05,360
Thank you for tuning in.

887
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:10,080
In our show notes at hergodstory.org, you'll find links to scriptures and other helpful

888
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:11,080
information.

889
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:16,120
And don't forget to sign up for periodic emails and download our free six-week devotional

890
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:17,120
on Women of the Bible.

891
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:18,640
It's a great way to start your year.

892
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:22,680
If you haven't done so already, we also invite you to join the growing company of women who

893
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:24,380
support widows and orphans with us.

894
00:50:24,380 --> 00:50:29,520
You can do that at hergodstory.org by clicking on the Widows and Orphan Fund.

895
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:33,840
And we'd love to pray with you on our 24-7 prayer and text line.

896
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:41,800
You can give us a call or text anytime at 855-459-CARE or email us at prayer@ somebodycares.org.

897
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:46,960
If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate and review it on your favorite streaming service

898
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,980
and share it with friends who might enjoy it as well.

899
00:50:49,980 --> 00:50:55,440
And now, dear friends, I leave you with the blessing adapted from Psalm 20:1-5

901
00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:59,920
In times of trouble, may the Lord answer your cry.

902
00:50:59,920 --> 00:51:04,200
May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.

903
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:09,160
May He send you help from His sanctuary and strengthen you from Jerusalem.

904
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:14,180
May He remember all your gifts and look favorably on your burnt offerings.

905
00:51:14,180 --> 00:51:19,360
May He grant you your heart's desire and make all your plans succeed.

906
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:24,040
May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory and raise a victory banner in the

907
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:26,020
name of our God.

908
00:51:26,020 --> 00:51:29,280
May the Lord answer all your prayers.

909
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:33,320
Her God Story is a ministry of Somebody Cares America and international.

910
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:50,120
To find out more about or support the ministry, go to somebodycares.org.