Peace Comes From Trusting God: Becky Van Valin's Story

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Hey friends, welcome to the Her God Story podcast where you will always hear a good

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story to encourage and inspire you in your walk with the Lord.

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I'm your host, Jodie Chiricosta, ministry leader at Somebody Cares America International, author

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and traveler on this journey of faith.

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You probably know by now that I always ask my guests what woman of the Bible has inspired,

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encouraged, or taught her something.

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But what about you?

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I'd love to hear what woman of the Bible has helped you in your walk with the Lord.

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Email me at hergodstory@somebodycares.org and tell me why.

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I just might read it in a future episode to encourage others who are listening.

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Remember, email me at hergodstory@somebodycares.org.

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Proverbs 4:23 tells us,

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Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

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If we look at the fuller definition of the Hebrew word that's translated heart,

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we find that it refers to our feelings, our will, our intellect, really our whole being.

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Because those are parts of us that affect our present and our future.

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It's critical that we guard them.

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Our enemy the devil uses so many things to attack us, to make us ineffective and unproductive,

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to leave us defeated before we've even begun.

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And that is why God tells us to guard ourselves so when those attacks come, we're shielded

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by His word, His love, and His power.

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Sometimes though, we can get wounded and we need help in the healing process.

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My guest, Becky Van Valen, is one who helps.

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She's an experienced therapist who has worked with individuals and families for over 25

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years.

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In addition to counseling, Becky is a frequent conference speaker, guest on the Heart to Heart

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radio program, writes and speaks on topics like marriage, parenting, women's issues,

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and family issues.

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She has also participated in crisis response teams after disasters.

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Next to her relationship with the Lord, Becky's husband, three adult children, and now grandchildren,

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however, take priority in her life.

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Welcome Becky.

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Thank you so much, Jody.

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What a pleasure to be here with you today and reconnect with you.

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Yes, yes.

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We have been in each other's lives on and off for many years.

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So Becky, your father was a pastor and church, Bible reading, prayer.

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They were all a part of your life, really, from birth.

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But we know that every one of us has to make that personal and conscious commitment to follow

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Christ.

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When did that happen for you?

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And what circumstances brought you to that point?

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Well, as you said, I was in church all my life, very much like Timothy in the Bible,

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just from the time I was a baby.

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I was in church that was preaching as I was being born, in fact.

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But at age 14, I was at a church camp, and that was a tradition in the denomination I

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grew up in.

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And I'd always been very, very keenly sensitive and interested in spiritual things.

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But I'd really been thinking a lot about, am I committed to God because my mom and dad

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are, and that's what they've taught me?

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Or because this is what I choose.

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And interestingly enough, the focus of our camp minister, the youth pastor, was about

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making your faith your own.

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And so I was always identified as a PK, a preacher's kid, kind of a good girl.

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But I really, really wanted to be known as a Christ follower.

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And so I made that commitment to, this was my choice.

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This was my choosing.

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And I became even more serious about God's will in my life, about leading other people

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into faith, even as a teenager.

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That was really important to me.

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And my dad and I would often have talks after I came in from activities.

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He was a night owl.

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I was a night owl.

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And at some point in the conversation, not every time, but frequently, he said, Becky,

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the three most important decisions you will make in life are about what are you going

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to do with your relationship with God?

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Who will you ultimately link your life to?

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Who will you marry and determine what is your calling?

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And I realized as I got older, every other decision that I would make would flow around

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those three decisions.

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And I would revisit that frequently in my life, in the future.

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Yeah.

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So there are a lot of external expectations put on pastors' kids.

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I mean, you were considered the good girl, and I'm sure there are a lot of expectations

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that may or may not have fit you.

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Did you feel that growing up?

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And if so, how did you think that affected your life later?

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Oh, yeah, it did.

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I loved the church family.

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I felt like I had lots of aunts and uncles and people that I was very close to and people

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that were interested in me and pouring into me.

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So there were some wonderful things about it.

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But I did live in a fishbowl, and I felt like I was always being watched, and I don't ever

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remember my parents saying, you have to be perfect.

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But just with my personality, I felt like I did.

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And things happened.

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If my parents said, I could get my ears pierced, 10 other girls got their ears pierced.

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It was like, it was the standard for what I was doing.

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And so some of the things that I began to realize in my 20s was, I can minister to you, but

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I can't let you know me, and you can't minister to me.

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And I became really expert at getting to know and focusing on other people, but don't let

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other people see the real you, what you need, what you're struggling with.

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And so perfectionism had really developed in my heart and mind.

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And that became the standard for me to live by.

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And I was very much wanting to be liked by everyone.

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I remembered when I got married, and I was just worried in my first job, like, what if

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everyone doesn't like me?

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And Paul was just like, everyone's not going to like you.

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I mean, what scenario would that ever be?

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And I was confronting, beginning to confront some of those very unrealistic expectations

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of myself, making mistakes.

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I just felt like that was something that, and many, many people that I work with feel

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like, oh, that's just taboo to make a mistake.

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And so I've had to really learn about all of those things.

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I know I'm the best, our best teachers and what I can learn from those things.

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But what happened was I really did not know myself and didn't focus on myself.

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I didn't know what I felt.

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I know what you felt, and I knew what was going on with you, but I did not know myself.

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And so I had kind of a big journey in my 20s and 30s figuring all that out.

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Yeah.

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And so many, many people, women, men, deal with that drive to be perfect and put on

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a facade to make everybody think they are who that person needs them to be.

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How did that manifest in you and how did you ultimately get victory over it?

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Because that's a big battle for so many people.

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Honestly, almost every female I counsel, it is a battle for.

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And so you are right.

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It is a huge battle.

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Not just for women, for men and women.

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And for me, really, I became more aware of it when I was a young mom.

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I had three little guys, and I did not want to mess them up.

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I wanted to be the perfect mom for them.

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Impossible, but that was my thinking.

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And so I became drained and tired, and I thought, what is going on?

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And I had very high standards.

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Perfectionism, from a psychological perspective, is having unrealistically high expectations

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of yourself and then criticizing yourself for not meeting them.

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And so you are in this constant state of not meeting the expectations that you have in

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your head.

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You planned five fun things to do with the kids, went to the park, baked cookies, played

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a game, did a project, but didn't read zoo books, which I had planned to do.

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What do you think I thought of at the end of the day?

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Not the four things I had done, but the one thing I didn't do.

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And the verbiage was, well, you are not a very good mom.

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You are not very organized.

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You are not loving your neighbor, Joan, a lot of comparison.

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She is a great mom.

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You would have gotten all those things done.

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And these are very common thoughts of comparing yourself, not focusing on what you have done,

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but focusing on what you have not done.

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And that is part of perfectionism.

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You magnify those things that are wrong, and I would not give myself any credit for the

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things that I had done.

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And that is a very common pattern.

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And I didn't realize it, and when we were starting our company, Paul and I had both

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turned 40, and I had gone to Ohio a few months before we were going to start Eden counseling

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in September of 95.

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And on the way home, one of my fears was the car breaking down on my eight and a half hour

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trip with my three sons by myself when I made that trip back from Ohio, and the car did

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break down.

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And I had a panic attack.

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That was the first one I had had.

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It wasn't just about that trip.

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It was about all that we were embarking on with Eden.

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And I realized as I began to, well, let me tell you about the panic attack, I was stopped

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someplace that was fixing.

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It was 100 degrees outside.

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It was really miserable.

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And I called Paul and said, Paul, he's five hours away.

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Can you help me?

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What can we do?

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And he said he did what he could, and I hung up the phone and thought, I've got to call

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him again.

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I just don't feel settled.

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And I felt like God said, don't call Paul.

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He can't help you right now.

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And he can't help you as you start Eden.

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You are utterly dependent on me.

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And it was very holy ground I realized that I was standing on.

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I thought, I do depend on you.

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He said, not in the way that you're going to need to.

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And so it was a journey of really deepening my dependence on God, which was very important.

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And I think God, I think he's magnificent in that he deals with a number of things often

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when there's one thing going on.

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And he had to begin to deal with my unrealistic expectations, my focusing on what was wrong

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rather than what was good or what was right.

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The Philippians four passage is so beautiful.

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And so I began a journey even more deeply of dealing with the perfectionism and also

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a new dependence on God during that time.

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How did you get into counseling?

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I mean, you have three children, you're married.

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Was that something that you had always wanted to do?

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Like your father had said, choose the call of God or find the call of God for your life.

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What was the path that you took to get there?

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I got a teaching degree.

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I went to a small Christian college where I met Paul, got a teaching degree.

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My mom was a teacher, did some substitute teaching, realized I do not like this.

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And so, you know, my dad was very pastoral and did a lot of counseling.

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And so I began to kind of look around to see what are some of the other gifts that I have,

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what are some other people doing that I could look into.

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And Paul was in counseling in psychology.

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And so really, really enjoyed reading some of the things he was reading, hearing what

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he was doing, and realizing I had also that kind of pastoral heart.

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And so, counseling was what I looked into several different options and wound up going

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to graduate school and choosing counseling.

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And it was absolutely the right thing for me.

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I feel very purposeful in what I do each day.

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And I love that.

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Just as a little aside, I think it's so important that people, especially young people realize

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they don't have to stick with an early career path.

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I've changed careers four times to get where I am.

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Now, everything built on what I learned in the prior career or, you know, career paths,

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not that I didn't have a full career in any of them, but till I finally got where I knew

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this is my sweet spot.

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This is where God has me.

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So you have a degree in clinical social work and Paul's degree is in clinical psychology.

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People probably look at your marriage and think, everything was smooth as silk.

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But you've shared with me that it wasn't always so, isn't always so even, but share some of

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the challenges you faced in your marriage and how did you work through them?

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We talked before previously that people, we do marriage workshops and people always ask

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at some point, whether they raised their hand and asked it or privately asked me, I'll bet

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you don't have any issues in your marriage.

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You are both therapists, you know what to do, what not to do, your Christians.

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And you know, for a long time, I thought, I don't know what to say.

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Are they looking for a good example?

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And I just wasn't sure how to respond to that.

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And in praying for a workshop that we were doing a few years ago, I just said, Lord, what

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do I say to this?

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And I felt God saying, tell them the truth.

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Yeah, you don't have a perfect marriage.

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It doesn't go smooth as silk.

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As you said, we have to work just as hard as anyone else does to communicate well, to

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manage conflicts well.

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And so I shared that at the workshop because someone did ask.

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And there was just a collective sigh across the room because I think people know at some

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level that we can relate to them.

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We understand.

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We're in the same boat in terms of, sure, everybody has struggles and you have to work

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through them.

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So that's one thing with being therapists and Christians and our marriage is not perfect.

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But Paul and I also have very different personalities.

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You know Paul and me.

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And if you read about in like the Myers-Briggs, the combination of our two personalities,

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you would read that we have the potential for much conflict because we are so different.

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He's an entrepreneur.

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He's an idea person.

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He likes adventure.

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He likes change.

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He likes new things.

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He's not detail oriented.

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I do like adventure, but it has to be built on a pretty solid bedrock of a lot of order,

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00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:42,000
a lot of safety, a lot of security.

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And Paul's new ideas would often overwhelm me.

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It was too much, too many.

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And I would be trying to create a realistic plan in my head for how to make these things

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happen and detail it out only to learn that he was onto another idea.

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And so frustrating.

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And so we really, you know, he would say you're throwing cold waters on my great ideas, my

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new ideas, and I would be frustrated that they just didn't seem realistic.

249
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And a lot of couples have these issues.

250
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They have different personalities.

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And so, you know, if I had had a new idea, I would have carefully thought it out how

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much time, how much money, how much manpower before I ever said anything about it and how

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we would achieve it.

254
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So we were just very, very different.

255
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:39,680
But we did do a lot of, you know, looking at our personalities.

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Went to a lot of marriage workshops, you know, just to learn about how do you communicate,

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how do you get along, went to trainings.

258
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And we have really learned that God has allowed our differences to enhance, to compliment,

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I think we are better together, better in Christ and what we are able to offer to other

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people.

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Someone recently said to us, Paul, you can only do all you are doing because you have

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Becky in your life.

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And Becky, you have so much more adventure and newness in your life because of Paul.

264
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And that is so, so true.

265
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So, and we also had mentors.

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We had older couples who were ahead of us and so, you know, I think that is a very important

267
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thing if people can find mentors.

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And for Paul and I, we have done a lot of marriage workshops and authenticity is really

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important to us.

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And so always when we are preparing for a workshop, we ask ourselves and we ask each

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other, are we doing what we are teaching?

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Are we legit with this?

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And that's been really good for us to kind of challenge, hold ourselves accountable.

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We don't want to be sharing and teaching things that we ourselves are not doing.

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So, you know, we've really wanted to be authentic in what we do and that's been helpful for

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us.

277
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Yeah.

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I mean, you've committed to working it out.

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And in today's throwaway society, I think a lot of people can feel like if they hit

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it, boy, society even tells us this.

281
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If you hit a rough patch and you're tired of going over the bumps, just bail out.

282
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But boy, that's not God's way.

283
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And you really committed to seeing it through.

284
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:39,240
So are there any practices or non-negotiables that you and Paul have established to keep

285
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,240
your marriage healthy?

286
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:44,400
I mean, looking at, you know, how authentic you are in your teaching, that's, that would

287
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,400
be one thing.

288
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:50,320
But other things that maybe the average Joe who doesn't do marriage seminars could implement.

289
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:57,280
Paul and I are unusually, I think, honest with each other.

290
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And so honesty is really important.

291
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:07,000
And we're, even though I don't love conflict generally, we are not afraid of conflict with

292
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each other.

293
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:13,240
And there we've learned from, from research or some amazing research that's been done

294
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by a Jewish couple, the Gottmans.

295
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And you know, anything that you can read that they've put out is really, really worthwhile.

296
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But they talk about the differences in personalities.

297
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:32,320
70% of the things that we talk about with our spouse, we don't agree on.

298
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We don't see the same.

299
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We don't feel the same.

300
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We have a different perspective on.

301
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:42,760
And so what we know is you have to become really excellent at conflict management to

302
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,760
have a good marriage.

303
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:55,880
And that, I think we have worked hard to manage conflicts and to talk about them.

304
00:20:55,880 --> 00:21:02,840
And what we know is it seems that research says you have a very superficial relationship

305
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:07,360
if you do not know how to do conflict in your relationship.

306
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:08,880
You won't go deep.

307
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:15,680
And so we're willing to go deep, to plunge, look at the differences, it really breeds

308
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,960
security and commitment.

309
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I'm going to be here when it's not easy to talk to you.

310
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I'm going to be here and work through this together.

311
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:36,560
And so that has created just a lot of security and commitment and intimacy in our relationship.

312
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,360
But a lot of couples are really, really afraid of conflict and don't know how to do that

313
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,360
well with each other.

314
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:46,400
And I would really encourage couples to do some reading, get some help with that because

315
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:50,480
that's very, very important in marriage relationships.

316
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:59,280
It seems like conflict can spiral out of control when people are easily offended.

317
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:07,040
And it's put natural for us to want to guard ourselves against pain when we're bearing

318
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,360
our soul to somebody.

319
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:21,160
But if both people in the conflict are honestly seeking for the better of the other person,

320
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,560
which is not always the case.

321
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:29,520
But if both people are coming together to seek the better for the other person, then

322
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,000
we just can't be easily offended.

323
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,840
We have to lay our offense down.

324
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,680
And boy, the Lord tells us not to be easily offended as well.

325
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:37,680
Yes.

326
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:42,280
I think laying the offense down is very important.

327
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:53,480
And a key thing that we teach, do, and that's really hard for couples is to validate your

328
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,880
spouse's perspective.

329
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:57,880
You should think like I do.

330
00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,840
I don't know why you feel that way.

331
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,240
I don't feel that way.

332
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:08,960
And so the ability to be able to validate helps to not take offense, to really understand,

333
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:15,520
seeking to understand, putting yourself in your spouse's shoes, letting them know you're

334
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:21,960
trying to understand from their personality, from their history, from their life experiences

335
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,120
what it is that they are feeling.

336
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:31,600
And that creates a lot of empathy and the ability to say, you know, I genuinely can

337
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:37,480
understand why that would hurt you given your personality or what you've experienced

338
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:38,720
in your life.

339
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,320
And that's a game changer for couples if they can do that.

340
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,640
Something I teach to every single couple that I work with.

341
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,640
Yeah.

342
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,400
Boy, so important.

343
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,840
And it is hard to learn because you want your opinion to come through.

344
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:52,840
Exactly.

345
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,840
That's exactly right.

346
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:55,840
Yeah.

347
00:23:55,840 --> 00:24:00,920
So there's a whole process of learning to communicate and listen well.

348
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:01,920
Yeah.

349
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:06,200
So you mentioned working together and you even own a business together.

350
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:11,080
I mean, having a business for anybody can be a rough road.

351
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:15,320
What prompted you to start your own counseling center and how have you seen God's hand at

352
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,320
work along the way?

353
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:22,000
Well, you know who I'm married to, an entrepreneur.

354
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,960
And so, you know, let's start something new.

355
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,000
That was Paul's idea.

356
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:32,400
We were 40, but I guess it's now or never.

357
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:40,880
And Paul had really been encouraged to do that by the people who knew him, by the mentors

358
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,200
that he had.

359
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,920
And I was supportive of that as well.

360
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:55,600
And I think the trip to Ohio that I mentioned really helped to get me ready for that.

361
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:59,360
And yet it was difficult.

362
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:04,840
Three months after we opened Eden, the insurance money had not come through.

363
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,840
We had to pay the people that worked for us.

364
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,280
We could not pay ourselves.

365
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:16,240
That was a very, you know, the first of many difficult times when you own your own company.

366
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:22,280
And Paul had always been kind of the golden boy in whatever he had done.

367
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:26,440
And so this was really off-putting for him.

368
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:27,440
Wait a minute.

369
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:28,600
God, you led us into this.

370
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:33,000
I thought this was going to, in our naivete, this was going to be a smooth path.

371
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,720
We're doing your will.

372
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,400
We're doing what you've called us to do.

373
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:40,440
And he began to question, did we hear you correctly?

374
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:45,480
I mean, we can't function, obviously, without income.

375
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:52,280
And it was so interesting how God used, you know, that particular time and era.

376
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:58,840
I really remained very strong from the word that God had given me to, that I was dependent

377
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,040
on him.

378
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:04,560
And I said, did God call us to something else already?

379
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,120
And he said, no, I don't think so.

380
00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:08,320
I said, then we stay the course.

381
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:13,200
This is what God is calling us to do, even through the difficulty.

382
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:20,760
And so there were many, many times, many things over the 20, was it 25 years, 28 years?

383
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:30,040
I'm trying to think, I think 28 years that we ran Eden and had to be very dependent on

384
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,080
God and what he was calling us to do.

385
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:37,040
And, you know, we sold our practice in January of this year.

386
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:44,960
And it was very humbling to look back over the 28 years and see what God had done.

387
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:53,040
We had at least 150,000 patients that came through and they came through with a spouse

388
00:26:53,040 --> 00:27:00,360
or kids, probably 300,000 people that never, ever dreamed of anything like that.

389
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:06,840
And we thought, what if we had stopped that first year when, you know, it was just overwhelming

390
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,040
and other years that were as well.

391
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:15,880
And just so clearly see God's, God's leading and his, his calling for what he was wanting

392
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:16,880
to do.

393
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:26,320
Yeah, I, I love that you shared with me in the past that you didn't even really seek

394
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,440
the partners, the King.

395
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:32,240
You, you said, God, you send us who you want.

396
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:33,720
And that happened, didn't it?

397
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:43,160
Yeah, as, as Paul was preparing to, to start Eden, he was in church and just pulled out

398
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:48,720
an index card, he carried index cards and, and wrote down what he thought God was saying.

399
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:56,200
And he said, I will send people that we were not to seek to hire people and that we were

400
00:27:56,200 --> 00:28:00,200
to partner with those that we loved.

401
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:04,560
And so people that were like minded that we cared for.

402
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:11,920
And so Paul told me, I said, that can't be, you can't start a business without like, you

403
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,400
know, trying to hire people.

404
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:18,000
And he said, I, I think God's saying, no, we, he's going to send people.

405
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,440
So we, we didn't, we sent people.

406
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:26,920
And if we ever just later thought we need more child psychologists, we have so many children

407
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:32,480
and we put out maybe something to say, is there anyone, nothing, nothing ever came from

408
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,160
that, but God would send people.

409
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:39,800
So yeah, it was really a walk of faith in doing it God's way.

410
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:40,800
Yeah.

411
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,320
I mean, God's ways are not our ways.

412
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:44,320
No.

413
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:45,480
Our thoughts are not our thoughts.

414
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:51,480
But when we follow his ways, well, for one, it brings glory to God, but it takes a lot

415
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,960
of stress off of us if we can really lean into his way.

416
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,400
If we can really lean into it, that's exactly right.

417
00:28:58,400 --> 00:28:59,400
Yeah.

418
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:03,240
Realizing he was, he was the CEO of our organization.

419
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:08,960
I mean, there are many pivotal times when he was saying, I'm way ahead of you.

420
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:09,960
Let me lead.

421
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:10,960
Yeah.

422
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:11,960
Well, yeah.

423
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:17,240
Well, another thing so many parents deal with is balancing work and home life.

424
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,640
I mean, you're a mother of three.

425
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:20,640
What did you do?

426
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:24,920
How did you handle the pressure and what ways did you see the faithfulness of God?

427
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,520
And in your choices of parenting?

428
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:36,880
When I began counseling after I had had children, I didn't have family living nearby, so I didn't

429
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:38,800
have a lot of support.

430
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:42,920
So I had to really carefully think through how am I going to do this?

431
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,440
And I didn't, didn't want to do too many hours.

432
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:51,520
But even with the few hours I was doing, I remember the first few months that I was counseling,

433
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:57,920
someone said, well, I'm going to need to be seen after school at this time because that's

434
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:58,920
what works best for me.

435
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:03,200
And I remember just clutching and thinking, Oh, is that what I have to do?

436
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:04,920
I can't, I can't do that.

437
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:08,680
I have my kids at home and they were all their activities.

438
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:15,240
And I went home that night and really felt like as I was praying that God was saying,

439
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:19,040
you have to decide what your priority is.

440
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:23,240
And whatever you don't do is, you know, could suffer.

441
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:27,440
And I thought, wow, I do not want my family to suffer.

442
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:33,320
And so I will be begin making decisions in my career for what's best for my family.

443
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,160
And you know, that was my, what was right for me at that time.

444
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:43,480
And so I worked around, you know, kids hours and still continue to, to be able to see people,

445
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:47,960
but it was very much focused on, on our family.

446
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:54,720
And, and I, you know, I had to make that decision and prioritize.

447
00:30:54,720 --> 00:31:00,080
And I really believe, you know, those choices made a difference in who my sons are today,

448
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:06,240
but God also gave me a wonderful, you know, opportunity to counsel many people for many,

449
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,240
many years.

450
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:12,160
And that increased as the kids got older and, and especially as they left the nest.

451
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:18,400
So I was, I was able to kind of do it all, but I had to prioritize family.

452
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,400
Yeah.

453
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,800
I mean, Ecclesiastes says there's a time for everything, time for every purpose under

454
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:26,760
heaven, a time, does this, it doesn't say this, but there's a time to be mom and there's

455
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:27,760
a time to work.

456
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:28,760
Yes.

457
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:34,680
There's a time, you know, and, and I've, I've, in some of my prior interviews, I've talked

458
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,800
to, you know, women who said, you know, I put my career on hold.

459
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,360
I left my career to take, to raise my children.

460
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:45,320
One woman that I talked to, she's, works at NASA actually.

461
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:51,160
She was a, you know, worked on the space shuttle program and she left NASA to raise

462
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,160
her family.

463
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:58,160
And so when her kids went to college, she fully expected to just kind of work at a grocery

464
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:02,960
store or do something like that just to help, you know, put the kids through school.

465
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:05,080
She thought I gave it up.

466
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:09,320
But when she started looking for work, a friend of hers said, send me a resume and she got

467
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:16,080
an offer to go back to work for NASA at one of the premier, premier projects, you know,

468
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:18,360
that they were doing at the time.

469
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:23,200
And I, you know, God just said, you did what I asked you to do.

470
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,320
I'm going to bless you for it.

471
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:31,420
So we, we don't, you know, when we lay down our lives for something the Lord tells us

472
00:32:31,420 --> 00:32:35,800
to lay it down for, God always has better for us.

473
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:42,080
And he uses all those things he's planted in us, gifts and training and pulls them together

474
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:43,760
at different points in our lives.

475
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:47,200
So yeah, I was at home for 12 years as well.

476
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:48,960
So yeah.

477
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:55,440
So it's, you know, I think there's a messages in the world that say you can have it all,

478
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,920
all the time, right at once, or, you know, you've got to be true to just yourself and

479
00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:04,680
don't worry about anybody else, even those who are supposedly relying on you.

480
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:10,120
But God says, if you do it my way, I'll take care of it.

481
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,120
I'll take care of you.

482
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:15,280
You're going to find fulfillment and purpose and happiness and everything that you want,

483
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:16,480
actually more than you want.

484
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:23,440
I found in my life when I am obedient to the Lord's choice, he knows me better than I know

485
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:24,440
myself.

486
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:29,120
What I thought was going to make me fulfilled would have destroyed me.

487
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:33,920
But when I obey what the Lord has, I find joy that I never knew I would have.

488
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:34,920
Exactly.

489
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:35,920
Exactly.

490
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:38,600
That's beautiful.

491
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:44,720
I started the episode sharing Proverbs 4, 23, which tells us to guard our heart in your

492
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:45,720
career as a counselor.

493
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:50,520
I'm sure you've seen the effects of people who've not guarded their heart well.

494
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:55,640
Just share a few healthy and biblical ways that we can all guard our hearts.

495
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:56,640
Yeah.

496
00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:05,840
I think of this often, I think you've said in the beginning, our mind, our feelings,

497
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:12,640
our will, are all a part of that scripture that you were looking at.

498
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:18,400
So often our mind is so powerful.

499
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:26,560
What we think and feel directs the course of our actions.

500
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:33,720
Being right thinking and much of what I deal with in myself and with other people, I have

501
00:34:33,720 --> 00:34:42,000
thoughts that either lead me toward anxiety or depression or offense, as we were talking

502
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:43,560
about earlier.

503
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:50,840
And so I think we guard our hearts by really examining our thoughts and what are they and

504
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:55,560
how do I renew those thoughts?

505
00:34:55,560 --> 00:35:03,560
How do I shift and change those thoughts so that they are moving toward wholeness?

506
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:06,680
And so I think our mind, that's a big thing.

507
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:14,880
What my dad said, staying focused on what are the priorities on God, on your calling,

508
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:20,120
on, and again, reexamining, am I doing my mission?

509
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:23,360
Am I doing what I'm called to do?

510
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,920
And that kind of keeps you aligned.

511
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:34,080
And then boundaries, that's a huge issue that I always talk about and I'm thinking about.

512
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,560
And that's a way of guarding your heart.

513
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:39,200
What am I exposing myself to?

514
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,520
What am I being involved in?

515
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:45,920
Even social media, it's so present in our lives right now.

516
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:49,200
But it's devastating to so many people.

517
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:52,480
Facebook depression is a thing.

518
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:56,800
Get on that and life sure looks better for all these wonderful pictures that people are

519
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:57,800
putting up.

520
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:01,760
And part of guarding your mind is saying, that's not real.

521
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,280
That's not everyday life.

522
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:08,640
I just talked to that person and they're having a terrible day and then they've posted something

523
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:09,640
that looks wonderful.

524
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:13,480
And so I think we have to speak the truth to ourselves.

525
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:17,360
And that's part of guarding our minds and hearts as well.

526
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:21,360
Becky, you've walked with the Lord for many years now.

527
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:26,480
What's been key in keeping your relationship with the Lord vibrant?

528
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:32,160
Well, I think he's helped keep it vibrant by what he's led us into.

529
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,840
I needed him.

530
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:42,480
I really needed him for just so many things that we were diving into.

531
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:53,320
And so I think I was at a place of longing for and needing peace and direction and all

532
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:57,520
of those things that some of the things that only he can give.

533
00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,880
And I think I've always had a desire to grow.

534
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,640
And again, that authenticity as I help others.

535
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:09,000
If I'm not doing it, I can't really counsel others to do it.

536
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:17,600
And so that's been important to me to am I seeking the Lord and doing what I'm encouraging

537
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,240
other people to do.

538
00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:21,680
So that was a real accountability for me.

539
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:25,680
I also love music, which ministers to me so much.

540
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:33,480
I know that that's been just a very powerful thing in kind of my relationship with the

541
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:34,480
Lord.

542
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:40,400
There are wonderful apps that are out the abide app and different apps that have meditations

543
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,680
on scripture.

544
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:49,800
And that's just been kind of a different way for me to hear and kind of soak in scripture,

545
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,840
which has really been powerful for me in my life as well.

546
00:37:53,840 --> 00:38:01,000
Again, I think it helps me renew my mind and get my thinking in the right path.

547
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:06,040
I know growing up when I was a young person and a young believer, I got saved young as

548
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,040
well.

549
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:12,040
There were a lot of scripture songs that we used to sing altogether.

550
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:19,160
They were three chord scripture songs that we could, you know.

551
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:20,640
But I still remember them.

552
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:24,560
I mean, I'll find myself in the kitchen and some of those songs or my husband and I will

553
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,680
be reading the Bible together in the Psalms and we'll read one.

554
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:31,120
And I'm like, have to stop and sing the song to him.

555
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:35,960
Yeah, yeah.

556
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:36,960
But it does.

557
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:41,760
It just as it reminds us of the truth.

558
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:49,240
And I've found for myself when I start thinking ways that are going down a path that is not

559
00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:55,280
true, you know, we can make up scenarios that will never happen.

560
00:38:55,280 --> 00:39:02,160
I have to stop and say, I take that thought captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus.

561
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:06,920
And sometimes I even find, you know, if I, if that doesn't stop it, if that my mind keeps

562
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:13,560
going there, I have to start saying something out loud or singing a song or because that

563
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,800
will captivate your mind.

564
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:22,080
I captivates my mind, you know, when we start, because you're all your whole focus is on

565
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:23,520
what's coming out of your mouth.

566
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,560
Oh, that's powerful.

567
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:26,960
Very, very good.

568
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:31,880
Well, Becky, as we close, would you share about a woman in the Bible who's inspired

569
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,640
and encouraged or taught you something?

570
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:41,160
You know, women of great courage and great faith have inspired me.

571
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:50,680
I think of just a few of many examples, women like Esper and Ruth and Mary, Christ's mother,

572
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,280
they were not without fear.

573
00:39:53,280 --> 00:40:00,000
I'm sure in what they were called to do, but they had great courage and courage is really

574
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:06,560
defined as the strength of mind to carry on in spite of difficulty or in spite of danger.

575
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,280
And that was because of their faith in God.

576
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:16,240
And, you know, I have shared, I've needed that in terms of opening our own private practice.

577
00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:18,360
There were huge learning curves.

578
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:25,920
There were, you know, managing people, working with insurance networks, and I had to be courageous

579
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:26,920
in difficulty.

580
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:37,520
And so, in seeing how Esther went, she saved a whole nation, really, by her courage and

581
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,760
just a young woman.

582
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:48,120
And Ruth, trusting God and the way he provided for her and their mother-in-law.

583
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:54,480
And of course, Mary, I mean, just a young girl who pondered and held things in her heart

584
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:58,520
and was trying to kind of put all this together, what courage they had.

585
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:05,840
So really just beautiful examples for me of being courageous and having great faith.

586
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:11,200
Becky, you mentioned Philippians 4 verse 8 earlier.

587
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:12,560
I'm just going to read it.

588
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,760
It says, And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing.

589
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:24,600
What's your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right and pure and lovely and admirable?

590
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:28,960
Think about these things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

591
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:33,840
And in keeping with that, we'll just leave you with a few thoughts, things to fix your

592
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:34,840
thoughts on.

593
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:38,240
John 3.16, of course, says God loves you.

594
00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:39,640
Think about that.

595
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:44,520
John 1.12 reveals that if you put your faith in Christ, you are a child of the King of

596
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:46,440
Kings.

597
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:51,080
First Corinthians 15.57 says you're victorious.

598
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:52,840
Are you facing a battle today?

599
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,000
Think on the truth.

600
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,480
God is your victor and you are his child.

601
00:41:56,480 --> 00:42:01,240
Isaiah 41.20 promises that God is with you.

602
00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:08,080
And I, Jeremiah 29.11, which has been a life first of mine, assures you that God has good

603
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:09,920
plans for you.

604
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:13,520
So dig into God's Word and you're going to find so many more wonderful things to think

605
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:14,520
about.

606
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:17,400
Becky, would you take a moment and pray for our listeners?

607
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:25,200
Well, Father, thank you so much for your love, your care.

608
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:31,360
And we know that you know everyone that's listening so well.

609
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,760
You know their unique situations.

610
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:41,480
And we, Lord, pray that you will use what we have talked about today to minister, whether

611
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:48,640
it's people who are starting something new and need the encouragement and courage to

612
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:57,360
walk out your plan, whether it's marriage's father, that where there are differences in

613
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:08,040
personalities and learning to hone those differences and use them for good.

614
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:17,400
And we just pray for right thinking, those things that take us down paths that are not

615
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:19,880
good for our soul and mind and heart.

616
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:27,760
I just pray that you will use what we've spoken, Father, for good for other people and for their

617
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:32,200
growth and for their learning and for their wholeness.

618
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:43,200
Thank you so much for Jody and for her work in ministering through this podcast and just

619
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:48,440
pray that you will be done with each podcast that she does.

620
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,120
Thank you so much, Father, in your name.

621
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:52,120
Amen.

622
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:56,720
You know, friends, there are orphans as well as widows all over the world who need to experience

623
00:43:56,720 --> 00:44:00,080
the tangible expression of God's love right now.

624
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,760
We have special needs that we as a company of women can meet together.

625
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,880
Would you consider joining us with a special gift to help?

626
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:12,240
Just go to hergodstory.org and click on the widow and orphan tab at the top of the page.

627
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:13,680
Thank you for tuning in.

628
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:17,720
In our show notes at hergodstory.org, you can find scriptures and other information

629
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:18,920
we talked about.

630
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:22,800
You can also get a six-week devotional on Women of the Bible that you can download for

631
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:28,400
free or purchase a 12-week devotional that we'll send to you for just $12 knowing that

632
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,680
all the proceeds go to the widow and orphan fund.

633
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:36,760
We'd also love to pray with you on our 24-7 prayer and text line, so give us a call or

634
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:45,120
text anytime at 855-459-CARE or email us at prayerAsomebodycares.org.

635
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:50,360
And now, dear friends, I bless you from Philippians 4 verses 7 and 8.

636
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:56,640
May the peace of God guard your heart and your mind as you live in Christ Jesus.

637
00:44:56,640 --> 00:45:01,960
And may your mind be filled with things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

638
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:06,000
Hergodstory is a ministry of Somebody Cares America and International.

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00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:27,960
To find out more about or support the ministry, go to somebodycares.org.