"Revolutionizing Your Relationship Status: It’s (not that) Complicated Pt.1" S1 Ep10

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Relationships are complicated because we are complicated.

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People come to a relationship carrying loads of internal baggage,

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battle scars from past hurts, and defense mechanisms they built up.

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These bearers can serve as obstacles on the road to getting close to someone else.

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So how can we get better at anticipating and coping with the inevitable struggles we all face in relationship?

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In this episode of Keep It 100, we cover the vital topic of revolutionizing your relationship status.

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And stay with us till the end as we have five secrets of relationship essentials

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that will propel you in healthy connections.

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Hey, what's up everybody?

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Come on, Keep It 100.

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I'm Sean.

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I am Christa and we are so excited to be here with you today.

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I love the topic that we're going to be talking about.

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I do too.

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In fact, this topic is so vital.

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Hollywood recognizes it and it makes major money because they release a lot of movies based on romance,

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relationships, rom-com, on and on and on.

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And the online dating world, it's a billion-dollar industry.

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Oh my.

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I mean, right?

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Hallmark would not exist without romance.

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Oh my God.

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Lifetime network, even though they begin into some other drama with them too.

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It's so true.

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You know, when Sean and I were talking about what to really bring you all,

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because we want to bring you quality content that's relevant and pertinent for right now for your relationship.

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We don't want to just throw some concepts at you.

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We actually want to give you practical things that are going to help you in your everyday life.

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And today we're talking about revolutionizing your relationship status.

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And why we felt like relationships were so important to talk about is because relationships right now

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in the current era that we're in are in a pressure cooker.

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There are so many people that are experiencing divorce right now.

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Separation is up.

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Domestic violence is up.

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There is arguments and fighting like never before.

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And there is hope with the relationships in our life.

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And yet there are so many people that are experiencing so much pressure in their relationships.

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And we thought today, let's talk about some practical things to help people with those key romantic relationships in their life.

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Whether you're in a marriage, whether you are dating someone, whether you want to be dating someone.

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Because the truth is, even if you're single and you're listening to this today,

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there's going to be something for you today because we want your relationships to be revolutionized.

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Say that.

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Now, here's what's really interesting.

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I believe that humanity longs to be loved, known and valued.

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Studies have shown that humans must feel safety, belonging and mattering,

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which is another way to say simply that we matter.

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We're not just one of many people, but us as individual people, we matter.

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And they believe in these studies that without these three essential keys,

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a person cannot perform, innovate, feel emotionally engaged,

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or move forward toward their dreams or their values.

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You know, it's so true.

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I've read this thing, Christa, that our greatest fears as humans is the fear of never being loved and never being able to love.

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And I think that is so real.

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And I'm of the school of thought that who you choose to be in a romantic relationship is often a mirror to how you actually see yourself.

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True.

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Now, I believe that we often choose people in our lives based on what we think we're worth.

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So if you don't believe that you're worth love, value, or someone's time and attention,

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you're going to choose someone that's going to consistently cross boundaries,

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talk down to you, criticize you, where you often feel worthless or lessen.

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And on the other hand, on the flip side of that script, if you believe that you are worth something and you have value and that you know you can contribute,

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you're going to choose someone that celebrates you, calls you higher, pulls out your best, and they will not compete with you.

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So if you're secure, you're going to surround yourself with strong, successful, thriving people that are living their best life.

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But if we're broken and insecure, we're going to choose people who are often at a worse place than we are,

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and they're going to make us feel better about our lives.

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So I believe that when we look around, Sean, at who is in our lives, and we're kind of talking today specifically about romantic relationships,

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but often if you see a pattern of the type of people you've chosen and they are dysfunctional,

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it's often a reflection of what really is the battle going on within you.

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All right, keep your 100.

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We in the name of keeping it real.

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Come on.

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Kristin, I want to tell you about our first date.

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It was awesome.

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It was so awesome.

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And our first date, it was funny because we had known each other for some years,

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and Kristin was flying up to the Bay Area where we currently live to do a women's conference.

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And so she flew into an airport, which I always love to give the entire title of this airport,

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is San Jose Mineta Municipal Airport.

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It's our favorite.

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He has to say the whole thing.

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And then I was waiting at Curbside.

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She texted me when she got off, and so she walked out and she had an outfit on.

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I just want to tell you all she was coved, y'all.

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She was coved, coved meaning that she looked very good and very attractive because there

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was this aspect where we had communicated via texting, calling, social media initially.

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True.

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But the question was, was there going to be that element of chemistry when we saw each

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other in person and now that it's officially a date?

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It's so true because I knew Sean only in a ministry contact.

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I used to run schools of ministry.

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He would come through and he would minister to my students.

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He was always my favorite for my students.

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But I didn't know if him and I would connect on a romantic level at all because you can

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be in ministry with someone.

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You can enjoy them and they can be super respect them and value them.

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But that isn't me of chemistry.

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So when Sean first saw me, he hugged me.

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And I mean, he hugged me and I was like, and I was like, yes, I like this.

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I mean, it was awesome.

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In fact, I hugged her kind of long and then I thought, uh-oh, maybe I hugged her too long.

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I said, oh, I'm sorry.

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She said, no, I liked it.

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I was like, okay.

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But I instantly felt the chemistry.

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Just even by his hug, I was just like, oh yeah, okay.

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And then of course I found him completely attractive and super hot.

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So I was like, it's on.

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But again, I didn't know how he was going to feel about me.

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So I was, you know, I was trying to play it cool because I didn't know if we were going

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to have the chemistry.

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It's true.

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And so I had found out that Christa loves and still does to this day.

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Love Mediterranean food.

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Favorite food.

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I searched and found out one of the best ranked Mediterranean restaurants in Berkeley, California.

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And took her out to this restaurant.

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The food was good, which that's important because I'd never been there before.

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And that meant so much because I felt like he had paid attention in conversations.

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Like he didn't ask me before the date, like, what do you want?

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You know, what kind of food do you like?

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What not?

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He had already taken notes from previously getting to know me.

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And I just, that meant a lot.

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Men pay attention to that.

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When the women are talking, listen.

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And I know sometimes we talk a lot, but listen because we're telling you about who we are

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and what we like.

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And I loved it because Sean listened.

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He paid attention.

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And then our first date reflected all these fun things he knew I was going to love.

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Facts, facts, man.

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Facts.

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So we really, at this point, didn't know if our date was going to end after dinner.

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Right.

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We just planned dinner.

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We just planned dinner.

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We didn't want to over commit time because you don't quite know how it's going to go.

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You don't know how it's going to go.

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Right?

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So you're like, dinner safe.

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So I felt like after dinner, I was feeling her.

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She was feeling me.

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And the terminology obviously is that we felt some chemistry.

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There was a spark.

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For all those over 50 that didn't know what we just meant.

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It was nothing inappropriate.

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No.

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It meant there was a spark.

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So I said, Hey, would you like to go to the city?

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The city being San Francisco?

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And Christa said yes.

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Oh yeah, for sure.

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And so we're walking to the car.

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We had to park down the way.

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And as we got to the crosswalk, we're getting ready to cross.

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I reached out for her hand.

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And I gladly grabbed it because I was like, yes.

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And what was so cool when he suggested go to Pier 39, I was so excited because we only

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agreed to dinner and I could tell you want to spend more time with me.

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And I was like, yes, because I felt the same.

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So without even discussing it, we were already on the same page.

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Like we were having such a good time.

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We already had natural connection.

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And the fact that you wanted to extend the date, I was like celebrating.

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So I grabbed your hand and I was like, yes.

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So you went to Pier 39.

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We were looking over the waters.

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We saw Alcatraz.

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So pretty.

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It was getting dusk.

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You could see the sky.

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It was beautiful.

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It was romantic.

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And then of course, there were the sea lions.

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That are awesome.

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They're like complete comedy.

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They like roll on each other.

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They're crazy and they're super loud.

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So that was really fun.

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Sea lions are like 60s, commune living.

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Like they just all lay on top each other.

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Naked.

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Crazy.

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And then we kind of walked towards the middle of Pier 39.

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It's a pier.

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You've got a lot of different stores, shops.

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And there was this guy, he's juggling bowling balls.

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He's entertainment.

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He's telling jokes and people were like not into it.

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And I just thought, this dude is putting himself out there.

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He's being vulnerable.

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He's, you know, we're not paying him for that.

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So I just started trying to encourage the guy a little bit.

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I kind of felt like that would be tough.

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You did.

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Oh, and that's one of my favorite things about Sean.

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Like on the date, I got to see this in full form and I loved it.

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This guy is like trying so hard because this is like for tips.

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He's like trying so hard and it's like, it's not like an amazing show, but it was solid.

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I mean, it was, and he's like going for it.

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And then Sean being the natural encourager that he is starts like cheering the guy on.

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He starts like, yeah, buddy, that's so good.

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And like cheering him on and clapping.

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Of course I joined it.

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I'm like, yeah.

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And then by the end of the show, everyone's like cheering and clapping and Sean had like

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rallied the whole group of people.

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And there was like a lot of people around.

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You'd rallied all of them.

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And by the end, the guys having like an awesome show and getting all these tips.

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And I thought, I love this guy.

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He's like fully helping the underdog like be awesome at this moment, which is so Sean.

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Like I love, that's one of my favorite attributes about him, but seeing it on our first date,

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I was like, oh, I love this guy.

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His heart's amazing.

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I love too is while we were doing that right after that, we did some indoor game.

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I could just really see that Christa was relaxed.

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She was herself.

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When I'd ask her questions, she was just very authentic.

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And I just love how she was willing to go deep in conversation and not keep it surface

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and just that ability to have authentic conversation was really attractive at this point.

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And so we turned the corner because we decided we're going to go to Gear Deli Square and

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get us some hot chocolate because by now it's kind of cold.

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Yeah, it's kind of cold.

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And as we're walking down the street, Christa.

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Oh my gosh, you guys, it was straight out of a rom-com.

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I promise you.

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So this guy's on a keyboard and he's like legit good.

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He's like playing and his voice is beautiful.

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And he is singing Jeff Buckley's song, Hallelujah.

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You know the classic.

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And it's like so beautiful and there was a couple slow dancing right next to him.

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Like it was this moment.

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And I was like, I must be a part of this.

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Like slow dancing on the streets of San Francisco to Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah with Sean.

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Yes.

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This is like already an amazing day.

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We're going to go like five stars.

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This is going to be amazing.

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So I turned to Sean and I'm like, well, because we're across the street.

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I'm like, oh my gosh, let's go across the street and dance.

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And Sean kind of gives me this look like, wait, what?

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And I'm like, in my mind, it is the most romantic, most incredible possibility out there.

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Right?

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It is.

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And you know, truth be told, it was probably beyond my comfort zone to dance out on a street

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00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:27,340
corner with total strangers, people walking by and he's kind of busking.

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He's singing and he's got his guitar case.

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It's open for people to give money.

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But it's one of those things that I recognize, you know, it's important in relationship.

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You can't always do just what you want to do.

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You have to do that, which the other person enjoys to make it fun for them.

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Absolutely.

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So I thought, okay, we'll start dancing.

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When we started dancing, we laughed at this now because Christa was leading in the dance

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we were doing.

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It was kind of, it's more of a slow song.

257
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So we got our arm around each other.

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We're dancing.

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She's leading.

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So she kind of had to lead and I'm like, let me lead.

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And so I began to lead in the dance and she was totally okay with it, which that was

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key for me right then and there.

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Just to see, okay.

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And what's so funny is I didn't even realize I was fully leading and when Sean was like,

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let me lead.

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I was like, gladly a man with rhythm.

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I'll take it.

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I got a little bit of rhythm.

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This is a little bit.

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Oh yeah, you've got a lot.

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And then right after that, we are finished.

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We end up at Gear Deli Square.

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We're getting a hot chocolate.

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We get back in the car.

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And as we get back in the car, all of a sudden a song by Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake,

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Love Never Felt So Good came on.

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Oh, great song.

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And then Christa hit our groove.

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Explain to us, Christa.

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Are you kidding?

281
00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:37,180
I don't know this about me.

282
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I am like the ultimate car dancer.

283
00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:43,060
I mean, I actually think like I might be a better dancer in a car than on the floor,

284
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:45,220
but I love to dance.

285
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And so for me, car dancing is like, it's like a place of connection because it's so fun.

286
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You sing the song as loud as you can.

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You dance, you go far.

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You even try to get the cars around you involved.

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Like I get that into it.

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Like I'm going for it.

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So I, without even thinking, and Sean hasn't seen this side of me because obviously we've

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00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:07,260
just been in like services and I'm like fully dancing and I'm like arm dancing.

293
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Like I'm into it.

294
00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:12,140
And Sean, like he like turns it up, turns up the music.

295
00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:13,860
He joins in with me as he's driving.

296
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:18,300
He's just like, yeah, he's singing with me and I'm literally like, so I'll take it.

297
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:19,300
I mean, are you kidding?

298
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:22,940
This is amazing because I'm having so much fun with Sean.

299
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:28,380
And to me, I had to see the fun, lighthearted, let down side of Sean.

300
00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:31,300
Because if we were going to have a romantic relationship, this is going to have a future

301
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:34,020
to it as great as a date as this was.

302
00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:38,260
I had to have someone that was going to have fun and enjoy and be in the moment.

303
00:13:38,260 --> 00:13:39,940
And that's exactly what happened.

304
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:43,780
So you know, we shared with you our first date and here's why we took the time to tell

305
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:44,780
you guys about that.

306
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:47,220
Cause I believe we had one of the most incredible dates of all time.

307
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:49,060
12 hours long, y'all.

308
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:50,060
It was awesome.

309
00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:51,060
Noon of midnight.

310
00:13:51,060 --> 00:13:54,140
And even when it was done in 12 hours, I literally wanted to hang out with him more.

311
00:13:54,140 --> 00:13:55,820
Like he was just so fun.

312
00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:57,380
But what's so cool about that?

313
00:13:57,380 --> 00:13:59,620
It wasn't just a great first date.

314
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:03,940
We took what we happened on that first date and we made it a great marriage.

315
00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:05,500
And that's what we want to help you guys do.

316
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:06,980
Cause you can have great connections.

317
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:07,980
You can have great moments.

318
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,960
You can even have a great date with someone.

319
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,780
But often our issues, if they're not dealt with, or we don't actually have the tools

320
00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:18,100
in our tool belt to actually have healthy relationships that go beyond a great moment,

321
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:22,780
we're going to miss out on so many opportunities to really connect and have deep relationships

322
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:23,780
in our life.

323
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,980
And so many of us are getting in our own way.

324
00:14:25,980 --> 00:14:29,260
And I believe God wants to give you some practical tools in this episode.

325
00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:33,500
To have you take great moments and actually make them great relationships.

326
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:37,940
So with that being said, Sean and I want to talk to you about some key essentials that

327
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:39,980
we felt like are foundational.

328
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:43,740
I'm even going to say fundamental in order to have healthy relationships.

329
00:14:43,740 --> 00:14:48,860
Number one, I want to talk to you about what it is to be honest about who you are.

330
00:14:48,860 --> 00:14:53,540
We talked a little bit about it in a Sean and I's first date, but I really made a commitment

331
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:57,900
because I got married older in my life and I had really never been in love until I met

332
00:14:57,900 --> 00:14:58,900
Sean.

333
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:01,900
And when I met Sean, I made that commitment with him myself.

334
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:06,860
If this was the man for me, I wasn't going to try to show him who I thought he wanted

335
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:07,860
me to be.

336
00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:11,700
I made a commitment that I was going to show him exactly who I really was.

337
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:16,300
And if that was good for him, cool, but if it wasn't, then he wasn't the right man for

338
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:17,300
me.

339
00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:21,660
So I didn't allow fear or intimidation to drive how I approach the relationship.

340
00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:26,260
I just had to come from a place of confidence and remove every mask and say, this is who

341
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:27,580
I really am.

342
00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:31,740
And by doing that, I think that is so essential because as I talked about when I was kind

343
00:15:31,740 --> 00:15:36,100
of just talking about what we are saying today and about revolutionizing your relationship,

344
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:41,500
if everyone's number one desire is to feel loved, belong and connect with another and

345
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:45,900
everyone's greatest fear is not to be loved or not know how to love, you're never going

346
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:50,780
to experience true love until you take off the masks because you'll never feel like you

347
00:15:50,780 --> 00:15:52,100
actually belong.

348
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:55,740
If you never feel like you show people the real version of you, because you'll never

349
00:15:55,740 --> 00:15:59,700
feel like they fully accept you if you actually don't show them who you really are.

350
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:04,860
This is so essential and really establishing, but also revolutionizing the relationships

351
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,140
in your life.

352
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:08,180
Masks have to be removed.

353
00:16:08,180 --> 00:16:10,420
They have no place in authentic relationship.

354
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:11,420
That's true.

355
00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:15,940
A lot of people are complaining about wearing their N95 masks in and during this season.

356
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:19,380
Those same people have been wearing masks for a long time in some other areas.

357
00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:21,380
And I love your point about being honest who you are.

358
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:26,340
I mean, it's obviously a joke now about people's exaggerated Facebook profile pics or their

359
00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:32,700
Instagram airbrush model poses, but the truth to be told, authenticity is attractive.

360
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,020
People want and are attracted to authenticity.

361
00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:36,300
It's so true.

362
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:41,060
One of my essentials is the understanding of commitment because in a relationship, when

363
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:46,460
you're building towards longevity in a relationship, commitment is being willing to work on the

364
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:47,460
difficulties.

365
00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:51,780
And so often, I think certain people are geared in a way that they will fight through the

366
00:16:51,780 --> 00:16:55,660
difficulties and they will work on areas where there's disagreement.

367
00:16:55,660 --> 00:17:00,460
But there are a lot of people that we have such a bounce piece out culture, the moment

368
00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:04,900
that there's a little bit of turbulence, they're ready to jump out of the relationship.

369
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:09,340
But the truth to be told is that if you're going to have in terms of a healthy relationship,

370
00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:12,060
you have to be willing to work on the difficulties together.

371
00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:15,180
There has to be this planning for your future together.

372
00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:19,220
There needs to be a clarifying boundaries that you both agree upon.

373
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:22,900
And there's this kind of old saying that I think holds true that when a light bulb goes

374
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:25,580
out, you fix the light bulb, you don't get a new house.

375
00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:29,580
There's some people that's going from relationship to relationship, going house to house.

376
00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:33,060
The moment the light bulb goes out, but you don't throw away the house, you just fix the

377
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:34,060
light bulb.

378
00:17:34,060 --> 00:17:38,940
And so part of that is being committed and developing a level of staying power and people

379
00:17:38,940 --> 00:17:42,860
that are in, let's say dating relationships, if you just bounce every time there's a bit

380
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:48,460
of difficulty, what you're doing is you're practicing for division when you get to a

381
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:49,940
long-term relationship.

382
00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:54,420
You're practicing for the easy abort button to push, to bounce you out of it when you

383
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,820
get a little turbulence on the flight.

384
00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:57,700
So it's so important, learn commitment.

385
00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:59,220
Oh, I love that.

386
00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:05,740
We live in a world that when it gets inconvenient or it's not fun anymore or it's not sexy anymore

387
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:09,500
or it's not going your way anymore, people bounce, they abort.

388
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:15,300
And the reality is any great marriage, you have to choose persevere and push through.

389
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:19,540
And you can have the best of marriages, but there are times where you just have to recognize

390
00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:25,500
I'm committed no matter what and divorce division is not an option in my home.

391
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:28,260
It's not actually even a part of a vocabulary.

392
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:31,740
And when you have that level of commitment, you're in it for the long haul.

393
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:32,740
There's no changing that.

394
00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:35,420
It changes how you approach the person.

395
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:40,300
I think another essential that is so important for me to bring to the table is open communication.

396
00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,260
We're talking about essentials of relationships.

397
00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:45,380
You can't have more essential than communication.

398
00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:50,620
Communication or let's talk about lack of communication or even miscommunication is often a major

399
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:52,980
issue in people's relationships.

400
00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:58,100
And what's tricky is we live in a world that a lot of communication is actually done nonverbal

401
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,760
and it's done via text, via email.

402
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,820
And although there is FaceTime and different things, a lot of times our communication is

403
00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:10,180
digitalized and so you lose like tone, you lose contact, you lose nonverbal communication,

404
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:14,220
which often is 80% of communication when you're face to face with someone is nonverbal.

405
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:15,220
Visual cues.

406
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:16,220
That's right.

407
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:17,220
And you miss all that.

408
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:22,460
So people have now gone to convenient communication, which is email or text or different things.

409
00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:23,460
It's easy.

410
00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:26,500
It's quick, but it doesn't have real intimacy or connection.

411
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:31,900
And I'm going to go as far and I might step on some toes, but it's actually lazy communication

412
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:37,180
because you get, you get more about convenient communication versus intentional, vulnerable

413
00:19:37,180 --> 00:19:38,380
communication.

414
00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:43,500
And that's so important because there is nothing that should supersede your face to face communication.

415
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:46,220
Here's my challenge to our, keep it 100 tribe.

416
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:50,180
If you're someone that's more comfortable being vulnerable in a text and face to face,

417
00:19:50,180 --> 00:19:52,460
I want to challenge you to shift that.

418
00:19:52,460 --> 00:19:57,080
And I want to challenge you to shift that is because you are not able to have a vulnerability

419
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,420
or authenticity face to face.

420
00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:01,620
Then there is a mask you're still wearing.

421
00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:06,860
And so in order to have true vulnerability and a healthy, deep loving relationship, you

422
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:10,340
have to be able to have the hard conversations face to face.

423
00:20:10,340 --> 00:20:15,300
If the hard conversations are done in text, that's not real vulnerability.

424
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,260
That's like putting it out to the internet world.

425
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:18,260
Anyone can do that.

426
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:22,980
But the greatest places of my personal vulnerability are when I'm looking Sean in the face, when

427
00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:26,740
I'm looking at a loved one in the face and I'm having the hard talks, but I'm looking

428
00:20:26,740 --> 00:20:28,100
them eye to eye.

429
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,940
And that's where I'm like opening up my heart.

430
00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:35,420
That's where I'm actually opening up that the parts that maybe have been inaccessible.

431
00:20:35,420 --> 00:20:38,580
I'm making them accessible to the ones I love.

432
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:41,340
That's brave communication and that's open communication.

433
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:46,420
I want to end with this for just this part and that is no one is a mind reader.

434
00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:51,660
And so if you want to have open, healthy communication, you can't expect anyone to read your mind.

435
00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:53,540
Sean knows me so well.

436
00:20:53,540 --> 00:20:56,540
We know each other very well, but he can't read my mind.

437
00:20:56,540 --> 00:20:58,860
There are times where I need something.

438
00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:00,020
He's not dialed into it.

439
00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:02,140
When vice versa, there's times he needs something for me.

440
00:21:02,140 --> 00:21:03,660
I'm not dialed into it.

441
00:21:03,660 --> 00:21:06,100
We have to tell each other our needs.

442
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:11,020
So rather than set someone up for failure, I just communicate what I need and I set him

443
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:12,380
up for success.

444
00:21:12,380 --> 00:21:13,860
Why is that so important?

445
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:16,260
Because I'm not having unrealistic expectations.

446
00:21:16,260 --> 00:21:21,340
I've had me open and healthy communication because I value our connection.

447
00:21:21,340 --> 00:21:22,580
So good.

448
00:21:22,580 --> 00:21:23,580
Communication is key.

449
00:21:23,580 --> 00:21:24,580
Yes it is.

450
00:21:24,580 --> 00:21:28,980
Another one of the essentials I've learned is the relationship must be more important

451
00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:31,180
than you winning an argument or you being right.

452
00:21:31,180 --> 00:21:32,180
Say that.

453
00:21:32,180 --> 00:21:35,420
So many people enter into that place where they feel like they have to be right.

454
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,700
They have to win the argument.

455
00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:38,900
They have to have this one up and chip.

456
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:44,060
But the truth be told, if you don't value the relationship more than winning the argument,

457
00:21:44,060 --> 00:21:46,260
your relationship is going to suffer in the long run.

458
00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:50,100
And along with that, I've also learned you got to pick and choose your battles.

459
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:52,100
I have a phrase that I love to use.

460
00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:53,460
Every hill ain't worth dying on.

461
00:21:53,460 --> 00:21:54,460
Come on.

462
00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:55,460
That's right.

463
00:21:55,460 --> 00:22:00,860
I don't really have to fight over whether the picture is hung on the east wall or is

464
00:22:00,860 --> 00:22:02,660
hung on the south wall.

465
00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:04,860
I don't have to fight those kind of battles.

466
00:22:04,860 --> 00:22:10,900
And when inevitable things come up that cause conflict, you have to know how to fight fair,

467
00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:11,900
how to fight right.

468
00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:12,900
That's so good.

469
00:22:12,900 --> 00:22:17,460
Because in relationships, disagreements and obstacles are inevitable.

470
00:22:17,460 --> 00:22:22,860
So you have to understand in those things, you're fighting for a relationship.

471
00:22:22,860 --> 00:22:23,860
Say that again.

472
00:22:23,860 --> 00:22:25,980
You have to understand that you're fighting for a relationship in those circumstances.

473
00:22:25,980 --> 00:22:27,780
You're fighting for the relationship.

474
00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:31,460
I love that because when you're fighting for it, you're seeking reconciliation.

475
00:22:31,460 --> 00:22:33,140
You're seeking connection.

476
00:22:33,140 --> 00:22:34,540
You're not fighting against each other.

477
00:22:34,540 --> 00:22:38,380
You're fighting for that person and you're fighting for that intimacy.

478
00:22:38,380 --> 00:22:40,300
That's huge in a relationship.

479
00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:41,780
Next essential, I want to bring you to the table.

480
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:43,140
It's probably one of my favorites.

481
00:22:43,140 --> 00:22:44,900
No scorekeeping.

482
00:22:44,900 --> 00:22:51,260
And what I mean by that is when you keep score of who does what in a relationship, who makes

483
00:22:51,260 --> 00:22:55,540
more effort, who compromises more, who's always giving more.

484
00:22:55,540 --> 00:23:00,500
When you keep score on those type of things, you're always going to come out on top and

485
00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:03,420
the other person's always going to come out on the bottom.

486
00:23:03,420 --> 00:23:08,260
And that is so detrimental to a healthy relationship because love doesn't keep score.

487
00:23:08,260 --> 00:23:12,660
The truth of the matter is you don't know all the decisions that someone made in order

488
00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:14,780
to even be with you that day.

489
00:23:14,780 --> 00:23:16,340
You don't know what they fought through.

490
00:23:16,340 --> 00:23:22,460
You don't know what's going on within them internally, emotionally, psychologically, physically.

491
00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:27,100
And often people are fighting unseen battles and give people the benefit of the doubt.

492
00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:31,300
I know that when I'm in a close relationship with people, I make an intentional choice

493
00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:34,540
to assume the best and not assume the worst.

494
00:23:34,540 --> 00:23:36,100
And I don't come to conclusions.

495
00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:38,660
I get the facts before I come to conclusions.

496
00:23:38,660 --> 00:23:41,260
You have to keep those that you love in context.

497
00:23:41,260 --> 00:23:43,860
I'm not always also going to nail it in relationships.

498
00:23:43,860 --> 00:23:48,940
I'm not going to always nail it as an awesome wife for Sean, but he's keeping me in context.

499
00:23:48,940 --> 00:23:50,900
He's looking at my full body of work.

500
00:23:50,900 --> 00:23:55,420
He's looking at me as the totality of the woman that he loves.

501
00:23:55,420 --> 00:24:00,420
He's not taking an isolated event and holding it against me and keeping score where I fell

502
00:24:00,420 --> 00:24:01,420
short.

503
00:24:01,420 --> 00:24:02,420
We're always going to fall short.

504
00:24:02,420 --> 00:24:03,420
True.

505
00:24:03,420 --> 00:24:07,420
But when we keep each other in context and we give each other the benefit of the doubt,

506
00:24:07,420 --> 00:24:12,140
that is going to be such an advocate for a healthy connection.

507
00:24:12,140 --> 00:24:13,140
That is so good.

508
00:24:13,140 --> 00:24:14,780
And you do that so well.

509
00:24:14,780 --> 00:24:21,140
I can truly say, keep it 100 listeners, that my boo definitely does not score a keep.

510
00:24:21,140 --> 00:24:26,540
Along with that, I feel like there's a connection is that another one of my essentials is that

511
00:24:26,540 --> 00:24:31,060
you have to come to the place where you learn how to move on from arguments.

512
00:24:31,060 --> 00:24:35,700
Another way of saying it is that there's no culture of punishment allowed.

513
00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:40,300
You know, sometimes when people do something that kind of upsets you or frustrates you,

514
00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:43,780
and you withhold affection, you withhold attention, you give them the silent treatment, they're

515
00:24:43,780 --> 00:24:47,340
in the doghouse, they're put on deep freeze.

516
00:24:47,340 --> 00:24:51,540
The comedy of movies today is, oh, so you're in the doghouse now.

517
00:24:51,540 --> 00:24:52,540
And you have that.

518
00:24:52,540 --> 00:24:55,700
But that does not feel like a safe relationship.

519
00:24:55,700 --> 00:25:00,780
And so all of a sudden over a period of time, you'll begin to put defense walls up to kind

520
00:25:00,780 --> 00:25:01,900
of help yourself.

521
00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:06,460
And so you got to say, if you've never learned how to move on from an argument, by default,

522
00:25:06,460 --> 00:25:08,300
you begin to develop cultures of punishment.

523
00:25:08,300 --> 00:25:10,420
You got to learn how to move on from an argument.

524
00:25:10,420 --> 00:25:14,540
Truth be told, disagreements are unavoidable in any relationship.

525
00:25:14,540 --> 00:25:19,540
But one of the aspects of strong, healthy relationships is the ability to get past the

526
00:25:19,540 --> 00:25:20,540
fight.

527
00:25:20,540 --> 00:25:24,420
And so there's got to be this point where you forgive, you move on.

528
00:25:24,420 --> 00:25:25,700
There's no culture of punishment.

529
00:25:25,700 --> 00:25:30,380
No matter what, even if we're disagreeing, I'm not going to withhold affection from my

530
00:25:30,380 --> 00:25:35,660
wife or attention or just jump in a car and drywall for not telling her where I'm going.

531
00:25:35,660 --> 00:25:38,500
Those things are not healthy.

532
00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:42,700
And those are things that if we want to build healthy relationships, that we've got to learn

533
00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:45,860
that there are better habits to develop.

534
00:25:45,860 --> 00:25:50,620
Punishment and shame are two of the most detrimental qualities you can bring to a relationship.

535
00:25:50,620 --> 00:25:54,740
It's the quickest way to sabotage what could be your greatest blessing.

536
00:25:54,740 --> 00:25:59,500
But if you punish people for failing or coming up short, you're going to spend your life

537
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:02,140
punishing people because people are imperfect.

538
00:26:02,140 --> 00:26:06,540
But as people are committed and they love you and they do their best, when we extend

539
00:26:06,540 --> 00:26:07,540
grace, guess what?

540
00:26:07,540 --> 00:26:08,540
We get grace back.

541
00:26:08,540 --> 00:26:13,860
I know that when Sean extends me grace, it is so easy to extend grace back to him.

542
00:26:13,860 --> 00:26:18,740
And I'm married to one of the most gracious men, but I tell you what, he has sewn in

543
00:26:18,740 --> 00:26:20,620
so much grace into our marriage.

544
00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:23,460
It's really easy to sew it back into him.

545
00:26:23,460 --> 00:26:25,020
So I want us to be really intentional.

546
00:26:25,020 --> 00:26:26,660
What are you sewing into your relationships?

547
00:26:26,660 --> 00:26:30,900
Because what you sew into your relationship is what you will reap in your relationships.

548
00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:37,300
We're 100 tribe, so we're going to conclude our section of this episode by giving you

549
00:26:37,300 --> 00:26:42,660
five takeaways that we believe will help you as principles of healthy relationship.

550
00:26:42,660 --> 00:26:48,220
The first one is you come to a place where you're no longer limping from your last.

551
00:26:48,220 --> 00:26:50,580
So many people are still limping from their last.

552
00:26:50,580 --> 00:26:54,500
In other words, they've not made peace with past relationships.

553
00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:58,820
And if you think back on past relationships and you're feeling pangs of anger, you get

554
00:26:58,820 --> 00:27:02,140
sorrowful, sad, pain, regret.

555
00:27:02,140 --> 00:27:05,460
Now you're forcing the next person in the relationship to prove they're not like the

556
00:27:05,460 --> 00:27:07,620
last person in the relationship.

557
00:27:07,620 --> 00:27:12,300
It's proof you're still working through the morning of the loss of that particular relationship,

558
00:27:12,300 --> 00:27:13,820
however long or short it was.

559
00:27:13,820 --> 00:27:17,340
And so you need to make sure that you're not limping from your last.

560
00:27:17,340 --> 00:27:19,820
Maybe the world would call it rebound relationships.

561
00:27:19,820 --> 00:27:25,340
But an important lesson in life is that you have to let go of the things behind you.

562
00:27:25,340 --> 00:27:29,180
I mean, the Bible even talks about pressing on to what's ahead of you, letting go of

563
00:27:29,180 --> 00:27:30,340
what's behind you.

564
00:27:30,340 --> 00:27:35,820
And so if you're going to have healthy relationships, make sure you're healed to the point where

565
00:27:35,820 --> 00:27:37,620
you're not limping from your last.

566
00:27:37,620 --> 00:27:39,860
Oh man, grab ahold of that.

567
00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:43,980
Because so many times we want to jump into a rebound, nothing could be worse to do in

568
00:27:43,980 --> 00:27:44,980
that moment.

569
00:27:44,980 --> 00:27:48,860
You got to heal, you got to learn, you allow God to finish what he has started in your

570
00:27:48,860 --> 00:27:52,780
life because you want to choose people from a healthy place, not a broken place.

571
00:27:52,780 --> 00:27:53,780
Can I get an amen?

572
00:27:53,780 --> 00:27:54,780
Amen.

573
00:27:54,780 --> 00:27:55,780
All right.

574
00:27:55,780 --> 00:28:00,940
Second takeaway we want you to grab ahold of is know who you are and how God has wired

575
00:28:00,940 --> 00:28:01,940
you.

576
00:28:01,940 --> 00:28:04,900
Friends, self-awareness is so important when you're in a relationship.

577
00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:06,460
You have to know your love languages.

578
00:28:06,460 --> 00:28:07,460
You have to know what you need.

579
00:28:07,460 --> 00:28:09,500
You have to know who you are.

580
00:28:09,500 --> 00:28:12,020
You also have to know your non-negotiables.

581
00:28:12,020 --> 00:28:15,580
There's so many people that are in relationships and they're just like, oh, they're great.

582
00:28:15,580 --> 00:28:16,580
They're amazing.

583
00:28:16,580 --> 00:28:17,580
And they are.

584
00:28:17,580 --> 00:28:18,580
People are amazing.

585
00:28:18,580 --> 00:28:22,140
Nothing has to be wrong with them in order for them not to be the person for you.

586
00:28:22,140 --> 00:28:26,540
Sometimes we feel like we have to find a flaw as to why that relationship wouldn't work.

587
00:28:26,540 --> 00:28:29,460
I remember there were some great guys that pursued me before Sean.

588
00:28:29,460 --> 00:28:32,660
There was nothing wrong with them and I felt like there didn't have to be anything wrong

589
00:28:32,660 --> 00:28:33,660
with them.

590
00:28:33,660 --> 00:28:34,660
I just didn't have a piece about it.

591
00:28:34,660 --> 00:28:38,540
But so many times we feel like we have to find something wrong or we have to create

592
00:28:38,540 --> 00:28:43,360
a scenario that is to why it's not working.

593
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:48,580
But if you know who you are and how God has wired you, you're going to make a decision

594
00:28:48,580 --> 00:28:53,260
from whom you're going to get married or have a relationship with that comes from a place

595
00:28:53,260 --> 00:28:58,340
of full identity, not trying to figure out yourself in the midst of a relationship.

596
00:28:58,340 --> 00:29:01,780
That's so true because so many people lose themselves in relationship.

597
00:29:01,780 --> 00:29:05,300
They become like who they're with and then they go to another relationship and they become

598
00:29:05,300 --> 00:29:09,980
and they're chameleons when in fact they ought to be their own unique fingerprint of who

599
00:29:09,980 --> 00:29:10,980
God has made them.

600
00:29:10,980 --> 00:29:11,980
What a great point.

601
00:29:11,980 --> 00:29:12,980
Come on.

602
00:29:12,980 --> 00:29:17,500
The third takeaway is stop trying to win arguments and start trying to find solutions.

603
00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:18,500
That's so great.

604
00:29:18,500 --> 00:29:20,580
So it's not just that you quit doing what's wrong.

605
00:29:20,580 --> 00:29:24,660
So it's not like, okay, I'm not just trying to win argument, but start trying to find

606
00:29:24,660 --> 00:29:25,660
solutions.

607
00:29:25,660 --> 00:29:28,260
I remember my cousin had to live with me for a while, Marty.

608
00:29:28,260 --> 00:29:32,140
My grandmother, she's from the South and you listen to our podcast, you know about my southern

609
00:29:32,140 --> 00:29:33,140
black grandmother.

610
00:29:33,140 --> 00:29:34,140
She don't play, right?

611
00:29:34,140 --> 00:29:35,140
Come on, Ethel.

612
00:29:35,140 --> 00:29:36,140
Oh man, she's amazing.

613
00:29:36,140 --> 00:29:39,460
Like my grandma, like kids today, you get a timeout.

614
00:29:39,460 --> 00:29:40,460
My grandma had a timeout.

615
00:29:40,460 --> 00:29:43,740
The timeout was when she switched her belt from her right hand to her left.

616
00:29:43,740 --> 00:29:46,580
I had admitted to catch my breath before the beating would start.

617
00:29:46,580 --> 00:29:47,580
That was my timeout.

618
00:29:47,580 --> 00:29:48,580
That's amazing.

619
00:29:48,580 --> 00:29:51,820
But anyway, the thing is, is that I remember Marty and I, we would be wrestling, we'd do

620
00:29:51,820 --> 00:29:55,260
something and one of us would bump into something and we'd break grandma's vase.

621
00:29:55,260 --> 00:29:57,300
And then we were trying to fix the blame.

622
00:29:57,300 --> 00:30:00,740
Man, you did this, but no, you did this and you pulled my leg, now I fell into you, then

623
00:30:00,740 --> 00:30:02,660
you fell into the vase and we'd be arguing.

624
00:30:02,660 --> 00:30:07,700
My grandmother would come and she would quickly say, you all trying to fix the blame when

625
00:30:07,700 --> 00:30:09,100
you need to be fixing the problem.

626
00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:12,380
Go get a broom, you go get a pan, let's sweep this thing up.

627
00:30:12,380 --> 00:30:17,660
And so I learned this principle instead of fixing the blame, try to fix the problem.

628
00:30:17,660 --> 00:30:22,740
And so a healthy relationship is I'm not trying to win an argument, I'm trying to find a solution

629
00:30:22,740 --> 00:30:29,140
because so much of the world is I win, you lose, you win, I lose, but let's start thinking

630
00:30:29,140 --> 00:30:30,140
win, win.

631
00:30:30,140 --> 00:30:32,340
How can we both get wins in this situation?

632
00:30:32,340 --> 00:30:34,300
That is so good.

633
00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:38,420
Also number four is accept that your partner's not you.

634
00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:39,420
Come on.

635
00:30:39,420 --> 00:30:40,420
They're not you.

636
00:30:40,420 --> 00:30:43,300
I never read their book, I never read it, but men are from ours, women are from Venus.

637
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:47,100
But the truth be told is that men and women are built so differently and it's in God's

638
00:30:47,100 --> 00:30:49,220
design that we're differently.

639
00:30:49,220 --> 00:30:56,340
I love it and this is not a misogynistic statement at all, but I love when women have their empowered

640
00:30:56,340 --> 00:30:57,340
femininity.

641
00:30:57,340 --> 00:30:58,340
Absolutely.

642
00:30:58,340 --> 00:31:02,540
You shouldn't have to be a man to climb the corporate ladder or to have a position of

643
00:31:02,540 --> 00:31:06,340
influence, be a CEO or whatever it is that God's called you to do or to preach.

644
00:31:06,340 --> 00:31:08,940
Yes, be who God's made you to be.

645
00:31:08,940 --> 00:31:12,060
And I think it's true in relationship, accept that your partner's not you.

646
00:31:12,060 --> 00:31:16,220
They have their own thoughts, their own feelings, their own hormones, hello somebody, their

647
00:31:16,220 --> 00:31:21,380
own wiring, what's logical to them, even their thought process, we can get frustrated if

648
00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:24,740
people don't follow our thought process, but remember they're not you.

649
00:31:24,740 --> 00:31:27,140
So they don't have your thought process, they think.

650
00:31:27,140 --> 00:31:32,020
So communication is I'm going to take the time to make sure you understand my thought

651
00:31:32,020 --> 00:31:36,500
process, but even greater communication is I'm going to take time to make sure I understand

652
00:31:36,500 --> 00:31:37,980
your thought process.

653
00:31:37,980 --> 00:31:38,980
So true.

654
00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:44,140
So many times we look at differences, diversity as a negative, but actually the differences

655
00:31:44,140 --> 00:31:46,980
in the diversity can actually be a real positive.

656
00:31:46,980 --> 00:31:51,460
I love that Sean and I have very different life experiences, but I've learned so much

657
00:31:51,460 --> 00:31:52,620
from Sean.

658
00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:56,700
He also has different interests that have actually been really cool things for me to

659
00:31:56,700 --> 00:31:57,700
learn.

660
00:31:57,700 --> 00:31:58,980
I take Krav Maga with Sean.

661
00:31:58,980 --> 00:32:04,860
I would have never taken Krav Maga self defense class, which ever, but Sean was totally into

662
00:32:04,860 --> 00:32:08,340
martial arts, I wanted to get into his world and so I would just go and support and he's

663
00:32:08,340 --> 00:32:09,980
like, Hey, why don't you do this as self defense?

664
00:32:09,980 --> 00:32:10,980
It'd be so good for you.

665
00:32:10,980 --> 00:32:12,100
And I'm like, Oh, give it a month.

666
00:32:12,100 --> 00:32:14,420
I'm not really a martial arts girl.

667
00:32:14,420 --> 00:32:18,980
And I've come to really appreciate it and value it because I see its value in my life,

668
00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:23,540
but other people's differences and different interests and hobbies and the things that we

669
00:32:23,540 --> 00:32:26,060
can view as like things that pull us apart.

670
00:32:26,060 --> 00:32:31,100
Actually if you're open and you allow them to impact you or to open you up to new things

671
00:32:31,100 --> 00:32:33,660
can be some of the greatest parts of your relationship.

672
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:34,660
That's true.

673
00:32:34,660 --> 00:32:37,900
That's why every holiday I'm watching Hallmark movies with my wife, y'all, because she loves

674
00:32:37,900 --> 00:32:43,980
them and I totally would be watching blow up a car kind of movie attack, you know, Martian's

675
00:32:43,980 --> 00:32:46,420
movie, but my wife loves those.

676
00:32:46,420 --> 00:32:48,020
So I totally have gotten into it.

677
00:32:48,020 --> 00:32:49,020
It's so true.

678
00:32:49,020 --> 00:32:51,980
He always says to me, because I go, Will you watch Hallmark with me?

679
00:32:51,980 --> 00:32:54,220
And he's like, I'll watch two with you this month.

680
00:32:54,220 --> 00:32:57,380
And I'm like, Yes, I mean, I'll take two.

681
00:32:57,380 --> 00:32:58,380
That's like amazing.

682
00:32:58,380 --> 00:33:00,740
But he always ends up watching more because he's really nice.

683
00:33:00,740 --> 00:33:01,740
So it's hilarious.

684
00:33:01,740 --> 00:33:02,740
All right.

685
00:33:02,740 --> 00:33:09,620
The last keep it 100 takeaway on revolutionizing your relationship is when people show you

686
00:33:09,620 --> 00:33:13,140
and tell you who they are, believe them.

687
00:33:13,140 --> 00:33:14,700
I know that sounds simple.

688
00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:16,500
Let me break it down for you.

689
00:33:16,500 --> 00:33:21,900
How many times did I count council as a pastor and as a director of school, ministry, young

690
00:33:21,900 --> 00:33:25,060
men and young women that come into my office?

691
00:33:25,060 --> 00:33:27,940
They'd say, Christa, I have met this awesome girl.

692
00:33:27,940 --> 00:33:31,100
She loves God and she loves me.

693
00:33:31,100 --> 00:33:35,700
But I'm a little nervous because she tends to cheat on her boyfriends.

694
00:33:35,700 --> 00:33:37,020
There's been a pattern.

695
00:33:37,020 --> 00:33:40,540
And then she actually just told me last night on the phone, I just feel have kind of a weird

696
00:33:40,540 --> 00:33:46,180
feeling that she said, she thinks I'm too good for her and that she sabotages all the good

697
00:33:46,180 --> 00:33:47,900
things that come into her life.

698
00:33:47,900 --> 00:33:52,020
And I turned to him and I said, I need you to listen to me right now.

699
00:33:52,020 --> 00:33:54,660
Take her word at face value.

700
00:33:54,660 --> 00:33:57,020
She is telling you exactly who she is.

701
00:33:57,020 --> 00:33:58,700
And I'm not saying she's a bad person.

702
00:33:58,700 --> 00:34:03,180
I'm simply saying she is unhealthy and she needs to get healed healthy and whole before

703
00:34:03,180 --> 00:34:06,220
she ever steps foot into any relationship.

704
00:34:06,220 --> 00:34:10,660
And you young man need to save yourself the heartache and the pain and believe what she

705
00:34:10,660 --> 00:34:12,060
is telling you.

706
00:34:12,060 --> 00:34:15,860
And honestly, I don't want to be right, but here's the truth.

707
00:34:15,860 --> 00:34:19,940
Every single time that young man would come in eventually and say, guess what?

708
00:34:19,940 --> 00:34:21,060
She cheated on me.

709
00:34:21,060 --> 00:34:22,060
She sabotages.

710
00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:24,780
She did exactly what she told me she was going to do.

711
00:34:24,780 --> 00:34:26,420
And I didn't believe her.

712
00:34:26,420 --> 00:34:31,460
And I want us to know that when people tell you who they are, you have to take them at

713
00:34:31,460 --> 00:34:34,900
face value, but it's amazing how people will tattle on themselves.

714
00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:37,180
They'll say, yeah, I sabotage relationships.

715
00:34:37,180 --> 00:34:41,260
Yeah, I have commitment issues and we never think it's actually going to affect us because

716
00:34:41,260 --> 00:34:43,140
we think we're the exception.

717
00:34:43,140 --> 00:34:48,100
We have to understand when someone's telling you who they are, believe them.

718
00:34:48,100 --> 00:34:51,300
And here's just a little piece of wisdom I'm going to leave you with.

719
00:34:51,300 --> 00:34:55,460
If it feels wrong at the beginning of the relationship and yet you're caught up in the

720
00:34:55,460 --> 00:34:59,340
emotions of it, I want you to know it will not get better.

721
00:34:59,340 --> 00:35:02,500
You are, you're at the beginning of the relationship.

722
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:03,500
True.

723
00:35:03,500 --> 00:35:07,940
Pay attention to the red flags and do not ignore what the Lord is trying to save you

724
00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:08,940
from.

725
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:09,940
Amen.

726
00:35:09,940 --> 00:35:12,020
With those, keep it 100 takeaways.

727
00:35:12,020 --> 00:35:17,460
If you grab ahold of those today, plus those foundational, fundamental things we shared

728
00:35:17,460 --> 00:35:21,300
earlier, we believe your relationships are going to be revolutionized.

729
00:35:21,300 --> 00:35:25,440
We want you at this time in a pressure cooker season on relationships.

730
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:29,820
These can change the atmosphere of your marriage, of your home, but even your closest friends.

731
00:35:29,820 --> 00:35:33,580
Hey friends, we thank you so much for tuning in to keep it 100.

732
00:35:33,580 --> 00:35:35,740
We love this time with you each week.

733
00:35:35,740 --> 00:35:38,380
We get to be able to be with the keep it 100 tribe.

734
00:35:38,380 --> 00:35:39,940
You mean so much to us.

735
00:35:39,940 --> 00:35:42,700
Can I just thank you for just tuning in for being faithful?

736
00:35:42,700 --> 00:35:46,260
I know so many of you have rated us, reviewed us and referred us.

737
00:35:46,260 --> 00:35:47,540
Can you keep doing that?

738
00:35:47,540 --> 00:35:50,980
Getting the word out, sharing us with your friends, people that you think this podcast

739
00:35:50,980 --> 00:35:51,980
would bless.

740
00:35:51,980 --> 00:35:57,060
We want to impact and influence so many people for Jesus because we believe Jesus is after

741
00:35:57,060 --> 00:36:01,060
every heart and after every soul and whatever we can do to be a part of that, will you help

742
00:36:01,060 --> 00:36:02,060
us do that.

743
00:36:02,060 --> 00:36:06,540
Also, make sure and subscribe if you have not already and be alerted every Tuesday as a

744
00:36:06,540 --> 00:36:09,700
new episode drops of the keep it 100 podcast.

745
00:36:09,700 --> 00:36:14,940
Also, during the week at any time, check us out on our new website, www.SeanandChristasmith.com.

746
00:36:14,940 --> 00:36:18,300
You can also find us on Facebook at Sean and Chris Smith Ministries.

747
00:36:18,300 --> 00:36:21,660
We want to hear how this podcast is influencing you.

748
00:36:21,660 --> 00:36:25,420
We're getting so many testimonies, so much awesome feedback.

749
00:36:25,420 --> 00:36:29,780
We're so encouraged and friends as we're with you week in and week out, keep connected to

750
00:36:29,780 --> 00:36:30,780
us.

751
00:36:30,780 --> 00:36:31,780
We love you as a keep it 100 tribe.

752
00:36:31,780 --> 00:36:34,340
Hey, and also want to see keep it 100 tribe.

753
00:36:34,340 --> 00:36:39,020
Make sure you tune in next week as we bring the finale to revolutionizing your relationship

754
00:36:39,020 --> 00:36:40,020
status.

755
00:36:40,020 --> 00:36:45,260
We conclude this conversation on this crucial key to the quality of your life because outside

756
00:36:45,260 --> 00:36:50,060
of Jesus, the next most important quality of your life will be your relationships.

757
00:36:50,060 --> 00:36:54,900
So until next week, we just want to say to you, remember, relief can change your circumstance,

758
00:36:54,900 --> 00:36:56,580
but a revelation can change you.

759
00:36:56,580 --> 00:36:57,580
We love you guys.

760
00:36:57,580 --> 00:36:58,580
See you next week.

761
00:36:58,580 --> 00:36:59,580
Keep it 100.

762
00:36:59,580 --> 00:37:05,820
We hope you enjoyed today's episode of the keep it 100 podcast with Sean and Chris Smith.

763
00:37:05,820 --> 00:37:10,100
Keep up with us on Facebook and Instagram and SeanandChristaSmith.com where you can

764
00:37:10,100 --> 00:37:11,100
discover more resources.

765
00:37:11,100 --> 00:37:21,260
If this podcast has impacted you, please subscribe and review wherever you listen to your podcast.