Questions that Make a Difference, episode 152

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If you love a Prodigal, you can discover help and hope for your wilderness journey right

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here at When You Love a Prodigal podcast.

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And also help and hope for your own life journey.

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As you listen today, be alert for ideas or actions that could be helpful for you in your

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current journey.

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It's noisy out there, isn't it?

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Online at school, in the neighborhood, and certainly in your home when you have a Prodigal.

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So many strong but very differing opinions.

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We seem to be more committed to making our point and hopefully getting others to agree

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with us.

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We don't really listen to what others are saying.

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Perhaps you've noticed when reading the Gospels that Jesus was consistent in his conversation.

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He wasn't loud.

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He asked a lot of questions.

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And if you think about it, asking questions implies something so critical to relating

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to others, a willingness to listen.

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Now I've known people who ask a lot of questions, but they don't listen.

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You barely began to reply before they ask another question.

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I don't think that's how Jesus did it, nor should we.

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Perhaps in order to listen well and learn something from the person we're talking to,

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we should seek to ask questions that draw them out, that create a safe environment, that

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encourage open minds and open hearts that say, I care about you.

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The need to listen is true for all relationships, where we work, where we lead, with friends

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and acquaintances, with our spouse and children, with those we know well and those we've just

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met, and certainly with our protocols.

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By asking questions and listening to responses, we demonstrate that we truly care about them,

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and we go much deeper in our understanding of them.

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We connect better, family ties strengthen, trust increases, love and grace grow.

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So may I encourage you to look for an opportunity or invite your protocol to a meal with you,

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or watch a football game or a favorite stream show with him or her, or even challenge them

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to a video game.

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I wouldn't do that, but maybe you could.

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Casual conversation can open many doors to helpful questions, and then we can listen

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and learn more than we knew.

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So what I want to share with you today are some questions that I love to ask.

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There are different kinds.

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You won't want to do them all at once.

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Just pick one or two that you might want to ask when you have time for a relaxed conversation,

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hopefully, with your loved one.

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Probably the best time is not when there's been an explosion, but it could be.

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But the important thing to remember is that when you ask questions, the next thing you

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do is listen and let them tell you their response.

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So here's some questions.

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One, if you could change something in your life, circumstances, school, job, attitude,

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family, what would it be?

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Sometimes the first remark is funny, but usually followed by a thoughtful response and maybe

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some genuine conversation.

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Give it a chance.

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Another question, if you could design your own job or school day, what would it look

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like?

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If this person had told me his something to change would be his job, then this is a great

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opportunity to add to the previous answer and to listen.

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More often, they are stymied to give a specific idea, but the question just might start them

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thinking.

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Another question, what is something you have learned lately?

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Too often, this can elicit a snarky remark such as not to talk with someone who asks

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too many questions.

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But if I wait patiently, I might get a real reply and I might learn something as well.

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It's always good to be encouraging our loved ones, our protocols, to think about the things

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that we're asking.

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Next question, what are you thankful for today?

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I'm almost always delightfully surprised as people pause to answer this one.

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They stop to think and can usually think of something they are thankful for.

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Now when you're talking to a prodigal, that might be a little more challenging sometime,

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but give them time and then listen.

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This is the fifth question, what or who has encouraged you this week?

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I love this question.

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It causes the person I am asking and myself as well to gain two wonderful things, one,

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being encouraged and recognizing it, and grateful thoughts toward a person or an event or an

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opportunity, something that when they thought about it, they could be thankful for.

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And they were encouraged therefore.

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Next what book or movie or TV series streaming has influenced you in the past month or have

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you enjoyed?

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And why?

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What is it about it that you liked?

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This often leads to a stimulating or fun conversation.

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I learn a lot about this friend or this child and I discover things we might have in common

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and make a note to read a new book or catch a program.

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Seventh question, what is something you've often dreamed of doing?

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I love this question too.

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I usually have to wait patiently for my companion, the person I'm talking with, to do a little

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dreaming.

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Answers can range from getting more education or learning to scuba dive or produce a movie

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or get married or climb a mountain or climb all the 14,000 footers in Colorado or stay

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out of trouble.

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I think my prodigal would have said that.

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What is it that they dream about?

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Yeah.

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Next question, what is the scariest or most challenging thing you have ever done?

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Once again, the answers often start with humor.

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Ask the class beauty queen to the prom.

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But real answers very widely.

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Go cave diving.

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Frightening thought to me, but I know people who do that.

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Become a parent that is rightfully a scary job and you have no idea until you get into

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it.

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Quit my job to do something I really want to do.

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Ask forgiveness for something I did that hurt someone.

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And almost always somebody says, the scariest thing I ever have to do or never hope to do

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is public speaking.

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Then, if someone asked you for advice for a happy life, what would you tell them?

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I get some predictable responses.

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Be yourself.

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Do what makes you happy.

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Follow your heart.

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Hang with people you like.

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But often I hear amazing stories of how this person has found some real happiness.

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Remember, I'm going to have to listen to get very far and deep with that conversation.

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And my absolute favorite question to ask, how has God surprised you lately?

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Now, some people really won't want to answer that, but many will take time to.

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And I love this question because I love stories.

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And this question almost always leads to stories.

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What was a surprising event or opportunity or relationship or could grade on a test,

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whatever the thing that surprised you?

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Happy stories, funny stories, sad stories, startling stories, even a long time prodigal

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might surprise you with a real answer.

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Too often, our conversation with loved ones who are making choices we don't agree with,

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or we're fearful about moving quickly to criticism, accusation, angry words, a slammed

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door, because that's what's happened a lot in the past.

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It never ceases to amaze me where conversations can go when I keep a neutral voice, when I

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speak kindly, when I ask honest questions and I listen to the answers.

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Rarely does the conversation stall when good questions open wide doors to ideas, experiences,

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disappointments, hopes, and dreams.

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What about you?

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What are some of your favorite questions?

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And what might you ask your loved wanderer?

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And as you listen, where might that conversation take you into a new kind of relationship with

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them?

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Ask God to give you opportunities, genuine interest in them, not always having to correct

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and change them, and a willingness to listen that it will go so far in drawing them back

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into the kind of relationship you want.

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Don't forget to go to the show notes to like this podcast, to share it with a friend, even

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to subscribe, and there'll be some places you can click to get some more ideas.

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God bless you.