Transformation thru Journey, episode 139

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If you love a prodigal, you can discover help and hope for your wilderness journey right here at When You Love a Prodigal, and also help and hope for your own life journey.

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I imagine that our conversation last week with Pat and Tammy McLeod brought out many emotions for you – heartbreak, sorrow, new understanding, and hopefully encouraged you in how to live and love like Jesus with your prodigal.

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Today, you get to hear a message from me. Several years ago, I was asked to speak at a Christian Leadership Alliance gathering on transformation through a prodigal wilderness.

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It was recorded. In it, I share some of our story with our prodigal, how I learned to live with our prodigal with love and mercy and grace, and I discovered amazing gifts that God had for me in the wilderness on that journey. May this encourage you.

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Greetings! I'm so glad that you're here, and I am excited to share with you some things I learned on about a 15-year journey with our prodigal son.

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I call this Transformational Treasures from the prodigal wilderness. I don't know why you're here, but I assume there's someone that you care about who's perhaps wandered away or is making some bad choices or is making really destructive choices.

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I hope I can give you some hope as well as some help as you are on that journey. My name is Judy Douglas. My husband, Steve, and I have had the great privilege to be on staff with crew, Campus Crusade for Christ, for more than 50 years, and for almost 20 years now, we've been leading the ministry around the world.

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And one of the things that has done amazing transformation in us is our prodigal journey with our son. It's been hard, hard, hard, and oh, so wonderful to see what God has done in a lot of lives as a result of that.

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So what I want to do first is tell you very briefly how we got in this place. We had these two wonderful daughters, and we're loving doing our ministry, and just happy with where we were in our lives.

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And God said to me one day, I'm going to send you a son. And I said, no, thank you. And he says, oh, no, I'm going to send you a son and he will be a gift. I said, okay, years pass, nothing happened.

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We had just moved to Florida from our former headquarters in California. And God said, when you get to Florida, I'm going to send you that son.

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And sure enough, a few weeks after we arrived, a new friend said, do you know someone who could take an eight-year-old boy? And I went, oh, dear.

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And God whispered, this is my gift for you. And I said, we might be able to do that. It took almost a year. He'd been taken from his mother for neglect and could have been for many other things.

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She's a drug addict, alcoholic, made her income typically like that would be happening.

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And he was living with her and it was a dangerous place. There were men in and out, there were drug deals going down.

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He saw someone get stabbed, those kind of things. He didn't know where the next meal was coming from. And his mom would just disappear.

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And the neighbors would have to call the grandparents who had set them up in this little bitty trailer.

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And it was a scary place that he spent the first eight years of his life.

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By the time he came into our home, he was nine, almost 10, going into third grade, could barely read or write, and had so many issues from his mother's drugs and alcohol while she was carrying him.

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Things that are normal ADD because of ADHD because of that. Also, did you know that fetal alcohol syndrome causes in the fetus or actually prevents in the fetus, the formation of the physical means for cause and effect reasoning.

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Just think of that. No ability to understand if you do this, this happens.

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And he had a RAD, reactive attachment disorder. His dad had never been there. His mother chose her addictions.

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Even his grandparents whom he adored would not take him because they said we're already raising his half sister. We're too old and too tired to take him too.

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And that's how God sent him to us.

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Now, he came to us as a foster child. And for three years, it was challenging because he had lots of issues. We had to get tutoring for him.

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We did a lot of different things to try and help him be able to cope with life and also to help us be able to cope with him.

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He wasn't bad. He wasn't doing terrible things, but he was challenging to work with.

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He would hoard, for example, food because he wasn't used to having enough food all the time.

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Did you know that kids in poverty, their greatest source of vegetables is from ketchup packets?

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And sure enough, one night I found in his drawer a whole bunch of ketchup packets because that's one of the things that he could count on for food, just go into any fast food place and get it.

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It was challenging. He didn't understand that you go to bed at a certain time and get up and actually go to school every day.

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He was shocked that there were things he couldn't watch on TV and astounded that we all sat down at a table to eat dinner together.

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And so those were all new for him and for us understanding a child coming out of such a hard circumstance.

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So it was challenging. After three years, they terminated his mother's rights and he was up for adoption and they said, you have first choice.

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So we went, hmm, I was pretty sure that God didn't say I'm sending you a son for three years, but my husband had a lot of reservations because even though we cared for this boy,

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he was such a distraction to all that we were doing to our daughters and to my husband and especially his leadership in the ministry.

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But to me as well, because I'm the one who gave him most of the time that he required just to survive.

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But we sat down with our daughters and we talked and prayed and decided, yes, God would have us adopt him.

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So we did and we thought he will now believe that we're not going to also abandon him, that we are serious when we say we care about him, that we love him and we want him in our family.

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And so maybe he'll settle down some except that he went into middle school.

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Now, you know, sixth grade boys are about this tall, right?

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Well, our Josh was by this time almost 13 and had muscles and was taller than most of it, even the kids his age.

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And so he found out that size means you can be a bully.

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You can get money from the little kids.

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You can get other things you might want from them as well.

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And it was hard.

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And he couldn't stay still or be quiet in class.

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So they sent him most of the time to alternative classroom.

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It was hard.

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It was hard.

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And we ended up when they threatened to kick him out of school, putting him in a Christian residential program here in Orlando that we kind of had to go through as well.

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And it was a good thing because there he had a lot of structure.

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There were a hundred thousands maybe rules, so he began to learn better.

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Cause and effect reasoning because every time you broke a rule, the consequences got enforced.

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And he met Jesus there too.

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And that was a wonderful thing.

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And when he came out of the program and came home, he said, All right, I really want my life to be different.

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I want to walk with God.

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And I home-schooled him to catch him up to grade level.

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And then he begged and begged to go to school.

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And I'm like, I don't know.

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But finally, we agreed with lots of parameters

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and expectations.

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And it took him about three weeks,

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three weeks to find all his old friends,

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the gang members and other friends.

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And he gravitated to other kids who were struggling,

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making bad choices.

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And so we entered into a long, long journey of ups and downs,

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a little up here and there with the Lord,

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and then a long time making destructive choices

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and that kind of thing year after year.

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Our lives over those next years included.

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Lots of cars, learning how to get out of traffic tickets,

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juvenile justice court, time in juvenile detention,

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adult justice court, a little time in prison,

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two years on probation, which was a gift from God.

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He was better.

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But it was just one thing after another.

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Girls, drugs, alcohol, stealing, he lied about everything.

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Deception was the norm.

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And it was a hard thing, really hard.

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And we became desperate because everything we had tried

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hadn't really helped.

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Even his occasionally wanting to walk with God

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was always short lived.

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And so we're ending up not just praying,

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but on our faces asking the Lord.

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And then we asked others to join with us.

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And that became the prayer for protocols community

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that we have.

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And so that is kind of the story.

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It went on until he was about, well,

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it began to calm down when he was about 28.

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So it was about 15 years of really hard journey

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and a scary time.

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But God was in it the whole time.

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And oh, my goodness, the things that I learned.

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So I'm going to share two major topics with you

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as quickly as I can.

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And it'll tell you that if you really want to know more,

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I have this book called When You Love a Protocol.

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It's 90 Days of Grace for the Wilderness.

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Over those years, I wrote letters

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to the prayer for protocols community.

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And they turned into this devotional.

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And so there's more in depth through this.

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First thing I want to talk about is some lessons

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I learned about what actually will help to bring the loved

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one back.

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A lot of times we're told that you should have tough love.

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And I'm going to explain what you should have.

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But tough love just says resistance, push away,

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and they feel rejected.

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And so it often stops the thing that's most important.

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And that is maintaining relationship.

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Doesn't mean it's always a good and easy relationship.

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But you don't let their angry words be met with your angry

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words or their wrong behavior be met with such things

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that push them out.

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And that we act more like the father in the Protocol's son

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story, who let his son go.

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But when he's watching for him and he sees him coming,

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he just picks his robes up and runs to greet him.

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And his son's trying to say, I'm sorry, I apologize.

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Just let me be a servant.

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The father says, oh, my son who was lost is found.

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And he's back here.

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Put my robe on, take my sandals, let's have a party.

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And that's how God feels about us.

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Every time we wander in any way and we come back,

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God's saying, I'm so excited that you're back.

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And it's how he feels about our loved ones as well.

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And so let me just quickly go over several things there

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and then get into what is the most exciting part.

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First of all, you do need boundaries.

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I just would not call them tough love.

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You need to have understanding of what's

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acceptable in your family to respect for each other

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and how we treat people and our family

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and how we take care of our home and how we represent when

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we're out in the community.

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And those kind of, and then as they get older

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and they would like to come back and live

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because they were out of a job, then can they come back?

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Well, we let Josh come back several times.

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But there were always some understanding.

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These are the boundaries for living in our home.

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This is acceptable and expected.

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This is not acceptable and won't be allowed.

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And then when he broke them repeatedly and we said, well,

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looks like you're choosing to move out.

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He says, you're kicking me out.

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No, no.

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We are glad for you to be here.

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But you can't seem to be able to live by our greed upon boundaries

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and the consequence that we agreed on

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was that you would not stay there.

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And so that's an important part.

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But even more important than understanding

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that we have the boundaries and the consequences clearly

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defined.

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So it's not a surprise that, sorry, this is happening to you.

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But it's the way we do it.

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And I'm just going to mention three ways that we do it.

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And the first is with love.

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Our God lavishes love on us always and forever.

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Says, the Lord appeared to us, Jeremiah tells us in the past,

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saying, I have loved you with an everlasting love.

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I have drawn you with loving kindness.

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And God calls on us to do that.

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And we'll talk more about that later.

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But he says, when God put his love on the line,

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this is from the message for us by offering his son

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in sacrificial death until death while we were of no use

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for him whatsoever.

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Now, there are plenty of times when our prodigal hours

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and perhaps yours will do and say things.

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It's like, you just don't even want to see him right now.

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But God says, even when you were like that,

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doing the worst, not doing anything I wanted, you come.

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And I'm going to give you the love that I have for you.

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He tells us this amazing thing.

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He says, you are able to love with my love

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because I have loved you and poured my love into you.

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He told me that one night when I was having a really hard time

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with Josh.

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And he says, Judy, let me show you.

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I've given you my love for this boy.

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I told you I was sending him to you.

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And I have given you my love.

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And therefore, you have it for this boy.

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Wow, it worked.

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It helped.

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It wasn't always perfect for me.

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But I mean, I wasn't.

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It received me.

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He will enable us to love even when they say they're famous.

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I hate you, which they do often.

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Or just do the things that are disrespectful.

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And a second thing to give is mercy.

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Our God loves mercy.

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His faithful love of the Lord never ends.

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His mercies never cease.

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Great is his faithfulness.

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His mercies begin afresh every morning.

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He tells us that mercy triumphs over judgment.

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He says, how much have I forgiven you?

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Yeah, a lot.

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He says, think you can forgive them?

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Yeah, they're going to do things that need forgiveness.

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But can you forgive?

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Even though there might be consequences,

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you can still forgive.

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If you're keeping on a track of them all,

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then that's not probably forgiven.

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Steve would say he would get so frustrated with Josh sometimes

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in the ways that the things that Josh would do

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are the way he spoke to me sometimes.

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And Steve would just, especially when he wouldn't work,

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Josh, Steve called him the most creative work of order

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he'd ever seen.

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And he just avoided work.

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We watched him watch his friends fix his car.

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He didn't raise a hand to help.

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And that just really bothered Steve.

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And every time Steve would start thinking,

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you're just a no good nothing.

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And the Lord would say, Steve.

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And he was, oh, Lord.

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So he says, as much as there might be this much difference

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between me and Josh, she said, the gap between me and the Lord

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is so much greater.

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And God has forgiven me.

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How can I not give mercy to this boy, our son?

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And then Grace.

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As we live in his grace, we are rescued by his mercy.

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As we live in his love and are rescued by his mercy,

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then he will give us the grace to us to do it and then

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to extend it to our loved ones.

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What is that?

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It's basically an undeserved gift from God.

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It's what God wants to give us plus even more than he could

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give us that he has to, in a sense.

245
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He is able to make all grace abound to you

246
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so that in all things at all time, having all that you need,

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you will abound at every good work.

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He says, give grace.

249
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So one of the things God said to me early in this journey

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was, when you make mistakes with this boy, and you will,

251
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and I did, he says, make them on the side of grace.

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And that's not always easy.

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And it's also not acceptable to some people.

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They tell me I'm wrong.

255
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But I want to read just a little bit from our chapter

256
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,440
on grace in this book.

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It's called The Voice of Grace because the way we most often

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are ungracious to those we love is by our mouths,

259
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by the way we speak to them.

260
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:41,480
And so I just want to read you a few things here.

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That's disgraceful.

262
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You are so ungrateful.

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Those phrases contain a word with the Latin root,

264
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root for grace, or lack of it in this case.

265
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They mean without grace.

266
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And they are words that any of us

267
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,680
might have said to our prodigals because they

268
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,720
would have been true.

269
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:10,640
But God tells us, your lips have been anointed with grace

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since God has blessed you forever.

271
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He says, let your conversation be always full of grace,

272
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seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone.

273
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I'm going to give you just a real quick little way

274
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to watch the voice that you use with your left way.

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Practical approaches.

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Wait.

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Count to 10 or 20 or whatever you need before you speak.

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Moderate.

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Speak slowly, calmly, gently, and firmly.

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Think.

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Will these words add fuel to the fire?

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Consider.

283
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Would you like someone to speak such words to you

284
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,320
in that tone of voice?

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Recognize.

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This is really important.

287
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:09,040
The words you speak today may be part of your relationship

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00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,600
with your prodigal for all the years to come.

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It sticks in their minds.

290
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Realize your tone of voice can turn neutral words

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into destructive words.

292
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And remember, remember this.

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You love this person.

294
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Most of all, pray.

295
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Stop before you speak and talk to the Lord.

296
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So good boundaries and defined consequences.

297
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Love, mercy, and grace.

298
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So what's in it for you?

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Did you know there are amazing gifts?

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Now, probably when you're looking for gifts,

301
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,360
you don't go out in the wilderness

302
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,880
and pick up something.

303
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:58,120
You might get a snake or one of those lizards that

304
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:01,880
has poisonous or something like that around where I live

305
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,200
in Florida.

306
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,680
But God has gifts for us.

307
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,480
In the wilderness.

308
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,720
And I'm just going to name four of them.

309
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But they're good gifts.

310
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:18,400
First John 3.18 says, dear children,

311
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:23,760
let us love with words or speech.

312
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:27,360
But let us not love with words or speech,

313
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:30,520
but with actions and in truth.

314
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,800
And he reminds us again, he gave us love

315
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,600
when we didn't deserve it.

316
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:40,560
There's a whole chapter on love in my book.

317
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One section of it talks about the things that love does.

318
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,160
Love speaks truth.

319
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,840
It's all about truth.

320
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,800
Love gives mercy.

321
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:54,880
Love gives grace.

322
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,680
We've talked about those things.

323
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,720
Love gives honor.

324
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:03,760
It's all too often that the words we use with our protocols

325
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,000
aren't honoring.

326
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,360
We love to or at least we find ourselves

327
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,320
pointing out everything they did wrong

328
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:14,920
and how they're not making a good life for themselves.

329
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,960
And that may be true.

330
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,040
But it also we need to learn to honor them.

331
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,680
One of the things my sons said, you

332
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,320
need to be firm with your protocol,

333
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:28,760
but you also need to affirm them in any way you possibly can.

334
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,600
But here's one that I love.

335
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,880
This is where to bless them.

336
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,080
And sometimes there's nothing in you

337
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,360
that wants to give blessing to that person who's

338
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:42,000
caused a lot of pain.

339
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,240
One day when Josh had done something really that

340
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:51,560
made me more than annoyed, he was gone.

341
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:55,560
And I said, all right, Lord, I'm going to bless him.

342
00:23:55,560 --> 00:24:00,160
Now, one of the chores my kids had was to do their own laundry.

343
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,560
So I went up to Josh's room, found as many of his dirty

344
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:09,120
clothes as I could, and took them down to wash them for him.

345
00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:12,760
And as I put every piece of laundry into the washing

346
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,960
machine, I said, I bless you, Josh.

347
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,840
I bless you, Josh.

348
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,520
I bless you, Josh.

349
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:24,360
Now, I don't know that he felt blessed by any of that,

350
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:29,320
but he was because God took my word for it to bless him.

351
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,440
And it changed me a whole lot to be

352
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:37,040
able to turn my anger into blessing toward my son.

353
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,400
This was an incredibly important lesson I learned.

354
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,280
One of the things that happened along the way

355
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,080
was that I fell in love with this boy.

356
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,760
I really went from being a good mom taking care of the kid,

357
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:57,840
God had trusted us, to being in love with my son.

358
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,080
I remember the day he was born in my heart as my son.

359
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,040
And I really cared for him.

360
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:09,240
And I kept saying, Lord, maybe he could at least sign a card

361
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,920
for my birthday or Mother's Day.

362
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:12,520
Love, Josh.

363
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,480
No, he couldn't do that because to him,

364
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,520
to love me was a betrayal of his birth mom.

365
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,680
And he just couldn't do it.

366
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,560
She was his mother, and he loved her.

367
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,000
And so that was understandable.

368
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,880
And I said, can't that change?

369
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,680
God didn't exactly answer that.

370
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,720
But he did say, Judy, don't you understand?

371
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:40,840
Unconditional love requires nothing in return, including love.

372
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:45,240
He said, unconditional love, the kind of love

373
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,240
I've shared with you to give to this boy,

374
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,200
doesn't need love in return.

375
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,640
He'll probably love you.

376
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,360
But that's not the part.

377
00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:56,200
That's not.

378
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,720
Unconditional love has no conditions.

379
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,120
Another thing I learned was a lot more about grace

380
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:11,760
and understanding, believing in somebody, giving them grace

381
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,160
to fail and not get after them or put them down,

382
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,120
giving them opportunities to prove they're wanting

383
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,360
to make better choices.

384
00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:22,760
Sometimes it comes right back in your face.

385
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,360
But God says he gives it to us all the time.

386
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:31,440
How often has he given you grace when you didn't do what you said

387
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,120
or when you did something hurtful?

388
00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:37,880
He gives grace, and he asks us to.

389
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,280
This one's one of my favorites.

390
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,000
Those are gifts.

391
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,600
So he gave me an understanding of unconditional love.

392
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:48,880
He gave me the realization that grace is abundant and more

393
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,040
than enough.

394
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,560
And then this is one of my favorites.

395
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:57,360
He says he's always at work.

396
00:26:57,360 --> 00:27:00,240
You see, the most common question you hear from people

397
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:04,480
who love a prodigal is, how long, Lord?

398
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,680
How long is this going to go on?

399
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,600
For me, the hard part was 15 years.

400
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,320
The challenges were beyond that.

401
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:15,600
But the 15 years were really hard, full of really sad things.

402
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:22,960
Some 138A, the Lord will vindicate me.

403
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,440
Your love, Lord, endures forever.

404
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,440
Do not abandon the work of your hands.

405
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,000
You're doing this work.

406
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:31,800
Don't give up.

407
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:36,000
And he says, yes, what I'm saying to you, don't give up.

408
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,720
Your love is going to keep the work happening in this person.

409
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:47,960
Philippians 1.6, love this verse.

410
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:53,560
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you,

411
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:57,520
or in our case in Josh, oh yeah, in me too,

412
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:02,280
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

413
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:06,040
And so when I would get at a place where I'm like, help.

414
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,240
I'm in a fog.

415
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:08,560
I can't see anything.

416
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:12,640
Or I'm about to fall down this cliff.

417
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,000
I'm out of control.

418
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:18,040
I don't know what to do for this boy.

419
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:19,960
And God said, I'm at work.

420
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,520
I'm working.

421
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,840
Even if you can't see a thing I'm doing right now,

422
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:28,120
it's how we might feel those of us in this virus thing right

423
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:28,680
now.

424
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,600
Time you see this, you might know.

425
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,520
But we don't know right now.

426
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,800
But God says, you don't know what's going to happen.

427
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,600
And I'm more patient than you are.

428
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:42,640
He says, but I am working in Josh's life.

429
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,840
Now, Josh could still resist.

430
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:48,920
But God's always reaching out with love and mercy and grace.

431
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,520
Then there's prayer.

432
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,000
You know, I'm in ministry.

433
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,480
I've been in ministry all my adult life.

434
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,960
We pray a lot in our ministry.

435
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,200
We pray at the beginning of a meeting.

436
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,320
And after a meeting, we have days of prayer.

437
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:08,960
We have times of prayer.

438
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:10,320
We pray.

439
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:11,680
We get together to pray.

440
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,200
We pray.

441
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:15,480
And then Josh came along.

442
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,720
And I found out I hardly knew what prayer was.

443
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:22,440
Prayer became for me like my breathing.

444
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:26,560
I was constantly talking to the Lord about this boy.

445
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:27,960
I was on my face.

446
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:32,880
I mean, literally, I spent a lot of time on my face begging God

447
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,840
to give me what I needed for this,

448
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,800
but to be doing the work in him.

449
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:45,760
And I'm going to read you this awesome verse that I love here.

450
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,280
I think I put it here.

451
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:49,480
Yes.

452
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,320
It's Isaiah 62.

453
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,800
He says, I have posted Watchman on your walls, Jerusalem.

454
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,480
They will never be silent day or night.

455
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:04,040
You who call on the Lord, give yourselves no rest.

456
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,360
So first of all, he says, don't rest in your praying.

457
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,800
Pray always without ceasing, he tells us.

458
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,840
And then he says this wonderful thing.

459
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:17,800
He says, give him no rest.

460
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:21,600
God invites us to give him no rest

461
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,240
while we bring to him what we're asking,

462
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:27,840
till he establishes, in this case, Jerusalem

463
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,600
and makes her the praise of the earth,

464
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:33,200
until he does the work that we're begging him for,

465
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:37,800
pleading for, waiting for in this person we love.

466
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,160
He says, don't rest.

467
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,840
Keep praying.

468
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,880
And don't think you are bothering me.

469
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:44,920
Give me no rest.

470
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:45,720
Keep asking.

471
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,720
Keep asking.

472
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,160
And then the last thing I would mention

473
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,000
is a final gift God gave me.

474
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:54,680
And it's the gift of gratitude.

475
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,200
He tells us in the verse, as you know,

476
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,280
verse, you know, be thankful in all circumstances.

477
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:08,560
For this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

478
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:13,440
Don't you think that can't mean what it says?

479
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,920
Like, how can we be thankful in everything?

480
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,880
There are so many hard things in this world.

481
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,040
There are things I weep over because of people I know.

482
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,360
There are things I read about in other places

483
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,160
that I'm just weep over what happens to people

484
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,480
and what people do to each other.

485
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:41,680
And the tears I wept over this boy just seemed endless.

486
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:44,280
And God says, give thanks.

487
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,840
And that's probably the most transforming thing

488
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:51,760
he did in my life, which teach me to give thanks in all things.

489
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:55,240
I find a lot of times as I start to pray about something,

490
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:59,520
the first words out of my mouth now are, thank you, Lord.

491
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,680
I think that wasn't what I was thinking I was going to say.

492
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:06,320
But it is because God's done a work in me

493
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:10,120
to help me understand that gratitude is the best way

494
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,440
to express my trust in him.

495
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,400
I believe that he's God.

496
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,120
I believe that he's good.

497
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:23,600
I believe he cares about me and the ones that I love.

498
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:31,920
And so it's a wonderful gift.

499
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:35,160
Let me close with this story.

500
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:40,720
So our son, Josh, for a long time did landscaping.

501
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:44,720
And he was doing this huge heads with a chainsaw.

502
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,960
And behind it was a chain like fence.

503
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:55,280
And so he's and the chainsaw hits the fence.

504
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,480
And it kicks back the chainsaw hits

505
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,760
Josh from here to here.

506
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,440
And nice gash.

507
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:09,880
And I get this call from his wife who says, Josh,

508
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,640
Josh is on his way to the trauma ER.

509
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:18,280
He just cut his head open with a chainsaw.

510
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:21,280
And amazingly, the first words that came out of my mouth

511
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,200
were, thank you, Lord.

512
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,520
But then the cool thing is, other than that he really

513
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:28,240
wasn't hurt that badly, it turned out.

514
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:29,560
It just chip to skull.

515
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:30,720
Didn't break it.

516
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,120
And stopped right above his eye.

517
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:34,360
He can't lift his eyebrow.

518
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:38,320
He has a Harry Potter scar, which is cool.

519
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,520
And so I got in there to see him.

520
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:42,360
I said, how are you?

521
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:45,240
He says, well, it hurt a whole lot when they were cleaning it

522
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:45,960
out.

523
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:50,240
He said, but after I called 911, the next thing I did

524
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:54,840
was say, thank you, Lord, because he'd been learning that.

525
00:33:54,840 --> 00:34:02,360
Just to close, Josh is 37 now.

526
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:03,360
Maybe 38.

527
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:04,520
I lose track.

528
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:08,880
And he's on his second marriage.

529
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:15,280
He has a wife who had brought a daughter in and a four-year-old

530
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:15,760
daughter.

531
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:20,080
And he's about to have another little daughter next week.

532
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:24,240
And so when you see this, he will have had that baby.

533
00:34:24,240 --> 00:34:25,480
They will have.

534
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:30,560
And he's held the same job for five and a half years now.

535
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,760
And when I watch him, and they live on a little farm,

536
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,480
and they raise pigs and chickens,

537
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:38,720
and he does farm work, goes to his all day labor job,

538
00:34:38,720 --> 00:34:40,120
comes home, does farm work.

539
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,280
And because his wife has Lyme disease,

540
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:46,000
he also fixes dinner and cleans up around the house.

541
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,160
So he went from being the most creative work

542
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:51,400
avoider I've ever seen to being one of the hardest

543
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,480
working people I've ever seen.

544
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:59,200
And spiritually, he's still got growing to do, but then so do I.

545
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:06,080
And he's turned into a good man, a responsible person,

546
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,640
a great dad and husband.

547
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:12,240
And I just cry when I see him now, not sad tears,

548
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:15,200
but joyful tears, and what God has done.

549
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,160
It was a long, hard journey.

550
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,960
But I wouldn't trade it for anything, for his sake,

551
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,920
as well as for mine.

552
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:27,400
May God bless you with the gifts he wants to give you

553
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:33,120
because of a person who's living with you or near you,

554
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,720
who breaks your heart.

555
00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:37,640
Just as we've broken God's heart.

556
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:41,360
May God bless you through this person.

557
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:42,960
Thank you.

558
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,480
I hope you recognized, as you listened,

559
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:50,520
all that we have been learning to live and love like Jesus

560
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:56,440
can become realities for you as you walk with your prodigal.

561
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,440
So let me ask you, what is one way

562
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:03,760
you can grow in the way you speak to your loved one?

563
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:09,240
Or to set boundaries with grace?

564
00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:12,440
Or to bless your wayward one?

565
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:17,920
And what is one gift that you have received on this journey?

566
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:20,200
Be sure to check out the show notes,

567
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:26,600
because there I give you some more links to other articles

568
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,240
that you might gain some benefit from.

569
00:36:30,240 --> 00:36:34,440
Next week, I have another special guest for you.

570
00:36:34,440 --> 00:37:01,400
God bless you.